411’s NWA TNA PPV Report 03.24.04

This is Dave Gagnon, this is TNA, march 24th 2004.

Before we start, let’s not forget the silliest rating system around, The Dave Gagnon TNA Rating System!

AJ Styles Rating: Excellent Match
Raven Rating: Very Good Match
Jeff Jarrett: Good Match
Sonny Siaki: Average Match
Jonny Fairplay: Bad Match

First Match: Shane Douglas and Shawn Michaels’ Cousin vs. Low Ki and Christopher Daniels
This is the first match of the first round of a tournament to decide who will be the new TNA tag team champions. XXX are finally reunited to the shock of many. We also found out that Raven and James Storm are suspended this week without pay. There goes 30 bucks in the weekly budget for these wrestlers. Good tag team match. The New Franchise worked over Daniels early in the match until the hot tag to Low Ki. Low Ki, as usual, showed great intensity with his offense. The finish saw, once again, Traci trying to distract the opponents but it didn’t work. XXX pinned Michael Shane after a powerbomb/neckbreaker combination.
WINNERS: XXX at 9:15
RATING: Jeff Jarrett

After the match, Michael Shane is pissed at Traci. Things aren’t going well for The New Franchise as of late. Shane Douglas tries to cool him down but in vain.

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed Glenn Gilberti and David Young. Their match in the tournament is next. Kid Kash entered the picture. The man who was supposed to be his partner tonight, Johnny Swinger, isn’t here tonight so Kid Kash will have to find a new partner. Kid Kash: “And for the record, I’d love to be part of the new ECW in WWE. Remember when I was the Kid Rock impersonator? I still can do it…ahem… I put your picture away, sat down and cried today , I can’t look at you while I’m lyin’ next to her. I put your picture away, sat down and cried today, I can’t look at you while I’m lyin’ next to her. Ha! I’m priceless”.

Second Match: Slash And Synn vs. Glenn Gilberti and David Young
Yeah, these two teams are in a tournament for the tag team titles. And they said that tag team wrestling is dead. Slash and Synn took the control early in the match by beating on Gilberti. David Young tagged in and dominated for a while. David Young attempted a moonsault but Synn moved out of the way just in time. Back and fourth wrestling until Gilberti injured his elbow . Slash tagged in and dominated both men. He hit his finisher on David Young for the win.
WINNERS: Slash & Synn at 7:10.
RATING: Sonny Siaki

Backstage, Raven complained to Russo about finding out about being suspended on the internet. Good thing for him that only 10% of wrestling fans are visting wrestling websites. According to Wade Keller, anyway. I can’t believe that some people believe this, especially when you consider that just about everybody is connected to the internet these days. Basically, Raven warned Vince Russo that by messing with him, he is playing a very dangerous game.

Raven: Listen to me Russo…I am a stupid face, you’re the man, my mother is a ho and…uh…
Russo: Say it.
Raven: I can’t.
Russo: I am the booker! I am the guy writing your lines so say it.
Raven: It makes me look bad.
Russo: Hey, I am the star so I have to look good!
Triple H: Listen to him Raven!
Russo: Thanks HHH.
Triple H: Lousy midcarder.
Russo: Tell me about it!

“Alpha Male” Monte Brown attacked “Heavy D” Don Harris at ringside. They were supposed to face each other tonight but it seems like it won’t happen. Brown complained about having to beat up security guys and not real competiton. Sabu answered the call. They brawled until Brown had enough and bailed out. You can expect a match between those two down the line (and by “down the line” I mean “next week”).

Hector Garza was introduced as the new captain of Team AAA because Juventud Guererra was no longer in AAA due to disciplinary reasons. That sure happens a lot with Juventud Guererra.

