wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 1.4.23
Image Credit: AEW
Loading...It’s 2023 BAYBAY!!! Out with the old and all that jazz, right?
Right….?
Nah, same shit over here. Ok, ok, I’ll get a new banner and change some font colors.
IN fact, let’s just get rid of numbering matches as well. Why do you care if Britt Baker is Match 3 or 5, right?
Also……the new word for BANGER?!?!?
It’s….
YOU’LL FIND OUT NEXT WEEK!
It’s Wednesday, you know what that means…
The Jericho Appreciation Society starts off this new era with Chris Jericho being announced for the opening contest. Matt Menard and Angelo Parker are on either side of him.
Chris Jericho vs Ricky Starks
Jericho flips off Seattle before the lock up He hits an arm drag. Starks hits the ropes, gives Jericho a big tackle, then poses for the crowd. Jericho slaps him in the fce, Ricky fires back and corners Jericho with a bunch of right hands. Jericho rolls out, Starks follows. Chop to Jericho at te bottom of the ramp. He sends Jericho into the steps. Starks is loved y the crowd. He sends Jericho bac kin the ring. Kick from Jericho. Chop to the chest in the corner. Whip to the corner, Jericho with a clothesline. Another. Another. Jericho physically shoves Aubrey. Starks to the ropes! He locks the fists! Starks walks the ropes like the sexiest version of Taker ever and drops a fist to Jericoh. Huge X-Factor off the shoulders by Starks. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Starks with a chop. He hits the ropes, and there’s Menard to trip him up. Ref doesn’t see. Jericho clotheslines Starks to the apron, Jericho hops off the 2nd corner buckle, and Starks hits him with a right hand. Jericho to the apron Rakes the back. Thumb to the eye. Suplex off the apron to the floor!!!
We are BACK after the shortest break ever, and Jericho is hitting some elevated rights to the prone Starks, laying flat on the mat. Jericho grabs the head, chops Starks down. Jericho whips Ricky to the corner, and he flies right out with a clothesline! Both men on their knees. They trade chops. Stand. Right hands. Jericho chops Starks into the ropes, whip, and Starks fires with a right hand. Dropkick to Jericho. He locks the head, Jericho escapes. Right to the corner, elbow to the chin, another. Whip again, and again Ricky stops it with a kick. LIGER BOMB TO JERICHO! Pin for 1..2…NO!!!! Starks hits the ropes, tackle from Jericho, Lionsault! KNEES UP!!!! Starsk to the top, middle rope, moonsault, lands on his feet, stuffs the knee, Jericho tries for a Codebreaker, Starks holds on, pops Jericho off, SUPERKICK! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! To the corner, Ricky misses a splash, Jericho with a Codebreaker! He hits it this time! Starks tries for Judas Effect, Starks counters! Double underhook, no, Jericho shoots for the legs! He tries to turn it. HE GETS IT! Crowd loves it! THE WALLS ARE LOCKED IN! Starks pushes up out of it and crawls to the bottom rope, but Jericho pulls him in the center! Starks to the ropes! Parker on the apron! Menard with th bat! He hits Ricky in the face!!! Jericho holds on! Starks is out!!! Aubrey checks the arm! One! Two!! NOOOOO HE IS ALIVE!! CROWD IS HOT!!! Starks crawls! He claws to the bottom, turns into the hold, right hand to Jericho!! Kick to Jericho! Cradle!!! 1..2…….NO!!!! Starks up! Kick from Jericho! He dives, Starks locks the head.
Tornado DDT OFF THE ROPE!!! Menard on the apron! Right to Matt! Right to Parker! Jericho swings! Starks ducks. SPEAR!!! 1……2……3!!!!!!
