411’s WWE WrestleMania 23 Report 04.01.07

We’re in Detroit, Michigan for the biggest show of the year; Wrestlemania!

Hosts are Hall of Famer’s Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw. Michael Cole & JBL for Smackdown. Joey Styles & Tazz for ECW. Aretha Franklin sings America the Beautiful in a tip of the hat to Wrestlemania 3.

Money in the Bank #3 – EDGE v RANDY ORTON v FIT FINLAY v KING BOOKER w/Queen Sharmell v CM PUNK v MR KENNEDY v MATT HARDY v JEFF HARDY

Finlay has his trusty shillelagh. Kennedy does his own entrance despite not coming out last. Kennedy bails right away for ladders but Orton goes to punch him in the face. Finlay up top early and he hits a PLANCHA onto the guys outside. Edge sees his chance and runs up the ladder but Matt cuts him off. Orton-Finlay up the ladder and it falls over. Jeff up but Kennedy pushes the ladder over. Really quick ladder climbing here. Booker has the Little Bastard ladder but Punk grabs it and bashes Booker in the head with it. Edge takes it off him and bashes Punk with it. Edge bridges the apron and rail. Punk is bleeding. Punk blocks a suplex onto the ladder and suplexes Edge on the floor. Orton runs into a Booker spinebuster. Kennedy gets a kick. Spinebusters for Punk and Finlay. Royal Wrestlemania Spinneroonie! Hardys ladder him. Edge in but Matt side effects him. They set up the Joey nosebuster spot on Edge but Finlay shoves Jeff off the top. Edge suplexes Matt onto the set up ladders. Ouch. Kennedy is in and Cole points out he’s beaten seven world champions. CHUG! Kennedy goes up and Kenton bombs the ladder as Matt moves. He hit neck first. Jeff hits him with the Swanton bomb on Kennedy. Finlay in to eat a ladder clothesline. Matt goes up and so does Jeff who punches first. Matt won’t let him take the case though and Finlay shoves them both off. Finlay doesn’t see Edge sneaking in with a spear. Spears for Orton, Booker, Kennedy, Matt and Jeff. Punk dodges it though. Lots of pro-Punk signs in the crowd. He does the Terry Funk spinning ladder tribute until Edge spears him and the ladder wipes out both Orton and Finlay. Edge bails for the massive ladder. “That’s a ladder” – Tazz. Edge is alone in there with the big ladder. Edge climbs but off centre. Up goes Orton and shoves him off over the top rope. Jeff in with the gourdbuster. Matt puts Edge on the apron/rail ladder and up Jeff goes up the tall ladder. Matt wants him to kill Edge. LEGDROP OUT OF THE RING THROUGH THE LADDER. That ladder is broken in half. Out comes the gurney. Both guys down and hurt. Matt is still a little shook up. Orton picks him off the RKO. Finlay in but he gets an RKO too. Kennedy in and it’s another RKO. Orton with a ladder but Punk brings him down. Punk goes up as Edge is carted out. Orton has duelling ladders with Punk – RKO OFF THE LADDER. Booker goes up and Orton has to recover to stop him. He goes for another but Booker counters into the BOOK END OFF THE LADDER. Booker goes up again but Matt is back in there. Sharmell is up on the apron and she grabs Matt. Matt tells Booker to come down or Sharmell gets the Twist of Fate. Booker comes down and gets the Twist of Fate instead. Matt goes up but Finlay tips the ladder up. Finlay is bleeding too. He looks at the ladder but wants some pain on Matt instead. CELTIC CROSS ON THE LADDER. Finlay sets the ladders back up. He’s hurt and can’t climb. LITTLE BASTARD is out here. He tells Finlay he’ll get the case. Kennedy is back in there though with Hornswoggle up there. Kennedy tells him in no uncertain terms to get off. Hornswoggle punches him. Kennedy isn’t impressed. SAMOAN MIDGET ROLLER OFF THE LADDER! Finlay bashes Kennedy with the ladder. Finlay up but Punk dropkicks the ladder over. Punk has a ladder and gets fingertips on and Kennedy climbs to fight him. Kennedy has it but Punk kicks him off. Kennedy has a ladder and smacks Punk off with it. JBL points out he’s beaten seven world champions in the past year. CHUG! Kennedy has the case and wins it at 19.11.

