Raw is Furious: 06.11.07

Raw is Furious: 06.11.07

It’s not every day you get to see the chairman of a multi-million dollar company get killed live on TV

We’re in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. Hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Joey Styles & Tazz. It’s a 3 hour draft special of Raw. And it’s also Mr McMahon Appreciation Night. Without further ado…

We kick off backstage with Vince reading out a notice about the evening. The idea behind the show is that every match is cross branded. Whoever wins the match gets the draft pick for their brand.

John Cena v Edge

Raw v Smackdown. Champion v Champion. Lawler seems surprised AGAIN, which means he’s not been on WWE.com AGAIN. Supposedly the draw for the evening is at random but this one was pre-determined. Cena starts fast and hits the fisherman suplex for 2. He has a very ‘in you face’ style. Edge has more of a ‘back of your head’ style, which makes his forearm to the back of the head rather appropriate. Edge dropkicks Cena clean out of the ring and stops off to celebrate. The crowd reaction here is interesting as they cheer Edge laying Cena out but then boo his grand standing. Cena sunset flips back in for 2. You have to give Cena credit he’s having a great year. Or maybe you don’t. I know a lot of you don’t care for him. He goes after the FU but Edge slides out into a roll up for 2. The pace of this match is nuts. You can tell it won’t be that long. As I mention that Edge takes it to the mat with an extended Ortonlock. Cena counters out looking for the STFU but Edge resorts to bashing in the back of the head again. Cena keeps using a kick to the guts, Stunner set up style, as a transition. It’s kind of annoying. He doesn’t usually do it. Anyway the latest sets up the Throwback. For some reason JR has never known what to call that. Protobomb. He doesn’t know what to call that either. Edge looks for a spear out of the Five Knuckle Shuffle but Cena sees it coming and Edge takes a spill to the floor. Cena follows out with an idea about FUing Edge through the announce table but he goes to the eyes to escape. Edge jumps back into the ring but Cena is a little slow because he can’t see and he’s counted out at 6.53. **1/2. Smackdown gets the first draft pick of the night.

POST MATCH Truly horrible gimmick where all the faces from the Raw & ECW rosters pop up and a crappy noise plays while a flashing light moves from one to another. GREAT KHALI ends up getting drafted to Smackdown. If Edge didn’t want any extra competition for his title why did he win the match? Fuckwit. Khali completes his rotation and now he’s back on a show where they can edit his matches. Which probably works out best for everyone. I can only hope to the heavens above that they don’t book him against Edge. Or the Undertaker. Or Mark Henry.

MR MCMAHON APPRECIATION NIGHT – Vince tells us how his Dad fired his announcer, Ray Morgan, because he demanded too much money. Vince Senior replaced him with Vince Junior on the spot. We follow with a montage of Vince McMahon doing a series of interviews over the years before we see the clips of the Bret Hart issues in 1996 that lead to him becoming a character rather than just an announcer. Jesse Ventura is here via videotape. He says Vince hasn’t earned the title “Mr” so he’ll just call him “McMahon”. He calls Vince a dictator. He says “all dictator’s will and do fall”.

BACKSTAGE Coach tells us there’s a match at Vengeance where every former WWE champion who’s on the Raw roster will be able to get a shot at the WWE title at Vengeance. Interesting.

Sidenote – I was watching the end of Heat this week and the doofus commentator said “what if the Hardys are split up in the draft?” I shit you not. They’re already on different shows, bro.

CM Punk v Carlito

ECW v Raw. Carlito makes the mistake of slapping Punk who promptly kicks him in the head. This turns into a messy striking contest until Punk sets himself up to get dropkicked in mid air. Carlito makes a horrible mess of another dropkick in the corner. I feel sorry for Punk having to sell this shit. Punk has bad ribs so that’s been the target for Carlito here. He works a bodyscissors but Punk turns it over into a Boston crab. Carlito gets the ropes so Punk slingshots into a flying lariat. Enzuigiri! That gets 2. Punk is sure throwing a lot of stuff out there. He throws a load of knees including the corner one into a bulldog setup. Carlito sees it coming and counters into the Backstabber. Unfortunately for Carlito the recipient falls out of the ring. Carlito has to waste time throwing Punk back in and then getting the pin…for 2. Joey says Carlito could have won on count out but he’s an idiot. He goes for another one but Punk counters it right into the GO TO SLEEP at 4.51. ½*. Carlito looked bad. Punk tried to have a decent match but Carlito was too sloppy.

