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411’s WWE Royal Rumble Report 01.27.13

January 27, 2013 | Posted by Scott Slimmer

Welcome to 411’s WWE Royal Rumble 2013 Report. For even more coverage, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter at @ScottSlimmer.

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Pre-Show United States Championship Match
Antonio Cesaro (Champion) vs. The Miz
Antonio Cesaro vs. The Miz

Cesaro and Miz lock up to start, and Miz gets a quick schoolboy pin for a one count. They lock up again, and Miz transitions to a standing side head lock. Cesaro switches into a standing side head lock of his own before releasing the hold, hitting the ropes, and dropping Miz with a running shoulder block. Cesaro hits the ropes again, but this time Miz catches him with a back elbow shot and an inside package for a two count. Cesaro goes back to the standing side head lock, but Miz creates some distance and goes for a crossbody, but Cesaro catches Miz and counters into a backbreaker for a two count. Miz gets back to his feet and charges at Cesaro, but Cesaro catches him with a scoop slam for another two count. Cesaro chokes Miz across the second rope and follows up with a gutwrench suplex for another two count. Cesaro traps Miz in the corner, but Miz lands a kick to the gut to create some distance. Miz charges at Cesaro, but Cesaro catches him with a sweet choke slam / backbreaker combination. Cesaro goes for another scoop slam, but Miz counters into his patented backbreaker / neck breaker combination. Miz pounds on Cesaro, beats him into the corner, and hits his patented corner clothesline. Miz comes off the top rope and flies at Cesaro, but Cesaro avoids contact causing Miz to land awkwardly on his knee. Miz hits a kneeling DDT for a two count. Miz goes for the Figure Four Leg Lock, but Cesaro kicks him away. Miz is really selling the knee damage from the awkward landing off the top rope. Miz chases Cesaro out of the ring, but Cesaro slams him shoulder-first into the ring apron. Cesaro rolls Miz back into the ring, hits the Neutralizer, and gets the three count.

Match Result: Antonio Cesaro defeats Miz with the Neutralizer.
Match Length: 7:40

Last Man Standing Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Alberto Del Rio (Champion) w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. The Big Show
Alberto Del Rio vs. The Big Show

Big Show makes his way to the ring, and then we cut to Del Rio and Ricardo in the back. Del Rio is reassuring Ricardo that he can defeat the Big Show when they run into Bret Hart. Hart wishes Del Rio good luck and says that Del Rio is the Mexican Bret Hart. Del Rio thanks Hart and says that Hart is the Canadian Alberto Del Rio. Ricardo totally marks out when he sees Bret Hart, and Hart gives Ricardo a pair of his patented pink glasses. Great throwback spot right there. Del Rio finally makes his way to the ring, and it’s time to do this thing.

