wrestling / News
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 9.7.22
Image Credit: AEW
Loading...Hello one and all, it is I, The NEWLY APPOINTED Senior Vice President of Monday and Wednesday Night Bad-Assery and Chancellor of Trolldom at 411mania! This is a role I take very seriously and is not at all made up. Thank you Jeremy and 411 for this opportunity. My first order of business…
KRISPY KREME IN CATERING!
It’s Wednesday…you know what that means!
As I’m sure we all know, shit went down this weekend, but I’d much rather focus on the super awesome return of MJF, and it appears AEW is doing the same, as they start the show covering his return.
We move to Tony Khan and his address. He says that following All Out, he was forced to vacate the World Championship AND The Trios Championship. Tonight, we see Death Triangle go against Orange Cassidy and The Best Friends go at it for the titles.
Regarding the main title, we will get a Grand Slam Tournament of Champions.
Page vs Bryan,
Sammy Guevara vs Darby Allin
Winner of Page v Danielson faces Jericho and Winner of Sammy v Darby faces Jon Moxley,
Then we get the finals
Well I’ll be damned…
Here comes MJF!
MJF comes out in a Bills Jersey, and the crowd loves him. MJF drops to his knees in appreciation, then says The Devil is Back. He asks who is excited to see MJF. The greatest quarterback of all time, Josh Allen, is from Buffalo.
Anyway, last time we saw him, he may have said some offensive stuff, but he thinks we can all agree that he didn’t mean it, he was just kidding.
He LOVES AEW, he’ll never leave. He starts an AEW chant. The crowd obliges. When he called us all stupid marks, he didn’t mean it. Without us, there’s no him. So how bout a round of applause for ourselves.
Tony Schiavone: “What are we watching?”
Lol. He now wants to address the elephant in the room. As we know, the World Title has been vacated. There will be a tournament to crown the new champion, and he knows one guy who deserves that championship. MJF is all about working smart, not hard, so he wont be in the tournament. He has a chip that gives him a title shot any time he wants. Also, Tony is paying him a boatload of money.
MJF says if there is one thing to be true, it’s that now we may think we are in dark times, but they are not. What they need is leadership, and he cant think of one person more trustworthy—
He has a story about Moses, a wise Jew with an M-name. He’s not saying he is Moses, HE IS BETTER THAN MOSES! He will win the title because his name is MJF and he is better than us and we know it.
JON MOXLEY appears to disagree. He is shown making his way to the ring.
He quickly tells MJF he is full of crap.
MJF calls him Jonathan, and says MJF isn’t being sincere….in front of these fat lard asses who have the worst football team in the US!!!!???
MJF rips the jersey off and wipes his ass with it.
MJF: “JOSH ALLEN SUCKS!”
MJF tells Jon he doesn’t know if he’s a lil woozy, considering he went to sleep on Sunday, but maybe he’s got a point. Maybe MJF doesn’t care about AEW or these people, and maybe he finds the AEW Title nothing more than a bargaining chip. Maybe he takes that title to a real wrestling company, with real fans, and real wrestlers like his friend and hero, Cody Rhodes! Hahahahaaha.
Maybe, just maybe, he gets to work for a real boss – the only Khan in pro wrestling that is worth a damn, because to quote the greatest wrestler of all time, “That is what’s best for business.”
Jon slaps the mic out of MJFs hand.
Jon tells MJF this is not the time or place and he is in no mood. MJF needs to leave now or he will make MJF leave.
Jon removes his jacket, MJF looks to unbutton his shirt. MJF removes his shirt, lookin mighty fine, I might add. His arm is stuck in his shirt, and he plays it off incredibly well. He then leaves the ring in anger.
Jon tells MJF his theme music sucks, then turns his attention to the crowd. He says he is pissed off, he is embarrassed about many things, but none more than the fact that he lost the title. The belt itself is just leather and gold, but what it represents passion for this sport, for this business, for the fans and guys in the back. AEW and the title represent heroes during a pandemic when the world needed heroes, the dream and vision they all had, and they wanted to show the world just what wrestling could be. The Championship represents taking the dark and ugly side of this business and letting it die with an older generation. Means being better than he was the day before, even if it was just a little bit. Slaying demons. EVERYTHING HE LOVES ABOUT THIS BUSINESS.
On Sunday, he lost. That’s on him, that’s his fault, he got pinned. He missed the game-winning shot. He was supposed to be on vacation right now, until bout two days ago, but here is another chance for him – the tournament, a big rock to push to the top of the hill. Jericho, Danielson, Darby, Page, Sammy. He hypes them all up. A hell of a task at hand. But winners always want the ball when the game is on the line. He wants the ball, so he’s gonna take the shot. This isn’t just time to win, not just the fourth quarter, this is time to be a legend.
Our first match starts…NOW!!
