The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (9.25.1993)

-Originally aired September 25, 1993.

-We’re in Oakwood, VA.

-Your hosts are Dapper Dutch Mantell and Commissioner Cornette. Cornette insists on drawing the name for Beat the Champ. Your TV champion is Robert Gibson, so Cornette draws three names, throws all of them away, and finally draws Dirty White Boy and decides he’ll be the one who gets the match.

BOBBY BLAZE (United States Junior Heavyweight Champion) vs ROBBIE EAGLE
-Mantell and Cornette have been doing some research about the validity of Blaze’s title. Mantell says he can’t find any proof that the title or the tournament actually existed, but Cornette says his research determined it was a valid tournament, but that Blaze had easy competition. That’s more validity than I was expecting them to give this.

-Belly-to-belly by Eagle, followed by a slam. Series of uppercuts, but Eagle misses a corner charge and Blaze clotheslines him for two. Northern lights suplex gets three for Blaze.

-WWA Champon Chris Candido, still wearing his baby bonnet, says that Blaze should be stripped of his belt because it’s not a valid title. But since nobody is stepping forward from SMW to strip him of the belt, he’s going to fight Blaze himself at Parade of Champions and throw that Junior Title in the river after he’s won, just to be done with it. Cornette steps forward and announces that he’s going to be the guest referee for Candido’s match later in the hour, just to ensure that he has a fair shot at getting rid of that bonnet.

-The SMW fundraiser ad plays, and with Dixie Dy-no-mite and Nitro Danny Davis and smiling babyface Brian Lee in there, that ad is starting to look awfully outdated.

-We go to Johnson City, TN for action pitting Bob Armstrong against Jim Cornette’s “secret weapon,” The Black Ninja. Armstrong has already lost the commissioner title, but the idea here is that if Armstrong loses again, he leaves SMW altogether. Armstrong applies a sleeper on Ninja. Cornette runs in to break it, so Armstrong applies the sleeper on Cornette and puts him to sleep. Referee has trouble barrel-rolling Cornette’s lifeless body out of the ring, so behind his back, a second Black Ninja runs in for a switcheroo, coldcocks Bob Armstrong, and pins him, so Bob Amstrong has to leave SMW.

-Back at the commentary table, Cornette gloats about how Armstrong has to get a job at some gas station in Jerkwater, Georgia, because he can NEVER return to SMW. Ever. He’s gone from SMW. Ain’t comin’ back.

-Scott Armstrong and Ricky Morton have a face-to-face chat about their upcoming title match. They’re still buddy-buddy and wish each other luck.

-Jim Cornette has convinced those stingy tightwads at Titan Sports to let him play some video footage from SummerSlam in Detroit. It turns out to be almost the entire match, actually. Cornette was amazing with TV tapings when it was his money. A ten-match card lasted three weeks, with one or two matches to spare. After the match, Cornette runs down all the cheating committed by the Steiners; chief among them, 20,000 fans in an arena is too many, and all the cheering was a distraction.

-So we go back to the Steiners getting laid out by the Heavenly Bodies shortly after, and the Steiners promise that they’re coming to SMW for revenge. Cornette brags about how the Steiners lost their WWF belts in their very next match, and they don’t realize how tough it is in a wrestling promotion that doesn’t coddle their top stars. And by the way, DON’T BRING THAT PITBULL TO PARADE OF CHAMPIONS, BOYS!

BABY BONNET MATCH: CHRIS CANDIDO (WWA Champion) vs DARK SECRET
-If Candido wins, he can stop wearing the baby bonnet. Dark Secret is a heel jobber and Jim Cornette, appointed guest referee by Jim Cornette, walks over and shakes Secret’s hand before the bell, so you know something is up here.

-And what’s up is the most brilliant evil scheme ever, as Candido and Secret proceed to have a FAKE WRESTLING MATCH. This is the most meta thing ever. They lock up and their arms are barely touching. Candido taps Secret on the chest, and Secret lets out a loud wail of agony. Bodyslam by Candido, which is him picking up Secret gingerly and gently placing him on the mat. The icing on the cake is Dutch Mantell calling it like a Match of the Year candidate.

-Candido lightly pushes Secret’s face against the turnbuckle as Tim Horner shows up to complain about what a disgrace this match is. The softest clothesline ever gets three, and Candido can finally stop wearing the baby bonnet. Cornette gleefully throws the baby bonnet in the crowd, and someone throws it right back at him, which is a great capper to the segment. Five stars. Would watch again.

