The Furious Flashbacks – WCW Bash at the Beach ‘94

The Furious Flashbacks – WCW Bash at the Beach ‘94

For those wondering where Slamboree is, you can find my review of said event HERE. Although that was written several years ago and may not be entirely factually accurate. Like all the bitching about them not booking a finish to Tully Blanchard against Terry Funk. The reason why that happened was that Tully asked for more money to take the job and WCW balked at it. Therefore he’s there and it’s a bullshit non-finish but it wasn’t WCW’s fault. Well, I guess it kind of is. I’d have just told him to fuck off but then WCW was somewhat disorganised at times.

This is also the beginnings of the “inmates running the asylum”. Of course debuting here at Bash at the Beach is none other than Hulk Hogan. Eric Bischoff had decided 6 months beforehand that Hogan was the saviour of the company and thus let 6 months of great Flair booked storyline go by almost without question before having Flair do a nonsensical heel turn against Sting. The idea being he’d feud with Hogan on Hogan’s arrival creating a series of dream matches that the WWF failed to deliver when they had the chance in 1992. It’d be mainstream publicity. It’d be the biggest thing in wrestling. It’d be Eric’s big chance to overtake the WWF and win the war between the two companies. Seeing as Hogan was held in such high regard by Bischoff he ignored the hard work of all the wrestlers that had carried the company to a highly entertaining first half of 1994 and jettisoned them in favour of Hogan’s buddies. This would be their last chance to shine. Rather tragically it’d also be the last big match for Ricky Steamboat (bar Clash 28) who injured his back and was forced into retirement. Basically the card changed completely overnight and going into the next show the roster would be unrecognisable from the successful one that worked so hard during Flair’s title reign.

Again with the Flair-Hogan issue though. I’d have kept Flair babyface and had him and Hogan tag against two nefarious wrongdoers. Vader & someone most likely. So Hogan doesn’t go after the belt because he doesn’t need it to be popular. Flair remains the champion but gets gradually jealous of Hogan’s popularity and turns on him during the course of the year, which sets up Starrcade as the dream Flair-Hogan match at the biggest show of the year. Eh? Not bad, eh? Instead of what they actually had main event Starrcade (Hogan v Brutus Beefcake). The only reasoning there can possibly be for hot shotting the Flair feud right out of the gate was that, Vader aside, WCW had no strong heels. The only other top heel guy was Rick Rude and he was injured. There’s Steve Austin but he’s not at a main event level and Steven Regal. It’d take time to build up either one and no one would buy them as challengers for Hogan for at least a year anyway. So they switched Flair and shot their load in short order. Be interested to hear your opinions on that and whether you think WCW was right or whether you’d have waited on the turn like I would have and built it up first. That was WCW’s problem though, they wanted everything now. Not in 6 months. Short sighted booking can often be the worst kind (Invasion angle 2001 etc) for your business.

While I remember I also recapped Clash 27 around the same time. That’s the show where Flair turns heel on Sting and teams with Sherri and Hogan arrives. Big Clash.

We’re in Orlando, Florida. Hosts are Fat Tony and Bobby Heenan. The introduction hyping Hogan v Flair actually mentions the WWF title by name. Tony name drops everyone that’s coming out here including Shaq and Mr T.

CLIP – Sherri causes Sting to miss tonight’s show by raking his eyes. DAMN YOU DEVIL WOMAN! I notice Hogan did absolutely nothing until after she’d already done the deed. Watching Flair miss the clip on the knee was pretty funny too. Mr T is out there too to pity the fool who misses a chopblock.

