411’s NWA: TNA Report 09.17.03

NWA TNA WRESTLING — 9/17/2003

— Hey folks, Jack Daniels, your new TNA recapper here. My hobbies are reading, strangling small animals, and masturbation. Nice to meet you, too. Let’s dive right into it, shall we?

— We are LIVE from Nashville, TN. Like always. I am also LIVE, from my apartment in Buffalo, NY. Like always. Pretty stacked card for tonight though.

— We open with a Simon and Swinger vs. AMW package. 4 way match between America’s Most Wanted, 3 Live Krew, The Disciples of the New Church, and Kid Kash/Abyss for the number one contender of the tag belts.

— Sign in the crowd. “I Drove 14 hours from Milwaukee to see AJ Styles.” I’d drive 14 hours to see those sets of breasts on the dancers.

— 4 way dance, Number One contenders: Three Live Krew (Ron “The Truth” Killings and BG James) vs. Kid Kash/Abyss vs. The Disciples of the New Church (Slash and Sinn) vs. America’s Most Wanted (Chris Harris and James Storm): Three Live Krew out first and Konnan does his shtick on the mic. Then BG James (aka Road Dogg) does his shtick on the stick. Kid Kash and Abyss out next, then the New Church, then AMW. Pretty good pop for AMW. Don West helpfully points out the first pinfall wins. Slash and James Storm start. Konnan at the announce table, I cut my wrist, Slash into the ropes, quick tag to Harris and a Russian leg sweep gets two. Nice double team work by America’s Most Wanted to start, then Slash makes a comeback and tags in Sinn for a double fireman’s carry slam on Storm. Storm thrown to the outside and James Mitchell tries to get involved, but Harris puts a stop to that real quick. BG James sneaks in on Sinn and gets a quick two count on James Storm. Superkick by Storm, Kash tagged in and he gets a couple of quick two counts. Folks, this is gonna be tough to PBP. Even tougher when you’re bleeding all over the keyboard because you slit your wrist listening to Konnan. Getting awfully sticky. Kash kicks down BG James, and then hits a somersault Van Terminators to BG’s nuts. Kash going up top and misses a Hitman elbow, and in comes Ron Killings. Killings with a quick bicycle kick on Kash. BG in for the double team on Kash, kind of a 3 Live Device with BG holding up Kash and Killings hitting a superkick. Kash avoids a kick, taunts Killings and tags in Abyss. Truth ducks a punch, and a series of quick tags and everyone gets arm wringers on Abyss, and we go all the way around to everyone until Kash slaps Abyss in the face, and sets off Abyss, who cleans house, and fireman carry slams Storm onto the new church, then plants Harris with a flapjack. BG ducks a chokeslam, and Abyss and AMW go outside. Kash has Killings set up for the Cha Ching, but Terry Taylor interferes, Killings hooks a front suplex, and 3 Live Krew wins! WINNERS AND NUMBER ONE CONTENDERS: 3 Live Krew.

— Tenay is wearing a Tux… Don West wearing all red satin. They run down the card. Sonny Siaki and D’Lo Brown in a casket match? Lynn vs. Styles for NWA Title, 6-man X Division match, and Raven vs. Shane Douglas hair vs. hair. And the lights go out….

— AND THE BAGPIPES HIT! Sorry, I’m a huge Piper mark. Some boos from the crowd, though. Hot Rod looking a little rough, but hell, he’s 50 something. Tenay putting over Piper’s role in wrestling history and how he started in the territories. “Heard any good Roddy Piper jokes lately?” Good start. Piper: “I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell… you stick around a while, you’ll see a different side of me…. you wanted reality, you got reality!” Hot Rod chant. Goes over how he started in the NWA. Piper says he’s guilty of more mistakes of anybody, stands by everything he says, and pays the biggest prices. Talks about his family… Roddy is very emotional… “I didn’t come here to be a nice guy… I grew up with the NWA… I made wrestlemania!” Goes off on the internet report. Says NWA is a rocket ship ready to take off, and I want to be part of it… and cue Vince Russo. Says he made a mistake in not breaking Vince Russo’s neck last time in NWA TNA… begs Russo to come into the ring… Russo rehashes their history a bit. Russo says the only reason Piper is here is because he burned every bridge, and Russo doesn’t want Piper in the NWA: TNA bandwagon. Russo says TNA has to make a decision on whether Russo or Piper stays in TNA… and Russo says if he goes, then Styles goes. Russo asks if Piper really cares about the guys in the back, or if this is just about Roddy Piper. Crowd wasn’t into it, but screw them, I love Piper.

— Cut to the Sonny Siaki/D-Lo Brown video package, with D’Lo Brown jumping out of the casket and beating the heck out of Siaki and Trinity.

