The 2006 Vengeance Breakdown

WWE Vengeance — 06.25.06

Live from Charlotte, N.C..

Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Opening Match: Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle.
Angle dominates on the mat, of course. He tries a German Suplex off the apron, but Orton blocks. Angle has to settle for a German Suplex on the floor. Finally, Orton goes to the eyes and the Ortonlock. Lots of Ortonlocks. Angle catches Orton on top with the belly-to-belly, but Orton slips out of the Angleslam and hits the Stretch Backbreaker. Orton unties the turnbuckle but gets caught with EIGHT ROLLING GERMANS! Angle hits a suplex, but Randy exposes the turnbuckle. ANKELOCK! Oh, but Orton rolls him into the buckle and finishes with the RKO at 12:37. Randall has quite the fanbase in spite of his heeldom. **3/4

In the back, Vince McMahon promises Vengeance on DX. A crippled kid in a DX shirt rolls in, prompting Vince to go off on a rant about aliens, green goo, male strippers, and corporate genitalia. Vince shoves him out into the hall, perhaps tipping over the chair and turning the kid into a quadriplegic. Of course, Jonathon Coachman walks in mere moments later to tell Vince that he may be getting a visit from a little boy in a wheelchair who happens to be a family friend of the Coach. Hey, you think it could be the same kid?

Umaga (w/Armando Alejandro Estrada) vs. Eugene (w/Jim Duggan, Doink & Kamala).
Eugene’s cheering section doesn’t exactly inspire confidence. And what in the hell are Jim Duggan and Kamala doing on the same side?! Eugene sticks and moves, but Umaga no-sells and hits the Samoan Spike at 1:37. After the match, Umaga dismantles Doink and Hacksaw, but Armando pulls him away when Kamala gets in there. The crowd is hot for Umaga vs. Kamala, which would go off the next night on Raw and be completely underwhelming. 1/4*

Mick Foley reads a passage from Flair’s book calling Foley a “glorified stuntman” and promises to outwrestle Flair tonight.

2/3 Falls: Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley.
First Fall: This is an interesting feud that showcases the genius of Mick Foley psychology. He became a fan favorite for doing all the things that he’s being booed for now. This really is just an extension of himself and not in the way that Mankind and Cactus Jack were. They actually do start out trying to wrestle, which of course favors Flair. Foley comes back with the Kobashi Driver and THE NATURE SOCKO! WHOOO! Flair counters with a testicular claw and comes off the top with a double ax-handle, apparently hurting his knee on the way down. Foley tries to capitalize on it, but Flair rolls him up for the first-fall win at 4:13.

Second Fall: Foley gets desperate and starts cheating. Lawler humorously tries to sell Foley’s eyerake as the Von Erich Claw. Foley starts dumping plunder in the ring, but Flair gets a figure-four leglock. Mick grabs a trash can and hits Flair over the head with it for the disqualification at 7:01. Well, Mick promised to stink it up. He certainly delivered. After the match, Mick busts Flair open badly with a barbed-wire bat, setting up the inevitable rematch. Hopefully, that won’t be as rushed as the build up to this one was, because these two could really have a fun series of verbal duels based on their different philosophies of wrestling. *

Maria interviews Carlito and nearly destroys the universe by creating a coolness paradox. Torrie Wilson interrupts to ask Maria to rub her down for her photoshoot. Carlito helps out by holding Torrie’s puppies and giving some coaching.

Intercontinental Title, Triple Threat: Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito vs. Johnny Nitro (w/Melina).
Carlito knocks Nitro to the floor, and he and Benjamin trade roll-ups. Nitro comes back in by springboarding over a Shelton charge. Shelton takes out Carlito instead. Carlito tosses both men and readies for a pescado, but Melina pulls Nitro out of the way. Shelton and Nitro brawl, so Carlito hits a double-jump springboard plancha. Back inside, Carlito continues with the lucha stuff by springboarding into a backflip and hitting a no-hands rana on Nitro. Things die down as they take turns pairing off and scoring pinfalls off each other. Carlito gets a Victory Roll, and he and Nitro team up with a monkeyflip into a dropkick. Nice. They then really top themselves as Nitro gets caught in the tree-of-woe, Shelton bounds up to the top rope from a standing position to superplex Carlito, but then Nitro does a freakin’ Spider German Suplex! You really have to see it. Carlito sends Nitro over the top, so Benjamin sneaks up on Carlito and hits him with a roundhouse kick to the back of the head. Carlito reverses a neckbreaker and hits the Backcracker on Shelton, but Nitro yanks Carlito out and dives in for the pin and the title at 12:05. Shelton allegedly entered the doghouse for his performance here, but all three guys looked good to me, with Carlito especially looking like the star of the next generation. I didn’t like the ending that much, but there were some great spots in this one. ***1/2

In the back, Vince gives the Spirit Squad a pep talk and tries to use his penis pump, but, alas, it was booby trapped, leaving Vince’s face green with penis envy.