Winner: Ricky Starks
Match was perfectly average, with Starks looking great and Jericho bein Jericho, but that crowd was red hot, and it added a hell of a lot more to the match. Jericho suffers another loss, helping to make someone in the process.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 12:38
Here come Daniel Garcia, Jake Hager, Sammy Guevara!!! They all beat down Starks but here comes Action Andretti! He clocks Parker, one for Garcia and Sammy! He smacks Hager across the back, another to Garcia, one for Sammy! Hager is still standing, Andretti looks to hit, but Anna Jay runs in to grab the chair, Tay gives him a low blow, then JAS attacks!!! Garcia steps right on the injured eye. Jericho holds the chair up high. Starks and Andretti are both laid out. Jericho clocks Andretti a few times. Parker and Menard grab a table.
Hager mocks Starks on the apron. Sammy and Daniel hand Starks over to Hager and he powerbombs Starks through a table.
WE RETURN to Tony Schiavone in the middle of the ring. He welcomes Hangman Adam Page, and out comes the cowboy.
Tony asks Hangman about Moxley’s challenge next week, and wonders about his condition. Hangman tells Tony that there was nothing more he wanted than to come out and tell us he is good to go, but as of today, he is not cleared medically to compete. He wants what Moxley wants. He wants Moxley next week. But he does have a date; if he takes a red eye, gets a scan, then he’ll be cleared next week. He doesn’t care where the match is, he will fight him, and he will knock Moxley’s dick in the dirt.
Jon Moxley (and his dick) is here to retort.
He heads straight to the ring, goes face to face with Page, and says…
He is surprised Page even made it here tonight, after everything he’s been through, mockingly. He’s a little sick of the flowers and sympathy cards for Page. He’s over the vigil.
WE CANT HEAR YOU chant. Lol.
Moxley gets a new mic, even though it’s clear to TV that we can hear him. He starts to talk and the crowd cheers over him. Hahaha. Moxley curses a few times, then talks about how he wrestled for two months with a torn tricep and still went to India to wrestle. He’s crawled through crap, and with Page playing victim cuz he got knocked out…it makes Moxley sick.
Page says he is not mad because Moxley knocked him out. He has been KOd more time than he can count, by strangers, enemies, and best friends. It’s a part of what we do. He isn’t mad at that. He’s angry how Jon called him out, didn’t let him get a word in, and joked about it. Jon nearly took his career, changed his life, and wanted to joke about it? He knows why – Jon felt threatened. He wasn’t out there for revenge then, but he is now. Page has had a month to stew on what was said, and two on how he knocked Page out with a lariat. So simple, brutal, and effective, and Page knows all about that. He’s had two in the chamber with Moxley’s name on them, and he gets them at the forum.
Jon looks to attack, but doenst, they both writhe in frustration.
Moxley says the only joke around here Moxley thinks is funny is that Page thinks next time will be any different. Page’s little punk ass doesn’t belong in the ring with him, and next week he’ll make sure Page doesn’t get back up.
Jon leaves the ring through the crowd.
Samoa Joe cuts a promo about the little dead boy who could. The King (Joe), had bigger dragons to slay, and while he was putting down Daddy Wardlow, The Little Dead Boy had to get into his business. He is the one true King of Television, and The LDB will pay the price for insolence in Joe’s kingdom.
Jay Lethal and Jeff Jarrett vs The Acclaimed
JJ slaps Caster on the apron. Bowens is the legal man, and he corners JJ with some stomps. Whip to the corner, back elbow from JJ. IN comes Lethal who hits a right, Bowens with a chop, right from Jay, chop again. Anthony hops over twice, side headlock, shoot to the ropes, hops over Jay, kick to the chest, another kick, leg lariat to the back of the neck! Tag to Max. Axe to the back. Max prevents a tag, fireman’s into an Angle Slam. He mocks JJ with the Angle spin and chops. ANKLE LOCK!!!! Scissor Me Timbers! JJ in the ring, Bowens with a right, scoop slam from Max, and we get another scissors! Billy Gunn hops into the ring, and we all strut into the center of the ring for some scissoring!!!!