Winner: Mr Kennedy via briefcase retrieval ***1/2.

SHILL – The Condemned. It’s the premiere. Ron Simmons’ reaction…”Damn”.

BACKSTAGE Todd Grisham interviews Mr Kennedy. He congratulates himself. He says that anyone with gold needs to grow eyes in the back of their head. He’s now Mr Money in the Bank…BANK.

ALL GROWN UP – Dave Batista.

GREAT KHALI v KANE

Khali overpowers. Kane uses his “speed” to sneak around it but Khali throws him outside. “BOO” – Detroit. Kane gets a run up and gets clotheslined. NERVE HOLD~! Very methodical approach from Khali here. Choking. Kane comes back with a few punches that actually get popped. Kane goes up top but bounces off on a diving clothesline. Khali waves his arms around a bit and then ties himself up in the ropes. *rolls eyes*. Kane bails for the hook on a chain from that movie he was in. Khali seems him coming and punches, a lot. Big overhand chop sends Kane down. Khali exposes the buckle by tearing it open. Kane uses the chain to low blow Khali and slams him in an attempt at recreating Mania 3. Khali kicks out big time. Kane looks for the chokeslam but Khali gets out of it and hits the chokebomb. Pin gets 3 at 5.32.

Winner: Great Khali via one foot pinfall . DUD.

POST MATCH Khali chokes Kane with the chain. And then leaves.

ALL GROWN UP – divas.

BACKSTAGE Cryme Tyme try to cheer up Eugene and the ECW Expose are here to dance for him. Eugene freaks because Mae Young and Moolah are here. He dances with them instead. SLICK IS THERE! The Doctor Skizzyle. Slick dances instead then in comes Hall of Famer Dusty Rhodes. Sgt Slaughter, Jimmy Hart and IRS are there. IRS is the only one not dancing. RICKY STEAMBOAT~! Ron Simmons! DAMN.

RINGSIDE – Detroit Tigers.

US title – CHRIS BENOIT (c) v MVP

MVP has cheerleaders and pyro. Intense start then into some technical mat work. MVP floats back into a half crab. MVP blocks the Rolling Germans and the Crossface before dragging Benoit through the ropes. MVP counters the Sharpshooter but Benoit counters into the Crossface. MVP gets the ropes with his foot. Benoit picks a leg and MVP gets his arm and they roll and counter. Benoit gets the arm again and MVP is forced into the ropes. MVP gives up on wrestling to punch Benoit into the corner. Benoit knees him and dumps him on the buckles. They try for a superplex but MVP escapes and drops to the floor hanging Benoit up on the buckles. MVP goes to town on the shoulder and pins for 2. Benoit ducks a big kick into the Rolling Germans. Up Benoit goes. MVP cuts him off with the superplex but Benoit blocks the pin RIGHT INTO THE PIN for 2. Benoit gets run shoulder first into the post. MVP with a back suplex for 2. MVP stays on the arm with an armlock leaning into the shoulder with his arm. Benoit ducks one big kick but runs into another for 2. MVP goes for a slam but Benoit counters into the Crossface and MVP punches the already injured arm to block it. Count It elbow drop gets 2. That’s getting reactions now. MVP misses a big corner kick into the Rolling Germans again. MVP blocks and switches but can’t move Benoit. He ducks out again and it’s Rolling Germans again. Eight in total so far tonight. Benoit calls for it. FLYING WOLVERINE! “Ball game” – JBL. Pin at 9.18.

Winner: Chris Benoit via pinfall . ***. That could have benefitted from some decent build up because they told a really nice story in their ten minutes of Mania. MVP showed a different and more technical approach to usual. Plus Benoit used his aerial finisher because his arm was knackered. Good psychology.

BACKSTAGE Donald Trump complains about not being able to get a sandwich until the BOOGEYMAN shows up. Trump tells him to get him a sandwich. O….K.

SHILL – Backlash. April 29th.

HALL OF FAME – We see footage from the ceremony. Lilian announces we have 80,103 in tonight. Howard Finkel is out here to announce the Hall of Fame class of 2007. For those who don’t know that’s Jim Ross, Curt Hennig, Jerry Lawler, Nick Bockwinkel, Mr Fuji, Wild Samoans, the wife of the Sheik and Dusty Rhodes.

