411’s WWE Byte This! Report 8.20.05: Edge, Lita And Matt

Before we begin, Part 1:

**DISCLAIMER** – The following statement appears to be me yelling. I am not yelling. It’s just in caps and bold so nobody misses it.

Ever since Batista was drafted to SmackDown!, I have had to argue, correct, and listen to the same shit over and over. It’s come in several different forms and wording but it’s basically either: “Why hasn’t Edge said anything about his MITB title shot?” or “When is Edge going to take his MITB title shot?”…. well, since I’d like to stop being a nitpicky asshole about it, allow me to present the following.

EDGE NO LONGER TALKS ABOUT HIS SHOT BECAUSE HE NO LONGER HAS ONE. THE GUARANTEED “MONEY IN THE BANK” TITLE SHOT WAS FOR THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE ONLY! ERIC BISCHOFF WAS VERY SPECIFIC ABOUT THIS BEFORE WRESTLEMANIA 21. AS IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, ROUGHLY TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE DRAFT, TODD GRISHAM INTERVIEWED EDGE AND ASKED THE FOLLOWING: “EDGE, ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT BEING DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN? BECAUSE THEN YOU WOULD LOSE YOUR GUARANTEED TITLE SHOT AS IT IS WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE SPECIFIC?”…. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED, ONLY IT WAS THE BELT THAT WENT TO SMACKDOWN!, NOT EDGE. SO PEOPLE, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP BRINGING IT UP.

I then received this from Cook, as it was one of the topics we were discussing:

“Edge technically still has a World Title shot. He still carries that briefcase around for some reason…I could see Bischoff just giving him a WWE title shot because he’s the kind of guy that wants to make us suffer. “

Okay, so “technically” the contract is probably still “valid”. However, he is on RAW and the WHT is on SmackDown!. Therefore, the only way he could go for it (despite the fact that Todd Grisham said in an interview that he can’t) would be an inter-promotional match at either Survivor Series or WrestleMania 22, and let’s pray to the booking God’s that doesn’t happen. Or, considering the booking team and the current state of creative, they could act like we’re all 9 year olds who don’t pay attention and have him challenge for the WWE Title. Either way, as Cook said, WE suffer.

Before we begin, Part 2:

Christian Watch for 8/18/05 – No match, jobbed out to 3 unnamed Mexicans who are all on the verge of losing their jobs if they can’t keep themself(ves) out of trouble. What a surprising week. Thanks creative, nice of you to show him some love in CANADA….

“Word is that Christian remains very unhappy backstage about WWE ending his push so suddenly. WWE ShopZone has removed the “Captain Charisma” t-shirts (verified by yours truly, for you peeps out there just go to eBay), he has no match at SummerSlam, and WWE has pulled the upcoming Christian cards from the “Raw Deal” card game.”

They may as well fire the guy. They’re pulling rugs out from underneath him at every possible turn, and he still goes out there and does his job without letting it affect him or the product (at least on the air). Pulling his shirts off Shopzone? He was the highest selling wrestler for 2 months straight (pre-“lets fuck Christian” era that began in May), with his ONE shirt outselling Cena’s 938348 items. You know, can I possibly rant anymore? I’ve been bitching about it for so long now it’s almost a fucking joke. Seriously, when and if he ever gets a serious push again, I better not hear one person say “you’re jumping on the bandwagon” when I’m marking out like a schoolgirl. Christ, it’s worse than watching the Detroit Lions the last 3 years. I’d cry for days if it happened, but I certainly wouldn’t blame the Captain for walking into corporate, pulling down his pants, bending over, and saying “Fuck Off, Vince” whilst giving the finger to anybody that can see him.

Before we begin, Part 3: A continuation on Part 2:

“A set of cards for Christian is going to be released in early October, and he was to be referred to as Captain Charisma. Well, WWE has now told Comic Images (the makers of the game) that he now has to be referred to as CLB. In addition, if you check WWE Shopzone, all Captain Charisma merchandise has been removed. It’s kind of weird considering how over he is, to suddenly pull his merchandise. Captain Charisma’s cards were the most anticipated cards of the new Raw Deal set entitled: Unforgiven. In a poll to determine which order the cards would be spoiled on the Official Yahoo Group of over 3000 members, Captain Charisma beat Batista, Immortal Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper and a few others.

While on the subject of Christian, it looks like the WWE are no longer selling Captain Charisma T-Shirts. A reader sent word that he tired to purchase a “Captain Charisma” shirt only to come up with this message: “The product you have tried to access is no longer available for purchase on this site”. Apparently, Christian has been noticeably unhappy backstage, but still professional about having his character push.”

