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Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 1.19.22
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It is with a heavy heart that I dedicate this week’s report to Ex-Collector, aka Pete. I talked about this a couple of weeks ago, about this small circle of the world where it’s highly probably we may NEVER meet in person, yet share some of the most intimate moments of our lives almost willingly without wondering how we may be judged. IN this circle alone, you’ve all been welcomed into my relationship more than close friends; we’ve stood up for our transgender friends, support excessive alcoholism, and pat the back of the buddy who shares the same masturbatory habits.
In that same vein, Ex-Collector allowed us into possibly the darkest time of his life, and did it with a smile. He allowed us a peek behind the screen, joked with us, commented and read my report, and was, in every single sense of the word, one of the guys. To your family, you’re always welcome here. To you, Ex-Collectorm, Pete. RIP man. Tell Larry I said Fuck you and I love you.
One of Pete’s wishes was for us to donate to St. Jude, so if you need the link, CLICK HERE!
We start the show with a nice surprise; Jon Moxley is here with clear skin and a bone to pick. He says a little while ago, then gets interrupted and kicks someone out of the crowd after telling him to Go Fuck Yourself.
He says a while ago, they landed in a city, and he doesn’t remember about it. He was on the side of the road, hands and knees in the it, and a black cloud hanging over him. The kind that follows you for years. Everyone has them. This cloud is laughing at him. Everything you have is good, none of that belongs to you – where do you get off? He asks Jon, do you really think you were going to make it out? The nerve. He woke up before he could answer.
We all carry scars. The ones on the inside are harder to see. We try and cover them, but we should be proud of them. They tell our story. These scars make us the people we are. No one is perfect. This is him. He is sure there are plenty of people somewhere who want to write him off, who doubt him, it wont be the first or last. Go ahead and say what ya want, think what ya want, he’ll tell them what he told the cloud: take all that shit and shove it up your ass. He doesn’t run from demons, he just beats the shit out of them. For everyone that supported him, thank you. Buckle up. 2022 will be a pilgrimage. He will grab the world of professional wrestling by the balls, because now, more than ever, he is truly free.
Moxley is thirsty. These days, all he drinks is blood.
Backstage, MJF is with Wardlow. Maxwell says last week was an abomination. Punk, who should have taken the loss on the chin like a man, rolled up Wardlow. Granted, if Wardlow had a bit more seasoning, he’s sure Wardlow could have reversed it. But no, this is what he is here to do: to apologize to Wardlow. It’s his birthday, and he lost his cool last week and that’s not ok. However, Wardlow put his hands on MJF, and he cant allow that. It pains him to do this, but he’s going to have to dock MJF’s pay. But if he racks some wins and gets the TNT title back, then he’ll get his money back. He believes in Wardlow, and he believes in Spears. Spears will get the job done.
Match 1: Adam Cole and Britt Baker vs Orange Cassidy and Kris Statlander
Britt and Orange to start! Orange gets his kicks in, but Britt stomps the final one and goes DMD only for Kris to enter the ring, lift her up and body slam her down. BOOP! Kris hits the ropes, Britt kicks, Kris spins, goes for Big Bang Theory, but tag to Cole and Orange has got to come in, now. Orange heads to the top rope as Kris distracts. Crossbody from OC. Hits the ropes, again, tilt a wh—no, Cole drops him, hits the ropes, kick to Orange. Fireman’s, Orange fights out, ducks under, tornado ddt and a kip up from ORANGE!!! Kris grabs Britt, gets a stalled suplex, holding her up for a good fifteen seconds. Orange nonchalantly pushes Britt and they go down for the suplex! Orange to the apron, he wants a double team move. Hands in the pocket from Oorange. Kris hits a pendulum moonsault and Orange just kinda falls onto Cole. Lol. Love it. Orange does a victory lap, then we get a hug from Kris and Orange!!!!
SUPERKICK FROM ADAM COLE!! Superkick from Britt!
Britt and Cole with a smooch!
Back from the break, and Cole whips Orange to the apron. Orange slides into the room, double clothesline, and both men are down. Orange reaches for a tag. Tag to Kris. Britt enters. Clothesline, another, STO into a backbreaker. Whip to Britt. Hard right hand to Britt. She then blows some snot onto Colle. Blue Thunder Bomb! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Tag to Orange, He hits a bunch of rihts to Cole. Cole kicks the leg, goes for a superkick, Orange catches it, enziguri! Slumdog millionaire! Blind tag from Britt. Orange grabs Cole, ref holds Cole back. Stomp to Orange Cassidy from Britt! Kris comes in, hits a bomb, covers for 1..2….NO!!! Kris drops Britt, heads to the top rope for the Area 451, but Cole covers Britt! Kris hits it anyway! BEACHBREAK FROM ORANGE! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!!! Orange is pissed. He goes for a punch, but Cole leaves the ring. Orange hits the ropes, dives, and Cole hits a Superkick, laying Orange out on the mat!!! Cole to the top rope! Kris grabs Orange, tosses him into the ring. Kris looks at Cole. Cole is all smiles. SUPERKICK FROM BRITT!!! She locks the head of Kris, CANADIAN DESTROYER outside!