-Cornette and Candido head over to the commentary table, and Candido is sucking wind after “the most grueling match of his career.” Tim Horner has an argument with Cornette who threatens a $50,000 fine against Horner for raising his voice to the commissioner. Suddenly, Les Thatcher is here with a letter for Dutch Mantell. The SMW board of directors has voted to impeach Jim Cornette (with Cornette and Dutch looking right at the camera and yelling “IMPEACHED???” together, like bad sitcom characters), and Cornette storms off to call his lawyer. Dutch follows him out because he wants to make sure there’s nothing about commentary in the letter.

DOWN AND DIRTY WITH DUTCH
-A visibly worried Dutch says he’s back, but he doesn’t know how much longer. We get pre-recorded words from Sherri Martel, who says Tammy Fytch won’t have anything worth strutting after Parade of Champions.

-Dutch’s guests are Mr. Ron Wright, Tammy Fytch, and Brian Lee, now with evil beard. Tammy Fytch whines about how Sherri looks like a man and she wishes Tracy Smothers would just get hit by a car or something. Dutch tries to ask some questions to Mr. Wright because he hasn’t talked to Dirty White Boy in a while, but Tammy Fytch won’t let him to talk.

-Jim Cornette has stormed out of the building and Dutch Mantell is kinda freaking out, so Les Thatcher has taken over the show and interviews Tracy Smothers. He reminds us that he still wants a piece of Dirty White Boy, and he’s going to deal with that unfinished business after he gets his revenge on Brian Lee.

BRUISE BROTHERS vs JASON WEST & GATOR MCALLISTER
-Bruise Brothers come to the ring without Jim Cornette, and curiously, without Cornette around, they don’t attack their opponents the way they normally do, and they actually proceed to wrestle a fairly normal match. Double suplex by the Bruise Brothers followed by a series of elbows. Dutch Mantell has confirmed that his name wasn’t on the letter from the board of directors, so he’s back. For now.

-Jason West tags in and gets powerslammed right away. Les Thatcher announces that Bob Caudle treated himself to a vacation in Europe after getting fired, and he’s actually coming back to SMW shortly. Dutch is delighted to hear that because he’s always been very supportive of Bob’s talents.

-Boots to the face on both jobbers, and they get the win with simultaneous pins.

-Les Thatcher talks to the Bruise Brothers. They’re the best tag team, and they’re the best whether Jim Cornette thinks so or not. They slipped up once, it won’t happen again.

-We hear from Tammy Fytch. Sherri Martel is ugly and scary. Jim Cornette says that that he has a surprise for Arnold the pitbull when the Steiners come to SMW.

BEAT THE CHAMP TV TITLE: ROBERT GIBSON (Champion) vs DIRTY WHITE BOY
-DWB misses a corner charge and gets armdragged right away. Gibson works the arm as the commentators have an awesome argument, when Les Thatcher mentions the board of directors, and Mantell asks him to identify one member of the board of directors by name. Les can’t do it and Dutch keeps pressing him.

-DWB tears at Gibson’s face and boots him down. Series of elbows gets two. He snapmares Gibson into place, but misses a diving headbutt and Gibson makes a comeback. Slam by Gibson, but suddenly Jim Cornette is here to yell at the referee. While he’s distracted, the Heavenly Bodies attack Gibson and leave him in a heap. DWB doesn’t see the attack happen, but he sees that Gibson is out, so he takes the pin and captures the title.

-After the bout, Ricky Morton tries to do something about it, but the Bodies beat the crap out of Ricky Morton too, so now both of the Rock & Rolls are out cold. Scott Armstrong comes to ringside swinging a chair and the Heavenly Bodies get out of town. Scott checks on Ricky Morton as Robert Gibson comes to, and the first thing Gibson sees is Scott Armstrong holding a chair and standing over unconscious Ricky, and Gibson immediately assumes that Scott’s guilty. The show ends with the smiling babyfaces having a heated argument about what really happened.

7.3

The final score: review Good

The 411

Another great week of angles here. The "fake" match really was just fantastic, and the slow-burning feud between the babyface tag teams and the Dirty White Boy/Brian Lee issue is genuinely INTRIGUING. You're really left wondering where all this stuff is going and looking forward to a payoff, instead of just thinking "Well, we'll see where it goes" with no actual anticipation for it. Really satisfying stuff.