Whip to Jay by Anthony, Jay slinks out of the ring, hits Billy Gunn with a right hand, and tries to slide right back in. Gunn is pissed. He hops into the ring, and the ref ejects Gunn.
WE ARE BACK and Lethal has a cravat on Bowens. He lets go, hits a right, then hops to the top rope for an elbow drop. Bowens moves! Jay reaches and tags in JJ.. JJ runs in and clocks Max off the apron. Bowens fights him against the ropes, whips, Jarrett with a sleeper attempt, but Bowen with a back suplex. Crowd wants Max. Lethal reaches for a tag. Tag to Jay. Tag to Max! He hits a clothesline, one for Jarrett, back elbow to Jay, to JJ, BIG Back Body Drop! Chop to JJ! SUPERKICK! Max flies over the top rope onto Jay! It’s not so much a move as just a fall..lol. He sends Jay into the ing, hits the top rope. Crossbody! Cover for 1…2..N!O!!! JJ lifts Max, Max shoots the legs and attacks, but Jay is the legal man. Jay misses a right, dropkick from Max, tag to Bowens! Right elbows to Jay. Max to the top rope, JJ shoves him off the top! Bowens attacks JJ, brings him in, Jay kicks Bowens, Jay sets him up and we get a double team move with Jay covering for 1..2…..NO!!! Lethal locks in the Figure Four! ON the outside, Singh sends Max into the ring steps. The ref decides to kick out Singh and SDutt!!! Here comes a bunch of refs to kick these two out. Singh just flips them all off…like a lot.
Back in the ring, JJ and Jay are waiting for Bowens. He turns, Jay tries for a Lethal Injection, but Bowens hits a hard elbow to the back of the head. JJ hits The Stroke. Ref slides in. Cover from Jay. 1…2…FOOT ON THE ROPES! Dutt shoves the foot off! 3!!!!
Aubrey slides into the ring, though, and tells the other ref that Dutt knocked the boot off the rope. JJ tries to get in between the two of them, but the ref restarts the match.
Bowens with a superkick! Lethal rolls him up, uses the ropes for 1..2..NO!!!! Bowens reverses and rolls Lethal up for 1..2…3!!!
Winners: The Acclaimed
Man, I LOVED the nods to Angle, but boy oh boy was this overbooked. Not that it pissed me off or anything, as it was fun, but seemed somewhat unnecessary. I’m sure they did it so this feud can continue, but I don’t think anyone is really clamoring for that.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 10:50
We head to a sitdown with Britt Baker and Jamie Hayter.
Britt says that Saraya doesn’t get what AEW means to them, and what they mean to AEW. They are originals, and Saraya will never get it. Although they are both different, it took them a bit to understand what they were doing, and they worked their way to the top. Saraya doesn’t realize that she had two of the best wrestlers in the world standing next to her. So wherever she may be looking, Shida and Toni are both fantastic, so how has Saraya not made her decision yet.
Saraya, maybe it WAS your house. Jamie is the champ, Britt is the boss. She’s the pillar, Britt is the killer.
Bryan Danielson vs Tony Nese
WE get a bit of a pause for the crowd to show some love to Bryan. Woods distracts Bryan, and Nese attacks. He corners Bryan, then hits a running knee to the face. Northern Lights pin for 1..2..NO!!!! Close call. Nese with some right hands. Bryan up, corners Tony, and hits some chop/kick hits, then whips, reverse, Bryan hops over, hits the ropes, ducks a right, big elbow strike! Crowd is ALIVE! Nese on his Knese. Haha. Get it? Knees? Nese?
Byan with a kick, another, another, YES YES YES YES!! OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH NO! Nese catches, slinks under ,rolls up for 1…NO!!! Lifts up and sends Bryan into the corner buckle hard. Knee strike again with the pad down, but Bryan moevs! Nese is hobbling.