TV title – Steven Regal (c) w/Sir William v Johnny B. Badd

So Badd is subbing in for the injured Sting. I really can’t remember his specific injury but it wasn’t the damaged cornea they’re blaming here. Heenan talks about Regal’s strategy being that he lets his opponents do a series of moves so he can see how you move and where you set yourself. Which is true because sometimes Regal inexplicably gives up a tonne of offence early. Regal holds on after a monkey flip but 2 but he hangs around on the pin long enough for Badd to sunset flip him for 2. Nice Japanese armdrag from Badd. He hit it at such speed it even made such a fake looking move look believable for once. Regal wants to ground this again though and grabs a leg. Badd powers out and they’re both trying to dictate the pace. Regal controls with a headlock and there’s the pace he was looking for but he runs into another Japanese armdrag and that wasn’t bad either. Surprised he didn’t use that more during his WWF run. Regal tries to chain again but Badd flips him hammerlock style injuring Regal’s shoulder. He bails out to sell it and considers taking a count out loss. He’s brave though and heads back inside. I’d have had Badd go out and throw him back in to strengthen the face/heel dynamic. I like Heenan’s assertion that everyone he knows is talking about this PPV and Hogan/Flair. Well, it did manage a high 1.02 buyrate. Consider that Starrcade in ’93, the companies biggest show, did a buyrate around half that. The previous show Slamboree did a 0.48. So yeah, Hogan popped the buyrate. For comparison Wrestlemania X did a 1.68 buyrate. Badd starts to up the pace here with a dropkick and a flying headscissors. He calls for the Kiss That Don’t Miss and it doesn’t but it knocks Regal outside. Sir William helps him up but Badd hits a pescado to wipe them both out. Regal tries the pin with the outside assistance but the ref spots it and boots Sir William away. They then flub a near falls sequence in horrendous fashion before Regal ends up on top for the pin at 10.42. Reaction for the pin isn’t good seeing as the finish went so wrong. **1/2. Fun match with the technician v the high flier. Had they not fucked up the finish it would probably be pushing three snowflakes. Ah, the replay shows Regal had the tights on the ref’s blind side. Sweet. Call it **3/4 then.

PROMO TIME – Gene Okerlund has Antonio Inoki out here for a presentation. Talk about sucking up to New Japan. Okerlund’s brown nosing is at a level usually reserved for Hogan. Maybe he’s just scared by his huge chin. Regal is still out here following his title defence and claims to have been elected to the House of Lords, which is impossible. Regal says he was just in Tokyo and beat everyone worth beating and he didn’t see Inoki anywhere. He offers to teach Inoki a lesson but Inoki comes back with something that Scheme Gene, like the balding oaf he is, manages to totally miss with his mic. Regal bails out as Inoki takes his jacket off. If Inoki hadn’t been so far gone by the mid 90’s that would be a great match. At ringside Jesse Ventura replaces Bobby Heenan. Hmm, couldn’t decide who your best colour guy was, eh? Don’t worry, Hulk Hogan knows. But he’s only going to get shot of Jesse because he’s concerned about his health. Not because he doesn’t like him. Just so you all understand that.

Vader w/Harley Race v Guardian Angel

The WWF’s legal team has done away with the Big Boss. So now he has a Guardian Angel vigilante gimmick. Traylor beats up Race before the bell so Vader clubbers him. Vader with a fucking SPIN KICK. That’s new. Traylor just picks Vader up and dumps him back first to a big pop. He pulls off Vader’s mask and picks him up for a body slam. Whoa. That was Strike One! Bill Shaw is at ringside. I thought he got fired. Didn’t he get fired? Outside and Ray decks Race again and again Vader is able to knock him on his ass. If you’re wrestling Vader you should really pay attention to him. Race doesn’t even think Ray is worth kicking in the face although he certainly thinks about it. VADER ATTACK! I bet he felt that. Traylor is a big guy but anytime Vader just runs into you like that you’re in trouble. Vader goes for a fucking sunset flip (LUCHAVADER) but Ray drops south and stops him dead. Vader takes it to the mat and ties up Ray’s leg. Sick of holding onto the leg Vader switches to a Crossface hold and rolls Ray over for 2. Ray fires back with punches and he’s feeling surprisingly energised. So Vader slams him. VADERBOMB! Race orders him back up top. Why does Vader ever do that? It always goes wrong when he listens to his manager. VADERSAULT! Vader hurts himself doing the move though so Race charges in and Ray kicks his ass and throws him out. He follows Vader outside and this is a total brawl now. He suplexes Vader back into the ring but he won’t stay down. Ref gets a lame bump as distraction for Vader to get a night stick. Ray grabs it off him and the ref miraculously recovers from his nonexistent so called injury to call the DQ at 7.58. **. Good match, stupid finish. He didn’t even use the night stick and the ref bump was just shit.

