411’s OVW/HWA Recap Extravaganza 10.15.06

Welcome to Week 2 of the OVW/HWA Recap Extravaganza! I am Steve Cook, and my Louisville Cardinals really didn’t play well at all today against the Cincinnati Bearcats. But, a win is a win, and I got drunk at the bar while watching it, so good times were had by all. This will likely have an impact on the quality of this recap, so I apologize in advance for that. I’ll try not to get drunk every weekend, but whether I’ll try hard or not will remain to be seen.

Ohio Valley Wrestling

Dean “King of the” Hill & Kenny “Starmaker” Bolin run down the card. It’s always nice to know what’s coming up on a show. We then see some footage from last week when Jacob Duncan beat the crap out of Chet the Jet & stole the OVW championship belt. OVW Security had a meeting earlier today, and their goal is to get the OVW championship belt away from Duncan. I have a feeling that won’t go so well for them.

Here comes Jacob Duncan. He calls Dean Hill an old man and claims he defeated Chet for the title and says if anybody wants the title belt they have to come and get it. Security comes out and gets beaten up. Whoops. Remind me not to be in the OVW Arena if a terrorist attack happens, because that security force ain’t gonna stop anybody. Here comes Steve Lewington to try and get it! He gets stomped down by Duncan, Lewington fights back to no avail, as Duncan hits a nice wheelbarrow suplex. Lewington fights back again with boots, up to the middle rope, dropkick! He sends Duncan over the top rope and tries to get possession of the OVW championship belt, but Duncan gets back up on the apron and delivers a chokeslam to Lewington. Duncan makes his own three count and takes the title belt back. No sign of Chet the Jet. Duncan’s promo skills leave a lot to be desired, as he’s the kind of guy who would have been stuck with Fred Blassie or the Grand Wizard back in the day, but he can do a couple big moves and get over with most WWE-style crowds cause he’s big.

Backstage, Paul Burchill speaks softly about how he will destroy everything in his path. He’s more about actions than words, it appears. He broke his nose last week, just imagine what he will do to his opponent.

Sosay is in the ring and introduces a legendary daredevil and several other things, “Fearless” Jack Bull. Well, whoever he is, and apparently he’s an alcoholic and a smoker among other things, Sosay sure is impressed. She claims he has issued an open challenge to anyone who is brave enough. I have a feeling this won’t end well, and sure enough, here comes…Bas Rutten? No, it’s “Showtime” Vic D Vine. Well, maybe I was wrong about it not ending well for ol’ Fearless. By the way, Bull kinda resembles “Macho Man” Randy Savage circa 2000…whether that’s a good thing or bad thing can be up to you.

Match 1: “Fearless” Jack Bull vs. “Showtime” Vic D Vine

Sosay asks the official to familiarize her client with the rules of the contest. He does, Bull does the old “do all the illegal things to your opponent before the bell rings” routine and rolls him up for a 3 count. That might be an OVW match time record! Sosay tells us to stay tuned next week for more action. Well, I guess Bull couldn’t give us less action. I identify well with alcoholics though, so me and Bull are on the same page. Funny stuff.

It’s the Wick’s Pizza Party Zone! Man am I hungry.

Backstage, it seems Cherry’s received some more presents from Cody Runnels & Shawn Spears. Deuce & Domino appear and debate what kind of chocolates she’s received. It seems they have no idea who they are from, which is probably for the best.

Match 2: Eddie Kraven vs. Jon Bolen

Kraven comes out to “Kashmir” by Led Zep, so he’s ok in my book. Bolin likes Bolen’s last name. Bolen gets the advantage early with a hip toss, but they eventually start exchanging chops and other fun moves. Dean says Bolen likes the impact and likes punishment in general, and sure enough Bolen starts banging his head against the turnbuckle. He gains the advantage with a series of headbutts and clotheslines. Man, he’s full of offense here. Jon Bolen can apparently bench press 700 pounds, which is insane. “Bad Seed” Sean Osbourne comes down and distracts the referee, which leads to Mike Kruel coming down and trying to interject himself, but it all backfires as Kruel’s interference doesn’t work thanks to Ryan Reeves, Kraven gets knocked into Osbourne, and Bolen hits a back suplex into a uranage for a 3 count!

The celebration does not last long, as we get a 3 on 2 beatdown of “High Dosage”. Looking at Reeves’ physique, one can take a guess at what he takes high dosages of. Bolin speculates that there’s something personal going on here between these 5, maybe we’ll get to find out what it is later on in life!

Deuce & Domino eat Cherry’s chocolates and they receive another present in a bag from the hand of a person off screen…Deuce & Domino argue over who it’s for, and apparently it’s a little stuffed dog. After reading the tag, they are rather upset with Cherry and decide they want a match with Runnels & Spears, even if it means putting the tag team titles on the line. The dog gets torn up. Poor girl.