POST MATCH ECW drafts…THE BOOGEYMAN. Punk has a look on his face like “this is going to be interesting”. That’s one of the things I like about Punk. He’ll sell anything. As for Boogeyman. Good riddance. That’s one guy that’s been stinking up Smackdown for some time. I’d question putting him on a live show but as long as I don’t have to watch it I’m happy.

MR MCMAHON APPRECIATION NIGHT – Snoop Doggy Dogg. He puts Vince over by swearing repeatedly. “You’re the greatest BEEEEP in the world”. I think that was asshole. We then get more clips with Vince mistreating Linda, mocking the crippled Zach Gowen, firing people and forcing people to kiss his ass.

PROMO TIME – Mick Foley. He’s actually out here in the arena. He was watching Coach earlier you see and he considers himself on the Raw roster so he’s throwing his hat into the ring for that WWE title match at Vengeance. Nifty. I want to see him feud with Cena because the promos alone would be flat out awesome. The only problem would be getting people to buy Mick as a threat to the WWE title. Yeah, he’s a legend but when was the last time he beat someone? 1999 I guess. He goes on to put Vince over somewhat before telling the audience he has no friends before listing off a bunch of people who refused to come here tonight including The Rock, Hulk Hogan and Dick Ebersol. It’s always nice to hear from Mick. I’m hoping he gets a chance to cut some promos back and forth with Cena soon. Hell even the match could be good. What with the tear Cena is on and Foley’s reputation for selflessness.

Balls Mahoney v Umaga

ECW v Raw. Poor Captain Caveman never stands a chance. I’ve always liked Mahoney but Umaga is on a different level kayfabe wise. Mahoney gets slaughtered and picked off in short order with the Samoan Spike at 0.28. DUD. Not even a good squash.

POST MATCH Raw drafts KING BOOKER! Looks like Queen Sharmell is part of the deal. She’s looking hot as ever. Not sure when Booker is fit and healthy again but when he is he’s returning to Raw. Big loss for Smackdown.

MR MCMAHON APPRECIATION NIGHT – Steve O, from Jackass, has a little rhyme. According to Steve O himself the entire Jackass crew will be taking part in the main event of Summerslam. “Special” main event maybe.

Bobby Lashley v Chris Benoit

ECW v Smackdown. Cole does the delicious, fruity, fruity Skittles shill. I’d rather have had JBL do it. If Lashley is on ECW how come he’s on almost every episode of Raw? INTENSE~! Stare down to start. Benoit picks a leg and they go to the amateur counters. Lashley powers up and slams Benoit but can’t shake him loose. Benoit tries to straighten out an arm but Lashley shoots out into the waistlock. Benoit grabs a rope. This is already Lashley’s best match. Crowd is divided but not loudly. Benoit cranks at the neck when Lashley gets into his guard. Crowd is starting to buy this because it’s so shoot style. Lashley gets a takedown but Benoit grabs his arm on the pin and turns it over. Lashley gets the rope. Benoit stands it back up and chops away, Lashley powers out and the crowd is now slightly pro-Benoit. He’s earned that respect. Benoit won’t allow Lashley a front facelock. Lashley powers Benoit up but Benoit punches out looking for the Crossface. Lashley is too strong and blocks it. Back up goes Benoit into the backbreaker for 2. Benoit retorts with more chops. Lashley shoulders him in the guts but when he tries to follow up Benoit counters into the CROSSFACE~! Lashley is close enough to the rope to survive. He goes for a suplex again but this time Benoit counters into the Sharpshooter but Lashley blocks it and jacks Benoit up. Benoit slides out into the ROLLING GERMANS. Lashley pops back up and Benoit looks shocked. Benoit gets a double leg and goes for the Sharpshooter again. This time he turns Lashley over but Lashley powers out. Benoit charges but Lashley counters into the powerslam for the pin at 7.24. **3/4. Benoit made Lashley look fucking awesome there. The amateur wrestling was brilliant. Then when they stepped it up a level it got even better.