Terry Funk/Bunkhouse Buck w/Col Parker/Meng v Dustin Rhodes/Arn Anderson

I guess Arn is still babyface as he went that way with Flair but Flair has gone heel on his own. We get a recap of the feud before the match. Quite why they show two replays of Buck and Funk totally fucking up a double team piledriver on Dustin is anyone’s guess. Dustin was basically screwed and left on his own against two guys. Four if you count Col Parker himself and his bodyguard Meng who are also out there. So he asked Arn to help him out and even the odds up a touch. Arn starts but the heels want Dustin in there so he goes in to brawl with Buck. Not content with that Dustin knocks Funk off the apron too. Funk goes back in and starts throwing punches and bad mouthing Dustin. He fires up and slams everyone. He even chucks Funk over the ropes but the ref is busy with Buck. While the ref is confused Dustin throws Buck over the top too. That’s twice he should have been disqualified. Tony gives some horseshit about special circumstances. What the hell does that mean? It’s ok to cheat to get ahead? Dustin throws a few spud like punches at Funk. Maybe he didn’t like taking Terry’s punches. Funk back suplexes him and Buck is back in. Dustin tries to crossbody him but Buck ducks and Dustin FLIES out of the ring clearing the ring steps in the process. Funk goes after him and puts the boots in. Arn goes out to check on him but the ref tells Arn to go back to his corner and Funk puts even more of a beating on Rhodes Jr. Buck stays in control as Dustin goes back in and he works the Shades of Wilbur Snyder with additional cheating from Terry Funk. They tag and put a double beating on Dustin while Arn has the referee complaining of illegalities. Funk hits the Rude Awakening for 2. I guess its fair game with Rude on the shelf. Funk pulls out a piledriver for 2. Arn makes the save there. Funk makes the mistake of hitting a headbutt, which leaves him in worse shape. He tags out to Buck and Funk is now down. Buck puts a beating on Dustin until he gets up and they hold Dustin in the heel corner for a while. Another double beating follows and again Arn gets in there to protest, which again costs Dustin. He still manages a fight back and throws punches and elbows at his two opponents. He ends up standing tall over a pile of heels. Funk was so disorientated he was trying to pin Buck. Dustin with a few backdrops and he’s been in there on his own for over 10 minutes. He keeps throwing elbows and Buck takes a pisser to the floor. Parker gets on the apron and Dustin lays him out too before tagging Arn in. He promptly drops Dustin like a bad habit and DDT’s him for Funk to get the pin at 11.35. It’s funny because Dustin looked like a total sucker for trusting a perennial heel bastard like Arn. *3/4. Match went a little too long with too much of the same heat deal on Dustin and the same Arn material too without him even being in the match. Crowd was hot though. Gotta respect that. And that DDT was great.

POST MATCH Arn helps Colonel Parker’s group to mess up Dustin’s arm. He rolls around selling it but that doesn’t stop four guys stomping it. Scheme Gene gets an interview with Arn but all he gets is an invite to the party they’re going to in order to celebrate that victory. Also at ringside Fat Tony gets a word with Hank Aaron. Although he doesn’t have much to say he did hit 755 home runs. And he was a nice guy with it. Yeah, fuck you Barroids.

BACKSTAGE Scheme Gene gets a word with Naitch and Sherri. Flair puts over Double A for laying out Dustin Rhodes. He thinks that’s pretty funny. Love Sherri’s “WHOO”. She says the pressure is on Hogan. His career is in trouble and he’s the challenger. Flair is the champ.