WWE Heavyweight Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Edge (w/Lita).
This was one of those, “God, they’re stupid” gaffs that happen from time to time. Edge won a #1 contender’s match with the Big Show for a title shot tonight. Then, they spent the next few weeks hyping that if ECW won the WWE Title, it would become the new ECW Title. Problem. If there’s no WWE Title, then what do you do with Edge? Well, Van Dam has to look like a complete idiot by hanging on to the title for no reason other than to look like a jackass. That’s akin to the Joker tying up Batman, explaining his whole scheme, and then leaving him behind with a bomb instead of just killing him. Edge arrogantly avoids all of Van Dam’s usual fancy footwork. Van Dam hits a sick crossbody that takes both men to the floor. Edge swiftly avoids the spinning legdrop off the apron. See, that’s what separates two guys that want to have a good match from two guys who are phoning it in. Where you’d expect Van Dam to run through his stuff, you get reversals instead. Edge then one-ups himself with a powerbomb on the barrier. Things slow down a bit from there as Edge works over RVD’s back and shoulders. Van Dam comes back with a springboard thrustkick and gets two off a nice Bridging German Suplex. Edge counters Rolling Thunder to a powerslam. Great counter, there. Edge rolls away from the Five-Star, so Rob comes off the second-rope with Rolling Thunder. The ref gets bumped off a missed spinkick, so Edge grabs the WWE Title. Van Dam hits the Van Daminator instead and goes up for the Five-Star. Lita crotches him, allowing Edge to get that rope-assisted DDT. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Lita holds up a chair, and Edge readies to spear Van Dam into it, but of course Van Dam moves, and Edge winds up ramming his head into the chair. Van Dam hits the Five-Star Frogsplash for the win at 17:43. The crowd doesn’t quite take these guys seriously as main eventers yet, so it didn’t feel quite as “epic” as it could have (it’s place on the card didn’t help either). Still, it’s nice to know that two guys who are “the future” of the WWE can actually hold up the banner when called on. ***1/2

In the back, Paul Heyman hypes up the ECW Lumberjacks.

Kane vs. Kane Doppelganger.
Kane Doppelganger must have worked on his mannerisms because they’re much better than when he debuted. He needs a beard, though. They slug it out, and Kane goes for the mask. You know what would be a cool story? If they explained that the guy who impersonated the Undertaker in 1994 was this same guy who was obsessed with the Callaway family. The crowd turns on the match with a “boring” chant, which it is, but it’s also kind of cool in a Superman III sort of way. Kane backs his way out of a chinlock and hits a sideslam. Kane Doppelganger goes up for a flying clothesline, but Kane catches him going up and just kind of tosses him to the mat. Then, Kane goes up for the same clothesline, but the Kane Doppelganger catches him coming off the top and chokeslams him for the win at 7:07. The match “sucked a dick” as Jim Cornette might say, but it still had a cool sort of “what am I watching” feel. I found this more believable than the Undertaker vs. Underfaker match because Kane is a much deeper character than Taker was back then, and his past is so screwy that you’d believe a crazy man might stalk him for thirty years. Plus, Freakin’ Deacon, or whoever it is, did a great job with the early Kane mannerisms. 1/2*

Extreme Lumberjack Match: John Cena vs. Sabu.
Cena gets distracted by the lumberjacks arguing at ringside, so Sabu jumps him from behind. Cena comes back with a Fisherman’s Suplex, and they take turns tossing each other to the floor. Sandman hits Cena with the Singapore Cane, allowing Sabu to hit the Triplejump Moonsault for two. Sabu follows it up with a Triplejump legdrop for two. The Atomic Arabian Facebuster gets two. Well, that’s all of Sabu’s offense, so I guess Cena’s winning. Sabu misses a springboard dive off the chair. Cena comes back with a slam but goes out to break up a fight between the Raw & ECW guys. Sabu jumps him from behind, and Dreamer & Sandman try to hold Cena down for a Sabu dive, but Viscera makes the save. Cena breaks it up with a cane and FU’s Sabu on the edge of the table below. Ouch! Back in, Cena locks in the STFU for the tapout at 6:48. That seals what most fans thought would happen: if you’re actually from ECW, you will be buried, and the WWE exports like Angle, RVD and Big Show are the real talents. This unfolded just like I thought it would, with Sabu hitting the three or four moves he can do and Cena dominating from there. *1/4

In the back, Cena runs into a victorious Van Dam who says he’s earned his respect. Van Dam offers him a rematch on Raw. Cena gives a good promo about how that belt is his life and agrees to face RVD.

Handicap Tag: D-Generation X vs. The Spirit Squad.
Ah, you can’t help but smile when you hear that music. DX also bring with them more shots of hot chicks in the crowd. Shawn abuses Mitch to start. The SS catch Shawn in their corner and swarm him, so DX does the same to Mitch on the other side before clearing the ring. Johnny apparently gets his nose broken, so he decides to go all Cobra Kai (I KNEW IT!) on Shawn’s ass. Hunter tags in distracts the ref while Shawn wraps Johnny’s legs around the ringpost, causing him to walk funny. No, I mean really funny. Finally, the SS isolates Hunter and tosses him into the ringsteps to take over. That doesn’t last long as Shawn gets the hot tag and cleans house again, hitting Mikey with the flying elbow drop. The rest of the SS break up Sweet Chin Music, and Johnny hits Shawn with the Johnny kick. Kenny hits Shawn with a WICKED chairshot. Mikey nearly botches his trampoline bulldog, barely clearing the ropes. Shawn plays face-in-peril for a bit before coming back with a double DDT. DX cleans house and gets a double pin with a Pedigree and Sweet Chin Music at 17:50. After the match, Mitch joins Triple H’s Kiss My Ass club, and Hunter doesn’t have the decency to wear a thong. Vince McMahon wanders out and threatens to “see DX tomorrow night.” Uh huh. This was an okay match, but it felt kind of self-indulgent on the part of DX. It didn’t really help the Spirit Squad much either. **1/2

Final Thoughts: Hmm, I’m torn on this one. The Cena vs. Sabu and Foley vs. Flair matches were wildly disappointing, the Intercontinental and Heavyweight Title matches were better than I expected, and the main event was about what I expected. Edge is now your #1 heel and doing a fine job of it (no pun intended). Now if we could only get them to focus less on male ass.

Very mild thumbs up for Vengeance 2006.

J.D. Dunn