Show beats Del Rio into the corner and pounds away on him. Show lands a monstrous chop, but Del Rio fights back with a kick to the gut and a volley of punches. Del Rio hits the ropes and charges at Show, but Show drops him with a shoulder block. Show hits Del Rio with a scoop slam and follows up with another chop in the corner. Del Rio lands a kick to the throat and flies off the second rope, but Show connects with a chop in mid-air. Show delivers a head butt and follows up with an butt bump in the corner. Del Rio takes Show off his feet with a kick to the back of the leg and follows up with a kick to the back of the skull. Show gets back to his feet and goes for a powerbomb, but Del Rio counters into a hurricanrana. Del Rio heads up top and hits a seated senton from the top rope. Cole called that a seated senton, but Del Rio was off axis enough to make it look more like a diving leg lariat. Del Rio and Show head out of the ring, and Show connects with another huge chop. Show grabs a steel chair and Del Rio crawls back into the ring. Show climbs back into the ring and goes for a head shot with the chair, but Del Rio connects with a drop kick to the gut. Del Rio grabs the chair and beats Show down to the mat. The referee begins his count on Show as Del Rio catches his breath in the corner. Show gets to his feet at 6 as Del Rio heads up top with the chair. Del Rio flies at show with the chair in hand, but Show catches him and counters into a choke slam. Del Rio uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet at 8 before falling out of the ring. Show follows Del Rio out of the ring and scoop slams Del Rio on the outside. The referee begins his count on Del Rio, but Del Rio makes it back to his feet at 7. Show beats Del Rio up the ramp, but Del Rio retaliates with a punt to the groin. Del Rio lands another kick to the back of the head, and Show crumbles to the floor. The referee begins his count on Show, and Show barely makes it back to his feet at 9. Show lands a kick to Del Rio’s chest before flinging Del Rio into the set. Show again whips Del Rio into the set. Show grabs a fluorescent light tube from the set and breaks it over Del Rio’s back. Show sets up a table and again chops Del Rio’s chest. Show climbs up onto the suspended light tubes and pulls Del Rio up with him. Show and Del Rio are about eight feet in the air… BIG SHOW CHOKE SLAMS DEL RIO OFF THE LIGHTS AND THROUGH THE TABLE! And damn, that table was right on the concrete. Brutal spot right there. The referee begins his count on Del Rio, but Del Rio miraculously gets back to his feet at 9. Show beats Del Rio back toward the ring before rolling Del Rio into the ring. Show sets up for the Knockout Punch, but Del Rio rolls out of the ring to avoid contact. Show follows Del Rio out of the ring and grabs the steel steps. Show hurls the steps at Del Rio, but Del Rio just manages to avoid contact. Ricardo attacks Show from behind to buy Del Rio some time, but Del Rio flings Ricardo into the barrier. Show charges at Del Rio, but Del Rio steps out of the way, causing Show to slam through the barrier and destroy the timekeeper’s area. Show gets back to his feet at 9, but Del Rio grabs a steel chair and beats Show back down to the ground. Del Rio sets Show’s arm on the steel steps and slams it with the steel chair. Del Rio grabs a fire extinguisher and blasts Show in the face. Show rolls back into the ring, and Del Rio follows him with the chair. “This is awesome! This is awesome!” Del Rio locks in the cross arm breaker, and as he has it applied, Ricardo grabs a roll of duct tape and tapes Show’s ankles to the bottom rope. Show is hog ties to the bottom rope! Del Rio breaks the hold and the referee begins his count on Show, but Show can’t reach his feet to take off the duct tape! 8… 9… 10!

Match Result: Alberto Del Rio defeats the Big Show (with some assistance from Ricardo Rodriguez and a roll of duct tape)
Match Length: 16:56

Matt Striker is in the back with Dolph Ziggler, AJ, and Big E Langston. Ziggler says that he’s chosen to be the first entrant in the Royal Rumble. Big E chases off Striker, and Ziggler vows to win the Royal Rumble AND cash in his MitB contract at WrestleMania in order to unify the WWE and World Heavyweight Championships.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Team Hell No (Champions) vs. Team Rhodes Scholars
Team Hell No vs. Team Rhodes Scholars

Bryan and Rhodes start the match, and Bryan quickly catches Rhodes (and his mustache) in a Mexican surfboard. Bryan makes the tag to Kane, and Kane hits a drop kick to the face for a two count. Kane whips Rhodes to the ropes, but Rhodes counters with a drop kick before making the tag to Sandow. Kane whips Sandow to the corner and makes the tag to Bryan. Bryan works over Sandow with a volley of kicks to the chest and back before making the tag to Kane. Kane kicks Sandow in the side of the head and whips him to the ropes. Kane tosses both Sandow and Rhodes out of the ring and makes the tag to Bryan.

At this point my WWE.com stream died, and I didn’t recover it until after the match was over.

Match Result: Team Hell No defeated Team Rhodes Scholars.