Match 3: TJ Dalton vs. El Areo Fuego

Backstage, Charles Evans has some words with Fuego and says he looks kinda familiar. Hmmmmmm. Bolin doesn’t like Dalton’s whole “not wearing shoes” thing. Armbar on Fuego, he does one of his own, series of pinfall attempts, arm drag by Fuego, cover gets 2, armbar from Feugo, off the ropes, leapfron, more reversals, very evenly matched opponents here in some action too fast to call, standing moonsault from Fuego gets 2 while Bolin attempts to personally insult the entire Mexican population of Louisville. He must be a Republican. Abdominal stretch by Dalton, applied again after Fuego fights out, reversal into monkey flip. Boot in the corner by Dalton, he eats a couple clotheslines and a standing dropkick, one more, off the ropes, spinning heel kick, heel kick off the top rope gets the 3 count and a win for the Mexican Sensation! I definitely get the feeling that Fuego is somebody we’ve seen before, or at least somebody Charles Evans has seen before, but I’m not really sure who it would be. He’s too skinny to be Jim Cornette.

OVW TV Title Match: Champion Charles “The Hammer” Evans vs. Devon Driscoll

Bolin’s not a big fan of Driscoll’s chances here, but that might have something to do with his connection to Evans as his manager. We might have a conflict of interests here at the announce booth…I am not sure. Evans dominates Driscoll early on as Dean points out that Evans might not be focused due to his recent matches with Gunner Scott. Whatever happened to that guy? Driscoll fights back briefly before running into Evans like he was a brick wall. Short clotheslines by Evans, fists across the chest and it’s all Hammer right now. Bionic elbow by Evans! Series of headbutts by Evans, a sit out powerbomb could have finished Driscoll off, but Evans decides to punish him with some punches instead. He sets up another powerbomb, but Driscoll trips him and rolls him up for a 3 count! We’ve got a new TV champ, and it’s Upset City, baby! I can’t say I really saw this one coming, and I don’t think anybody else did either. Something tells me Evans will not be a happy man next week or any upcoming weeks.

Wow, a women’s match in the main event! Some people don’t like that kinda thing, but being the feminist that I am, I love it. Well, I’m probably more of a pervert than a feminist, but it’s easier to get over with the ladies by claiming to be the latter rather than the former.

Main Event for the OVW Women’s Title: Champion Beth Phoenix vs. ODB vs. Katie Lea

Whatever a “Glamazon” is, Phoenix apparently is one. She does a nice job of riling her opponents up against her, not sure if that’s a good idea or not, but they both miss a clothesline before deciding to team up against her. ODB’s snapping of the bra strap is especially painful for Beth, and now she goes after Katie with a body slam. Pinfall broken up by Beth, ODB does a kneelift. Dean Hill refuses to say that Beth Phoenix isn’t the most attractive woman he’s ever seen, which will probably go over well with Mrs. Hill once she views this show. ODB & Katie go at it for awhile, then Beth goes after Katie, then ODB hits Katie with a fallaway slam, Beth covers for a 2! Chops by Beth, into the corner, boot by ODB, ODB rams Beth’s head into the turnbuckle, then hits a middle rope bulldog for 2. Katie punches away on ODB as we go to commercial…

We’re back, and ODB has a bear hug on Katie…Katie fights out with some elbows, off the ropes, big clothesline by ODB, Beth covers for 2. Neckbreaker by ODB on Beth gets 2. Katie on ODB now, ODB puts her in the Tree of Woe, stomps away and droptoe holds Beth right into her! Sleeper by Katie on ODB, Beth puts one on her! Back into the corner and it gets broken up. Beth exposes the top turnbuckle, but ODB & Katie take her out of the equation for a second…no, she’s got a chair now, and she brings it into the ring, but Katie gets rid of it and hits ODB with a backbreaker for 2. ODB with an elbow in the corner, she goes up top, Katie & Beth go back and forth, Katie up to the middle turnbuckle, Beth under, TOWER OF DOOM! Beth covers Katie for a 2 count. She gets dumped out of the ring, Katie with a variation of the Angle Slam on ODB for a 2 count. Series of elbow drops, Beth gets the title belt, hits Katie with it while the ref gets the chair out of the ring, but only gets a 2 count! Beth tries to put ODB in some move, but it all gets thrown out when Serena runs in and spears Beth for the DQ! Beth Phoenix retains the OVW Women’s Title, but something tells me that Serena’s going to want a shot at it sooner rather than later…we’re going to have to find out later because it’s time for….

HWA Adrenaline

Last week after the show, the heels complained about Chris Carnage. They have a plan, which is usually a good thing to have.

Nice opening video. Where was this last week?

Dick Rick is in the ring with a special announcement about a match taking place on October 20th at the HWA Arena with himself & Sami taking on Brian Jennings & Brian Beech. The rest of the Crew seems to be in the ring as well. Pepper Parks goes on about how Chad Collyer will lose the HWA title to him. Brian Beech & Brian Jennings come out…it’s a 4 on 2 right now, but the score gets kinda evened when Chad Collyer makes his appearance and clears the Crew out of the ring. They’re outta here and Collyer explains that he was locked in the trunk of a car last week, thus explaining how he didn’t show up for the match. Well, that explains that. But can you really trust Chad Collyer? I can’t!