More like “DE-push”…. again… WHAT IN THE FUCK WWE? HE’S OVER, DO SOMETHING WITH HIM! And now he has to be CLB again? Is this punishment for being a little grumpy at work yet remaining a COMPLETE PROFESSIONAL…. If I were him, I’d be reaching a level of “unhappy” to rival that of Chris Benoit in his WCW days. Ya know what, fuck my earlier comments that I wouldn’t blame him for quitting… I’m now wondering why the hell he hasn’t already. Thanks for the memories Christian, but get the fuck out of there.

I swear I’m starting to think the only reason I watch wrestling is A. I’m putting the whole year on DVD (like it matters), and B. I work here.

Before we begin, Part 4: Yet more on Parts 2 and 3:

From Dave over in the 3 R’s

“Christian is a HEEL, but look in the crowd at the multitude of signs in support of him! THIS is exactly the kind of moment for which McMahonagement has been looking. Vince has been killing himself trying to find the next Rock, or the next Austin, and failing miserable in every instance because he apparently is either forgetting that the FANS created Rock & Austin, or is so egomaniacal that he truly takes credit for their popularity in his mind. Long before he was traded to SD!, Christian has been jobbed to hell and back, and yet there is still a grass roots well-spring of support for this man…a freakin HEEL, for Foley’s sake! Now, am I suggesting that Christian is the next Austin or Rock? No, of course not; however, I AM suggesting that Christian should be given the opportunity to rise as high has he’s able, especially on a roster SO devoid of star power and characters behind whom the fans can really get behind. Instead, after cutting a fantastic promo, he’s jobbed out yet again for the second time in, what, a month, month-and-a-half, to the WHC, thus completely undercutting any credibility he has not only against Batista, (making a mockery of any shot the good Captain has at the WHT for as long as Batista holds it), but anyone else, for that matter. I mean, when was the last time he was allowed to even use the catch phrase, “That’s how I roll,” that helped to get him over in the first place? WHY is WWE sabotaging its own talent?!?!”

Everything I’ve ever wanted to say, only in one paragraph, and respectfully.

NOW….

I’m JT, I’m grumpy over Christian and the current state of the E in general, and I’m stuck at work. So let’s just get started. Oh and by the way, neither Christian NOR Booker T have a match at one of the big four, SummerSlam…………………. excuse me while I go take a big fat long piss on the booking / creative team.

PRE-MATCH WARM UP

Random Smackdown! Thoughts
– Yay! Eddie / Rey feud!! My favorite!
– Cook has convinced me to not say a word about this fucking bullshit until after Sunday…. so I’m going to move on and not say shit til the next part of the show.
– Say what you want, I’d fuck her….. plastic thingee attached or not.
-10 to 1 Melina is __________ one of em… I’d say Nitro, and to make up for it, he let’s Mercury bust that pose.
– I’d go with SUCKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here, but I’ve used that entirely too much in these RST.
– I haven’t mentioned it in a few weeks, because I thought she might stop… but Melina’s constant high picked screaming during the match (whether she’s participating or not) is becoming ridiculous…. I wanna mute my TV while she’s on.
– I can’t tell which… either Mercury is a lot smaller than I thought… or Booker is a lot bigger than I thought…. either way, he should be beating his ass.
– Sharmelle should give her a SpineBuster or a Book End… how much would that own?
– ….please…… please…… PLEASE….. PLEASE GOD…. don’t turn this into a “Booker and Sharmelle are having problems” angle…… PLEASE….
– Chris Benoit…. 1 of the 4 things worth “HONORABLY and RESPECTFULLY” mentioning in the same word with “WWE”.
– I fucking HATE useless sluts… but Candice Michelle is fucking SMOKING.
– WHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT A HAWKENRIECH!
– Jobbers! Take a shot!
– I will say one thing. It might seem silly to have them wup jobbers every week in a matter of seconds, but I DO like the fact that if they’re going to go with L.O.D…. they stick with the one thing that has never changed: LOD has ALWAYS gone through teams, jobbers or not, in a matter of minutes. RARELY have they made it past 10 minutes, and I’m glad they are at least holding true to LOD tradition of just completely WASTING people.
– RKO! Randle… stop marking out, he’s not that great.
– JBL VS Funaki….. yeah….. glad I didn’t miss SmackDown! tonight……..
– Dave! (no people, I’m not a mark, I just like the name Dave on him for some reason).
– I said it weeks ago, and I’ll say it again…. Simon Dean continues to warm on me….. and when he is finally over, just remember I said it in like…. May
– Christian…. I’m going to hold my mouth and not say a fucking word…..”
– Batista getting booed… just like Cena…. wait… I said I wouldn’t say a fucking word.
– We all saw what happened…. not a fucking word….. we’ll …..maybe two words…. IN CANADA….?
– Good match…. In fact… better than they’re SummerSlam bout.
– Don’t worry Randy… Taker will put you over… really… he will…. (rolls eyes)… I swear… he realizes it’s time…. you’ll be fine……see ya Monday folks lol
–
RING ENTRANCE