The Royal Rumble
The Royal Rumble

Entrant #1 is Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler says that he doesn’t even care who #2 is, so just send him out already. Entrant #2 is CHRIS F’N JERICHO. BREAK THE WALLS DOWN! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE SPARKLY JACKET! The match begins, and the crowd is rabid for Jericho. Ziggler and Jericho lock up, and Jericho immediately grabs a standing side head lock. Ziggler tries to toss Jericho, but Jericho heads up top and connects with a double ax handle. Jericho clotheslines Ziggler over the top rope, but Ziggler lands on the apron. Ziggler heads up top and Jericho follows him up. “You still got it! You still got it!” – The Crowd. “I never lost it!” – Chris Jericho. Entrant #3 is Cody Rhodes. Rhodes goes after Jericho, and Ziggler and Rhodes begin to double team Jericho. Ziggler and Rhodes try to toss Jericho, but Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho on Rhodes. Ziggler nails Jericho from behind to break the hold. Entrant #4 is Kofi Kingston. Kingston immediately heads up top and flies at Rhodes. Kingston goes to work with mounted punches on Rhodes before going for Trouble in Paradise on Ziggler, but Ziggler ducks to avoid contact. Rhodes tries to dump Kingston, and Jericho tries to dump Rhodes. “Y2J! Y2J! Y2J!” Kingston tries to muscle Ziggler over the top rope, but Ziggler grapevines the top rope. Entrant #5 is Santino Marella. Santino pulls out the Cobra but is quickly eliminated. Entrant #6 is Drew McIntyre. McIntyre goes after everyone and whips Kingston to the ropes. McIntyre levels Kingston with a big boot before trying to lift him over the top rope. Ziggler and Rhodes are battling on the other side of the ring. Ziggler launches Jericho, but Jericho grabs the top rope and avoids touching the floor. Entrant #7 is Titus O’Neil. Rhodes and Kingston double team O’Neil, but O’Neil levels both men with a double clothesline. O’Neil hits Kingston with a backbreaker as McIntyre pounds on Jericho in the corner. McIntyre ends up on the apron, and Jericho kicks him to the floor to eliminate him. And we’ve got another Y2J chant from the crowd. Entrant #8 is GOLDUST!. THE RHODES BROTHERS ARE ABOUT TO COLLIDE! Goldust goes right after Rhodes and quickly tries to eliminate him. Goldust pounds on Rhodes in the corner as O’Neil works over Jericho in the opposite corner. Entrant #9 is David Otunga. Otunga traps Jericho in the corner as Ziggler does the same to Kingston. Goldust and Rhodes go after O’Neil, but Rhodes turns on Goldust and tries to toss him. Entrant #10 is Heath Slater. Ziggler is on the apron again, and Jericho is doing his best to eliminate him. Kingston and Slater are going at it in the corner, and Otunga is going after Goldust. Entrant #11 is Sheamus. Business, as they say, has just picked up. Sheamus cleans house on everyone in the ring before clubberin’ O’Neil’s chest. Sheamus sends Otunga into O’Neil to eliminate O’Neil and then Brogue Kicks Otunga off the apron to eliminate him as well. Entrant #12 is Tensai. Evidently we’ve reached the hoss portion of the match. Everyone in the ring turns their attention to Tensai, but Sheamus breaks away to go after Slater. Ziggler misses a big splash in the corner. Entrant #13 is Brodus Clay. Yep, total hossfest right now. The rapid-fire eliminations have to be coming soon. Clay goes after Jericho and Sheamus tries to toss Ziggler. Ziggler