Panama Sunrise from Cole onto Orange in the ring! COVER! 1…2…..NO!!!!
Cole leaves the ring and grabs the table. Britt helps him drag it over to the side of the ring. Cole re-enters the ring. Orange stands, he’s faking! ORANGE PUN- Cole moves!!!! Orange bumps into Britt!
BRITT GOES THROUGH THE TABLE!!!1 Cole is seething!!! LOW BLOW TO ORANGE CASSIDY!!! Cole hits the ropes, huge knee to the back of the head! Cover for 1.2….3!!!
Winners: Adam Cole and Britt Baker
Well that was fun. They had a nice balance of cheesy humor and good wrestling. Kris still shows some shades of green, with her moves being a bit too choreographed at times, but she’ll get there.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 14:25
Backstage, Garcia and 2point0 are facing Inner Circle. Jericho doesn’t care, he can GFY as far as he is concerned. Ortiz stops him, says they care about Kingston, so tread carefully when you mention his name. Santana says that maybe Jericho is the reason they aren’t tag champs. When has Jericho had their back? Truly. Maybe next week, they’ll prove that they don’t need him to win. Maybe next week, they’ll focus more on “us” instead of “this.” Feel me?
No, Jericho says, he doesn’t feel them.
After a break, we come to Marvez talking to Cole. Cole grabs the mic and tells Alex to get out. He has something to say to Orange Cassidy. He’s been a thorn in his side since Cole got here. Next week is Beach Break, so he will destroy him next week in a No DQ Lights out Match. He cannot stand to look at Orange’s face any longer, so it’s time to end his pathetic career.
We get a promo from Punk seemingly recorded from last week that covers Spears, mostly. He tells MJF that he’s running out of bodies and luck.
After Punk and Spears make their entrance, out comes MJF with a grin.
Match 2: Shawn Spears vs CM Punk
CM Punk turns Spears, lifts. Go2Sleep! Cover! 1…2….3!!!
Winner: CM Punk
This wouldn’t have mattered too much if we didn’t see Punk try and defend the lengthy matches he’s had with some rookies on the show. It’s because of this, and the fact that even I defended it, that Spears quick loss kind of left a bad taste.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: Gail Kim’s battle royal time in 2011
Apparently, Billy Gunn stole a cameraman and took him backstage where he sees Christian. He tells Christian that his boys should get a shot at the titles. Cage says yes, they’re talented, they have Gunn genes. Big, strong, fast. But when the lights went brightest, Billy could never get that statement win. Make a statement, then we’ll talk.
In come Billy’s kids to attack Cage. Billy grabs him and sends him into a large sliding door. They triple team him a bit then walk away, leaving him laid out.
Cody Rhodes is back. He makes his length entrance while we take a break.
We return to a spattering of boos amongst some cheers.
Cody wonders what we want to talk about. He is reminded from that last match about a man who once sat on a stage, looked into a ring, and gave one of the most important addresses in the history of our sport. It inspired thousands, mobilized millions, the first hint of a revolution – CM Punk and the Pipebomb. Someone told him to save it, but he’s doin this promo now. In that interview, that was the first whiff of a revolution. He laid out a roadmap, listed things that were taboo at the time. Things like going to NJPW, working with ROH, and teaming with The Young Bucks. As destiny would have it, he was unable to do those things, but would eventually join AEW in a Comeback of a Year, but it’s the Comeback of the Decade. We are all living and loving it.
Cody stares at the ladder he propped up in the room. He says in Punk’s absence, someone did each and every one of the things that Punk said. HE DID THEM! He brought the revolution, and each and every one of us cheered. Why wont he turn heel? Because we cheered him when he needed it the most. WE are the Royal Family he refers to. People talk about The Forbidden Door. A proper noun, now. But if you are a journalist, and disagree with anything he says, you are not a journalist. Before there was a Forbidden Door, Cody was the one who built it!
Cody is gone. Gone for two weeks. He sees it, Young Bucks almost started the Wednesday Night Wars all over again, but he doesn’t need to see The Bucks beat developmental again. And Starks is over here dealing with Jay Lethal? Then one of the most talented wrestlers on the planet, Malakai Black, a dude who gave Cody losses. A man who needed no help, then ended up getting help anyway. He knows they’re not in the business of renaming people, but Brody King’s got balls, simply to call himself Brody. Speaking of Brodie, Darby, Miro, and Sammy Guevara…
These are men, a lineage, a legacy of champions who taught us what we’ve been taught against. That this title is a secondary, but it’s not. The only way it is secondary is because right now, there’s two. It’s pretty clear what we do, he says as he looks up at the ladder. He knows Khan has sent a contract in the mail to both of them – not the one Cody wanted, but at this point; Beach Break, two titles, one champion. Whatdoyasay?