US title – Steve Austin (c) v Ricky Steamboat

Austin jumps but I blame Steamboat for not paying attention as the bell had rung. Austin goes to work on the leg. Steamboat comes back with the CHOPS! Naturally Austin goes right back to the leg to stop that but he’s kicked off into the ringpost. Steamboat with the TOP ROPE WALK OF DOOM! Hammerlock slam and Steamboat is going to work on the arm. Touché. Austin climbs but Steamboat dropkicks him and Austin gets caught in the ropes. Steamboat gives him a thrashing while he’s trapped. Back onto the arm and the pace slows. Austin leapfrogs and ‘blows his knee out’. Austin is of course faking but Steamboat doesn’t buy it and he lays in the boots. Austin bails after a dropkick and he’s still trying to blag a BS knee injury. To the high speed misses and Steamboat hooks on a sleeper. Steamboat bounces him off the buckles for 2. Steamboat slaps away at the shoulder he’s been working on for 5 minutes. Austin goes low and hits a back suplex. Steamboat keeps popping back up and Austin keeps laying him out with clotheslines. Steamboat rolls outside and falls down the badly positioned ringsteps. Austin suplexes him back inside. Lifting chokehold from Steamboat for 2 and he gets back on that arm. They blow a leapfrog spot so Steamboat takes Austin over into a bridging pin for 2. Superb improvisation. You just don’t see that anymore. Austin takes him down BIG TIME with a huge spinebuster. Austin drops a knee off the buckles and mocks Steamboat’s judo poses. Steamboat tries to play Rope-a-Dope so Austin beats the crap out of him. Steamboat with a double leg and he catapults Austin into the buckles for 2. Austin levels him with a clothesline and a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Austin enjoys driving Steamboat’s head into the mat for 2. Austin with the rope ride and he borrows Steamboat’s hand to wave at the folks at home. Steamboat lifts the STUN GUN on another charge and it’s a double KO. Outside and Steamboat gets thrown into the rail. Steamboat retaliates by posting Austin. Back inside and Steamboat brings the JUDO CHOP! That gets 2. Steamboat skins the cat after being thrown out, twice. Steamboat with a cradle for 2 and another one for 2. Bridging pin for 2. Austin looks for a tombstone, countered and TOMBSTONE from Steamboat. Austin tries to push the ref in the way of Steamboat’s dive off the ropes. It’s a DQ but Steamboat refuses it and convinces the ref to let the match continue. Steamboat with a crossbody but Austin rolls through and uses the ropes to retain the belt at 20.13. ****. Workrate central right there. Sadly Steamboat’s career came to an end shortly after this. At least he has this and many other matches as an epitaph to his extraordinary workrate.

BACKSTAGE Colonel Parker’s group are still celebrating and Buck calls it a private party. Scheme Gene has “credentials” apparently. He wants a word with Arn Anderson. Gene screws up AGAIN by taking the mic away from Terry Funk in the middle of his promo. You fucking whore. You’re not the star Gene, stop trying to be. Arn gets on the stick and talks about doing what he thinks is right. You make a pact with the devil and you get what you deserve.

Tag titles – Cactus Jack/Kevin Sullivan v Pretty Wonderful