Match 1: Death Triangle vs Orange Cassidy and The Best Friends
Penta and Orange to start! Penta does the whole glove removal thing, then mushes OC. OC gets mega hype from his glasses removal, and tossing them to Danhausen. He tries to put his hands in his pocket ut Penta kicks him. They do some rope work, Orange tries to flip up on his hands and gets kicked. Penta with a torture rack, spin into a rana from OC! Tag to Pac! HUGE KICK to OC! In comes Chuck to kick Pac, in comes Rey, Kick from Trent to Rey, kick from Penta, Best Friends on the outside, Death Triangle hit the ropes, Best Friends in and send htem all flying over the top rope! Trent and Chuck catapult Orange over the top rope onto all of Death Triangle outside!
We are BACK and Rey gets a tag. He kicks Trent in the chest, snapmare to Trent, then some rope work resulting in a dropkick kto the back. Rey sends Trent to the corner, tags in Pac, kicks Trent in the back of the head. Pac grabs Trent and sends him into another corner. Trent attacks the mid, whip from Pac, rushes into a stomp from Trent! Tag to Orange, and he ranas Penta and Rey, but Pac is there to clip him hard. Stomps from Pac in the corner. Danhausen hops on the apron. He looks to curse Pac, but Alex pulls Dan off the apron. Dan curses him, so Alex sends the M to the face of Dan. Hausen punches Alex, and out comes Pac. Dan is bout to curse Pac, so Pac just kicks him. Orange with a suicide dive! He sends Pac in the ring, flies off the top with a crossbody, hits the ropes, ducks under a right, spins with a tornado DDT!!! Cover for 1…2…NO!!!! Orange removes the elbow pad! He runs, is stopped by a kick, Pac tries for a suplex, but we get a Stundog! Tag to Chuck! Tag to Penta! In comes Rey. Whip to Chuck! Penta slides under, Chuck hops over, Belly to belly to Rey INTO PAenta!!! Whip from Chuck, backstabber from Penta!!! Rey in again, gets slammed by Penta INTO Chuck! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Tag toTrent. We get a Eat Defeat from Chuck into a German from Trent! WE GET THE HUG!!!
Trent with a back elbow to Rey. DDT To Rey! Rey with a surprise cutter! Knee from Chuck! Pac comes in with a running kick to the face! German from Orange!!!! He turns! Penta grabs, pumphandle into a freakin head drop! Running knee from Trent! Rey bounces off the ropes, swings with am issing kick, Pac and Penta with a kick to Trent and Rey hits the Code Red into a pin for 1..2…..NO!!!! Tag to Penta! Rey to the top rope! Chuck in to crotch him! ORANGE PUNCH TO PENTA!!!! Trent drops Penta! Chuck drops Rey off the top! Trent with a stacked pin for 1..2..NO!!!! Pac stopped the pin! Tag to Chuck! Best Friends all standing tall. Rey, Penta, Pac, stand slowly. Best Friends run…..RIGHT INTO SUPERKICKS!!! Death Triangle hit the ropes, run, TRIPLE CANADIAN DESTROYERS!!!!! Tag to Penta! Assisted piledriver by Penta to Chuck! Tornado suicide dive from Rey!
Tag from Pac! Penta dives over with a flip as well! Pac to the top rope!!! BLACK ARROW! PIN!! 1……2……3!!!!!!
Winner: Death Triangle
Balls to the wall action, y’all, but my boy didn’t get the duke.
Total Rating: ****1/2
Match Time: 12:54
Schiavone is backstage with Dark Order. Everybody is injured! Silver is about to talk, but Andrade comes up to 10 with a contract, and says he wants it signed. Uno grabs The Assistant and tells him Dark Order is not for sale.
In comes Andrade, wanting to speak to Preston, but Silver says the only thing he’ll be speaking to is his fists!
We return from break to the music of Penelope Ford, and out comes her and her boxed man.
Match 2: Penelope Ford vs Toni Storm
LOCKUP!!!! Toni quick with the head scissors, Ford turns into it and flips out, Toni rolls her up for 1….NO!!! Both women up. LOCKUP again int oa side headlock by Toni. Head scissors by Ford. Toni turns into it and head stands out of the hold, then locks in side headlock. Ford stands up, elbows out, sends Storm to the ropes. Shoulder tackle from Toni and Ford stands up to applaud Toni. She extends her hand, Toni takes it, and Ford kicks her for it. Lol. Nice. Tackle off the ropes from Toni, another, dropkick to Ford! Toni smacks dat ass then runs with a hip attack, but Ford rolls out of the ring saying she is too smart for that, then turns into a running dropkick. Drop toe hold from Ford, sending Storm into the steps.
We are BACK and Ford flips right into the ringpost shoulder first. Toni hits the ropes, shoulder tackle, kick to Ford, whip into a running uppercut. HIP ATTACK!
