wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 5.4.22
Image Credits: AEW
Loading...Y’all, the roomie let me borrow this comic called “The Crimson Cage,” and although I only read the first issue, I’m loving it already.
As a nice gesture, I simply tweeted to the writer that I was enjoying it, and not ONLY did he say how much he missed Larry, but also said he READS ME!!! Holy mind fuck!
Needless to say, I’ll be finishing up the 5 book series and interviewing him for the site soon!!!
Check it out asap!
Woo hoo! It’s the best day of the week! AEW DAY!!! What does our Lord and Savior Tony Khan have in store for us today?!?
Adam Cole starts the show, and it looks like he’ll be joining us for commentary! We’ve got another qualifier here!
Match 1: Bobby Fish vs Jeff Hardy
Lockup to start! Hardy with a tackle, knocking Fish down on his back. He’s back up and gets hip tossed. Pin for 1..NO! Jeff with a cravat. Jeff sends Fish into the corner. Headbutts and a shoulder. Jeff takes Fish to the corner, turns him and whips, reversal from Fish and he sends Jeff into the corner hard. Right hand, left, riht, kick to the inside leg. Fish grabs he left leg, kicks the knee, then get a dragon screw to Jeff! Fish grabs Jeff’s head, lifts, kicks him into the corner. Rights and lefts, body shots for fun. Fish turns Jeff into the ring, knee, snapmare. Fish off the ropes, onto the apron, flips into the ring, but Jeff moves! Fish rolls out to follow Jeff. He hits another Dragon Screw into the barricade! Fish jawjacks with Matt Hardy as we go to break.
We are back to some DELETE chants! Both me nin the ring! Fish hits a high knee to the chin. Damn. Jeff hits back, though! Both men down! Fish with a high kick to the chest. Another to the side of the head. He misses a third, gets a back kick, Jeff hits a back elbow. A clothesline from Jeff. Whip is reversed, Jeff clubs the forehead. Inverted atomic drop into a dropkick. Jeff stands, low dropkick, elbow drop. Pin for 1…2..NO!!! Jeff to the apron! To the corner! Fish is up! Kick trips Jeff! He crashes! FALCON ARROW OFF THE TOP BY FISH!!! Cover for 1..2…..NO!!!!! INTO AN ANKLE LOCK FROM FISH!!!!! Jeff turns to his belly! He reaches for the ropes! Jeff breaks it!
Jeff kicks out of the move! Top rope! Whisper in the Wind! Swanton Bomb from Jeff! Cover! 1….2….3!!!!
Winner: Jeff Hardy
Interesting choice to give Jeff the win, and I’m sure it will give some people something to bitch about. Lookin at the lineup for the the tournament, though, a vet in there isn’t such a bad thing.
Total Rating:
Match Time:
The Young Bucks come out for some reason. They meet Matt and Jeff in the middle of the ring, and they do not get the pop I think they expected. They talk back and forth a bit until The Bucks check on Fish.
Match 2: Blackpool Combat Club vs ItDoestMatterTheyreGoingtoDieAnyway
Butcher, Blade, and Angelico attack BEFORE the bell, and Regal is nonplussed! He rather appreciates the tenacity.
Bryan and Blade to start. Blade chops Bryan away into the corner, right hand to Bryan. Chop to the chest. Whip to the ropes, Bryan eats a clothesline. Blade’s got a cut over the eye. Tag to Angelico. He punches with a left, locks the hands and leg up of Bryan until Bryan rolls him up for 1..2..NO!!! Kick to the chest. Another. Whip to the corner head first. Bryan is pissed. Chop to Angelico. A kick. Another. Another. Another! He goes in until the ref holds him back. Bryan rushes the corner and hits a running kick in the corner. Bryan works the left arm, tags in Yuta. Yuta punches the elbow of Angelico. Right, knee from Angelico. Left hand and a tag to Blade. Back Body drop from Yuta. He gets an arm drag, works the wrist, places it on the mat, then steps on the elbow. Blade off the rope, Butcher gets a tag, dropkick from Yuta, another to Butcher, and Butcher swats Yuta away. Right hands over and over, but Angelico distracts and Butcher hits a crossbody.
We’re back, and Yuta has a waist lock on Butcher. HE HITS A GERMAN!!! Both men down! Tag to Blade. Tag to Jon! Clothesline, another, a third sends Blade to the outside. Jon rolls out, sends Blade into a table! He flies over it, then Job tosses him back over again, flips the table, sends Blade into the steps. Jon sends Blade back into the ring, Jon clims in, Blade with a kick, Moxeley with a cutter! Butcher in, so Jon bites his forehead. He misses a sholder, tag to Angelico, He flies over the back, leg sweeps super far, hits a roundhouse to the head, clothesline from Jon sends him down hard. Tag to Bryan. He heads to the top. Flies with a dropkick to the arm! Kip up! Bryan grabs the arms! Jon with a Sleeper to Blade! Guillotine to Butcher from Yuta!
