wrestling / Columns
Handicapping the News 08.10.12
You know what makes this column difficult to write? Slow wrestling news weeks. This was one of those weeks, but I feel confident that I can scrape together enough material to help you kill a ten minute break at work, or read on the bench while your girlfriend shops at the mall. I can’t promise to be enlightening or remarkably entertaining, because frankly, there are several things I’d rather be doing right now. The one part of this week’s column that I’m actually looking forward to is the reader spotlight, so let’s move on to that, shall we? This week’s winner (of absolutely nothing) is Mark.
i8mypants says: RApe is terrible, rape jokes are FUNNY!!!
Get over it, this is out of control. No jokes of any kind involving Domestic Violence and rape, but fat people are ok. Not fat women, fat men.
Punching a man is ok, slapping a woman is not.
Making fun of Asians is alright, but we cannot offend the blacks are wrong because they buy the $200 Jordan’s and other non building of value items.
Guys you have to understand, a lot about if you’re anti-gay, anti baby killing, anti-anything corporate sponsors are telling you is a joke and you should not fall for corporate lies.
This stuff about, gay people have equal rights was a step[ by the Democrats to garner more votes.
What’s worse, truth or hypocrisy?
It’s funny how, people with power say one thing, but behind doors believe another.
Don’s be deceived by the corporation and their sponsors. Jokes are a-ok; we must defeat the corporations, the government and men who hide behind good and do evil.
I will not turn this column into a political soapbox. I have my beliefs, and I’m not bashful about them, but this isn’t the place to spout them. What Mark did, though, was point out several double standards that are prevalent in society. Some of them bother me, some don’t. However, what I want to focus on is the general theme of his comment and how it pertains to wrestling.
Wrestling is a form of entertainment. It’s fiction. It may, at times, appear to glorify violence against women, racial stereotypes, graphic violence, misandry, and all sorts of other things that tend to go against what has become acceptable forms of humor and topics for fictionalization in today’s society.
I would argue that professional wrestling no more glorifies these things than Borat glorified incestuous rape by the mentally handicapped because jokes were made about it. One person in the comments (mister420) caught my reference to Porky Pig and Elmer Fudd. It came from an old George Carlin bit about how anything can be funny, and rape was the example he used. He said if you don’t think it can be funny, think about Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd. Then people laughed.
I would argue that only the terribly demented amongst us find anything redeeming about rape. I don’t, I’m relatively certain that Abraham Washington doesn’t, and I’m sure the overwhelming majority of WWE’s audience doesn’t. That doesn’t mean that what AW said was “okay”. It also doesn’t make it inherently wrong. It was simply said in the wrong place at the wrong time.
If you’re outraged by what was said, that’s your right. I personally don’t have the time or energy to get outraged by much of anything that’s said or done on Monday Night Raw….except terrible booking and Randy Orton appearances. If you’ve got time to be upset about that stuff, you need more to do.
And now, headlines.
Earlier this week, Nike signed Jon Jones to an endorsement deal. The UFC star represents the best hope for building a new star for the global leader in MMA’s future, and represents more potential crossover appeal for them since Randy Couture. CM Punk didn’t care much for the news, and did what all grown ups do these days. He took to Twitter to complain about it.
Punk, who is pretentious as all hell straight edge, lambasted the company for hiring Jon Jones. Why? Because it’s okay to sleep with anything that has a vagina but having a drink is a mortal sin Jon Jones was arrested for DUI last year. Jones apologized and did all the requisite stuff that celebrities and athletes do when these things happen, and went about his business of punching people in the head and stuff.
Colin Cowherd, who is ESPN’s most annoying radio host, then ripped CM Punk on his radio program today, calling him a “moralist” and so on and so forth. I’m stunned that Cowherd still has a job at ESPN. I figured at this point that he would have been put out to pasture at CBS Sports Radio with Jim Rome by now. He’s like the Nancy Grace of ESPN. There’s just something about his face that makes me want to deliver a fist right to his suckhole. Anyway, I think this constitutes mainstream media attention for a guy that’s lower on the card than any world champion since Ron Simmons feuded with The Barbarian.
Punk, Nike, Jones, Cowherd, ESPN…what does it all mean?
Punk is just embracing his heel persona: 5 to 1
Punk embraces the whole straight edge thing, so I’m sure a part of him actually believes what he said. However, Punk also understands the way the world works and marketing and all those things, and probably doesn’t really care about who Nike has as a spokesperson for anything. What Punk does care about is being a great wrestler, and great wrestlers live their gimmick. What gimmick has Punk had the most success with? Multiple versions of “I’m CM Punk, and I’m better than you.” Congratulations Colin Cowherd, ESPN Radio, and the public at large – you just got worked.