— Casket match: Sonny Siaki vs. D-Lo Brown: And D’Lo comes out a house of fire and rams Siaki into the casket, which is in the ring, and D’Lo has Siaki in the casket already, but Siaki keeps him from closing the top and starts beating on D’Lo. Whip into the ropes, reversed, D’Lo catches him with a leg lariat then a vertical suplex… and D’Lo props the casket up in the corner. And whips Siaki into the casket, but then Siaki catches D’Lo in an Idiot Charge and flapjack D’Lo onto the casket, then drops the casket on D’Lo, twice! The casket is severely dented at this point, and all the stuffing has come out of it. Siaki position the casket, allowing D’Lo to recover with a back body drop and a couple of clotheslines. Siaki reverses a whip into the casket. Then Trinity holds D’Lo in the corner and Siaki drops the casket on D’Lo twice again. Siaki punches D’Lo twice, then D’Lo Sky High’s Siaki onto the casket, then hits a half-assed Lo Down onto the casket…. and it’s Jamal! Jamal with the run in and he takes out D’Lo with a Samoan Drop, and a big ass flying splash. He rolls D’Lo into the casket, and they close the casket on D’Lo. WINNER: Sonny Siaki.

— Hudson and Callis in the back about the Russo/Piper situation. Callis says Jerry Lynn won’t get a title match if he has anything to say about it, and in comes Erik Watts to say AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn will be going on. Russo comes in and pulls Callis aside.

— 6-man X-Division match. Nosawa/Chris Sabin/Michael Shane vs. Eric Young/Frankie Kazarian/Juventud Guerrera: And TNA continues to piss me off with their poor production values by having “David Young” on the computer graphic, not Eric. Eric Young, the rookie, starts against X-Division champ Michael Shane. Juvi jumps in quick before any action starts. Quick shoulderblocks get two one counts for Juvi. Exchange of reversals, and a spinning kick that missed by a mile puts Juvi down and in comes Nosawa. Nice reversal of a sunset flip into a seated drop kick by Juvi. Eric Young in, criss cross reversals, and Nosawa uses the same spot Juvi used on him on young. Tag to Sabin. More criss crossing, and Young hits a drop kick and leg lariat and tags in Kazarian. Young and Kazarian hit some nice double team moves for two. Sabin tries to escape an arm wringer by leaving the ring, but Kazarian drags him back in and into the corner. Nosawa and Shane interfere on Kazarian, Sabin gets a springboard leg lariat and in come Shane. Shane goes for a tornado DDT, but Kazarian fights him off and tries to go up top, but Shane hits a NICE swinging neckbreaker off the top for 2. Sabin in, Kazarian flips over a backdrop attempt and hits a superkick. Shane cuts of the tag attempt, Kazarian counters a triple team powerbomb with a hurricanrana on Sabin and a double flying elbow, and hot tag to Juvi. Shane accidently hits Sabin, Juvi hits a double face crusher on Shane and Nosawa. Juvi flies out onto Nosawa, then Shane wipes them both out… then Eric Young out.. then Kazarian… and this is getting a little freaking contrived. Sabin finishes off the segment with a springboard somersault senton on all five. Sabin and Juvi back in, a couple of reversals into a Juvi Driver, goes for the 450, but Shane cuts off Juvi. Cradle Shock on Juvi, Kazarian with the save. Kazarian with the future shock, but Shane jumps him with a DDT. Shane CUES UP THE BAND, but gets taken outside by Juvi. Nosawa and Young in, Young block a superkick and hits a wheelbarrow neckbreaker on NOSAWA, Sabin hits him with a belt shot, and Shane sneaks in for the pin! WINNERS: Nosawa, Sabin and Shane. And Frankie Kazarian spent the end of the match hitting on this hot blond chick. Well, you take your little victories where you can get them, I suppose.

— Cut to a video package of the Daniels/Jarrett feud, including the bring your own weapons War Games match. Daniels cuts a promo on Jarrett, and Jarrett responds, both men say the fight is far from over.

— Cut to backstage, Daniels delivering a sermon to three alter boys about the path to metamorphoses. I really hope this isn’t the precursor to a Brood style bloodbath. This is _so_ 1998.

— God, I hate Jeff Jarrett’s music. Seriously. The sound of my cracking knuckles sounds better. So Jarrett comes out for his interview. Point #1: “Eric Watts, where’s my title shot?” Hasn’t had his rematch yet. Point #2: Russo vs. Piper? Jarrett’s in Piper’s corner. Point #3: If Daniels wants to play hide and seek, Jarrett’s the hunter. Well, at least that was quick.

— Backstage, Hudson with Mad Mikey and Shark Boy, with Shark Boy playing with a remote control inflatable robot doll. “I play with inflatable dolls, but I do it on my own time!” Mikey destroys the robot and they head to the ring.