Bryan stomps Angelico away while Jon and Wheeler hits elbows to the shoulders! Job locks in the triangle! Angelico taps!
Winners: Blackpool Combat Club
I know some are wondering when we will actually get a legit feud for these guys, but I could watch this weekly and be just fine.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 7:43
Backstage, Ricky and Hobbs are backstage. They ain’t scared.
Here comes Jungle Boy and Lucha. He thought about their challenge, and it sounds like fun, but he wants to spice it up. Before they get a shot at the tag team titles, Jungle Boy wants a shot at the FTW title.
Cage insults Starks shades, then throws shade. Starks will show JB what a real man is next week.
Keith Lee and Swerve are a bit upset about Starks and Hobbs getting a tag team shot. Swerve and Lee got unfinished business. Lee says he will ensure that they Swerve in their Glory.
MJF comes out after Wardlow to talk some shit to the crowd, says he’ll be watching the match in the back. This man coming out is 7 Feet of sheer, unadulterated power, never taken an L in his life, he is here….William Morrissey.
Match 3: Wardlow vs W. Morrissey
We get a bit of a staredown before the lockup. Wardlow sneaks behind to break the hold. Another lockup, and Wardlow escapes getting backed into the corner again. Wardlow lifts Morrissey INTO the corner to show his strength! He backs up and flexes. Knee from W. Huge clubbing blows to the back. Whip to the ropes, leap frog from Morrissey, huge boot and a clothesline sends Wardlow over the top rope. Morrissey heads outside, hits a right hand to the head.
WE WANT ENZO/NO WE DON’T chant lol.
Whip to Wardlow, INTO THE POST! Morrissey does the Enzo dance, then flips off the crowd! He clubs the back of Wardlow, breaks the count, comes back outside, and sends Wardlow into the apron, again, another, another, one more time! He tosses Wardlow back into the ring. Wardlow fights up to his feet, whip, reversed, hits the ropes, Wardlow cucks under, BIG BOSSMAN SLAM FROM MORRISSEY!!!!! Cover for 1..2….NO!!! Morrissey sits Wardlow on the top rope. Wardlow stands!
MOONSAULT FROM WARDLOW!!! He lands on his feet! Straps are down!!! POWERBOMB TO MORRISSEY!!! Cover for 1….2….3!!!
Winner: Wardlow
Well, Wardlow had fun.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 5:30
Security comes to handcuff Wardlow, but he fights all of them off before they can! Wardlow stands in the center of the ring! MJF calls for more AEW security to come down! Wardlow makes short work of them! Kicks and fists and double chops! He’s killing them all!!! The crowd loves it!!! WARDLOW MURDERS EVERYONE!!!! EVERYONE IS DEAD! THERE IS NO ONE LEFT!!! Wardlow grabs one and powerbombs him over the top rope onto a bunch of others!
Wardlow says it doesn’t matter how many, who they are, he will not stop until he gets his hands on MJF and he releases him of his contract.
MJF tells everyone to settle down. So Wardlow wants his release? And to get his hands on MJF?
WARDLOW’S GONNA KILL YOU.
MJF says how bout they have a little match, and if Wardlow wins, he’s out of the contract. They’re on…BUT, MJF has conditions, and he’ll give them to us in a contract signing next week in Long Island!
Schiavone is backstage with Soho, Storm, and Britt and Jamie. They will open up Rampage on Friday.
Britt says they must have missed the memo to match their crop tops. She is the history maker.
Ruby is over it. She cant listen to Britt talk for one more second. She doesn’t know when they agreed to this no physicality crap, but Britt’s got a receipt comin. They will humble them both. Soho dares Britt to step to her.
HANGMAN ADAM PAGE IS HERE!!!!
He says it would be really easy for him to tell iust how excited he is to have an all time classic for the title, but it’s not going to happen. At Double or Nothing, there will not be a handshake, a masturbatory Bret Hart Tribute Match. Oh my.
Page is going to destroy CM Punk. He asks a CM Punk fan to look him in the eyes. When he is done with Punk, this guy will run to the merch stand to get a refund if he didn’t yet burn the damned thing. He hates to be the bearer of bad news, but our beloved CM Punk is not here tonight. If he were a betting man, he’d say Punk is out filming another TV Show. Wherever Punk is, he wants to be heard. He will embarrass Punk. Punk wants a fight? He’s got one. Punk, it will be the fight of your life.