Bryan with the running knee! STOMP HIS HEAD IN!!!!! SUBMISSION! NESE IS OUT!
Winner: Bryan Danielson
What lovely squash we are having this time of year.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 3:27
Bryan Danielson on the mic. He says it’s great to be home, and he is feeling a little froggy. He wants to fight some more. He calls out MJF.
MJF obliges, and he is here!!! He cuts his music quickly then calls DB “Brain Damage Bryan.” Lol. He says no, he don’t get his rocks off by putting his body on the line for these schmucks. Bryan is a mark, but MJF gets a fat check whether he wrestles or not. He knows these people love him, but with all due respect, if Lance Storm and Dean Malenko were somehow able to have a child, it would still be more charismatic than Bryan. Just cuz he looks like a goat, doesn’t make him the greatest of all time. In fact, he wouldn’t be shocked if momma Danielson couldn’t find a human suitor.
Bryan fires back that the boys talk in the back about how many human suitors MJF’s mom has had. Probably enough to fill this arena. Hell, there may be some in this arena right now. Bryan asks who here has been Max’s mother’s human suitor.
MJF calls Bryan delusional, he really thinks he’s the best in the world, but it’s impossible because MJF is and the title proves it. So MJF is curious; who died and made Bryan the king of wrestling? Journalist or these marks? He is touted as the best in the world by people who have been in this business. Top names like Disco Inferno, Eric Bischoff, and his #1 fan…Jim Cornette.
Bryan stops him, says he agrees with the crowd…just shut up. We’ve heard it a million times, but he hates MJF, and he thinks it’s time to fight.
MJF tells him to chill, jesus the anger issues on Bryan, one second, but MJF is here as a favor. He’s trying to smarten Bryan up. This aint play wrestling, it’s pro-wrestling. Wins and losses matter, and if you want a shot at the title, you gotta be No. 1 Contender.
STFU chant.
MJF knew Bryan’d stick his nose in his business, so he talked to Khan in the back, and says if Bryan wins weekly until February 8th, Bryan would be #1 Contender. MJF knows he makes his opponents jump through hoops, but if Bryan can do this till 2/8/2023, he’ll give Bryan a match in March. No questions asked.
Bryan says no. He’ll just come out, wrestle when he wants, become the contender, and get his title shot.
MJF says no, he runs this company. If Bryan doesn’t become #1 contender the way MJF wants him to, he wont get the title shot. It’s MJFs way or its no way.
Bryan: “Dude, Mark Sterling’s a horrible lawyer.”
He will agree to MJF’s stip if MJF agrees to lets Bryan make the stip for the match at Revolution.
MJF says go ahead and pick any stip you’d like. But Bryan says MJF won’t be able to do anything that gets him DQ’d. MJF calls himself the best, and this is the real test. His challenge is for a 1-hour Iron Man Match.
MJF accepts after being called Maxi-Pad. All Bryan does is choke when he gets a big match opportunity, so he’ll choke again. We’ll see. Bryan says he will run through every single person MJF puts in front of him, and at Revolution, Bryan will expose MJF. He will expose that MJF hasn’t put in the work, doesn’t have the cardio, the footwork. The reason he doesn’t wrestle is because he is not good enough. After he exposes MJF in fron of the world, he will kick MJFs head in.
Took a lil while to get there, but loving the destination.
A quick video package highlights Kip Sabian and Orange Cassidy as definitely NOT friends. They’ll go at it on Friday.
Swerve Strickland vs AR Fox
Fox sends Swerve to the apron, real quick, and hits the ropes. He flisp over at the exact time Swerve moonsaults back onto his feet. Both re-enter, firemans from Swerve. AR lands on the apron, and they do the same move, but Swerve follows all the way down and they go face to face. The moguls stand on either side of Swerve. Swerve holds them back as commentary talks about not knowing the tatted dude’s name. AR is able to hit a Superkick then a floating moonsault off 2 the 2nd rope. AR sends Swerve into the ring. AR trips Swerve up and dives through the roeps with a rolling corkscrew brainbuster. Wowza. Cover for 1..NO! Swerve kicks out but falls on his ass immediately. He stands in the corner, AR hits a running clothesline. Ref checks on Swerve, and the tatted dude punches AR in the face. Swerve to the apron, running boot to AR and Swerve FALLS into it. Deeeeeyum.