narrowly avoiding elimination has been an ongoing theme throughout the match. Goldust back body drops Rhodes over the top rope, but Rhodes lands on the apron. Rhodes pulls Goldust out onto the apron, but Goldust clotheslines Rhodes back into the ring. Rhdoes slams Goldust shoulder-first into the ring apron to knock Goldust to the floor and eliminate him. Brother vs. brother… such a tragedy. Entrant #14 is Rey Mysterio. Mysterio sets up Ziggler and Jericho for 619s and then drops the dime on Jericho. Ziggler and Jericho have both been in the ring for more than twenty minutes at this point. Sheamus tries to lift Tensai but just can’t get it done. Entrant #15 is Darren Young. Everyone goes after Brodus Clay and finally manage to toss him. Kingston eliminates Tensai soon after. Ziggler tosses Kingston, but Kingston lands on Tensai’s back on the outside. Kingston muscles Tensai to the Spanish announce table and gets off Tensai’s back onto the table. Entrant #16 is Bo Dallas from NXT. Kingston things about trying to jump back to the ring from the announce table but realizes he won’t be able to make it. KINSGSTON ASKS JBL FOR HIS CHAIR AND USES THE CHAIR AS A POGO STICK TO GET BACK TO THE RING. Kingston quickly eliminates Young, and Rhodes then eliminates Kingston. Entrant #17 is The Godfather. Godfather climbs in the ring but is immediately dropkicked over the top rope by Ziggler. Nice to see you, Godfather. Entrant #18 is Wade Barrett. Could Barrett be the first Intercontinental Champion to win the Royal Rumble? Barrett goes right after Mysterio, but Jericho makes the save. Barrett gets precariously close to dumping Sheamus, but Slater pulls Barrett to the other side of the ring. Entrant #19 is JOHN CENA. Everyone in the ring stops to stare at the entrance as Cena makes his way down to the ring. Everyone attacks Cena when he enters the ring, but Cena quickly tosses Slater. Cena gives Rhodes an Attitude Adjustment over the top rope to eliminate him. Cena tries to do the same to Jericho, but Ziggler makes the save. Bo Dallas goes after Cena in the corner. That takes a pair. Entrant #20 is Damien Sandow. Mysterio ends up on the apron, and Barrett kicks him off for the elimination. Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho on Cena, but Cena kicks him away. Entrant #21 is Daniel Bryan. Bryan goes right after Sandow and then turns his attention to Ziggler. Barrett attacks Bryan, but Bryan knocks him absolutely senseless with kicks to the chest, back, and head. Bryan and Sheamus try to eliminate Jericho, but Jericho again manages to avoid having his feet touch the floor. “Let’s go Cena! Cena sucks! Let’s go Cena! Cena sucks!” Entrant #22 is Antonio Cesaro. Cesaro connects with an uppercut to Bryan as Barrett tries to muscle Cena over the top rope in the corner. Bo Dallas is still in the match, currently having lasted more than ten minutes. Cesaro hits Dallas with an uppercut and then turns his attention to Jericho. Entrant #23 is the Great Khali. Khali climbs into the ring and chops everyone down to the mat. Khali steps on Jericho’s head. Ouch. Cesaro is trying to eliminate Sheamus but not having much luck. Entrant #24 is Kane. And Kane was right, he does enter the Rumble after Daniel Bryan. This is Kane’s 16th Royal Rumble match. Kane goes after Khali as Sheamus pounds on Sandow in the corner. Sandow tries to dump Sheamus backwards over the top rope, but Sheamus lands safely