Page drops the mic and bounces.
Backstage, Lethal, Dutt, and the big guy are here to talk about Singh and where their red carpet is. Dutt doesn’t breathe. Lethal will prove to AEW that they are backing the wrong horse. Lethal wants action on Friday, and he’s getting it.
Jericho comes out as “The Wizard,” lol. OK.
Santana flies over th top rope onto Jericho before the bell rings! He rips his jacket off of Jericho and chops him. Punches from both men, Santana chops, whip to Jericho, into the barricade. Santana sets the steps up, but Jericho is up and attacks the back. He sends Santana into the barricade face first. Knees to Santana. Jericho grabs the camera and heads to Santana, but Santana with the double bird, and kicks Jericho! He chops Jericho, and Jericho hides behind Aubrey. Lol. Santana waits for her to turn around before hitting a big kick to Jericho! He sends Jericho into the steps face first. Jericho rolls into the ring. Santana follows, and the match starts proper.
Match 4: Santana vs Chris Jericho
Matt grabs Santana’s boot real quick, but Ortiz is there to back him up. Santana to the apron, Jericho with a dropkick to Santana and ahe falls onto the steps that are setup nearby!
We are back from a break, and Jericho chops Santana in the corner. Reversal and Santana hits some right hands. Whip to the corner, bulldog fr—NO! Santana reverses and sends Jericho into the corner crotch first. Santana locks the head. He hits the three amigos! Santana to the top, wanting a frog splash, but Jericho is up and stops it! He climbs and locks the head, attacking the mid section. Santana with a rib shot, headbutt. FROG SPLASH!! Cover! 1…2…NO!!!! WALLS FROM JERICHO! Santana crawls towards the ropes! He breaks it! Rollup from Santana for 1..2.NO!! Chop! One from Jericho! One from Santana! Santana with a stunner from out of nowhere! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Cannonball senton in the corner! He locks the head of Jeriho up under.
Matt to the apron, Ortiz pulls him down and attacks with the bat, but Jericho hits a low blow at the same time! Judas Effect! Cover for 1..2….3!!!
Winner:
I appreciate the ass kicking before the actual match, but this was sa bit sluggish. May have been more action packed if it were one of Garcia, Matt, or Parker.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 9:06
The JAS attack while the crowd chants for Eddie. Jericho with the bat. He clocks Ortiz over the head with it and drops Santana afterwards.
Samoa Joe is backstage to talk about Jay Lethal. He says challenges are the territory of brave men. Is Jay a brave man? He is coming for Jay this Friday.
The Gunn Club rolls up on The Acclaimed. They have gifts for Acclaimed. Max and Anthony open up some boxes to receive a pair of scissors! Billy Gunn tells them to stick it in there.
Pillman and Griff are in the ring, with Hart and an eyepatch. Pillman stands there beore us, a very humbled young man. He was humbled by the very encounter that poisoned the mind of Julia Hart. Homie kinda loses me after he quotes the Ravens head coach.
Lights go out, and The House of Black is ready when the lights come back on. Black is wearing a mask with antlers, Brody also has his own mask. Murphy probably doesn’t have Amazon Prime.
The lights go out, and when they come back on, The House of Black is surrounding Griff and Brian. Hart is in the corner behind Griff and Brian. Brian awaits the action. Black has a mic. He drops it in surprise and attacks!!!! Pillman tries to fight them off, but Murphy flips him ont the shoulders and sends him INTO Griff in the corner. Brody with a cannonball into Griff. He drags Griff over to Black. Black heads to the corner, stands in front of Julia Hart. He stares her down, her lips are quivering. Here comes Murphy to usher her over to the prone Griff. Brody hands her a chair. Murphy whispers in her ear. Hart holds the chair up high. She can’t do it! Black grabs the chair, rips the eyepatch off of Julia. He screams at her, and all three men surround Julia.
Finally, here comes DEATH TRIANGLE!!! They clear the ring quickly! The House of Black leaves the ring, not all that bothered.
Jade is backstage with her Baddies. Jade is wearing possibly the most revealing top she’s ever worn. Nice.
Match 5: Rey Fenix vs Dante Martin
Lockup to start!!! Rey is backed up into the corner. Dante flies OVER Rey. Rey to the top rope! He flies off the top! We go to break! AHHHH I DON’T WANNA!!!!