An MMA career for CM Punk: 100 to 1
Randy Orton will develop a personality before CM Punk ventures into MMA. Why? Because there’s a world of difference in throwing worked, sloppy roundhouse kicks at the head of John Cena while wearing kick pads and trying to defend a spinning back elbow from John Jones. Besides, CM Punk doesn’t qualify to be a WWE superstar in a UFC ring because he’s never claimed to have almost died from something like a stomach ache.
Colin Cowherd gets fired: 200 to 1
I have no reason why he would be fired for this, and I really don’t care why he would be fired. I just would enjoy ESPN a lot more without his squirrelly head and nasally voice.
JTG went on a bit of a Twitter rant this week, complaining about a lack of television time and some other stuff. Not surprisingly, the rant was sparked by receiving a much lower than expected payout from Wrestlemania. Now, there are a few things that caught me off guard here.
The first is that Wrestlemania payouts take nearly five months to receive. I was never under the impression that they were handed out the night of the show or anything, but waiting nearly half a year to get a paycheck from the largest show the company runs seems a bit much.
The second is that somebody actually broke rank and vented their frustrations regarding pay in a public manner. This is generally a big no no with any company, regardless if it’s something in the public eye or not. Personally speaking, at my job we have to sign a statement that says we won’t discuss our working wage or any raise we may receive with other employees or in a public manner. I have no idea if WWE talents sign anything of that nature, but I also can’t imagine that the higher ups in WWE are thrilled about what was said.
Finally, I’m surprised that JTG was able to overshadow Zack Ryder in social media for once. Ryder sent out a tweet of his own questioning why he had the second most followers on Tout (I’m assuming behind John Cena), but was the second match on Superstars. Normally, a comment like that would put him at the top of the list for “frustrated lower card guys speaking out”, but JTG definitely one upped him.
There’s eventually going to be fallout from this, but what will it be?
JTG is wished the best in his future endeavors soon: 3 to 1
I would assume this was coming sooner or later before JTG started venting. At the very least, he’s drawn a bit of attention to himself and gotten a little publicity. While he hasn’t gotten any vocal support from the locker room yet, word is that he wasn’t the only one that was upset with the payout from a show that was supposed to justify the money they paid to The Rock, and then invested in Brock Lesnar afterwards. However, this can’t help his long term employment chances with WWE.
More midcard talent speaks out: 12 to 1
Zack Ryder has been petitioning for himself for a while now, to little avail. He makes sporadic television appearances, but they’re usually for the sake of getting squashed or having his character look like a buffoon. JTG didn’t really have much to lose in terms of where he stands on the card or television time, so there wasn’t a reason to hold back if he doesn’t mind heading to the indy circuit. There may be one or two more in the locker room willing to step up and join these two, but odds are most will stay quiet and be grateful for the paycheck they did receive.
A change in how WWE does business: 75 to 1
Things are pretty well established at this point. WWE is going to continue to use their “regular” talent such as CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Christian, Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, and Randy Orton to fill in the gaps while they book long term programs with John Cena and/or part time talents like Triple H, The Undertaker, The Rock, and Brock Lesnar. The idea of building to regularly scheduled special attractions isn’t the dumbest thing WWE could do, but for the guys that are on the road 300 days per year, constantly playing second fiddle to them and seeing no extra pay for it has to be frustrating.
TMZ initially reported that Rosa Mendes was arrested at an airport this week for being intoxicated, or as Ron White put it, drunk in public. Reports later came out that Mendes contacted police regarding her boyfriend, former WWE talent Jackson Andrews, and the issue of domestic violence.
While people tend to assume the worst when police are involved with celebrities, it appears that the second version of the story has a little more truth to it. WWE released a statement in support of Mendes while the investigation occurs. If there’s one thing you can be sure of, it’s that WWE isn’t going to rush out any releases of that nature without knowing the facts after the whole “Chris Benoit tribute show” debacle a few years ago.
With the situation being what it apparently is, what can we expect to see in the coming days and weeks?
Domestic violence added to the Be A Star campaign: 10 to 1
While the Be A Star campaign is currently aimed at school age children, adolescents, and teenagers, it’s also a large part of what WWE does in terms of activism in general. If one of their superstars and/or divas are involved in domestic violence, don’t be surprised if we start getting ads along the lines of “Bullying at home is wrong, too,” in the future. Remember, Linda is running for Senate. Nothing is outside the realm of possibility if it’s political fodder.
Andrews gets WWE sponsored therapy or rehab: 50 to 1
Reaching out to obviously troubled former stars such as Scott Hall is one thing. That can be viewed as a gesture of goodwill and helping someone pull their life together. Reaching out to someone that’s physically violent towards women probably wouldn’t go over so well. Hell, there are people that are still legitimately furious about what Michael Vick did, and those weren’t even people. WWE will distance themselves from Andrews quick, fast, and in a hurry.