Third Match: Kid Kash and His Mystery Partner vs. Simon Diamond and Sonny Siaki
Nobody knows who Kash’s partner is. I was hoping for El Leon but you can’t have everything. He’s a fairly big guy. Kash and his partner dominated the early portion of the match. In a cool looking spot, Kash went for a moonsault off the top of his partner’s shoulders on Diamond but he moved out of the way and hot-tagged Sonny Siaki. From there, it was back and fourth stuff. Diamond superkicked Kash’s partner over the top rope and then dove onto him at ringside. That left Kid Kash and Sonny Siaki in the ring. After a couple of nearfalls, Kash’s partner grabbed a pipe and hit Siaki. Kash won with the most dangerous move in the business: the roll-up. He even used the tights so that’s even more dangerous.
WINNERS: Kash & partner at 10:15.
RATING: Sonny Siaki

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed The Phenomenal AJ Styles. AJ Styles is mad about the fact that he isn’t booked tonight. Vince Russo entered the picture and asked him to trust him. AJ said that he won’t make that mistake again. AJ Styles: “Trusting you? I am not making that mistake again! Remember when you told me that if I defeated Jeff Jarrett, you’d give me ice cream. Well, I did beat him! And where was the ice cream? Nowhere! Sure, you gave me a cola but a cola isn’t ice cream, my friend! Not where I come from! Oh, I looked ok but actually, a little part of me died inside. And that’s not phenomenal”.

Fourth Match: B.G. James and Konnan -vs- The Naturals
For those who don’t remember The Naturals, they are the guys who lost a dozen of handicap matches in a row against Chris Harris a couple of weeks ago. Suprisingly, James came to the ring without Konnan to start the match. We learned that Konnan isn’t in the arena yet. Did he forget to set his alarm clock? Even though he was alone, James controlled the opening minutes but, naturally, The Naturals took control. Fortunately for James, Kobe Bryant ran in for the save. Wait, that’s Konnan with a LA Lakers jersey, my bad. How about those rumors sending Bryant to the Clippers next year? It’s like me leaving 411 to recap TNA for Lords Of Pain. Zing! James hot-tagged Konnan. After a flurry of offense by Konnan, Douglas threw powder (or is it ceremonial salt?) at Konnan. Stevens then KO’d him with a chair for the win.
WINNERS: The Naturals at 6:40.
Rating: Sonny Siaki

A recap aired of last week’s Chris Harris title match against Jarrett. Harris reallly showed that he can be a valuable singles wrestler. A pretaped promo then aired where Jarrett said he proved last week that Harris wasn’t ready to face a champion like him. Jeff Jarrett: “Me, Jeff Jarrett, defeated you, Chris Harris. Chyna once defeated me. Joey Buttafuco defated Chyna in Celebrity Boxing. So that means that Joey Buttafuco is better than you. Truth hurts, huh!?”.

Mike Tenay interviewed Sting in the middle of the ring. They are making a movie on the life of Sting. I guess it will be straight to video along with movies like “The Skulls 3”, “Ernest Goes To Haiti” and “Generic Teen Sex Comedy no.856”. Watching Sting is truly sad because here you have a guy who used to be a motivated star and now he is just a guy looking for a quick pay day. Tired wrestling cliches and generally boring interview from The Stinger. Anyway, Sting likes TNA and he will be there next wednesday night looking for some action. About elevating a guy like Abyss? It’s showtime, according to Sting.

I suggest you read Hyatte’s column “This Is (Not) Sting”. It’s probably archived somewhere. I am too lazy to link it. It’s a great read.

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed Ron “The Truth” Killings about his match against Abyss. He said Abyss can’t handle the truth. Goldy Locks walked into the picture and I suddenly lost track of time. I’m in love with Goldy Locks.

