411’s WWE Raw Report 06.06.05

BACKGROUND MATERIAL

Randle is cool and lovable.

Csonka has the WWE Draft Roundtable, in which the illustrious 411 Staff weighs in on who’s likely to jump ship in the coming weeks. And it’s 8:56 and the identity of the first to jump hasn’t even been leaked out yet. The hell?

Sarnecky is looking forward to at least one of the ECW PPVs.

JT fills in with the Experience report. He also has the usual Byte This love. Busy man.

Byers‘ Cheap Tip of the Week: Hit video stores that are clearing out their VHS collections.

Newton Gimmick has the lucha.

Fried gets one of those Velocity cruiser main events.

P gets Lance Storm and I don’t. This angers Thor.

Csonka reviews some XPW.

Hooray for drafts and draft-related intrigue. Let’s do this.

Eric Bischoff is backstage in front of a monitor with a wide grin on. He’s excited about something. “Last night, I had the opportunity to select Raw’s very first pick in the 2005 Draft Lottery. And you are not gonna believe who this person is. And in just a few moments, this person is going to walk out in front of this live arena in St Louis, in front of millions of people around the world. And you’ll see what is undoubtedly the single biggest acquisition in Raw’s history. Make no –“

Jonathan Coachman runs in. Coach heard rumors that Paul Heyman may show up tonight. “Coach, who cares? Paul Heyman wants a fight, I’ll give him one. Nothing’s gonna bring me down tonight, Coach.” In just a few moments, everyone is gonna see the very first pick. “And this is, without question, Eric Bischoff’s defining moment!”

Promised for Tonight:
– Batista & HHH sign their contract for Hell in a Cell

Chris Jericho is here! It’s the 628th edition of Raw. “Welcome to the Highlight Reel!” Pyro. “This is the night. This is the night!” Everyone has been buzzing about tonight, because it’s the night that Jericho’s band plays LIVE across the river at Pop’s after the show. And something just as monumental happens tonight: it’s the first night of the Draft Lottery, and in just mere moments, a Smackdown superstar is going to make his or her Raw debut on the Highlight Reel. They may not be able to make a debut as great as Y2J’s, when he embarrassed the Rock 6 years ago, but we’ll see. Jericho doesn’t know who it is, but he knows he’s standing behind that curtain as we speak. “Come on down!” After a lengthy dramatic pause, we get…

Raw Pick #1: JOHN CENA! He jumps out from behind the curtain to an enormous pop. Jericho can hardly contain his glee. Cena comes out with his belt and works the crowd for a while on his way to the ring. The crowd is buzzing. Cena’s surprise appearance is WAY over.

“I don’t believe it! It’s John Cena!” Pop. “The WWE Champion, right here on Raw. How did this happen? How could this happen?” Cena reminds us that everybody is eligible for the draft. And like they do it in St Louis, the CHAMP is HURR!

Jericho makes an astute observation: both champions are HURR. (Or is that HERRE? Same word, different spelling? Is one preferred over the other? Help me out…) And the last time there were two champs on one show, Jericho beat ’em both to become the Undisputed Champion, so in that respect, he and Cena have something in common. They’re both media superstars with successful musical careers. Jericho remarks that his might be bigger than Cena’s, since he’s had three CDs and played around the world. “But it’s OK, kid, I got a good feeling about you. You’re gonna do just fine.” He gives Cena some free, patronizing advice: if you want to make it in the musical world, you gotta go full bore, 100%, even if that means alienating some of your wrestling fans.

Cena notes that they are the reason why he’s doing what he’s doing, and politely declines the advice, saying that he understands Jericho’s view but does not sympathize. And he has a message for the Raw locker room: “You want some, come get some.”

And the second he finishes that catchphrase, CHRISTIAN is here, alongside Tyson Tomko! Markout city! This segment is RED HOT! “I must be dreaming. My eyes must be deceiving me. John Cena, right here on Raw! Well, I heard the ovation, I heard the cheers in the back, and it reminds ome of the cheers they used to give to another fraud in this town, a guy by the name of Mark McGwire.” [Boo!] A nod to Buff Bagwell? “Well, you see, McGwire is a joke, and he made these people look like complete morons. Just like I’m going to right now. The only thing is, it’s not going to take an act of Congress for me to expose you as a fraud.” [“You suck!”] “It’s like this, Cena. This is my show, poser. So go take a stroll. Canada in the house, ’cause that’s how I roll.” [Boo!]

