411’s WWE House Hardy Halloween Report

411’s WWE House Hardy Halloween Report

-Tonight the Hardy Halloween Special dropped on The Network and I was asked to cover all the craziness that is bound to happen. There has been talk of Matt getting some specials on the WWE Network and what batter way to kick that off than a celebration of Halloween. I assume he has full creative control so this should be fantastic, weird, confusing, and anything else you can think of, but it won’t be boring.

-We start with King Maxwell running through a corn maze to get to his mother, father, and brother. This is apparently part of his training for Broken Brilliance and his reward for completing is the first every Hardy Broken Ball.

-A hooded figure in a dark room watches and says he can think of something better. He tells a different hooded figure to infiltrate the Ball and delete, Matt and Jeff Hardy. INTRIGUE!

-QUEEN REBECCA plays the piano as Matt uh, sort of dances. SENOR BENJAMIN and BROTHER NERO are here as well. SENOR BENJAMIN is sporting a jack-o-lantern shirt. Matt tells his scribe to pen that an evil force will be sending a dastardly invader. There is a dark cloud looming over all of their heads, but it won’t stop their celebration. BROTHER NERO is in charge of entertainment and VANGUARD-1 is in charge of surveillance. That seems like typecasting to me! Senor Benjamin is naturally in charge of landscaping and Queen Rebecca is in charge of decor in the Dome of Deletion. Matt will handle the guest list and that should be amazing.

-A video package set to upbeat Halloween Music shows the family preparing for the Ball. We get shots of Senor Benjamin carving pumpkins while Brother Nero uses a weed-whacker. Wait, I thought that was Senor Benjamin’s job? Oh, now I see why Nero is handling it as he is cutting designs into the grass. Wonderful!

-GEORGE WASHINGTON is here and Matt knew he would come. He tells George he looks fantastic and tells him about his premonition about the intruder. George tells him that the Intruder will come to the ball dressed in a costume. Matt hand delivers an invitation to the ball to George Washington.

-Vanguard-1 meets a female Vanguard-1 and uses some pick up lines on her and then helps her out. We get to see their first date and then a wedding between the two. They even produce a child, but it was all a dream as we get back to the two of them just meeting for the first time. Senor Benjamin is the one that snap Vanguard-1 out of his fantasies. Perhaps they were just premonitions of the future these two crazy in love drones will have together.

-Back to Matt as he is handing out an invitation to SMOKING JOE. Joe doesn’t seem happy to accept as he keeps bouncing away. A nearby goat is upset he hasn’t been invited and starts head butting a fence. Joe wants to fight and kicks Hardy in the balls which causes great pain to Matt. He is upset that Joe won’t take his invitation and says that he should call him Traitor Joe now. Word hurt Matt!  Matt hopes he will have second thoughts and reconsider the invitation. TREMENDOUS!

-Dark clouds roll in as Matt is back in the house. He asks Queen Rebecca if she knows the home address of the Conquistadors. Nice!

-6 Days Later: The party is on as friends and family are all in the Dome of Deletion. Matt welcomes them all to the first ever House Hardy Halloween Ball. I saw someone dressed as Elias and someone else is sporting a nWo shirt. Matt has brought guests and the first one is the caterer for the party, The Boogeyman. That makes perfect sense actually.

-The Conquistadors arrive to much applause as does “Kane” and “The Undertaker.” The actual Godfather arrives and Senor Benjamin is thrilled to see the Ho Train. The Attitude of Era is here, and Godfather introduces his women to Senor Benjamin.

-The Hurricane is waiting outside the gates, but before he can enter he is taken out by someone. More intrigue!

-The Man of Boogey shares his worms with Matt, so he shares his green beans with him. He is not impressed and gets sick eating them. This is all just amazing. The Boogeyman cleanses his pallet by eating a plate of works and Matt decides to do the same with a plate of green beans.

-Matt introduces the musical act for the Ball: Brother Nero. Again, makes sense. Brother Nero sings his “Obsolete” song and the other party-goers are loving it. Nero says he has to take a quick break, but a special guest will be here soon.

-Back outside we see The Hurricane again and he runs into The Mower of Lawns! He is going to use it to arrive in style.

-Back inside Matt tells his scribe that the Intruder has arrived and he has to find him now.

-Boogeyman dances and eats worms while everyone tells him “It’s his birthday.” 50 Cent reference, I get that one! He has a girl lean her head back and he feeds her a worm as everyone cheers.

-Matt questions the Conquistadors and when they freeze for 5 seconds after telling him their names, he asks them if they are Edge and Christian. They fooled him once, but they can’t fool him again. They deny being Edge and Christian, and change the subject to Matt’s costume. He is the King of Gold, which was one of his previous vessels and he is carrying around Excalibur, King Arthur’s Sword. He says the sword holds all of the power of the Hardy Compound. The Hurricane watches from behind menacingly.

-The Godfather and Boogeyman discuss eating habits as The Hurricane spikes the punch. The Hurricane doesn’t sound right though and even The Godfather notices. Must have been whatever got him outside! More Intrigue! The Godfather is having bad reception so he leaves the women with Senor Benjamin.

-Outside The Godfather is at The Lake of Reincarnation as he tells someone they need to get to the party. Brother Nero heads into the Lake and comes out as some other character (not Willow), and The Godfather decides he wants to take a dive as well. We don’t see what he comes out as yet.

-Matt is still searching for the Intruder and questions the guest dressed as Elias and then one dressed as THE SHOCKMASTER. Both deny being The Intruder and then THE SHOCKMASTER trips and falls into SKARSGARD, The Dilapidated Boat. Nice! Matt is happy to hear that Skarsgard is okay. He also makes sure the hos are on the up and up, but they  say they will only do bad things if Matt asks them too. He tells them this isn’t that kind of establishment and that Queen Rebecca would have all their heads.

-Brother Nero, is his reincarnated self, goes back to singing while “Kane” unmasks to mark out over seeing The Hurricane. He tells the fan he should try “the punch” and knocks him out.

-Brother Nero sings another song about Halloween and then rolls under the ring as The Hurricane proposes a toast. Matt knows he is an imposter and tells everyone to avoid drinking The Punch. Hurricane gets a choke on Matt and goes to destroy the sword, but PAPA SHANGO returns. Hell yeah!

-PAPA SHANGO puts The Hurricane in a trance and obliterates him into a million pieces, leaving only his mask behind. Matt has a new trophy as he wishes everyone a Happy Halloween.

-We cut back to the mysterious hooded figure, who has The Real Hurricane tied up and he tells him that The War is far from over! A CLIFFHANGER!

-As with anything in this universe your mileage will very as those who are fans will love and those who aren’t well, it wasn’t for you anyway. This was everything I wanted and them some as they hit all the right beats. The surprises were fun and I enjoyed the storytelling and the ending leaves room for more episodes. A Thanksgiving or Christmas one should follow. This world is made for providing content for The Network and is something Matt and Jeff can do for a long time without having to kill themselves in the ring. Oh, and can’t forget about Papa Shango! That was amazing!

-Thanks for reading and Happy Halloween.