POST MATCH ECW drafts CHRIS BENOIT. Oh lord. On the upside we can now get Lashley-Benoit over an extended period of time. I’m gutted Benoit is off to the C show. Cole whinges about Smackdown getting screwed and losing three wrestlers already.

MR MCMAHON APPRECIATION NIGHT – Donald Trump checks in complaining about how weak Vince is for having his own appreciation night. Trump isn’t happy. Oh noes! After the break Ashley Massaro joins us via satellite. She praises the divasearch even if she is suspended. Ashley throws to Vince humiliating Trish Stratus. She suggests two divas coming out right now and barking like a dog in their lingerie. And it’s Moolah and Mae Young. Please. This joke stopped being funny a LONG time ago. Cut to the one guy in the crowd who finds this funny. Fuck you man! Now they’ll do it again. We come back to this after another break with Jimmy Snuka & Iron Sheik. If Jimmy Snuka thinks you’re going crazy then you should be worried. Sheik’s promo is phenomenal. I have no idea what he said but it was incredible stuff.

MVP v Santino Marella

Smackdown v Raw. Yeah, “random” drawing that just happens to randomly draw the US & IC champs against each other. On this showing Smackdown’s midcard is in better shape than Raw’s. Marella has an MMA kind of style too. He has some nice judo throws. MVP nearly kills him with a lariat for 2. The problem with Marella is most of his stuff doesn’t look too clean but that could become an appealing factor if he developed his own style. They trade kicks and Marella no sells the one’s he receives. I know the heel is supposed to sell more but that was ridiculous. Lawler talks about how people underestimate Marella including MVP in this bout. Marella ducks the Yakuza kick into a legswep slam. MVP gets the Irish whip reversal going and Yakuza Kicks Marella into the Playmaker for the pin at 4.58. *1/4. MVP looked dominant at the end there. Just having his way with the inexperienced Marella. That’s Santino’s first loss isn’t it?

POST MATCH Smackdown drafts TORRIE WILSON. Well I guess that gives her some closure with the Carlito/Flair angle.

MR MCMAHON APPRECIATION NIGHT – We’re joined by Bret Hart via video. He talks about his deep gratitude and appreciation for Vince. He says punching Vince in the head 30 or 40 times is the best way to show your appreciation for him.

Mike Mizanin v Gene Snitsky

ECW v Smackdown. Joey & Tazz make fun of Miz and suggest this one is a lock for ECW. Miz fairly pretty well from the opening bell but gets caught going for a crossbody. He’s hung in the tree of woe for a quick kicking. The director misses the finish because we’re getting a replay of a clothesline. Way to go guys. Big boot is enough at 1.26. DUD. That was really ugly.

POST MATCH Snitsky gives Miz another kicking. The ref changes his mind and reverses the decision. HOO-RAH! That was weak and stupid. Smackdown drafts CHRIS MASTERS. Everyone finds it hard to get excited. Tazz’s repeated use of the term “big time” is fooling no one.

MR MCMAHON APPRECIATION NIGHT – Bobby Heenan. He says Vince has given out more jobs than anyone in the history of wrestling. He brings up Vince’s great walk. He says the walk is all about self confidence. And chafing.

PROMO TIME – Roddy Piper. Big crowd reaction for the Hot Rod. He throws a video montage of Vince getting embarrassed. Mostly at the hands of DX and Steve Austin. “Can’t somebody just say something nice” – Jerry Lawler.

BACKSTAGE normally I ignore the “walking” bits but it’s hard to ignore Kristal walking. Is there any better sight? Can she actually wrestle? I think she should get a big title push.