Cena requests permission from Jericho to handle his business on his show. Jericho says it’s OK.

That’s how you roll? Cena mocks Christian’s little dance. Like you got your routine mastered,
I’m gonna put you in your place, you creepy little bastard.
Christian. Used to come to the ring up through the fire,
wearing the Seinfeld shirt, thinking you was a vampire.
You couldn’t cut it with the Brood. They even put you on the shelf.
Gangrel was suckin’ blood, you was suckin’ someone else.
There ain’t no way you can walk a mile in my shoes.
You went from swallowing blood to blowing people’s kazoos.
And now you say you got these peeps that’ll follow your vision?
Well if you a fan of Christian, I’m gona change your religion. Listen.
[I missed a rhyme here.]
So keep talkin’, ’cause I’ma lay your ass down.
This is the Highlight Reel, so you must be the assclowns.
You the clown with Charisma. [To Tomko:] Who are you, the fight starter?
The only problem you solve is being Christian’s life partner.
And according to you, Marky Mark I might be.
But I will beat both of your asses if you fight me.
The CHAMP is HERE, so you better pray to God you switch shows.
But before you do, for old times, here’s a five second pose.”

And he does the “You can’t see me,” lowering one finger for each second, leaving only one up at the end.

Christian is so offended that he attacks, and they slug it out! Christian knocks both down, but Christian gets up. He gets some rights against the ropes, but Cena backdrops him out and slugs it out with Tomko. Jericho gets a right of his own, and Cena hits the FU to Tomko. Play his music! Cena poses on the corner and throws his Moses Malone jersey into the crowd.

Ad Break.

To temper everyone’s enthusiasm, here are some diva search pictures.

Match #1: Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari vs Shelton Benjamin (c)
Handicap Match, Intercontinental Championship

Apparently, Hassan threatened Bischoff with some sort of lawsuit for the beating he and Daivari took at the hands of Batista, so Eric compromised by giving him this handicap match. Hassan & Daivari have a chance to become the first co-Intercontinental Champions since Chris Jericho & Chyna. Actually, take it back: JR just announced that the contract for this match stipulates that, regardless of who gets the pin, if the heels win, Hassan’s the champ. And here I thought I had a decent one-liner, too… Hassan starts. He locks up Hassan and backs him into the corner. Shelton slugs both of them to get it back in the ring. He whips Hassan and gets two armdrags, the second one leading into an armbar. Referee Jack Doan goes through the submission motions. Shelton gets a kick, a whip and a clothesline. [“USA!”] Shelton cheapshots Daivari and gives him a front suplex onto the top rope. Hassan comes from behind and gets a whip. Shelton elbows Daivari to avoid the cheap shot, but Hassan swoops in with a whip and a back elbow. Shelton kips up, though. They stare each other down, and Shelton gets a waistlock into a stalling back suplex. Shelton stalks Hassan and gets a running kneelift to the head! Stinger splash misses as Daivari pulls Hassan out of the way, and Hassan hits the Flatliner! Shelton puts his foot on the bottom rope. Doan counts the three anyway and calls for the bell! (1:54) The heels’ music plays, but Doan realizes his mistake and takes the belt away from Hassan. What the hell happened? Good question! The heels are certainly irate. We’ll find out after this …

Ad Break.

We’re back, and Doan has restarted the match. Shelton elbows out of a chinlock and gets a Samoan drop out of nowhere for two, broken up by Daivari. Shelton stupidly puts Daivari in a two-handed choke lift, allowing the heels to double-team him and send him shoulder-first into the ringpost. Hassan slams Shelton’s arm into the ringpost twice with a running assist, then distracts Doan enough for Daivari to slam Shelton’s arm into the apron. That distracts Doan again. Hassan capitalizes with an armbar. He kicks the shoulder a few times, then locks in a keylock to the left arm. [“Let’s go, Shelton, let’s go!”] Hassan gets an armbar takedown on that arm and tags in Daivari. Daivari wrenches that arm, but Shelton turns it into an inside cradle for two. Daivari gets a low dropkick and covers with a lateral press, smartly putting all his weight on the right shoulder. Little things… Shelton kicks out. Daivari works a hammerlock. He covers for two before going to an armbar. Shelton pops up with a series of rights and gets a backdrop. Shelton goes to a clothesline or two. Hassan stupidly runs in as Shelton’s looking at him, and gets clothesline. Shelton whips Daivari into the corner and gets the Stinger splash. Hassan sneaks in, and Shelton just dumps him. Shelton hits THAT’S MISTER EXPLODER on Daivari for the win!