— Non title tag team match: Simon and Swinger w/Glen Gilberti (c) vs. Mad Mikey and Shark Boy: If NWA is all about tradition, don’t they know the champs come out last? And is Shark Boy ever able to have a “regular” partner. Swinger and Mikey to start, Mikey with a quick flapjack. Mikey with the “preschool” (Undertaker’s old school, but from the first rope). Shark Boy in with a missile dropkick, and goes for the pound in the corner, but Swinger slips out and tags in Diamond. Hurricanrana and Diamond. Mikey tagged in, double elbow for 2. Superkick by Diamond gets 2. Mikey caught in the corner, tag to swinger, double side slam gets 2. Choke by Swinger. Tag into Diamond as the heels cut the ring in half. Suplex by Diamond gets 2 and we get picture in picture of Jarrett searching for Daniels. Swinger back in as Mikey plays Ricky Morton until he avoids a couple of elbowdrops for the hot tag to Shark Boy. Dropkicks for the heels and a backslide backbreaker on Swinger. Shark Boy with an atomic drop on Diamond, but Diamond mule kicks Shark Boy in the nuts. Diamond falls out, then Shark Boy hits the Deep Sea Drop on Swinger, but Gilberti puts Swinger’s foot on the ropes, Mikey goes after Swinger, Simon and Swinger get the Problem Solver, 3 count, and it’s over. WINNERS: Simon and Swinger.

— We cut to the back quickly, with Jarrett beating up the Alter Boys, but one of the Alter Boys grows a set and tries to thrown Jarrett off the stage, but Jarrett blocks and throws him into a dumpster. I thought we weren’t copying the WWE?

— Video package of Lynn and Styles’ history and them cutting promos on the other.

— NWA Heavyweight Title match: Jerry Lynn vs. AJ Styles (c) w/Trinity: And we get a Tale of the Tape, which I find very cool. This is the first match between the two guys since 2002. And this time, we get the challenger out first. And the horrid TNA production values rear their ugly head again, as the Raven/Douglas package inadverently plays. Can I say Trinity is super hot? Sure I can. For those who don’t know, since Rudi Charles is reffing, there will be about 5 ref bumps, and he’ll spend more time unconscious than awake. Styles with a shove, Lynn with a shove back, Styles with a chop, then Lynn slaps the taste out of his mouth. Lockup and armlock by Styles, hammerlock reversals into a couple of snapmares, then Styles starts talking trash and gets flipped by Lynn and clotheslined. Mudhole stomping by Lynn. Monkey flip into the corner by Lynn, spinning tilt a whirl backbreaker gets 2 and a half. Styles slips out of a suplex, springboard moonsaults into a reverse suplex, Lynn reverses and springboard dropkicks Styles to the floor. Lynn sends AJ into the crowd, and AJ tries to surprise him with a bodypress but hits knee. Lynn with a setup for a piledriver, but Trinity gets involved and Lynn gets slingshotted into the steps. Styles with a ground and pound outside on Lynn. And Lynn is blading??? It’s some pretty good juice, too. Styles rolls him in and gets two. Lynn tries to fight back, but a running elbow by Styles takes him down. Lynn reverses and irish whip but walks into a boot on an idiot charge. Lynn reverses a Tornado DDT with a Northern Lights Suplex into the corner. Lynn is juicing hard right now, turning his hair red. Backbody drop and spinning neckbreaker on Styles, then Lynn reverses a bodypress attempt by catching Styles with a TKO! Nice! 2 count, then Styles avoids an idiot charge, then Lynn counters a hurricanrana with a running powerbomb for 2! Lynn tries for the Cradle Piledriver, but Trinity pushes the ref into Lynn, and Styles gets a powerbomb, then a brainbuster for 2. And Trinity slides a chair onto the apron… Lynn reverses a Styles Clash into a fireman’s carry brainbuster, but Trinity pulls out the ref. Neckbreaker on the chair by Styles only gets two. Styles Clash gets three, and at least the pin was clean in the middle. WINNER: AJ Styles. Pretty good match, I thought.

— And Russo ruins it by getting on the stick. Russo wants a decision on the Piper situation now from Callis, but Dusty Rhodes comes out instead. Damn, Rhodes looks _old_. Rhodes tells Styles it’s AJ’s decision whether he stays or not, then warns Styles to put to the bat down or he’ll stick it up his ass. Rhodes tries to convince AJ Styles to stay, while Russo tries to convince AJ to follow whatever Russo does. Rhodes asks AJ if he smells something burning in the morning, and says it’s desire. I think it’s leftover pizza, myself. Dusty gets the big guns out, and appeals to the pocketbook, telling AJ to stop Russo from getting his cut. AJ gives the bat to Dusty! Then AJ jumps him, and Rhodes gets a quick kick before Styles overwhelms him. Beatdown on Rhodes, Piper tries to save, but the Redshirts stop him. Jeff Jarrett finally makes the save.