WE are BACK and Swerve misses a clothesline, allowing AR to kip up and kick the chest. He corners Swerve with aback elbow, sends Swerve rolling, rolls through, tries fo a cutter, but Swerve catches and hits a GERMAN! Flatliner! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Swerve locks up from behind, sits AR on the top rope, AR elbows back, sends Swerve off, AR to the top, Swerve hits the roeps, AR hops down, rolls through into a cutter, HUGE Pump kick in the corner, he sits SWerve on th top, locks the hand, Iconoclasm, CUTTER!!!! AR TO THE TOP!! 450! Cover for 1..2…….N!O!!!! LAWD.
Swerve to the apron. AR follows. Fireman’s to Swerve, Swerve elbows out, towards the post, Swerve sits on top, AR with a hard right hand. AR locks up behind, Moguls are distracting, Parker hands Swerve something, possibly knucks. Swerve knocks AR out, fireman’s. Death Valley Driver ONTO THE APRON!!!! HOLY SHIT!!
Swerve sends AR into the ring. Swerve to the top rope! AR is up, reaches forward, Swerve looks at the crowd, all smiles, STOMP!!!!!!!!! Cover! 1…….2…..3!!!!!!!
Winner: Swerve Strickland
Yo, we had no right getting this bad ass match. Good God what !!!! Might get shit for this, but I don’t care, I don’t care!
Total Rating: ****
Match Time: 9:02
Another sit down, this time with Saraya, Toni Storm and Hikaru Shida.
Saraya says Britt and Jamie are holding the division back. Toni says it’s not cool that she lost her title and they fractured her face.
Saraya says, regarding her mystery partner, she has learned that they have the best roster and best matches. The last two matches with Jamie, amazing. She knows she is sitting next to the best wrestler in the world, which means Toni will be her partner.
She turns to Toni to talk about her decision, with Shida looking noticeably annoyed and bothered.
We come back to The Gunn Club coming out in somewhat funeral wear. WE get a graphic of a tombstone that reads FTRIP on top and their debuts – their loss at the hands of The Gunns.
ASSHOLE chant, and Austin hilariously says thank you, hahaha.
Colten has something prepared. FTR had a hell of a year, traveled the world, worked at a bunch of promotions, got a bunch of titles, but not AEW…they called themselves 7-star FTR, but they were 10-stars in their heart. Austin says as 2022 was coming to an end, their decrepit, weak, old dad bods couldn’t hold it anymore. After The Gunns beat them, they lost all their titles and even started a podcast no one listens to. Their ten year legacy destroyed in ten minutes. So please stand as we all remember and honor their legacy in a moment of silence.
The music hits. It’s FTRs! They were JUST in Japan! They can’t be here!
Austin laughs heartily, saying we should have seen our faces. FTR can wrestle for any promotion they want to – ANY – but they will never wrestle in AEW again. They are the new Top Guns.
Video package for the Best of Seven Series.
Skye Blue and Kiera Hogan vs Red Velvet and Jade Cargill
Red and Blue to start, going super meta in the new look for AEW. They exchange some quick pins, then waistlocks, then some more pins. Blue ends it all with a running knee and tags in Kiera. She hits the ropes and gets a hip attack to the head of Red. A back-assisted leg drop to the back of the head gets 1..2..NO!!! Tag to Blue. Kick is missed, but she hits a second, lower one. A DDT and Jade is noticeably annoyed on the corner.
Jade: “You betta not end my streak.”