Man, that was everywhere. I get that he perhaps wanted to address certain things, but that wasn’t the point of the promo. The point was to sell a ladder match; and instead it just seemed like Cody went into business for himself. This doesn’t mean what he said wasn’t true, or that he at least believes it to be true, but he was answering questions none of us asked all the while supposedly trying to sell a match.
Backstage, Anna Jay accepts an open challenge against Jade. Her manager says Jay doesn’t have what it takes, but they’re thrilled to accept the challenge. Silver calls Anna’s arms 24 inches, and says she’s hungy. Jay tells Jade that there is a dark side to her. She wrapped barbed wire around her arm just to win a match. She’ll do whatever it takes to win. Will Jade?
Jade says to understand who she is and where we are…That Bitch Show.
Match 3: Malakai Black and Brody King vs The Varsity Blondes
Griff and Brody to start. Brody and Black get some quick tags. Tag to Pillman who second guesses a springboard as Brody stands there waiting for it. Pillman seems scared. Brody leaves the ring and jut TRUCKS Garrison into the steps. Pillman kicks Malakai in the ring, Pillman goes for a dropkick to the outside but Brody catches him and shoots him into the ing. Brody enters, he and Malakai double team Pillman with kicks and a senton.
Brody sends Griff to the outside, We get the finisher, Dante’s Inferno, and Brody covers for 1..2..3!!!!
Winners: Malakai Black and Brody King
Not much to say here other than that these two big guys better move on quickly.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:45
Black grabs a mic and asks Members of The House of Black to please rise…
But Pac is on the screen for a promo!! He has a new vision, a purpose. He truly sees Black. He is just the same as every other cretin in AEW; self-obsessed and power hungry, and its exhausting. He may have a few spells up his sleeves, but The Bastard is beyond even your reach. He is incorruptible. This is the moment Pac is expected to bow down and call him master, but Pac will make a martyr out of Black.
Nice.
Archer, the returning Jake, and Lambert are standing by. They got a back and forth promo with Page where they challenge his cowboyness, and Jake tells him when it comes time, Page will bite the dust, and it’s time.
Trent is backstage, walking into Brandon Cutler’s view. Trent apologizes for being mean. Says they once beat The Young Bucks fo the IWGP titles like three times. How about they do that again…this Friday. Rocky is mean to Brandon again, but Trent tries to be nice again, then they tell him to turn the camera off. Turn it off, bro.
Match 4: Lance Archer vs Frankie Kazarian
Before the bell rings, Archer hits Kaz with a big elbow. Kaz on the attack, gets shoved to the ropes, he keeps fighting back, hits a dropkick to the leg, chop, Archer hits the ropes and clotheslines Frankie from behind. A short clothesline. Archer beats Kazarian down a few times with a right, then a boot to the face using the ropes. Archer corners Kaz, cuts a short promo, then tosses Kazarian across the ring. Blows to the back over and over in the back. Kaz escapes a right hand, ducks, hops over to the apron, but Archer is there to clothesline him down hard to the outside.
We are back, and Archer sends Kaz into the corner chest first. Archer pushes on Kaz’s face in the corner, Archer lifts Kazarian, GOOZLE!!! Chokeslam, but Kaz flips out of it, ducks under, right hand, another, whip attempt, Archer is too strong, right hand from Kazarian! He rushes the corner, Lance grabs him and sends him into the corner hard, back elbow! Archer wants Blackout. Frankie fights out with elbows, then he bites the forehead! Kick off the corner, Kaz to the top rope, he flies with a dropkick! Kazarian hits the ropes, leg drop to the chest of Archer! Cover for 1…NO!!! Out at 1! Running knee to the spine of Archer.
Archer turns, hits a right, GOOZLE! CHOKESLAM! Another hard drop! He then sits Kazarian to the top rope, Blackout! Pin for 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Lance Archer
Archer is back, and he just ate up Kazarian.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 10:04
Tony enters the ring, wanting to understand the relationship between Archer, Roberts, and Lambert. Lambert grabs the mic, says Page wasn’t raised outside, didn’t drink water from the hose. He and his friends played video games, drank sparkling water, and the Toy Story movie made him wanna be a cowboy. Page isn’t prepared for Archer.
Archer says enough of this cowboy bullshit. He will show Page what he is going to do.
Archer grabs a chair, tosses it to the ramp, then grabs Kazarian. Archer sends Kazarian outside. He brings him over to the chair, tells Frankie it’s ok. It’s going to be ok. GOOZLE!