on the ring apron. Entrant #25 is Zack Ryder. Kane eliminates Khali, and Bryan eliminates Kane. Bryan gets tosses but lands in Kane’s arms. Bryan begs Kane to put him back on the ring apron, but Kane drops Bryan on the arena floor. Entrant #26 is Randy Orton. Orton power slams Ryder and lands an uppercut on Dallas. Orton hits a double rope-assisted DDT on Ziggler and Dallas. Orton delivers and RKO to Ryder and eliminates him. Entrant #27 is Jinder Mahal. Okay, I’m pretty sure lucky #27 isn’t winning this year. Cesaro tries to gutwrench suplex Cena over the top rope, but Cena counters and eliminates Cesaro. Sheamus levels Barrett with a clothesline. Entrant #28 is the Miz. Miz attacks Cesaro as Cesaro is making his way back up the ramp. A volley of referees pull Miz off Cesaro, and Miz finally enters the match. Sheamus eliminates Mahal as Miz hits Cena with his patented backbreaker / neck breaker combination. Barrett is still trying to eliminate Sheamus. Entrant #29 is Sin Cara. Sin Cara connects with kicks to Ziggler and Barrett before going after Sandow. Sheamus is now trying to eliminate Cena, which just might make him the biggest face in history. BO DALLAS ELIMINATES WADE BARRETT! Wow, seriously didn’t see that one coming, but it makes sense if Dallas is going to be part of the main roster from now on. Sin Cara goes after Dallas as Miz goes after Jericho. Barrett hops up onto the ring apron and eliminates Dallas. Barrett damn near kills Dallas with the Bull Hammer Elbow on the outside. Entrant #30 is Ryback. Ryback eliminates Sandow and then tosses Sin Cara onto Sandow to eliminate him as well. Ryback eliminates Miz as Jericho hits the Lionsault on Cena. Jericho clotheslines Orton and hits Ziggler with the Code Breaker. Ziggler back body drops Jericho onto the apron and then hits him with a super kick for the elimination. Orton hits Ziggler with an RKO and then does the same to Cena. RKO to Sheamus! Orton his Ryback with the rope-assisted DDT, and he’s currently the only man standing. RYBACK GETS BACK TO HIS FEET AND ELIMINATES ORTON! FINAL FOUR: ZIGGLER, SHEAMUS, RYBACK, AND CENA! Sheamus Brogue Kicks Ziggler off the apron to eliminate him, and we’re down to the final three men. Sheamus, Cena, and Ryback stare at each other in the middle of the ring. Cena and Sheamus team up to double suplex Ryback. Sheamus and Cena slug it out in the middle of the ring. Cena hits Sheamus with the Protobomb and goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Ryback cuts him off with the Meat Hook Clothesline. Ryback goes for Shell Shocked on Sheamus, but Sheamus counters into White Noise. Sheamus sets up for the Brogue Kick on Ryback, but Ryback counters and eliminates Sheamus! And the final two men are John Cena and Ryback! “Feed me more! Feed me more! Feed me more!” Ryback catches Cena with a huge spinebuster and sets up for another Meat Hook Clothesline, but Cena counters into the STF. “Let’s go Cena! Cena sucks! Let’s go Cena! Cena sucks!” Ryback appears to have passed out from the pain, but Cena still has to lift Ryback out of the ring. Cena lifts Ryback up to the top turnbuckle, but Ryback regains consciousness and this a Thesz Press from the second rope. Ryback goes for a power slam over the top rope, but Cena floats over and whips Ryback over the tope rope for the elimination. John Cena joins Hogan, Michaels, and Austin as the only four men to win two Royal Rumble matches.