Winner: Shelton Benjamin via pinfall (9:45)

Hassan is not happy. Shelton escapes with the win. Hassan glares at him from inside the ring. He spits in Shelton’s general direction.

And let us take you back to two weeks ago, when HHH assaulted Batista with a sledgehammer! In case you forgot, their contract signing is tonight, and there could be an EXPLOSION.

Ad Break.

Backstage, Tajiri is getting worked up for a match. William Regal comes by to tell him there’s a rumor that Paul Heyman is here. Regal forbids Tajiri from taking part in ECW One Night Stand. It’s barbaric! Chris Benoit walks in. Regal says he’s trying to bring sense into Tajiri, and belittles Chris Benoit’s nostalgia for ECW. Benoit informs him that ECW is a big part of wrestling history. Regal mocks him for being the face of ECW. (Benoit will face Gene Snitsky, ECW-style, tonight.) Benoit never asked to be the face of ECW; they just gave him a chance, like Tajiri, when no one else would. Benoit says it’ll be fun. Regal says that’s unfortunate for both of them, because Regal will be part of Eric Bischoff’s anti-ECW crusade. Regal says you’re either with him or against him. Tajiri’s response: “ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW. ECW.”

Backstage, Jonathan Coachman informs Eric Bischoff that Paul Heyman is not coming alone. Bischoff says not to believe it, because you can’t believe a word out of Heyman’s mouth. It’s just a rumor.

Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari head in to complain about incompetent, prejudiced refereeing. “You know what? I’m sick and tired of this. I demand that you overturn that idiot’s ruling and make me the new Intercontinental Champion.”

“I can’t do that. I mean, the referee’s decision is final.” Bischoff makes reference to the lawsuit they are pursuing against him, and says that he got a call from WWE HQ in Stamford. There’s a one-man committee that’s going to be here to address his grievances in the ring.

Hassan gets a long face. Daivari is puzzled, but Hassan isn’t. “It’s Vince McMahon. It’s the boss. Vince, isn’t it? … What’s so funny, Coach?” It’s not Vince McMahon. “It’s someone who’s bigger than Vince McMahon, who’s better than Vince McMahon. The man who’s gonna hear your grievances in the ring is a legend in the history of sports entertainment, and that man is none other than… Stone Cold Steve Austin.”

Daivari blows a gasket. Hassan is angry, too.

Ad Break.

Chris Masters is here! JR is glad to see that Masters will be in a wrestling match for once. King shushes him for being so disrespectful. Would you scream at the top of your lungs in a museum?

Match #2: Chris Masters vs Val Venis

Val attacks during Masters’ entrance, gets a chop on the outside, and puts him in the ring. He gets some offense in the corner. He unloads the chops in the corner, gets a snapmare, and kicks Masters hard in the back. Val gets a kneelift and a cross-corner whip, followed by a clothesline. Val unloads the left forearms. He works the crowd, but Masters shortarms a whip. Val gets his half-nelson slam anyway! It gets two from Referee Chad Patton. Masters takes the action outside. He gets a kneelift, but Val blocks a slam into the ringsteps and sends Masters headfirst into the steps. Val puts him back in, but Masters punts him in the head on his way back in. Val looks like he might be out, but he blocks a suplex, gets a series of four kneelifts, and hits the seaman’s suplex (yarr!) for two. Val grabs the tights… BLUE THUNDER! It gets two. Masters’ mouth is cut open. Masters blocks a charge, but he runs the ropes right into a spinebuster for two! Val gets Masters in the corner and unloads the punch combo from the second turnbuckle. He gets to five before Masters slams him down and gets the Masterlock. Val fights it and fights it… and the crowd thinks he might be able to pull it off!… but he finally passes out.

Winner: Chris Masters via submission (4:24)

The crowd was actually into this because Val dominated and dodged Masters’ offense for the whole match, and all Val’s offense is pretty convincing. The fire he came out with made the crowd believe he could escape the dreaded Masterlock. Masters still doesn’t do much for me, though.

Backstage, Triple H & Ric Flair are hanging out. Flair says the signing is next. Flair tells HHH to make sure Batista signs it. Flair goes on a drunken rant about how HHH, who’s never lost in Hell in a Cell, will have his title back as long as this segment is successful. HHH smiles and marches off.

Ad Break.