1. Byte This! is a weekly radio program hosted by Todd Grisham. He interviews superstars over the phone, and allow for some fan interaction (if you consider 2 questions per guest fan interaction). Sometimes the guest is in full character, sometimes completely out of character, and sometimes a little of both. During the commercial breaks, they show various clips. During the interviews, they show various clips and pictures of the superstar on the phone.

2. I will provide a general recap with some of my thoughts and opinions, and a little (VERY little) witty banter.

3. Quotes will be found after the superstar recap, and for those of you who have to hear every single word out of your superstars’ mouth, a link will be provided to take you to the actual show.

4. Any typos found in the quotes or the recaps are because those are the exact words from the hosts or superstar’s mouth. (Example: ya know. Example: gonna)

THE MATCH

Show kicks off with the usual promo, as usual (yes I said it on purpose in a failed attempt at humor). Before we see anybody, they cut the RAW promo detailing the Edge / Lita / Matt feud. Actually I don’t think it’s the RAW promo because it’s rather lengthy. Finally we get to Todd Grisham and he pimps “one of the most controversial love triangles in WWE history” (actually, that’s probably true). He pimps RAW magazine, where there’s an article in which all three get to describe “their side” of what happened.

Joining us from their home (AKA, the room next door to this one), Lita and Edge! And joining Todd live in the studio is Matt Hardy! This will be done in Promo Format. Why? Because I love you all more than I hate HTML…. well… maybe not, but it’s close. Todd pimps the SummerSlam match and we get started.

TODD: Edge we’ll start with you. You said that this match would be filled with real emotion. What emotions are you having and what would you like to say to Matt Hardy?

EDGE: The emotion I’m talking about is pure hate, plain and simple. You put our personal lives out there for everybody to comment on and talk about like it’s anybody’s business. It was an adult situation that needed to be handled between these three people here. I got a confession for everyone on the internet, we’re human. Everyone makes mistakes. You deal with the mistakes like an adult, not a 6th grader. But that’s what you did. Now it’s out there Matt. Are you happy? We can throw garbage at each other from studios and homes, for everyone on the internet to comment on.. your “grass-roots” movement, I don’t even know what that means. But your movement has stalled. In fact, it went into reverse. Dealing with me at SummerSlam, it’s CAREER SUICIDE (I don’t really know how to accentuate the tone in his voice but you all know how Edge puts emphasis on certain parts of his speech when cutting a promo. If you don’t, watch RAW from last Monday).

MATT: *laughing*

EDGE: Laugh it up…

MATT: Well, the first thing I’d like to say is to Lita, Amy, and that’s that I’m very disappointed (it shows Edge and Lita and Edge is casually drinking coffee as if not even listening… hilarious). I trust you more than anyone else on the planet, even more than I trusted my brother Jeff. Good thing I didn’t bet my life you wouldn’t stab me in the back, or else I’d be dead. But anyway, now on to what I’m really here to talk about. Adam Copeland. Edge. You said you made a mistake? A mistake is something that happens once (holds up his finger), not over and over for three months. It’s Edge, the greatest wrestler ever! It’s Edge, the main eventer! It’s Edge, the man who can’t separate his professional and personal life. Because as Edge, that’s all he knows. He’s the character 24 / 7. He’s not Adam Copeland anymore. Let me tell you something about Adam Copeland. Adam, you were married and divorced multiple times before you were thirty years old. I think that speaks volumes right there.

EDGE: (interrupting) I think it speaks volumes you’ve had one serious relationship by the time you were thirty (touchй’). You don’t know how to deal with women. You don’t know how to..

MATT: (interrupting) I don’t think I made that many mistakes. I haven’t run through women time and time again and…

EDGE: (interrupting) Yes, I’ve made mistakes and I can admit to them. You don’t. You cry like a little girl about it on the internet. YOU can’t separate. You’re V1 all the time. (Matt says in the background “you’re Edge 24/7, you’re Mr. Main Eventer) When I go to bed at night and I look in the mirror and see Adam Copeland, I’m happy with that.