Paul Roma & Paul Orndorff are the challengers. They’re not over in the slightest. No one cares bar the odd chant of “Paula”. Sullivan has his brother Evad out here. Orndorff’s prolonged stalling doesn’t help matters. By this point the crowd is blatantly waiting for Hogan-Flair and don’t give a fuck about this match. Orndorff hits an armdrag and poses. Sullivan, for some bizarre reason, doesn’t punch him in the back of the head while he’s doing so. Roma claims that Cactus is nothing and he’s a star. HEH. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And where’s Paul Roma now? What did Paul Roma ever do in his whole career? This is the only match he ever got anything in and that’s only because of Paul Orndorff while Foley was already at least that successful and had main evented a PPV the previous year. Not to mention his enormous WWF successes such as winning the WWF title multiple times. They run some vaguely comedy stuff but the crowd still doesn’t care. Roma could stab Sullivan to death and he still wouldn’t be over. Cactus looks pissed off at getting stuck in such a shitty formula tag match. At least Orndorff is selling for him. Roma is just an ignorant piece of crap that he doesn’t know what his job is. If I ever give the impression that I don’t like Paul Roma that’s because I really, really don’t like Paul Roma. This whole match is totally counter productive. Cactus and Sullivan only worked as a team because they brawl like crazy and neither heel is a brawler. The problem is that WCW only sees them as transitional guys to get the belts off one heel team and onto another. Only they’re moving from the Nasty Boys, who suck but are over, to Pretty Wonderful, who suck but aren’t over at all and can’t work an entertaining match with two brawlers. At least Cactus-Orndorff is passable but everything else in this match is brutal. Sullivan breaks out the double stomp but Roma breaks up the pin. As we pass 10 minutes the crowd is getting a touch restless and would probably have taken the double stomp as the finish. Heenan is freaked by the team work that Jack and Sullivan have. Crowd is SO bored they start a Mexican Wave. There’s a hint people. You MIGHT want to take it home guys. The crowd are bored out of their mind. So in tags Paul Roma and the Wave keeps on going. At least they all come in for a brawl and Sullivan takes a piledriver. That should be it as well but Evad puts Kevin’s foot on the rope. How’d they turn Evad face anyway? Did they just pretend that the Equalizer never happened? Roma hits the Savage Elbow for 2. Sullivan is isolated now and if the crowd were bored before they’re sure bored again. 15 minutes now. Say, what retard decided that would be a good idea RIGHT BEFORE THE MAIN EVENT. Austin-Steamboat is fine because it’s exciting and it tells a story. This is telling the story of; the crowd want to see the main event so maybe they shouldn’t stick on a tag match that no one cares about beforehand or at least if they do then keep it short. I end up fast forwarding some of the heat on Sullivan because it gets SO tedious. Roma breaks out the chinlock. Good grief. This just goes on FOREVER. They keep tagging to keep Sullivan isolated and STILL no ones gives a toss. Roma misses the Superfly Splash allowing Sullivan to hot tag Cactus and there’s a mild reaction suggesting the crowd just want to see this end and hot tag means just that. Everything Cactus does gets small pops and the DOUBLE ARM DDT should finish but the referee isn’t paying attention. Roma trips Cactus and Orndorff somehow manages to pin Jack with his entire lower half out of the ring at 20.11. Jesus fucking Christ. Could they have had a more convoluted finish? ½*. Long, boring, horrible match and they even booked the wrong team to go over. Cactus, the only over guy in the match, would get buried afterwards despite the potential dollar value of turning him heel to wrestle Hogan in what could have been a series of wild brawls. Pretty Wonderful remained in the tag title scene for the rest of the year until early ’95 when Roma decided it’d be fun to ruin Alex Wright’s debut and was promptly fired.