BUT PAGE’S MUSIC HITS!!! He’s out with his title. He gets in the face of Archer. SLAP TO ARCHER! Archer fires back. They go at it but Archer drops Page quickly. Hangman takes his boot off! He swings it at Archer! Archer into the ring! Buckshot attempt, but Archer stops him! Page with a right, another, a clothesline sends Archer outside!
Backstage, Sydal, Lee, and Dante are standing. Dante has their backs. Lee says they’ll watch his just like Dante has watched theirs.
Starks and Hobbs are here to tell Dante that he’s got a baby brother complex. Nobody is his friend. Dante will find out that he’s all alone. Someone needs to watch all his sides, because Team Taz builds assassins.
Backstage, Leyla goes in on Red and Kris verbally before attacking Red first, then Kris Statlander.
Match 5: Serena Deeb vs Skye Blue
Holy hell, Skye is beautiful…
Deeb starts with an arm drag then a smack to the head. Waist lock from Deeb into a side headlock. Sky shoots her to the ropes, tackle sends Blue down. Deeb hits the ropes, Blue to the apron, hits an elbow, dives theough the ropes and Deeb locks the head as the ref counts. Deeb turns Blue and hits a neckbreaker onto the ropes. Deeb waits for Blue to stand then rushes the corner with a hard clothesline. Leg trip and a double leg hook. Catapult into the bottom rope throat first. Deeb kicks her waay. Deeb with an uppercut, turns Skye, another uppercut, locks the head, hard swinging neckbreaker. Deeb hooks the head, lifts up, DETOX TO SKYE BLUE!
Deeb hooks the arm, spins Blue to her stomach. Serenity Lock, but she drives some knees into the mat a few times first before locking in the submission. Blue taps.
Winner: Serena Deeb
I think I’m in love…
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:49
Lambert, Page, and Sky is here. Moxley returns, and everyone scatters, but not Page. Please do not let the fancies fool you, or sunglasses. Page is up for the task. Stop looking around, because while Jon has been gone, Page has been getting wins. Do not take him lightly. Khan, if you want that marquee match Friday, Page v Moxley.
The Acclaimed get a black and white video ala Darby to make fun of their opponents.
They attack Darby and Sting before the match officially starts. Bowens grabs a chair and hits Darby in the stomach with it. Max sends him onto the apron and trap Darby’s head in the chair. Max pull him INTO the ringpost! Bowens: “Welcome to the Black Parade, bitch!” The ref calls for a doc for Darby. Medical team tells Sting Darby cannot compete. Sting wants the match to start.
Match 1: Darby Allin and Sting vs The Acclaimed
Sting attacks both men with right hands back and forth. Sting corners Bowens, whips him chest first into the corner, then Sting trips him up. Punch to Max keeps him outside. Sting grabs Anthony, sends HIM to the outside on the opposite side. Sting leaves the ring. He sends Bowens into the ring steps, kicks Max, then sends him into the steps also. Bowens enters the ring, Sting sends Max into the steps one more time. Sting to the apron, then enters the ring. Anthony enters the ring. Sting rushes the corner and hits a splash, turns to Bowens and MISSES a splash!!! Buckle is exposed! Max with a dropkick! Cover from Anthony for 1..2..NO!!!
Back from a break and Sting hits a clothesline to both men. He then gets a Scorpion Death Lock on Max! Bowens is up, he spins with a fist to the face, but Sting no sells and screams!!! A kick breaks the hold this time. Sting rolls to the outside. Bowens grabs the boombox. He hits Sting in the face with it! Ref was distracted. Bowens drags Sting to the ring steps. He hits the right. Max stands on the top of the steps. DARBY FLIES OUT OF NOWHERE INTO MAX!!!! Bowens chases! Darby sends him into the ringpost. Darby sends Sting into the ring. Darby on the apron. Tag to Sting! To the top rope! COFFIN DROP TO THE ACCLAIMED! Darby sends Max into the ring. Code Red! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Splash in the corner, again. He locks the head and the body. Tag to Bowens. Mac shoo Darby away, Bowens with a right, another, another, high kick. Bowens with a sidewalk slam. Mic Drop! Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Sting there to break it up! Clothesline sends Ma outside, then a back body drop sends Bowens over the top rope! Sting heads all the way over to the announce table, he’s in wait. He runs off the stage with a splash to the back of Max ONTO A TABLE!!!
Darby flips over Bowens head, hits a stunner. Top rope. COFFIN DROP! Pin for 1..2…3!!!!
Winners: Sting and Darby Allin
Not sure if I am complaining because Sting got the best of the team by himself for more than half the match, or it was just the rest of the show that gave me a little bit of a yawn, but this seemed a bit too house show for me. When Darby returned, obviously, it was fun, and seeing Sting fly was great, but not something that necessarily needed to happen.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 9:25
End Show
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