MATT: I don’t care what you think. I don’t care if you’re a main eventer, a mid-carder, or a jobber, when we get in front of that live audience at SummerSlam, nobody is going to be able to stop me from hurting you. I’m going to beat you up worse than you’ve even been beat before. You have fear in your heart I can see it.

EDGE: Better than you have tried and failed.

MATT: I can I can I can I can

EDGE: I can I can I can, can you speak?

MATT: I can hear it in your voice and I can take one of those weak ass punches you throw. You bring what you got.

EDGE: Keep trying.

TODD: Sorry to interrupt guys (SHUT UP TODD!), but we haven’t heard from Lita yet, and this is an interactive show. We have an email question from Jamie in Philadelphia. She wants to know how does it feel having your personal life displayed in the ring, and how has it effected your life outside of the ring (God dammit Todd somebody asked her that 3 weeks ago… nice work WWE call screeners)?

LITA: It’s definitely changed every aspect of my life. I never thought my personal life would be brought out like this. I never anticipated it. It’s made me change as a person and look at who I am, but you know we are human and we do make mistakes, and I’ve admitted before, both to Matt and myself, that I did make a mistake, and it was going being Matt’s back, and betraying his trust. I don’t feel I made a mistake in terms of falling in love. I am happy with that decision and I can go to sleep with myself (now you’re talking!…. wait… that’s not what she meant… perv).

TODD: Are you happy the way it’s come out and that everyone on the internet is talking about it? Are you happy it’s come to a match like this… Edge VS Matt Hardy?

LITA: Absolutely not. I think it’s terrible. I don’t think it’s fair, but is life fair? I do think it’s a learning experience. It boiled to this and there was no where else to go but to have this match at SummerSlam. As proud as I’ll be to be out there for Edge, I’ll probably have my eyes closed half the time. It’s hard watching these two go at it.

MATT: (laughing) She wants to talk about fair….

TODD: When Edge and Lita got married on RAW, you had been released and were watching from home. How did that make you feel knowing that it was basically all a real life situation?

MATT: It’s sick. Every time I see them together it’s sick. Every time I see Adam Copeland, every time I see Edge it turns my stomach. I’ll tell you why it makes me so sick. Because I liked him so much as a friend. I really did. It’s hard, but now it just makes me sick. I can’t even stand looking at him.

EDGE: Wh..

MATT: As far as my music, when I heard my music hit, I was ecstatic, because I knew there was a big monster out there and they just kept feeding it. It’s the stupidest thing they’ve ever done. Edge says he wants me back? He doesn’t want me back, I’m his worst nightmare.
EDGE: Matt the stupidest thing you could have done IS come back.

MATT: Trust me, the last thing you want is Matt Hardy, you know that. You so know that.

EDGE: I look worried (with the most “non-worried” look I’ve ever seen). When it comes to you and me, verbally, mentally, and physically, you’re inferior. I proved that with the verbal beat down I put on you last week (it was a good promo, I must admit), as compared to your promo on RAW the week before. It’s like beating a baby seal (wtf and lmao all at the same time).

MATT: When we get to SummerSlam, there won’t be any writers to stop me. (Edge in background “you should end this promo right now”). No agents to stop me. No wrestlers to stop me, and no McMahons to stop me. We won’t be talking wrestling promos when my fist is going into your face.

EDGE: Wrestling is your life, you can’t separate. Like I said before, you just proved my point, Dumbass.

MATT: You want to talk about life, let’s talk life. What about when you were out for a year because of your neck, and I called you every week, to see if you were okay or needed anything or

EDGE: (sort of over him) Yes, definitely, as I said, I made some mistakes

MATT: (getting a little irate now) For ONE, when I was out hurt you stupid bastard, you lying coward, you did everything you could do to get inside my girls head, and to get inside her pants. What a friend. What a class act guy.

EDGE: Yeah, I pounced (sarcastically). You couldn’t get the job done. You couldn’t supply what she needed.

MATT: (sort of over each other) You’re a scumbag.

EDGE: (sort of over each other) You’re a little boy.

TODD: Speaking of promos and wrestling, Edge. How did you feel when Matt said he wouldn’t care if you died in a car accident (I found that one a little low myself)?