World title – DAVE BATISTA (c) v UNDERTAKER

Teddy Long is out here to introduce the participants. Dave is out here first. Taker has Druids with torches, which makes his entrance painfully long. WWE have suggested this will be a “powerhouse brawl”, which is my new slobberknocker terminology. Dave spears Taker to start and backs him up into the corner. Taker turns it around with punches. Dave turns it back around the crowd turns on him. Clothesline. BOO! Taker gets clotheslined outside but he drags Dave out and we get a brawl. Taker takes his big knees first ring steps bump. Dave comes off the top with a flying shoulderblock. Cole nearly shits himself. “I’ve never seen Batista come off the top rope”. Dave with an explosive clothesline for 2. Taker with strikes from his knees. The crowd get the “boo”, “yay” with the Dave and Taker offence. Taker with the Snake Eyes and the big boot (NOICE). Legdrop gets 2. Old School connects. Goozle! Dave breaks the hold and Taker pushes it back in Baron Von Raschke style. Taker gives up on that and tries for a flying clothesline. That goes a bit wrong. They bail to Taker to beat Dave up on the apron. Legdrop on the apron and Dave’s arm was out so he slides off and lands quite hard. Taker back inside – SUICIDE DIVE! Taker continues to club away at ringside but Dave whips him into the timekeepers table. Lilian has to move out of the way pretty quickly. Dave continues the assault with vicious right hands. Dave exposes the Raw announce table. Dave climbs onto it and POWERSLAMS TAKER THROUGH THE TABLE. Back inside Dave pins for 2. Dave calls for the Demonbomb. Taker runs him back into the corner and adds in some elbows. Dave counters into the belly to belly for 2. “The streak is over..no” – Cole. Dave mounts for the 10 count (WM17 anyone?) and Taker lifts him out – LAST RIDE..for 2. Taker runs into the spinebuster. Dave calls for the finish but ZOMBIE SIT UP~! Goozle! CHOKESLAM…for 2. Taker calls for it but Dave escapes the Tombstone and hits a spear. He calls for it – DEMONBOMB…for 2. Dave decides another will finish but Taker backdrops out. Dave tries for the Tombstone but that doesn’t work obviously. Taker throws him off and counters into the TOMBSTONE at 15.47 for the pin and the title.

Winner and NEW World champion: Undertaker via pinfall . **1/2. 15-0.

ALL GROWN UP – Bob Lashley.

BACKSTAGE Vince McMahon is joined by Stephanie McMahon and her little hellspawn. Vince demands the baby stay because she’s good luck. Vince makes “skull fractures” sound all cute. The baby craps itself, as you’d expect.

New Breed (ELIJAH BURKE/MARCUS COR VAN/MATT STRIKER/KEVIN THORNE w/Ariel) v ECW Originals (ROB VAN DAM/SANDMAN/SABU/TOMMY DREAMER)

The Originals arrive through the crowd. Sabu springboards onto Striker to start. A few times. Sandman in and he legdrops Striker over the ropes for 2. Burke in but Sandman & Dreamer double team him. Dreamer stops off to consider beating Ariel, which leads to Burke cheap shotting him. Cor Von comes in to beat on Dreamer and enter into a heat segment. Burke in with the Elijah Express for 2. Thorne in with a chinlock. Dreamer gets out so Thorne Rydien bombs him for 2. Cor Von in with a suplex and another chinlock. Dreamer escapes into an inverted DDT and Burke jumps in there to take a neckbreaker as well. Dreamer gets the tag to RVD. He kicks Striker in the face. Up he goes and Thorne gets the leaping sidekick. Monkey flip on Striker. Rolling Thunder but Cor Van cuts him down with a clothesline. Sabu takes him out with a dive. Dreamer DDT’s Striker but he spends too long taunting. Sandman charges Burke out of the ring and RVD is left with Striker – FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH at 6.26.

Winners: ECW Originals via pinfall . *. Where’s my Wrestlemania Pounce?

ALL GROWN UP – Steve Austin.

SHILL – Wrestlemania 24 @ the Citrus Bowl in Orlando.

RINGSIDE – Thomas Hearns.