WE are back and Jade hits the Eye of the Storm and covers for 1….2…NO!!! Red is not impressed. She drags Kiera over to the corner, tells Red she will show her how this is done. Jade smacks her head softly as a tag. Red eats a back elbow, Kiera hits a clothesline in the corner, sweeps the leg, runs, and hits a huge kick in the corner. Cover for 1..2…N!O!! Red kicks out. Kiera tries for a supelx, but Red drops her weight. Kick, kiera with a suplex. Jad tags herself in. HUGE KICK to Kiera! Another for Skye. She turns to Kiera, crowd loves her. GOOZLE!!! Chokeslam! She lectures Red again. She tells Red to get in the ring and whoop her ass. Red drops off the apron.
Kiera rolls up Jade. 1…2..N!O!! HUGE KICK to the head. Cover from Jade for 1..2….3!!!!
Winners: Red Velvet and Jade Cargill
Considering we’ve seen Red join, leave, and rejoin Jade’s side, this doesn’t hold nearly as much weight, but Jade is still getting better and better.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 6:43
BACKSTAGE, Renee is with Lethal, Jarrett, Dutt, and Singh. This Friday will be No Holds Barred. JJ calls what happened a bunch a carny BS. He says this Friday, they’ll be new champions.
A little video package for Darby Allin to start, with him skateboarding all over Seattle. Crowd has already started chanting for him.
We are informed of Darby’s past, how he was trained by Buddy Wayne, then see Dary hug Nick Wayne, Buddy’s son, who has signed a Future’s Contract. Cool.
Joe makes his entrance and goes to choke Nick! Hahaha, fucking Joe.
Darby FIRES OUT OF THE RING!! He chases Joe up the ramp then sends him flying off of it. Darby grabs the skateboard and flies onto Joe’s back, then runs to the back to grab a ladder! Darby to the top of the ladder!!! He flies!!! SWANTON ONTO JOE!!!
Darby sends Joe to the ring and we get the official start.
TNT Championship Match
Samoa Joe vs Darby Allin
Darby kicks Joe hard, and Joe leaves the ring. He’s over it. Darby to the apron. He flies off Joe catches him, and freakin uranage’s him ONTO the edge of the steps! Good lord.
WE come back to Joe murdering the chest with a kick. Joe hits the ropes and misses an elbow drop. Darby with the sleeper. Joe escapes, hits a leg sweep, and Darby is hurt. Joe turns Darby, Joe tries for an elbow, but Dary fights away with some rights and lefts. Hits the ropes, Joe lifts Darby up, crosses the legs, and sits down with a kneebreaker. Joe drops a leg onto the knees. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Joe with a half Boston Crab. Dary screams in agony, reaching for the ropes. Joe releases the hold. Joe lifts Darby as the crowd chants or him. Joe sends him into the corner and sits him up on it. Muscle Buster? No, cuz Darby slinsk down the back, Joe misses a clothesline, locks the waist. GERMAN but Joe holds onto the buckle pad and it’s off! Cover for 1..2.>N!O!! Joe reverses into a choke, Darby back flips into a pin for 1..2.NO!!!! Back elbow to Joe, stunner attempt but Joe locks in the sleeper! Darby drops his hips, Darby has his hand up. He’s alive! Darby pushes back, bangs on his chest, sends Joe into the corner!!! They bounce back.
CODE RED!!!! Darby to the top rope! COFFIN DROP!!!! Hits the corner! ANOTHER COFFIN DROP!!! 1…….2……..3!!!!!!!!
Winner: Darby Allin
A great close with a feel-good ending and a big time feel. Joe taking the fall during a run where he was the epitome of bad ass also helped. Match wise, they did what they had to do to make you believe, but I don’t think it would have mattered with that crowd, cuz damn.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 8:42
As Darby celebrates, here comes Sting to join him. He is elated and enters to the shock of Darby. Darby looks legit surprised as Sting lifts him in his arms.
End Show
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