WrestleMania 33: The Real Winners and Losers

It’s finally here. The Ultimate Thrill Read. The Columns of Columns. The Grandest Article of Them All. THE REAL WINNERS AND LOSERS OF WRESTLEMANIA!

Winner – Love

I’m really glad Twitter wasn’t around in 1991 when Randy Savage proposed to Elizabeth because a lot of people would have been outed as haters of love. John Cena’s proposal to Nikki Bella was a great moment. Maybe it was kind of corny that he had to do it in front of 75,000 people during the biggest wrestling event of the year, but neither of them have a private life at this point, so why not? Cena wrestling the entire match with the ring in his pocket, not fearing the boos after the match, and still proposing is why he’s the greatest of all-time. We’ll miss him when he’s gone.

Loser – Roman Reigns

This poor guy. For the second straight year, he was put out there to die in the main event. Last year, Triple H wanted to have his epic half hour match with a 20-minute heat segment (the same match he tried to have this year, which also failed) and no one wanted to see it. This year wasn’t much different. Undertaker wanted to have an epic half hour match with a ton of false finishes and “he can’t continue” teases, but he hasn’t been able to pull that off in years and it only got worse on Sunday. For all the efforts they go through to make Reigns “The Guy,” they sure do put him in a position to fail on the biggest show.

Winner – The Undertaker: MMA Fan

It’s no secret that Undertaker is a huge MMA fan. It’s also no secret that going out in wrestling and going out in MMA are two different things. In wrestling, you can be protected and paired with someone in your last match to make you look good. It might be sad, because you’re not able to do the things we’re used to seeing, but it can still be worthwhile. In MMA, you get exposed as being old and potentially end up knocked out in brutal fashion. It’s typically a very sad viewing experience. The Undertaker went out like a MMA fighter. He had a sad performance, and capped it off by leaving his gloves (and hat, and coat) in the ring.

Loser – The WWE Title

My how that belt has fallen off a cliff. AJ Styles was killing it every night as champion, and then Cena tied Ric Flair’s record as an afterthought, Bray Wyatt became a transitional champion, and now it’s on Randy Orton for the millionth time. The build for Orton vs. Wyatt wasn’t my cup of tea (Orton’s acting is bad, Bray’s character is bad) and I had no expectations for the match (Orton is boring, Bray isn’t good) but it turned out to be far worse than I imagined. The on-screen projections adding nothing to the match and Bray lost, again, further killing any credibility his character had. WWE realizes that, for us to believe in the Wyatt character and his threats, he has to deliver on them at some point, right? Probably not considering it’s been three years and he’s failed at every turn. And they wonder why no one cares. At least we get another Orton title reign.

Winner – Seth Rollins’ Knee

I was really worried about Seth’s knee heading into his WrestleMania match, but it was probably the star of the show. It took a beating for nearly 30-minutes, but held up long enough for Seth to do a bunch of power moves and flips. Seth even jumped straight up and spiked the knee into the mat as part of his finishing move. And the knee was fine. We really have to give it up for Seth’s knee. They spent all that time and focus on it, only for it to perform like a modern day Shawn Michaels.

Loser – Samoa Joe

Shouldn’t Triple H fire Joe for failing to help him during the match? It was non-sanctioned, there was nothing preventing him from interfering and beating the hell out of Rollins. You can argue that, “Triple H wanted to do it himself” but that’s discredited by the argument “Triple H would do anything to win.” Maybe Triple H is the real person to blame here. Sorry, Joe.

Winner – Cardio

Fans had to have some cardio watching this show given the fact that it lasted seven hours. And the wrestlers definitely needed some cardio getting up and down that 80-foot ramp. Nothing tests the physical and mental ability of pro wrestlers and fans like the WWE Network Era WrestleMania.

Loser – Dean Ambrose and Baron Corbin

Not because they got bumped to the pre-show. The match screamed pre-show from the start, especially when they weren’t on Smackdown at all last Tuesday. But they delivered a poor match and didn’t even do a title switch. Ambrose has been really cold since winning the Intercontinental title, and Corbin maybe could have breathed new life into the belt. Instead, Ambrose kept the belt, I’m assuming as a “sorry about last year” gift.

No Decision – TNA

On one hand, they released the hottest act the company had in years only for them to show up and receive the biggest pop at WrestleMania. On the other hand, they could make bank on the Hardy’s and WWE if they do indeed own some aspect of the Broken gimmick. WWE did their best to cut away from Matt when he started a “DELETE!” chant, but it was still on camera. Plus, there was that backstage interview where Matt was half in-character. My guess is nothing comes of this and TNA has no wing to fly on. But, until then, we’ll be generous and give them a No Decision.

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