Hair v Hair. Battle of the Billionaires: Donald Trump’s representative BOBBY LASHLEY v Vince McMahon’s representative UMAGA w/Armando Estrada

The barber’s chair gets it’s own entrance music. Special referee; STEVE AUSTIN. More money rains on the crowd as Trump comes out here. Umaga’s ranting results in Vince getting an eyeful of spit, which he sells in delightful fashion. They bounce off each other to start and no sell punches. Lashley eventually gets on top and Austin hauls him out of the corner. Lashley gives him shit so Austin tells him to get his head in the match. Lashley shoulderblocks Umaga over but Estrada puts his foot on the ropes. Lashley drags him in for the running powerslam. Estrada is thrown out of the ring and Umaga flies over the top as Lashley ducks. Vince seems pissed off about Estrada getting injured. Lashley charges him as he comes in and Umaga side steps it. Lashley lands hard off a tope. That’s one sick bump each already. Umaga splashes him for 2. Umaga chokes away and Austin points out to him that infringements of the rules will not be tolerated. Umaga chokes away some more so Austin drags him off by his hair. Umaga continues to be in control and he hits a Samoan drop. Vince seems in jovial mood. Lashley goes for a slam but Umaga falls on top for 2. Vince is up on the apron to complain about a slow count and Lashley knocks him off. Umaga with a Flatliner. Trump continues with his “shake it off” encouragement. Umaga up top but Lashley throws him off. Umaga breaks out the 360 sell. Austin refuses to count both guys out. SHANE MCMAHON is out here. Umaga continues to break the rules so Austin hooks him in the eye, like he said he would. SAMOAN SPIKE FOR AUSTIN! Shane jumps in there. He stings Lashley with punches but gets caught. Umaga saves him. Butt avalanche! Shane tells Vince to break out the trashcan for the Van Shaneinator. Umaga holds the can in place and Shane heads up. VAN SHANEINATOR! Shane takes his shirt off and HE HAS A REF SHIRT ON! Umaga heads up top for the splash. Shane counts 2 but Austin is up and he drags Shane outside and beats him up. Umaga pokes him in the neck again. “What’s going on over here?” – Trump. Vince lays the badmouth on Austin but Trump has had enough and he lays Vince out. Umaga has Austin again but Austin ducks…STUNNER! Lashley is back up – SPEAR and he’s pinned at 13.02.

Winner: Bobby Lashley via overbooked pinfall . **1/2. Fun crap.

POST MATCH Vince has reality setting in rapidly and thinks about bailing so Austin throws him into the ring. Shane attacks him. Austin breaks out the Thesz Press. FU Elbow drop. STUNNER! Shane sells it through the ropes to the floor. Vince has bailed and he’s trying to crawl out of here. He tries to sneak out in front of 80,000 people. Austin sees him. Lashley gives chase and Vince breaks out the comedy running before being caught and carried back to the ring. We get the barber equipment in the ring and Vince backs up into Austin. He can tell because he feels Austin’s bald head. STUNNER! Austin nearly cracked there. Vince gets tied into the barber chair. Trump has the clippers, so does Lashley. Trump takes liberties and removes an eyebrow too. Vince is now sans hair as “Bald Headed Blues” plays. They break out the wet shave to finish him off. Austin breaks out the beers to toast the victory. Vince senses his hair has gone. Vince falls out of his chair when he sees the mirror.

POST SHAVING Austin gives Trump a Stunner, which he struggles with the selling of. Austin laughs his ass off and leaves.

ALL GROWN UP – John Cena

EARLIER – we had a lumberjack match. Flair & Carlito v Chavo & Helms. Carlito won it with a Backcracker on Chavo.

Lumberjill match/Womens title – MELINA PEREZ (c) v ASHLEY MASSARO

ALL the divas are out here including Kelly Kelly and Trinity included. No Sharmell but I think everyone else is out here. Ashley forces Melina to run but she’s thrown right back in and rolled up for 2. Ashley chokes with her foot but Melina kicks the leg away. Big swing gets 2. Ashley comes back with a headscissors and a monkey flip. Savage Elbow misses. Melina pins her for 2. They counter on a roll up and Melina pins to retain at 3.11.

Winner: Melina via Rolling Prawn Hold. ¼*.

POST MATCH Ashley boots Melina in the groin and gets booed for it. In come the DIVAS for a huge diva brawl.

ALL GROWN UP – Shawn Michaels.