— Don West runs down next week’s card. 3 Live Krew vs. Simon and Swinger, and debut their new single. Kid Kash vs. Terry Taylor. But we cut quickly to the back for the decision, and Callis kicks Piper out, then Jarrett gets in his face, and the Redshirts keep Jarrett from beating up Callis.

— Video package of the Raven/Douglas feud, with a recap of the mystery man beating up Raven. Same promos we saw last week on the 1 cent show.

— Scott Hudson backstage with Father James Mitchell and Shane Douglas. Odd to see Douglas on a TV screen and not talking. Oops, there he goes.

— Hair vs. Hair match: Shane Douglas vs. Raven: Raven starts the match slouched in the corner, there are three different cutting implements, just in case one doesn’t work, presumably. Staredown in the center, and Douglas stops to chat with the fans. Douglas talks trash… then STAAAAAAALLLLSSSS. Finally, punches traded, Douglas bails, Raven tries to follow, then Douglas hops back in. Raven with a kick then he tosses Douglas, and Douglas hops right back in. If this was Larry Zybysko, we’d call it human chess. Right hand by Raven puts Douglas down. Lockup in the center, and both men fall to the outside, and Raven shoots Douglas into the guard rail and drops him with a right hand. Both men into the crowd, then Raven whips Douglas into the stands. Raven with a chairshot to Douglas’ midsection, then puts the chair on Douglas face and hits a sliding leg drop. Raven then gives a couple of chairs to the fans and rams Douglas into the chairs the fans are holding! Crowd participation is _always_ cool! Raven rams Douglas into the guardrail around the ring, then another chairshot from the fans and we’re back in the ring, Raven ducks a clothesline and hooks on the Cobra Clutch. Douglas down to one knee. Douglas back up and breaks it with a fist. Douglas avoids the Raven Effect, then drop toe holds Raven all the way through the ropes. Douglas tries to ram Raven into the steps, Raven blocks, punches exchanged, then Raven hits a Russian Leg Sweep into the railing and rams Douglas into the steps. Double bird from Raven, then Raven drop toe holds Douglas into the steps and rams him into the steps, and Douglas is juicing. Raven tries to ram him into the announce table, but Douglas goes low. Douglas thinks about using the scissors, but pounds on Raven and rams Raven into the steps _hard_. Raven’s bladed now, too. Douglas shows Raven’s blood to the fans, but Raven’s blade job is not as manly as Douglas’. Rolling neck snap, then abdominal stretch, and Raven reversed into into a cobra clutch, Douglas breaks it, gets the abdominal stretch again, Raven hiptosses out of it, and Raven goes for the abdominal stretch again, but Douglas hiptosses Raven over the top rope! Douglas rolls Raven back in and chokes him. Raven with a couple of quick jabs and a kick, and Douglas blows chunks in the ring. Tenay says it shows how much courage these two men have… I think it shows how out of shape Douglas is. Raven with a chair, Douglas with a steel chain, Douglas hits Raven with the chain, but it only gets two! Raven with a drop toe hold onto the chair for two. Raven with a bulldog onto the chair with two. Raven ducks a clothesline and hits a nice looking superkick, but Slash pulls the ref out before three. Slash in the ring, Raven hits a bulldog and takes out all three guys. Sinn slips in with a superkick, and a New Church beatdown results. The Disciples slide a couple of tables in, and the ref is still out as they beat on Raven. Julio Dinero and CM Punk hit the ring and take out the Disciples. Douglas has one of the tables set up, Raven Effect on Douglas gets two and a half. Raven sets Douglas up for a top rope Raven Effect, but Douglas throws him off into the table, but only gets two and a half. Douglas trying to get another table up. Raven set up on the table, but he climbs out and hits a TOP ROPE RAVEN EFFECT THROUGH THE TABLE! FOR THE PISSING PUKING LOVE OF GOD! And the lights go out… and when they come back on, Vampiro is in the ring! Vampiro’s the mystery man! DDT on Raven, and Douglas gets the three count! West pleads for a Dusty Finish, but Raven just calmly sits in the chair. And the clippers are sharp, too! Raven’s bald in seconds. Mitchell is so enthusiatic with the clip job that he cuts the top of Raven’s head and Raven’s scalp turns red. To say Tenay is livid would be an understatement. WINNER: Shane Douglas.

End of Show.

Not a bad show, but you almost got the feeling that they might have been better served by cutting one of the matches (Siaki/Brown, maybe?) and letting the rest of them go longer, it just didn’t seem like anything developed any flow with the exception of the main event.