Heenan rambles at Fat Tony to kill some time. Michael Buffer brings out Nick Bockwinkel and announces him twice. Both times to utter silence. Then he brings out Shaq who’ll be presenting the winner of this match with the WCW title. Shaq’s reaction might be one of the reasons why WCW decided to book basketball players in later years perhaps forgetting that Shaq played in this very venue, which is why he’s so over. Wonder how much scratch it cost to bring him in? It’s not like he’s even doing anything.

WCW title – Ric Flair (c) v Hulk Hogan

Flair has Sherri Martel in his corner and has done since the turn at Clash 27. It was actually a decent turn but it was way too early for it and ruined his character. Turned him into a walking stereotype. Hogan gets a sizeable pop for his WCW PPV debut and has Jimmy Hart and Mr T in his corner. Compared to now they all look REALLY young. Buffer’s introductions are beyond awful. Although the “let’s get ready to rumble” catchphrase gets a huge pop. Apparently Hogan has had a “three year lay off”. Odd I didn’t think it was 3 years from King of the Ring ’93 to Bash at the Beach ’94. Note the ’93 and ’94, which would denote a one year difference. Hogan works the crowd with a long stare down and the fans are suitably pro-Hogan that Flair shoves him to prove a point. Hogan knocks Flair over with a shoulderblock, which the crowd pop huge. You have to wonder how they screwed this up so royally. Flair blames a hair pull. Flair ducks out of a tie up so he can strut. Hogan takes a word of advice from Jimmy Hart. So Hogan ducks and struts. That was nearly sucks and druts as I typed it. Crowd digs the repetition. Flair gets a hammerlock and takes Hogan over. That ends up as a lengthy armlock as they try and milk the hold for all it’s worth. Unfortunately they’re well beyond what it’s worth and the crowd doesn’t bite again until Hogan reverses. At least he was smart enough to know that he needed to get some comeback going. Flair bails out and hides behind Sherri to a bucket load of heat. Hogan breaks out his one bit of “chain” wrestling he can do in order to make himself look like a good wrestler before laying in the right hands as per usual. Flair bails on the big boot and hides behind Sherri again and again there’s huge heat because the crowd wants Hogan to bash her one. Flair baits him back inside and puts the boots in. Next comes the chops and that’s the offence that makes Flair look legitimately like a danger and capable of winning this by wearing Hogan down. Crowd is still chanting “Hogan” and he decides to cut Flair down and hit the 10 count punches in the corner. He also bites him. Erm, that’s cheating. Just sayin’. You’ll notice Flair hasn’t cheated once. Sherri does though as she grabs Hogan’s leg and that gives Flair the opening to pound him down. Flair chops Hogan clean out of the ring. Sherri grabs a chair but Jimmy Hart takes it off her. Where was Mr T on that one? Flair follows out anyway to beat Hogan down on the floor. More serious pro-Hogan chants during that. Back inside Flair comes off the top with the single sledge. Hey, he connected again! It’s amazing how often he actually hits off the top rope when you consider the traditional view of Flair up top is that he’ll miss or get thrown off. Knee drop scores and Hogan sells that like death. Hogan trades with Flair while taking the chops, which kind of buries Flair’s offence but that’s Hulkamania for ya. Flair double legs and uses the ropes for 1. Flair decides Hogan needs a breather and slaps on a chinlock for a while. Hogan gratefully just lies in it for three minutes. Eventually he gets back up and crowd pops huge for his incredible laziness. Hogan wails away in the corner and Flair does his corner bump only to get clotheslined off the apron. Outside and Hogan hits a back suplex on the floor. Heenan reminds us that if Flair is counted out Hogan doesn’t win the title and that was a dumb move. Sherri helps him back up. That was also a dumb move. Hogan suplexes Flair back inside and calls for the finish but Flair moves out of the way of Old Glory. So now he has a bad leg courtesy of his own stupidity. FIGURE F…no, Hogan rolls him up for 2. He goes for it again but Hogan kicks him off. And again. Flair shows his strength by suplexing Hogan and putting a delay on it but Hogan just hulks up. Big boot gets 2 but Sherri pulls the ref out. DQ! Where’s the DQ? Randy Anderson is out and Sherri lays out Jimmy Hart for good measure. Sherri then gets into the ring and we start getting the booking. Nick Patrick gets in there and he hasn’t called a DQ for whatever reason so Flair slaps on the FIGURE FOUR! He calls for the crowd support. Not even WCW is stupid enough to have Flair win this match. Well, maybe in a few years but they don’t want to piss off that big crowd and big PPV audience with a heel win. Sherri cheats some more raking Hogan in the eyes. Flair stays on the leg and Hogan is hobbling around. Flair throws chops in the corner and Hogan decides it’s time to hulk up again. He no sells every strike Flair throws apart from a back elbow to the neck. Yeah, Misawa would have kicked his ass. Sherri dives into the ring to try and splash Hogan but he moves and she misses. He hits what was supposed to be a double clothesline but Flair & Sherri can’t get in the right spot for it. Hogan slaps the Figure Four on Flair and Sherri is looking to cheat again with brass knucks but Mr T grabs her this time. Flair has the knucks and belts Hogan in the jaw with them…for 2. Here comes the hulking up and the no selling again. Doesn’t matter what Flair does now because he just reached the point of no return in a Hogan match. Big boot and Old Glory follow in short order and Hogan wins the WCW title at 21.50. BOOO! ***. Hogan needed to come in on not only a successful match but a good one and it helped having Flair to work with to create that. Probably Hogan’s best match in about 5 years. The second mistake they made (after hot shotting this angle) was limiting the Flair feud, which ended shortly afterwards in a cage at Halloween Havoc in a “career match”.

BACKSTAGE Hogan bumps into Jim Duggan. As if it wasn’t bad enough just being Hogan now in come all the cronies too. It’d get worse than that. Trust me. Hogan’s claims to be “the only champion in the world today” is bullshit. He lost the WWF title clean before getting kicked out of the company in 1993 so he’s not the unbeaten champion that Flair was back in 1992 when he could have claimed that. After all the current champion of the WWF is Bret Hart who deserved that honour. Hogan cuts this ‘out there’ promo about folding Flair up into a ball and getting Shaq to dunk him. They blatantly don’t have the next challenger lined up, which would have made sense so it’s Flair again and that won’t even be for another four months. Heenan suggests that Flair isn’t done with Hogan before we head off.

The 411: Nowhere near the bad show some will have you believe because of the full force arrival of Hulkamania in WCW. I enjoyed everything bar the tag titles match including one of the better Hogan matches. Certainly his best since the WOYAH~! Match at Wrestlemania 6. Great to see Ricky Steamboat busting his ass on PPV for the last time too.
Final Score:  7.5   [ Good ]