WWE title – JOHN CENA (c) v SHAWN MICHAELS

JR says Shawn hasn’t been WWE champion for nine years. Not since losing at Wrestlemania 14. But he has held the World title since. Cena gets an elaborate entrance involving a car racing through the streets and into the the arena and through a sign with Wrestlemania on it. Cena gets out of the drivers side but you’d better believe it was a right hand drive car with windows that heavily tinted. A streaker makes it into the ring but the ref cuts him off. Shawn waves him goodbye and sits on the buckles taking a rest. Shawn offers a handshake but Cena rejects it so Shawn slaps him. Cena tries to throw back at him but Shawn ducks it and knocks him down. Crotch chop! Shawn leads the chaining and they counter some hammerlocks. Shawn ducks all of Cena’s punches because he’s faster and connects with his jabs. Shawn with an arm ringer and a headlock takedown. He hangs onto it and keeps Cena controlled. Cena gets out and finally connects with something after 4.30 and it’s a strong clothesline. Crowd boo. Shoulderblock. Boo! Shawn with the Thesz press. YAY! Cena gets hung up on the top rope and Shawn throws elbows before dragging Cena out of the ring. Cena gets clocked with an Enzuigiri and he falls face first onto the announce table. Shawn up – ASAI MOONSAULT PRESS! He bashes his knees on the table there. Cena is complaining of a bad back. Shawn goes to his primary strikes; the chops. He’s been mainly using punches and forearms before. Shawn takes out the knee and he’s dominated this match for the first eight minutes. Shawn stomps the hell out of Cena’s knee. The patella gets posted, which is unusual for a ring posting. Shawn clips the knee and Cena is down and struggling. The ref asks him if he can go on. He’s ok. Shawn drops a knee on the knee. More chops and the knee gets stomped again. Shawn talks on camera and ties up Cena’s leg in the ropes. More chops but Cena punches back. Crowd are pro-HBK. Shawn oversells a punch by bumping out of the corner but he comes back with a shoulder charge. Shawn chops away and Cena punches out again so again Shawn takes the knee out. Shawn bladed off one of those punches. I didn’t see it. Oh wait, he charged and ran into the ringpost because Cena moved. Cena smells blood. Clothesline and Cena mounts with punched. Crowd looks riled. Ref gets him off. Flying shoulderblock. Make that two. Shawn swings but Cena catches him in the Protobomb. Shawn can’t see him. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Shawn struggles up and that blood was the turning point. Cena goes for FU but Shawn gets out and hits chops. Ref catches a superkick in the face. Cena grabs Shawn but the FU is countered into a DDT. Shawn bails for the ring steps. PILEDRIVER ON THE STEPS! Cena’s head is busted on the top. Damn! Shawn throws him back in but there’s no referee. Another referee is out here, Jack Doan, but you knows that’s only 2. Shawn with the flying forearm. Nip up! Shawn eyes up the turnbuckles and takes his time. Savage Elbow scores! Band warms up and Cena jumps into it and lariats him. That was pretty stiff. They trade on punches and the crowd boo Cena and cheer Shawn. Cena goes for the FU but Shawn counters into a roll up for 2. Shawn tries a leapfrog countered right into the FU…for 2. Cena was slow covering. Shawn pounds away up top and Cena looks for the super FU but Shawn elbows him hard three times. Cena falls off. Shawn is up top alone and hits a crossbody but Cena rolls through it and stands up. He sets for the FU again but Shawn lands on his feet. Superkick is ducked, STFU is escaped and Shawn counters into a pin for 2. Tasty countering there. Enzuigiri ducked and Cena has the STFU. That beat HHH last year. Shawn is closer to the ropes and stays in a LOT longer before grabbing them. Ref has to drag Cena off to break it. SUPERKICK~! Shawn is exhausted though so both men are down. Cover is really slow and Cena rolls her shoulder at 2. Both men struggle up together. Duelling chants! Cena won’t let go of Shawn, which leads to STFU after Shawn dodges the FU. Shawn taps at 28.22.

Winner: John Cena via submission . ****1/4.

POST MATCH Cena calls Shawn back who walks away. Cena salutes him but remains alone at the end of the show.

The 411 –
I quite enjoyed it. Three matches delivered. The main event in particular. Lashley-Umaga and Taker-Dave could have been better but neither sucked, which is a bonus. Thumbs up.