A peaceful resolution for all involved: No odds
As with recovery from injuries, illnesses, and things of that nature, I’m not going to speculate on whether or not this ends well for everyone, particularly for Mendes and Andrews. I’ll just keep my fingers crossed that everything works out well in the end.
This past week, Kevin Nash made some comments that pissed off the Internet Wrestling Community at large. While that’s not exactly news, what he said is worth looking a little deeper into. Nash said that the day that Guerrero and Benoit were WWE’s two top champions, they killed the wrestling business. His reasoning was that in the years since those two men were on top of the wrestling world, wrestling hasn’t reached the popularity that it saw in the late 90’s.
This predictably infuriated everyone on the internet, for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, Kevin Nash is everything that the Internet Wrestling Community hates. He’s had the audacity to have a successful wrestling career, which is a cardinal sin. The IWC only really likes you if they feel like you’re being buried or held back. Once you become successful, you’re immediately stale and in need of a drastic character change.
Nash also had the unmitigated gall to possess a set of chromosomes that rendered him 7 feet tall and over 300 lbs, making it virtually impossible for him to do all sorts of daredevil feats and ridiculous spots in 20 minute matches.
Finally, Nash has had the good sense to become one of the smartest men in wrestling in terms of playing the political game that’s almost essential to rising to the top of the profession. Like it or not, being able to work your way through that part of the business is unquestionably more important than what you’re able to do in the ring. Don’t believe me? After politics and promos, actually wrestling was Dusty Rhodes’ third best skill at best.
Not only did Nash draw the ire of thousands of internet commentators, but he drew in quite a bit of reaction from guys like Chris Jericho, Roddy Piper, and Smith Hart. One of those things is not like the other. Regardless, Nash has never been one to back down from his statements, and I don’t figure he’s about to start now.
Now that the statement is out there, what are the odds…
Nash is working everyone: 5 to 1
One thing that Nash has been able to consistently do since WCW closed is keep his name out there. Whether it’s through acting roles, hinting at returns, actual returns, tweets, or making statements like this, he makes sure he’s not a forgotten man. Again, this is much to the IWC’s chagrin. Does Nash really believe that Guerrero and Benoit killed wrestling? Perhaps. This is a guy that has put over Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, and Rey Misterio, though, folks. It’s possible..just possible..that the guy that everyone loves to hate is just playing the role that’s expected of him to keep his name floating around.
Nash believes it: 10 to 1
It’s possible. Nash is smart enough to realize, though, that wrestling was trending downward long before those two were champs. The wrestling industry isn’t built to sustain the levels of popularity that it enjoyed during the Monday Night Wars. There aren’t as many stars, there isn’t competition to drive the two main promotions in America, and there’s more competition for viewers, fans, and dollars from other sports and media than there was fifteen years ago. If Nash truly believes that size matters, the lack of success enjoyed during his reign, along with Sid Vicious, The Undertaker, Kane, and Big Show should be pointed out to him. Austin and Flair weren’t huge, and they’re two of the all time greats. Wrestling isn’t dead; it isn’t even on life support. If there’s no body, there’s no murder.
Somebody bitches about me even bringing up Benoit: EVEN
You know it’s going to happen.
That’s not the face of a main eventer to me.
I could have put in a couple of other faces there, including Dolph Ziggler, but those are other rants for other times. This one is about Alberto Del Rio, because they’re trying so damn hard to make me care.
Alberto Del Rio is a gimmick. There’s nothing wrong with being a gimmick in wrestling. If you don’t think Davey Boy Smith was a gimmick for the WWF, you don’t understand the wrestling business. His Intercontinental title win against Bret Hart and his European title win against Owen Hart both coincidentally occurred on European soil. If you don’t think the fact that he was British had something to do with that..well..I don’t even know what to say to you.
In that vein, Del Rio is a gimmick, one that has been and will be trotted out for tours of Mexico. Why Alberto? Because Rey has two strikes against him in the Wellness Program, Sin Cara could botch a sneeze, and both are inherently marketable thanks to the fact that they wear masks. If Alberto Del Rio isn’t chasing a title or wearing a title, he’s useless.
Seriously, would you be interested in a prolonged program featuring Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian if one man or the other weren’t vying for a title? This is in stark contrast to what we could get with Cody Rhodes vs. Christian, Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho, or even Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena.
Alberto is consistently overshadowed by his ring announcer, Ricardo, and that’s not a good sign. Bobby Heenan usually overshadowed the talent that he managed on camera, too. The thing is, those guys never won a World Title. WWE isn’t going to give up, though. They’re going to keep shoving Del Rio down our throats.
That sound you hear is me changing the channel.
That’s it for me. I’ll try to do better next time. You can message me on Twitter @GavinNapier411 if you want to tell me how much you love me or hate me, or just say hi. Odds are I’ll be back next week.