Match Result: John Cena wins the Royal Rumble match.
Match Length: 55:15

The Rock is in the back to cut a promo. The Rock has known adversity, but he never quits. His mother was diagnosed with cancer, but she never quit, and she’s here tonight to see the Rock. The Rock and the People are going to defeat CM Punk tonight, because the Rock and the People never quit.

WWE Championship Match
CM Punk (Champion) w/ Paul Heyman vs. The Rock
CM Punk vs. The Rock

Punk and Rock slug it out to start, but it’s Punk that gets the advantage and traps Rock in the corner. Rock regains control with a clothesline and then clotheslines Punk out of the ring. Rock follows Punk out of the ring and levels him on the outside. Punk begins to dismantle the Spanish announce table, but Punk whips Rock back into the ring and politely re-assembles the Spanish table. Rock heads back out of the ring and whips Punk into the barrier. The referee turns his attention to Punk, and Heyman cheap shots Rock from behind. Rock turns his attention to Heyman, and Punk levels Rock from behind. Punk dismantles the Spanish table and drops Rock gut-first onto the barrier. Punk appears to be targeting the internal injuries that Rock suffered at the hands of the Shield on Monday. Punk and Rock head back into the ring, and Punk drills Rock with a kick to the back. “Boots to asses! Boots to asses! Boots to asses!” Punk grapevines the body to continue to work over Rocks mid-section. Rock breaks the hold and unloads on Punk, but Punk regains control with a knee to the gut for a two count. Rock lands a volley of punches on Punk and follows up with an inverted atomic drop, but Punk counters with a back heel kick to the face. Punk steps on Rocks’ gut and pounds on his chest. Punk drops Rock gut-first onto the top rope and gets a two count. Punk lands a kick to the ribs and works over Rock in the corner. The referee calls for the clean break, and Heyman again cheap shots Rock while the referee has his back turned. Punk kicks Rock off the ring apron. Punk heads up top… PUNK COMES OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A DOUBLE AX HANDLE TO ROCK ON THE OUTSIDE! Punk may have tweaked his surgically-repaired knee coming off the top rope. Punk and Rock head back into the ring, and Rock begins to work over Punk’s knee. Looks like the story of the match is going to be Punk working on Rock’s mid-section while Rock works on Punk’s knee. Punk whips Rock out of the ring and connects with a suicide dive. Punk rolls Rock back into the ring and climbs up onto the ring apron. Punk goes for his patented springboard clothesline, but Rock slides out of the way. Rock drops Punk knee-first onto the mat. Rock goes for the Rock Bottom, but Punk counters and goes for the Go To Sleep, but Rock counters and goes for the Sharpshooter, but Punk counters and locks in the Anaconda Vice. Rock manages to shift his weight and put Punk into a pinning predicament, so Punk breaks the hold to break the count. Rock hits a DDT. Rock again goes for the Rock Bottom, but Punk counters and goes for the Anaconda Vice, but this time Rock successfully counters into the Sharpshooter. Punk is in agony, but he just manages to make it to the ropes to break the hold. Punk rolls out of the ring to catch a breather, and Rock follows him out. Rock levels Punk with a clothesline on the outside and once again dismantles the Spanish announce table. Rock slams Punk’s head into the announce table and rolls him onto it. Rock slugs on Punk on the table, but Punk catches Rock with a kick to the temple. Punk pulls Rock up onto the table and calls for the Go To Sleep, but Rock tries to counter into the Rock Bottom, but the table collapses before Rock can hit the Rock Bottom. My guess is that Rock was supposed to Rock Bottom Punk through the table, but the table collapsed prematurely. Shame about that, would have been a great spot. Rock gets back to his feet, waits for Punk to do the same, and hits Punk with a Rock Bottom on the arena floor to make up for the botched table spot. Rock rolls Punk back into the ring and gets a two count. Rock drags Punk to his feet, but Punk connects with a roundhouse to the temple. Rock looks to be out cold! The referee begins his count on both men, but they both get back to their feet at 9. Punk goes to work with kicks to Rock’s legs, and they do the Yeah! / Boo! spot in the middle of the ring. Rock hits the ropes and levels Punk with a clothesline. Rock hits a spinebuster and follows up with the People’s Elbow… BUT SUDDENLY THE LIGHTS GO OUT! COLE SAYS THAT SOMEONE IS ATTACKING ROCK! COLE SAYS THAT THE SHIELD JUST PUT ROCK THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE, BUT THE LIGHTS ARE OUT! THE REFEREE CAN’T SEE A THING! The lights come back on, and Rock is down and out in the rubble of the announce table. Punk cackles in the middle of the ring as Cole continues to insist that the Shield triple powerbombed Rock through the table. Punk heads out of the ring to retrieve Rock and rolls him back into the ring. Punk covers Rock and gets the three count!

Match Result: CM Punk defeats the Rock under mysterious circumstances.
Match Length: 21:36

NO CHANCE! Mr. McMahon comes out and says that Punk was told he would be disqualified if the Shield interfered in the match. McMahon didn’t see the interference, but he knows what happened. Therefore, it’s his duty to… NO! Rock grabs a mic and says that Mr. McMahon doesn’t end this match. The Rock is going to end this match. The Rock demands that the match be re-started, and Mr. McMahon obliges. Here we go again! Punk levels Rock, heads up top, hits the Macho Man Flying Elbow Drop, but only gets a two count. Punk calls for the Go To Sleep, but Rock counters into a spinebuster. Rock hits the People’s Elbow AND GETS THE THREE COUNT!

Match Result: The Rock defeats CM Punk with the People’s Elbow.
Match Length: 22:39 (total match time)

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Scott Slimmer