Last week…well, I think this is Dr. Bones & Tack talking, or at least one of them is Tack, and he talks about how he’s not 18 anymore and he can’t take the same kind of risks that he did back then. He wants to be a technical wrestler, but apparently it’s not getting him anywhere. Bones talks about how the fans want tomfoolery. Well, being 411’s King of Tomfoolery, I can agree with that. Strange “shoot-work” promo here.

HWA TV Title Match: Scotty Murray vs. Jesse Hyde

Hyde is kinda like a fat Chris Jericho, with goofy tights from early in Jericho’s career, long hair and goofy mannerisms. Both are fan favorites, so this should be a pretty clean contest, and it is early on with roll ups, pinning combinations, and both men attempting a dropkick at the same time. High five! Strange how they’re giving away WWE Cyber Sunday tickets when Bones kinda trashed WWE earlier in that “shoot-work” promo. Amanda Fire adding a lot to commentary as always. Elbow in the corner by Murray, Hyde arm drags him off the middle rope and gets a 2 count. Running powerbomb attempt by Murray ends with a rana by Hyde and Murray flies into the ring post. Double knees in the corner by Hyde, misses the second time, corner dropkick by Murray, variation of the wheelbarrow slam by Murray, he misses a Lionsault, Hyde hits Stratusfaction for a 2 count! Reversals, Murray hits the Kryptonite Krunch for a 3 count! Murray retains the title in a nice little match with Jesse Hyde.

Holy shit, a Monster Ballads commercial! If you can’t appreciate Monster Ballads, I’m not sure I want to be your friend. Nothing like playing some Winger or Scorpions to get the chicks in the mood, if you know what I’m saying.

Heather Owens is not happy about the whole “attacked by the Irish Airborne” thing from last week, and she wants the Airborne & Nevaeh out there. Somebody tell me why ROH brought in these Airborne guys again, cause I’ve got nothing. They all come out along with some other guy and the old guy in the green jersey that was with them last week. Brock Guffman, the man in the green jersey, points out that Owens has had more boys than Congressman Mark Foley. Nice line. The Mavericks come out because apparently they have Owens’ back. Quite frankly, it’s a big back. But in any event, it looks like we’ve got a 8-person tag match coming up…

Match 2: Chris Carnage, Mavericks & Heather Owens vs. Ganger, Irish Airborne & Nevaeh

Well, if Carnage’s track record on these shows so far is any indication, it’s going to be a long night for the Irish folks. Or maybe a short night because they’ll get beaten pretty quickly. I don’t like to recap 8-person tags because there’s way too much going on, so we’ll just go to the end where everybody’s fighting on the outside, Owens hits Nevaeh with a tornado DDT, but Hellenah Heavenly hits Owens with a reverse DDT & Nevaeh scores the pinfall! Those dastardly heels.

In the ring, Andre Heart calls out Sean Casey & Josh Rafferty because they beat him up last week. Him and Richard Phillips aren’t going to let them get away with it anymore. So of course Casey & Rafferty attack them from behind and it’s a beatdown. Nice Motley Crue shirts. We still don’t know who these other most wanted people are, unless they’re counting themselves 2.5 times each.

Match 3: Pepper Parks & Dick Rick vs. Tack & HWA Champion Chad Collyer

What’s with Parks’ stupid entrance attire? Collyer & Parks start it off, they’ll be facing each other on the 20th, so this match will serve as a warmup for that match, I reckon. Collyer hiptosses Tack onto Parks for 2, Parks tags Rick and Tack goes to work on him. Tack’s scientific wrestling works for awhile, he tags in Collyer who does some wristlocks and whatnot. Vertical suplex by Collyer, up on top, he gets put in the Tree of Woe and Tack hits a dropkick. Parks runs in to eat a suplex from Tack. The momentum shifts when Tack flies over the top rope and hits the floor. The Crew works him over awhile, Collyer gets the hot tag, he cleans house, it’s a scrum and eventually Collyer puts Parks in the Texas Cloverleaf, but here comes Hellena Heavenly again to spit at the referee. Interesting strategy. But it does get the distraction, and Parks rolls up Collyer to get a victory for the Crew. Cannonball Callihan comes down to make it 4 on 2, but here comes the Brians to even things up. Here comes everybody else on the show! We’re out of time!

Well, it was a step up from last week’s effort. Unfortunately, I have this thing where I tend to find Chad Collyer’s matches kinda boring, and fast forward through most of them. The 8-man was also fast-forward worthy due to Irish Airborne. Can you tell I don’t like some of ROH’s lower-card talent? I do like the idea of having more wrestling on the show than backstage segments, and with most of the HWA backstage segments I’ve seen, it’d be a really good idea for them to cut back on that sort of thing.

The OVW show was all right, but I liked last week’s show better mostly due to there being Gunner Scott & Paul Burchill matches. At least they still have one of those guys, so not all is lost. We’ll be right back here next week for more OVW/HWA goodness…until then, keep your stick on the ice.