MR MCMAHON APPRECIATION NIGHT – We hear from Mark Cuban. He praises Vince for being an entrepreneur and for living out the American Dream.

Candice Michelle v Kristal Marshall

Raw v Smackdown. JR talks about a draft extra on Wednesday on WWE.com. Erm, ok. Kristal is still heel despite her “relationship” with Teddy Long. Candice hits a pair of ugly clotheslines. Go Daddy Elbow drop gets 2. Candice busts out her rope choke with the legs. The timing in this one is horrible. Kristal runs into that spin kick Candice is so proud of and that’ll do it at 1.41. DUD. Terrible match.

POST MATCH Raw drafts BOBBY LASHLEY. He spends most of his time on Raw anyway. But he is the ECW champion. That does somewhat ruin the Lashley-Benoit situation. Out comes COACH to address the situation. He tells Lashley he must relinquish the ECW title as he’s leaving the brand. Lashley hands the belt over. He grabs the mic to say he’ll prove he’s still the champion on Raw.

MR MCMAHON APPRECIATION NIGHT – Bob Costas! He says he wanted the WWE spot that Gene Okerlund vacated but McMahon ignored him. Costas talks about how he kicked Vince’s ass on HBO, verbally of course.

Jeff Hardy v Elijah Burke v Dave Batista

Raw v ECW v Smackdown. Burke tries running away but that doesn’t work as Jeff throws him back in. Dave hits a spinebuster for 2 with Jeff saving. Dave takes exception and batters Jeff into the Demonbomb but Jeff rana’s out. Neat. Jeff can’t Irish whip Dave though because he’s just too powerful. He can avoid Dave’s offence though and hits the Whisper in the Wind. Swanton bomb! Burke pulls him off the cover but Dave wasn’t kicking out. That was a huge performance from Jeff Hardy there albeit quickly. Jeff walks into the STO and Burke dropkicks Dave out of the ring. JBL wants Cole to get drafted to OVW. Jeff takes out Dave with a pescado. He’s really getting a lot in against Dave. It occurs to me Dave hasn’t had to deal with a lot of pace during his career. Burke dodges the Swanton and Dave is back in to spinebuster everyone else. Demonbomb for Burke and Dave gets the win at 3.32. ¾*. Hardy looked good in there. It was a nice contrast from the usual Batista match up. Especially that rana.

POST MATCH Smackdown drafts RIC FLAIR. Dave looks really happy about it.

MR MCMAHON APPRECIATION NIGHT – Captain Lou Albano. He rambles about knowing Vince his whole life calling him a little punk. Seems like Albano was more interested in putting himself over. At least he didn’t bring up Cyndi Lauper.

PROMO TIME – Dusty Rhodes. “Perception is reality” is one of Vince’s favourite phrases. That’s so true. Dusty talks about how Vince trampled everyone in his way to gain the dominance of the WWE empire. Dusty talks about guys being fired by Vince but as soon as he called again they came right on back. Dusty says we don’t have to agree with Vince’s psychology of this industy because he doesn’t. But we all have to respect him. Now that was a killer promo.

MR MCMAHON APPRECIATION NIGHT – Gene Okerlund talks about how Vince destroyed every promoter in the country. Then fired him after 10 years. But he got a good job out of it with Turner so he’s not bothered.