Eric Bischoff is in the ring with 12 security officers, a red carpet, and a table. He has to warn all of us that Paul Heyman is supposedly coming here tonight. [Pop.] And he’s “not alone.” “Well, Heyman, I dare you to show up here tonight. Becuase the fact is, ECW failed because of you. And ECW failed because it didn’t have an attraction like Hell in a Cell, or a performer like the man I am about to introduce. A man who has never lost a Hell in a Cell match. A man who is undoubtedly the greatest performer in the history of our industry, and he’s – he’s one of the greatest wrestlers today. A ten-time World Heavyweight Champion, ladies and gentlemen, welcome… the Game, Triple H!”

Triple H makes his entrance. [Sign: Support IWA-MS]

“Now, HHH, I want to take this opportunity to inform you that the Draft Lottery is protected, meaning that in the unlikely event that either you or Batista are drafted to SD! before Vengeance, Hell in a Cell will atke place.”

“You’re damned right Hell in a Cell is gonna take place, Eric. And it doesn’t matter to me — I don’t give a crap about this draft.” [“Asshole!”] HHH is bemused. “You see, Eric, this draft doesn’t mean a thing ot me, because it doesn’t matter if it’s SMackdown, it doesn’t matter if it’s Raw, you know, I know, and whether they want to admit it or not, they all know… that there is not a man on this planet that can do what I do in this ring better than me. That is a fact. And it is a fact that I will prove for the 11th time when at Vengeance, in Hell in a Cell, I become the World Heavyweight Champion. Don’t believe me? You doubt me? You — you don’t believe what I say? I’ve prepared a little something to prove it to you. But let me warn you: it’s not for the faint of heart. This is what you would call one of those Parental Guidance moments. And Batista, I know you probably don’t want to watch this, but you need to see it. Now roll the footage.”

We get footage of HHH beating people inside the cell, with a voiceover of HHH saying that Dave should fear him, because he’s going to go toe to toe with the devil himself.

“Goosebumps. Goosebumps. Can you feel it? Because I can. It’s coming home, Jack. It’s coming home. Batista, you were lucky one time. Lightning struck a second time. And it was unbelievable, but it will not happen a third time…”

Batista interrupts him. He heads out and stares him down fron the other side of the table. [“Batista!”] “You’re done talking. You know, I don’t know what it’s like to be in Hell in a Cell, an di don’t know what to expect at this point, I don’t really care. I know we’re both gonna get hurt, I know we’re both gonna bleed, and I know we’re both going to go ’til we can’t go anymore. We’re going to hell, Hunter. You hear me? We’re going to hell.” Pop. “I’m ready to pay for my sins. How ’bout you? You ready to pay? Hunter, I don’t fear the cell. And I don’t fear you.” Sympathy pop.

Bischoff: “Gentlemen, gentlemen, it is time to make this official. Please.” They sit down. “Now HHH, you have had an opportunity to review the contract. As the challenge, I ask that you please sign first.” HHH stares Batista down. He points to him with the pen, then signs. “Batista, as the defending champion, I ask that you sign the contract.” And he does. “It is official! At Vengeance, it will be HHH versus Batista, Hell in a Cell, for the World Title.”

HHH gets up. “You just signed your own death warrant.” Batista stands up. “Good. ‘Cause you’re gonna have to kill me to take this.” “Really? You’re gonna kill me to stop me. You know something, Dave? You and I, we’ve been through a lot, huh. I know one thing: no matter what happens at Hell in a Cell, when Vengeance is done, this thing between you and me, it’s gonna be over. For good.” Tense silence. HHH offers the handshake. Batista thinks. He shakes it and yanks HHH toward him. “You said we were going to hell, and I was gonna meet the devil. At Vengeance, I’m gonna kick the devil’s ASS.” Play Batista’s music. But HHH removes the suit. Security looks at HHH to stop him from trying any funny business. Batista holds the belt up.

Ad Break.

Earlier Tonight, John Cena made his Raw debut.