Fifth Match: Ron Killings -vs- The Hoss Abyss
Killings took the control early in the match. Painful looking spot: Killings yanked Abyss’ crotch into the ringpost three times. I don’t care if you are a monster and/or a hoss, it has to hurt! I am sure that monsters’ testicles hurt as much as normal testicles. Maybe even more. Because, you know, it’s MONSTER TESTICLES. Moving on, Truth took Abyss down with a flying headscissors off the apron onto the floor. The crowd loved that spot. Abyss gained control by dropped Killings crotch-first over the railing. Not a good night for the crotches. They brawled in the crowd. Did I just traveled back in time and landed in a WWF hardcore match in 1999? Nice looking spot: Killings hit Abyss with a flying clothesline then launched off of a chair with a flying kick into the corner. Killings was in control for a while until Abyss hit his finisher for a near fall. Blind charge but Killings countered with a boot in the face. Then Killings came off the ropes but Abyss caught him and hit a powerslam. Raven then entered the ring and nailed both competitors with a chair. Raven once again caused chaos.

WINNER: No contest at 9:35.
RATING: Sonny Siaki…dissapointing considering that it’s an Abyss match.

AJ Styles ran in for the save and went after Raven. The remaining members of 3LK ran out to help their partner Killings. The locker rooms emptied but it was still not as cool as RAW’s finish last monday. That was just tremendous. The brand split is finally working. Oops, wrong show. Anyway, Abyss snapped and went after Killings. Styles then dove over the top rope onto Raven outside of the ring. Killings then demanded a match aganst Raven, Styles and Abyss. Sounds good to me.

Hudson interviewed Jerry Lynn and Elix Skipper backstage. According to various sources, Team Mexico will defend their americas cup against The United Kingdom. Of course, The United Kingdow is a great part of North America. Or is it South America? Lynn suggested said they should just put the teams from Canada, Mexico, UK, and the NWA all together at once. Scott D’Amore walked in and praised Petey Williams. He also tried to stir up trouble between Skipper and Lynn because they will be in the same match later.

Next week:
Footage of the riot that Jarrett caused in Mexico
Monte Brown vs Sabu
Abyss vs Styles vs Killings vs Raven, special enforcer: Sting

The winner of the fatal four way match will then faced Harris to determine who is the no.1 contender for the NWA world hvt. title. The winner of that match will then go on to face Jarrett in a steel cage for the title. This angle is working very well.

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed Chris Harris. He thanked his partner James Storm for his support. He’s very confident despite his loss to Jeff Jarrett and knows that he will be the NWA world hvt. champion after the steel cage match. Chris Harris: “Of course I am confident! It’s not like Jeff Jarrett is the son of the owner. It’s not like this wrestling promotion is Jarrett’s playground. It’s not like he will always be the champion because he’s the booker. Yeah. I am not being naive at all”.

Sixth Match: Frankie Kazarian vs. Nosawa vs. Petey Williams vs. Elix Skipper vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Amazing Red
Amazing Red is back, which is good news for all of us. It’s hard to do play by play for these kind of matches, especially for me, so instead here’s some highlights of the match: Lynn hit his cradle piledriver on Nosawa at 5:40 for the first elimination. Lynn slidekicked Red into the announcers’ table while Kazarian pinned Skipper at 7:20, but the camera missed it. Hum. Better work on the production values. Lynn went for a sunset flip on Kazarian, but Kazarian sat down on Lynn and then Williams held his hands for extra leverage to score the three count on Lynn at 9:35. That’s great team work. Kazarian and Williams double-teamed Red with a bunch of great looking maneuvers. Kazarian turned on Williams and eliminated him quickly at 11:20. Williams got cocky, that’s very un-canadian like of him. That left Red vs. Kazarian to finish the match. After a couple of near falls, Amazing Red used a standing shooting star press to finish Frankie Kazarian.
WINNER: Amazing Red at 12:15 to become the no. 1 contender for the X Title.
STAR RATING: Jeff Jarrett

The show ended with a pullapart brawl with the wrestlers involved in next week’s fatal four way match.

The show was ok tonight. I will say this: TNA is doing a fantastic job with the main eventers. The world heavyweight title really means something.

I’ll be back next week with the TNA recap.

Coming soon: What happens when you have six former wrestling stars under the same roof? FRIENDZ! Wrestling stars of the 80’s in a brand new sitcom. Only on Canadian Rants!

Feedback is always appreciated: [email protected]

Have a great week,
Gags