Battle Royal

This is for the final two draft picks. We have representing Smackdown; William Regal, Chris Masters, Chavo Guerrero, Matt Hardy & Mark Henry. Representing Raw are Eugene, Viscera, Kenny Dykstra, Johnny Nitro and Randy Orton. Representing ECW are Kevin Thorn, Matt Striker, Tommy Dreamer, Sandman and Marcus Cor Von. One of the ref’s steals Sandman’s cane. Nitro has cut his Raw shirt open to show off his abs. Henry is pretty hard to move. Everyone avoids Viscera. Striker gets backdropped out first at 0.54. Took a nasty bump on the apron on the way down. Sandman gets thrown over by Henry at 1.43. ECW isn’t faring too well. Vis shoves Regal out at 1.56. Henry presses Chavo out of the ring at 2.05. Which makes little sense because they’re both Smackdown guys. Cole & JBL argue about who should go and tell Henry that he’s a dumbass. Dreamer heads over at 2.20. ECW is running out of guys quickly. For some reason Vis is fighting with the other Raw guys. Henry throws Thorn out and that’s ECW nearly finished at 2.59. Cor Von is their only guy now. Vis slams him. Vis & Henry finally spot each other and it’s ON! They bounce off each other, which is a freaky visual. Henry tags Vis with a big punch and threatens to throw him out. Everyone else is backing off here. Henry shows his freaky retard strength by throwing Vis out at 4.41 as we take a badly timed ad break. We rejoin with Kenny gone thanks to Eugene then Orton put Eugene out showing that the Raw guys are all stupid. Now Raw only has two guys in there. Smackdown now outnumber them. Cor Von goes to Pounce Matt but Hardy sidesteps sending Marcus over the top and ending ECW’s participation at 9.37. Orton rather stupidly dropkicks Nitro out at 10.06 leaving himself alone with three Smackdown guys. Not the sharpest knife in the draw, eh? JBL is shouting at the Smackdown guys to team up on Orton as Hardy throws out Masters at 10.31. Team unity has been an issue in this one. Henry now attacks Hardy. Matt tries for the Benoit-Big Show elimination and JBL is losing his mind. Orton is up and he finishes Henry off at 11.27. So it’s Matt Hardy v Randy Orton for the final draft pick. Matt’s hurt and Orton stalks him. He dodges the RKO into the Side Effect. Orton avoids the exit and hits the round the backbreaker. Matt goes for his Yodelling elbow drop, which was risky but it pays off. Twist of Fate is countered and Orton dumps Hardy on the ropes and finishes him off at 13.37. **.

POST MATCH Raw drafts both SNITSKY & MR KENNEDY. “This is my show” mouths Kennedy.

BACKSTAGE Vince McMahon still looks somewhat insane. That weird grin freaks me out.

MR MCMAHON APPRECIATION NIGHT – Steve Austin says he appreciated driving a beer truck into an arena. We get the usual assortment of Austin-McMahon memories. Beer bath, hospital assault, zamboni etc. Austin goes off on a tirade about how he doesn’t appreciate Vince because he’s a lying sack of BEEP. We get an announcement of the championship challenge match at Vengeance. Cena is facing Mick Foley, Bobby Lashley, Randy Orton and King Booker in that match.

PROMO TIME – Vince McMahon. JR reminds us Vince wanted this night to be the defining moment of his life. Instead he gets the crowd chanting “you suck” at him. He has a really vacant look in his eyes and his hand shakes so much he drops the microphone after uttering a meek “thank you”. You know how I know Vince has lost his mind? Pink tie. Psychopath. Anyway this is when my tape cuts out leaving me cursing the timer on my video. So let’s see, we fade to black and it’s the end of show right? Right? What do you mean he got in the limo and it exploded? That’s a joke right?

Raw gains;

King Booker, Bobby Lashley, Gene Snitsky, Mr Kennedy.

Smackdown gains;

Great Khali, Torrie Wilson, Chris Masters, Ric Flair

ECW gains;

Boogeyman, Chris Benoit.

The 411 –

Draft shows are always good for a laugh. I got pretty much none of the guys I wanted to move though. I was hoping for CM Punk to end up on a good show. Didn’t happen. The Hardys to be reunited. Didn’t happen. Batista to Raw. Didn’t happen. Instead we get a tease of Lashley-Benoit before splitting them again. Booker & Kennedy head over to the A show. Everything else is rather pointless. Decent show though. There was some pretty good wrestling when the matches weren’t squashes. Benoit-Lashley and Cena-Edge were both really good albeit short. As for the conclusion. Just, wow, after all this time demanding an end to Mr McMahon’s onscreen reign of terror and now it’s happened I miss his crazy walk already. Unless he just no sells death and turns up again in two weeks. Which wouldn’t be much of a reach.