Match #3: The Heart Throbs & Victoria vs Rosey, The Hurricane & Christy Hemme (w/ Stacy Keibler)

Last Monday, Victoria was put off by Christy winning a swimsuit contest, and beat up three divas, while also punting King in the balls. She tries to avoid the ‘Throbs during their entrance as much as possible. Antonio and Hurricane start. Hurricane gets a fireman’s carry. Antonio gets a whip and a kick, but he charges into a flying clothesline and a vertical suplex for two, broken up by Romeo, which prompts a stern reaction from “Vigilant” Mike Chioda. Romeo tags in, and the heels get a double Russian leg sweep for two. Romeo backs Huricane in the corner and tags Antonio in, and they throw Hurricane into the corner hard. Antonio gets the vertical suplex for two. Romeo raises a foot in the corner, and Antonio sends Hurricane into said foot, then tags in Romeo for a double suplex. Victoria wants the tag, and gets it. She stomps away on Hurricane. “Vigilant” Mike Chioda fails to enforce the rules of WWE Mixed Tags and make Christy come in. But Hurricane takes Victoria down and tags in Christy, who gets a series of clotheslines, a kick and a blatant two-handed choke. Chioda lifts her off with a waistlock, but she goes underneath him and heads back to the choke. Chioda calls for the bell at five.

Winners via disqualification: The Heart Throbs & Victoria via disqualification (3:03)

Christy charges and tackles Victoria through the ropes. The superheroes lift her off to break up this carnage. Christy shrieks a few times. Victoria is disgusted. Stacy heads up the ramp before the superheroes, if you want to call that subtle foreshadowing.

Eric Bischoff tells a journalist (or maybe a PR guy) that Eric Bischoff (two Fs) is going to give Paul Heyman one hell of a fight.

“Well, well, well. Have I been waiting for you.” John Cena is in his office. Bischoff welcomes him to Raw and offers a handshake. Bisch has a great idea for next week’s main: Cena and Chris Jericho against Tyson Tomko and Christian. Cena is feeling it and starts to head out. Bischoff says that they could have a great relationship. Cena says that if he does that, that’s his thing, but he’s not into that. He leaves. Bischoff says it’d be his honor to have Cena join his anti-ECW brigade. Cena wishes him luck, but says he isn’t in. Bischoff notes that he can be a powerful ally. Cena tells Bischoff that he doesn’t play politics. Bischoff says Cena probably doesn’t know him. Cena says that he used to watch Nitro every Monday with his homies — he does know Bischoff, and at 9 every Monday he used to switch to Raw. Cena informs Bischoff that if he wants a friend, he can see one of his other four draft picks, because he can’t see Cena.

Ad Break.

Let us take you back to last week, when Lita flushed her ring from Kane down the toilet. Lita has filed for divorce, too.

Kane is here for a match. Kane requested this match to get his mind off his personal life. We don’t know who the opponent is, though. Edge shows up after the dramatic pause. He’s the bearer of good news and bad news. The bad news is that he won’t be facing Kane tonight. The good news is, he will be his opponent at Vengeance, and at Vengeance, Edge is going to put Kane out of his misery once and for all. But Edge looks at Kane and sees a shell of his former self. There’s no big red machine that has everybody quaking in their boots. “Maybe we should do this right here, right now.” He starts ot hike down, then thinks better of it. “Wait a second — on second thought, I think I’ve got a much better idea.” He retreats. Lita strolls out to join him. She says she thought he could use a reminder. “Vengeance? It’s in Las Vegas. You know, Sin City? The place where anything can happen. So Edge and I were thinkking that after you get beat, we will be so excited and overjoyed” — [“Slut!”] — “overjoyed, and elated if you will, that we’re gonna go out and celebrate, and we thought what better way to celebrate than to go find one of those all-night wedding chapels and get married?”

“Kane, big fella, that’s not all that’s gonna happen all night long. They say Vegas is a city where everything that happens, it stays there. Well Kane, what happens at Vengeance will haunt you for the rest of your life.” They kiss at the top of the stage. Kane looks on. What happened to the match?

Ad Break.

We get shots of ECW billboards being posted all over New York, as well as a video package featuring the suicidal, homicidal, genocidal, death-defying Sabu.

Jonathan Coachman is here! He joins our hosts at the announce position.