EDGE: Well, I think that kind of tells you the kind of person Matt Hardy is right there. I’m not perfect, Matt (“no you’re not”), and I will continue to make mistakes for the rest of my life. That’s not to brush off what happened, granted. Sitting here next to her now is not a mistake. You ask me how I feel Todd? The only reason I can think that somebody would say something like that is 1. They need to get a life, or number 2. They don’t want to face me at SummerSlam. See, I want you to be safe, I said it last Monday. Strap your seatbelt in tight, take care of yourself. I want it to come to SummerSlam, I want us to come face to face. You put everything out there for every one to talk about, now I want them to see it. No one to get in between, just you and me.

MATT: I can’t wait.

EDGE: You can’t wait? Well you know what? Here’s a little analogy for you. I’m Bill Gates. You’re the homeless guy on the side of the street holding a sign that says “Will Wrestle for Food”. That’s the difference between you and me.

MATT: OKAY! You’re the greatest Edge! You’re the greatest!

EDGE: At SummerSlam, it’s time to man up, or finally shut the fuck up.

At this point, Edge takes Lita by the hand and they get off the couch and leave.

TODD: What’s your reaction, Matt, what’s going to happen at SummerSlam?

MATT: Adam Copeland, who used to be one of my best friends, is now my biggest adversary. He can say whatever he wants, how’s he’s this and he’s that. When it comes down to it and you strip it all away, and get past all the wrestling horseshit, because that’s all this is – it’s horseshit in the big picture; when we step into the ring at SummerSlam, it’s gonna be live, and there will be nobody to stop me from hurting him, and I will do it. I’ve never been this driven, and when we get in there, it’s kill or be killed, and Matt Hardy will not die. I will not die.

He then stands up and gets right in the camera

MATT: (continued)…and Adam, you piece of shit, you lying sack of shit, there’s just a couple days now. I’m your worst nightmare, and if you don’t believe it now, you will at SummerSlam.

Matt then leaves the studio. Todd pimps SummerSlam (Live Sunday, August 21st, on Pay Per View), and ends the show.

What the hell…. 14:53 was the run time… FOURTEEN MINUTES…. Why the hell do we cover this anymore?

THE FINISHER

Despite me having lost a lot of interest in this feud over the last three months, these two guys have REALLY made it hard for me to do so. In fact, after listening to their respective promos, and then this show, I’m probably looking forward to this match more than half the other matches on the SummerSlam card. Matt claims he has no intention of working a match, and instead plans to try and beat the shit out of Edge. We’ll, this could go one of two ways. Matt LIKES his job with the E, and doesn’t want to risk losing it for personal bullshit. On the other hand, he is financially capable (especially considering the interest from other feds in him) of saying fuck it and and going completely shoot in front of forty thousand people. Either way, this should be a war come Sunday. Lita is just kind of ‘bleh’ in this whole thing. She said three words on ByteThis!, and Edge has been the “couples spokesperson” every time they’ve addressed the situation. Overall I’d give this ByteThis a 7 out of 10, but that’s only if I overlook the fact it wasn’t even 15 minutes long. Seriously WWE, are you just phasing out ByteThis! altogether?

This weeks shot out goes to my cousin Rachel. I can’t explain the situation because it’s personal, but if anybody deserves some love this week, it’s her. I love you babe. I have since I was 3, and I will until I’m 103. I wish you and pray for the absolute best in what lies ahead for you. I can’t think of a stronger and more motivated person (under the circumstances) for the job. If you ever need anything, sweety, you know where I am.

PROMOS

Cook won’t be in tomorrow, so you’ll just have to pretend this is the 8/21 edition. He did drop this though for all you adoring fans – “Tell the people that The Cook won’t be here this week, and The Cook will miss the fans. Don’t worry though, The Cook will be back next week.” – I hate when he talks in third person. Good thing he only does it when he’s drunk (a record 58 days straight now since he turned 21).

Larry says what we’re all thinking. We just don’t say it because we have to pretend like we like wrestling

Ashish has earned himself a temporary “permanent” slot in the pimps until I get asked to do Fact or Faction. That’s right, I’m going to whine, bitch, moan, and bicker until I finally get to the big show. Is it childish, immature, unnecessary, and annoying? Absolutely. Why the hell else would I do it?

The Staff chimes in with our predictions for SummerSlam in the form of Haiku’s mixed with Songs and Dance. Also be sure to read Larry’s predictions for the first four matches. Real in depth stuff.

Mike takes us back to when wrestling was actually… what’s the word… watchable?

Leonard has your SummerSlam Preview here and here

Gavin gets called out in that friendly, professional, ‘love amongst the staff’ sort of way

Newton does the aforementioned calling out, and has links to nude chicks. Awesome

Entire interview can be seen / heard here