We are back and Dante has a side headlock on Rey. Dante attacks the mid, holds the wrist, sends Rey into the corner, reversed, Rey flies off the middle rope with a kick to the face. Rey locks up behind, places Dante onto the 2nd buckle! A modified reverse Spanish Fly! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Excalibur calls it a flipping Russian Leg Sweep, and I guess that’s more appropriate. Elbow strike is caught, Dante flips Rey onto his back hard. He is up in the corner, kicks, sends Rey to the corner, Rey revrses, Dante flies ot the apron, flie in, Rey to the 2nd buckle, kick to the chest from Dante, Dante t othe buckle, Rey still standing, Dante kicks him in the face, Rey falls to the mat, Dante with a crossbody! Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Dante shoves, titl a whirl, Dante with a modified Northern! Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Kick from Dante. He hits the ropes, Rey flips upward with a rana, stacks up for 1..2..NO!!! He only hooks the one leg and doesn’t get the win! Dante shoots him outside with a kick. Rey shows frustration, Dante is pissed, too. He slides theough the ropes, misses a dropkick Rey to the apron, kick from Dante, Rey shoves him, Dnate lands on his feet, high kick from Rey. Rey flies over the top rope tries for a piledriver, Dante tries ot grab the head, Rey flips him up again, Rey flips him UP….CUTTER!!!! Cover for .1…2…..NO!!!! Rey locks up for a Muscle Buster like move, but Dante reverses! Cover for 1…2.NO!!!! SUPERKICK!! Dante ot the top rope! Rey up! He attacks the back! Rey to the 2nd rope, Dante already there, Rey locks the head for another leg sweep? They flip, both men land on their feet, both men are impressed ith each other, but Dante is seething! POISON RANA!!!! Dante to the apron! He goes for the moonsault, Rey dodges, dives into the arms of Dante, Rey reverses, knees to Dante!
Brainbuster/Falcon Arrow type drop and a pin for 1..2…..3!!!!
Winner: Rey Fenix
I’d gladly sit here for thirty more minutes and watch these guys go at it! Wow. A few moments were obviously contrived, and that’s perhaps where a tag team partner really helps, but they still went out there and killed it.
Total Rating: ***3/4
Match Time: 9:08
Rey gives Dante much love after the match.
Thunder Rosa has a story to tell, a story full of good and bad guys, successes and failures, but she will start with a success. Tonight, she stands in front of us as a champion. She fought hard to defend and retain this title. She became a bloodline and backbone for this division, carrying a heavy weight for a long time, but with a lot of hard work, she became who she is today. She has helped and elevate the divison that some continue to criticize. She is the top of this division, one of the best, and as our champion, she just wants to wrestle with the best and most experienced.
Before Thunder Rosa was Thunder Rosa, she drove along the coast of CA to see one wrestler, and one wrestler only – her inspiration – Serena Deeb.
Deeb is showin her shiner. She has watched Thunder scratch and claw her way to the top. She’s got respect for Rosa. She truly believes that they can make this the best division in the entire world. Rosa agrees. In order for that to happen, though, the best women’s wrestler in the entire world needs to be champion.
Rosa says the title indicates she is the best. Deeb says sure, she’s the champion, that suggests she is the best, but let’s be real – it’s what everyone is thinking: Deeb is the best. She is on another level. She is in a class all her own, and it’s time she has the belt to show it.
Rosa is all, “Is you down?”
Deeb says Rosa will have the shortest reign in history, because at Double or Nothing, she’s taking the belt from Rosa.
This was awkward. They tried, but a video package may have done juuuuust a little better.
Silver asks CM Punk if he wants to dance with The Meat Man! Next week, Silver vs Punk in Long Island!
Match 6: Mercedes Martinez vs Deonn Purrazzo
Deonna says fuck a handshake. Bell rings and they circle. Mercedes corners her. Ref breaks them. Back from a break and Martinex hits a Fisherman’s Buster. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Both women up in the corner, Merecees stops herself in the corner, hits an elbow, she runs and Deonna catches her, hooks the leg, modified front suplex to the ground! Cover for .1..NO!! She goes for a Nuetralizer, but Mercees counters only to get caught in an arm bar by Deonna! Mercedes escapes! Double clothesline and both women are down! Ref starts the count. Both women up at 7. Mercedes turns, rushes into a boot, gets dropped down to her knees, stands, turns, chops and gets a firemans off the top rope! Driver! She doesn’t cover, she pulls the arms back and stomps Deonna’s back!! She locks the legs up, wants the surfboard, pulls back on the arm, but Deonna grabs the arm and bites her!!!!
MERCEDES WITH A DRAGON SLEEPER FROM MERCEDES!!! SHE TAPS!!!
Winner: Mercedes Martinez
Kind of a lackluster way to end the show. Not that it was a bad match, and I get why they closed out with it – trying to make both the women and ROH important, but these two may not have been the horses you wanted to hitch that on. What started off slow really kicked up the final five minutes.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 10:35
The women shake hands as we end the show.
End Show
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