Toni locks the head, lifts up, Ford tries for a Northern Lights, but Toni pulls forward and hits a hard DDT! Cover for 1..2…3!!!!
Winner: Toni Storm
A sprint that showed Toni’s speed, which is a good move to keep her in our eyes.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 5:47
We get a promo from Menard and Parker, talking about welcoming Hook to the real world. They bring up Action Bronson. Bronson tells Parker and Matt not to ever in their live try and step up to Hook the way they did. Action warns them that when they come to Queens, they’ll see him then. Menard says on the 21st, they’re going to get a taste.
Lol. Ridiculous. I ove it.
THE ACCLAIMED!!!
LISSENN!!
Max is about to buss it, but SWERVE interrupts! Hahahah. DEEEEEYUUUUMM!!!
Swerve is by himself for some reason. He apologizes, asking if we wanted to hear stupid, corny rap jokes. Crowd chants YES then ASSHOLE! Swerve has a joke for us – The Acclaimed as AEW Tag Champs.
Billy Gunn cuts him off, calls him Swervy Boy, and says this aint his house no more.
Bowen says in two weeks, they get another shot at the titles.
Backstage, we are with JAS, celebrating the big win. Jericho says he was able to beat Bryan at his own game. He is now the best wrestler ever, and he will be Danielson again next week. This is his title. AEW is his company, and this is his Fn Locker Room. No one is taking that from him. Ever. EVER! As for the JAS, he has two little brothers – Sammy taking on Darby.
Sammy tells Darby this Friday, his little turtle lovin ass is getting beat.
Jericho says he doesn’t like turtles! And his other little bro tonight, Danny, he knows he will win, he believes in him. But because Danny left them alone last Sunday, Jericho will leave him alone. He will beat Yuta, but he will have to do it without JAS.
Sammy wasn’t listening, because he was observing how sexy they are.
Match 3: TNT Championship
Wardlow vs Tony Nese
Nese compares abs and pecs, jiggling Wardlow’s titties for fun. Headbutt from Wardlow, then a huge clothesline. POWERBOMB! ANOTHA ONE. Roll through. A third. Cover for 1..2….3!!!!
Winner: Wardlow
Welp
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:21
Wardlow pulls Sterling into the ring and looks to powerbomb his ass to hell, but Josh Woods is here for the save.
Wardlow grabs the mic.
Wardlow has been hearing a lot on the internet about what he should be doing. He is the TNT Champion, and it’s time for him to remind everyone in the locker room, and this business, and all of his fans that this is Wardlow’s World.
Match 4: Bryan Danielson vs Hangman Adam Page
Regal admits to not knowing much about Hangman Adam Page. We get a knuckle lock from both men. Bryan is on his knees. He pushes forward, rolls out of the hold and kicks the arm, working the left arm with a wrist lock and we get a break.
We are back, and Bryan had Page locked up by the wrist Bryan stomps the elbow, kick to the chest. Bryan with a chop. Another. A third and Page fires back. Bryan with a kick. Another. Bryan off the corner, hits the ropes, FALLAWAY SLAM!
Bryan misses a right, Page gets him to the shoulders. Death Valley Driver! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Page lifts Bryan, tries for Dead Eye, Bryan rolls through for 1..2..NO!!! Drop toe hold to Page into the corner. Kicks from Bryan. He hits the corner, rushes it with a running boot, hits the corner and goes for another running boot. A third but Page lifst and tries for a powerbomb, but Bryan counters with a rana! Kick to the chest! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Bryan with the kicks! He gets to the top rope, Page is up. Rushes the corner. Right hand. Bryan fights from the top, but Page hits him with a chop. Rights to the face over and over. Page climbs, lifts Bryan…..A FLIPPING FALLAWAY SLAM SPLASH INTO A COVER FOR 1….2…N!O!!! Page to the apron! Bryan rolls to the outside!
Back, and Page and Bryan are having a chop-off! Bryan turns this into some uppercuts until Page surprises him with a backslide, Bryan rolls out, locks up behin, tries fo a German, Page lands on his efeet, lifts Bryan onto his shoulders and hits a powerbomb for 1..2….NO!!!! Tree of Woe for Page! Bryan with the kicks over and over! He hits the corner, rushes with a sliding dropkick to the dome!!! He flips Page up, climbs and locks up behind and hits some elbows to the back of the head over and over. Lock of the hips, bak suplex to Page but Page lands on his feet!!!! Bryan lands on his back! Page tries for a elbow, but Bryan kicks the arm, but Page hits one anyway!!! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Bryan with a surprise LaBell Lock! Page escapes, grabs the legs, catapults Bryan, Bryan holds the ropes, skins the cat, blocks a right, double underhook into a powerbomb and an armbar!!! Bryan turns Page to his stomach! LABELL LOCK!!! Bryan pulls on the nose! Page turns into the hold, they go head to head on their knees. Page with a knee, creating separation. Page first up as Bryan stirs, struggling to get just to his knees. Clothesline to Bryan, and he eats it, asking for another. Page tries for another, gets it. His third is blocked, rolling elbow from Bryan, Page tries his own, Bryan blocks, Page lifts him up! Flips him over his head. DEAD EYE TO BRYAN!!!! Page tries for a moonsault, but Bryan moves! HE HITS THE KNEE!!!! Bryan tries to cover, but Page rolls to the outside! Bryan hits the ropes. SUICIDE DIVE but Page stops him! Powerbomb onto the apron!!! Page to the top rope!!!