Match #4: Chris Benoit vs Gene Snitsky
ECW Rules Match

Benoit attacks right off the bat and attacks with a trash can lid. He gets the plunder and puts it in the ring. The plunder consists of two trash cans. Benoit beats on Snitsky some more with the lid outside the ring. Benoit kicks Snitsky in the head inside the ring a few times. [“We want tables!”] Snitsky gets a whip into the corner, but Benoit dodges an avalanche and tries a German. It’s blocked, so Benoit gets the Fujiwara armbar. Snitsky escapes with a trash can lid. This Sunday, we’ll get some Extreme Heat before the ECW PPV. Snitsky gets a bodyslam and sets up the two cans in opposite corners. He whips Benoit into one, and then whips him into the other. Our hosts go through the ECW debate. Snitsky hits a sidewalk slam onto the lid for two. Benoit bails against the ropes. Snitsky charges with a boot… and Benoit dodges, allowing Snitsky to crotch himself on the top rope. Benoit drills him with the can. He holds the can high above his head to a loud pop, then heads back out for more plunder. Benoit… get the table! Snitsky tries a desperation clothesline, ducked, and Beniot gets three Germans, none of which go through the table. He tries #4, blocked, so he puts Snitsky on the table instead and headbutts him repeatedly. Benoit heads up. Snitsky recovers in time to pull down the top rope to crotch Benoit. He pulls the table away and gets the lid as Benoit tries to climb back up top. Snitsky uses the hard lid shot to knock Benoit to the outside. Snitsky stares down Benoit… and the DUDLEY BOYZ sneak in with the 3-D through the table! ECW! ECW! They fire up the crowd. Senior Official Earl Hebner suggests that they leave, so they run away, baiting security away from the ring as we head to an Ad Break… (6:00)

Moments Ago, the Dudley Boyz ran in to 3D Snitsky through the table, which indicates that ECW is in the house.

During the Break, Benoit headed up with the flying headbutt for the win.

Winner: Chris Benoit via pinfall (~8:00)

Coachman leads a gang of security to hunt down the Dudleyz. He finds them and demands that they be handcuffed. Paul Heyman joins them at the gate. Coach calls for the cuffs for him too. But Heyman, master negotiator, notes the hypocrisy of Eric Bischoff challenging ECW, then declining ECW’s challenge. This prompts Coachman to accept on behalf of Bischoff, and the cuffs come off. He tells them to wait there — Bischoff will call them out in the ring, and he probably won’t be coming alone. Heyman says he’s looking forward to it.

Ad Break.

Next Week
– Draft Lottery Continues
– John Cena & Chris Jericho vs Christian & Tyson Tomko
– Steve Austin hears the grievances of Hassan & Daivari in Stone Cold Court

Eric Bischoff, Edge, Christian & Tyson Tomko hit the ring. “Paul Heyman. For once, in you miserable life, you’ve decided to keep your word. You said you weren’t coming alone, so you show up with the Dudley Boyz? Quite frankly, I always thought the Dudley Boyz were a little overrated. Nevertheless, all you’re doing, Heyman, is making our jobs easier. Tonight, we’re gonna take you three out. That way, I don’t even have to show up at One Night Stand. And then, that way, this Sunday, at the Hammerstein Ballroom, whatever crumbs of ECW are left over, we’re gonna feed to Smackdown’s Kurt Angle, JBL and his Cabinet, and kill ECW once and for all. [“ECW!”] “You know, Heyman, I know you’re back there, alright? So I’m gonna do something you never thought I would do, Heyman. I’m calling you out.”

Paul Heyman & the Dudley Boyz march backstage. They walk through the crowd and head toward the ring. They hop the security wall and stand outside the ring. “Eric, you keep making the same mistkae over and over and over and over and over again. You keep thinking it’s about me. It’s not about Paul Heyman. It’s about E-C-W. I’ll give you credit, Mr Bischoff. You had an unlimited checkbook, you had a multimilliondollar expense account, you had the Nitro franchise, but WCW never had what ECW had. ECW had the guts. ECW had the soul. ECW had the passion, and ECW had a bond with the audience that you could never duplicate! And so help me God, so help me God, by my children’s soul, I’ll tell you this man to man. ECW never backed down from anyone.” The Dudz head in… and Bischoff backs out. “Oh really? Well maybe, just maybe, you’ll back down from this!” He motions for more support. The Sunday Night Heat Brigade heads down to the ring. Heyman gets on the apron. “Eric, I guess you didn’t hear me. In ECW, we never backed down from anybody!” Play the ECW theme. Tommy Dreamer, Sandman, Rhyno, I think that’s Balls Mahoney, Axl Rotten, and the ECW Brigade head down to the apron. “IN case you didn’t understand me the first two times, in ECW, we never, ever, ever back down from a fight.” And the fight is on! Team ECW clears the ring. Edge gets Gored. Maven gets hung in the tree of woe and gets a baseball slide with a chair. They hang an ECW banner over the top rope and stare down the evil Raw heels. If I know anything about WWE booking, that means they’re doomed this Sunday.

And I’ll see you next week with all the fallout from that spectacle of hardcore athleticism.