Moonsault to Bryan on the outside! He sends Bryan into the ring! Page to the apron! BUCKSHO—-NO!!! O’CONNOR ROLL INTO A PIN!!!! 1…..2…..3!!!!!
Winner: Bryan Danielson
Would have loved pretty much any other ending, but still an amazing match with an amazing result. Wonderfully done.
Total Rating: ****
Match Time: 23:08
Bryan checks out the title before heading to the back.
We switch gears to Jungle Boy talking about the fact that this was never about a wrestling match. He tells Cage to go ahead and get his little surger,y and when he comes back, JB will take years off his life. He tells Lucha that it’s funny that he’d carry JB on his shoulders, because for 3 years, he carried Lucha on his back. Maybe Lucha was a liability and a joke. Maybe a giant anchor was released from his ankles. Sometimes you can move on from your past. Sometimes you have to destroy it.
We return to AEW And Stokely and his goons are attacking some dude. They toss him down the ramp as Lee gives us a very PG “He got knocked the fuck out.” Which really takes the sting away from it, in my opinion.
Claudio and Dax get a promo over their upcoming match for the ROH Title.
Some dude named Westside Gunn raps for Daniel Garcia.
We are informed that only three rope-breaks are allowed, and each match must start and stop with a handshake. Also, no shots to the head? Sick.
Match 5: ROH Pure Championship Match
Daniel Garcia vs Wheeler Yuta
LOCKUP! We give a shoving match before another lockup. LETS GO BUFFALO chant. They lcok up again, and roll across the ropes. They meet in the middle, dropping their weight, neither giving in, until both finally roll to the outside. Garcia looks to attack, but ref calls for them both to go back in. They do at the same time and ready for another go.
We come back and Yuta is kicking Garcia in the back of the head with disrespect. Another boot to the chin. Chop to Yuta, Yuta gets one of his own, they go back and forth but Yuta hits a surprise snap suplex. Knee to Garcia. Cover from Yuta. He gets a 1..NO! Yuta with a German! Doesn’t release! Another German! Garcia tries to break it, but Yuta hits a third! HE still holds on! Garcia reverses the waist lock and hits a German of his own! He holds on, too! Another German! He hits a third! Switch by Yuta! GERMAN!!! Another German! Garcia switches!!! GERMAN!!!! Good lord. Yuta to the top right, Garcia with a palm strike to the kidneys! He hops up, locks up, GERMAN!!!
We are BACK and both men are down. Ref is at 7, but both dudes get to their knees. Yuta slaps Garcia, Garcia with a few quick slaps. We get a slapping match, and you can HEAR the taps! Lordy. Garcia with a huge one knocks Yuta down hard! Ref starts the count! He is up to 8, Yuta to his feet, Garcia with a double leg. Sharpshooter! Excalibur calls it the Dragon Tamer. Nice. Yuta crawl. He gets a rope break, and he only has two left. Garcia breaks the hold, Yuta with a punch, and Garcia drops down hard. Ref warns him for using a closed fist, and if he does it again, he loses the title. Yuta up, Garcia turns this into another Dragon Tamer! Crowd is up on their feet! Garcia pulls back on it, counters!!! CROSSFACE!!! Garcia to his knees! He shoves the feet off,so Yuta goes for the seatbelt! He gets a cover! 1..2…..NO!!!! Yuta grabs the legs! He steps over! Wants the sharpshooter, but Garcia kicks him down!
DRAGON TAMER!!!! Garcia pulls back hard!! Yuta reaches back to choke Garcia’s head! Yuta taps!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!
Winner: Daniel Garcia
Well I’ll be damned. Good for him.
Total Rating: ***3/4
Match Time: 15:51
Bryan Danielson is here! He walks down the ramp with a serious face! Garcia heads to the corner for the Code of Honor handshake.
Yuta looks over to Bryan, shakes the hand of Garcia. Bryan rips the title out of Garcia’s hand, he wants to put it on Garcia’s wrist. Wow. Garcia flexes for it. Bryan holds the hand in the air.
Here comes Jericho! He is pissed. He stares from the ramp like he just got cheated on, and that’s how we end it.
End show
