Acero’s WWE RAW Review 3.15.21

Hey guys, it’s Jeremy. Tony’s running a bit late, so you’ve got me until he shows up.

We start with Bobby Lashley and MVP coming down to the ring in their snazzy suits. MVP calls for attention and says this is an official announcement from the Hurt Business. He says that some people didn’t get their statement last week so he’ll reiterate: we are in the All Mighty Era. Lashley finally had the opportunity to take the championship — and Lashley says he did, proving all the naysayers and doubters wrong by doing what he said he’d do. He had to fight for the title, and did so by destroying Drew McIntyre. He promises he will destroy Drew at WrestleMania, and then everybody else on Raw as he reigns supreme. Because right now is the All Mighty Era.

Oh. Yay. The Miz is coming out (with John Morrison). Miz says that he should be prepping for his match with Drew, but he had to come out and say that speech was remarkable. Morrison says he has a way with words, and Miz says they’re only out there because they’re all in on the All Mighty Era. They love the branding, and Miz says he was so proud the last two weeks to share the ring with Lashley. But he’d be lying if he thought their rivalry was over. He points out that all the big rivalries finished at WrestleMania — Hogan vs. Andre, Shawn vs. Bret, Austin vs. Rock. He pimps Stone Cold week and calls for a “Hell Yeah” if people want to see that match. There is no “Hell Yeah.” Miz says he doesn’t want to minimize Lashley’s accomplishments, but points out he had to defend his title twice in one night and was not 100%. He asks if Lashley wants to face the Miz at full strength —

And here comes McIntyre! Drew comes out with his sword drawn and pointed before slamming it into the ground and coming down to the ring. He walks right by Miz & Morrison and stares down Lashley. Into the ring he walks, and the staredown continues until he raises the mic. He says he hasn’t had the chance to formally congratulate Lashley and says it’s a long time coming. He understands because they had similar paths — so many years travelling the roads, being the hardest workers while opportunities pass them by. Everyone else is in bed on the road and they’re in the gym while years pass them by and then they’re not in WWE, they have to scratch and claw from the bottom to the top. And it feels good, but there’s one difference. Drew won the Rumble, then beat Lesnar in five minutes to win. Lashley made a deal and screwed Drew over. MVP cuts in and says McIntyre has to worry about Sheamus first, and McIntyre asks why he’s there. He says he got it, MVP was the puppet master but he doesn’t get it anymore.

Lashley says he needs to worry about him, and Miz says “And me!” McIntyre forgot he was standing there, and he is going to give Miz two options. He’s going to turn his back and finish the conversation. Miz can attack or he can run, and if he attacks, he will be hurt. McIntyre will then go to Fastlane, beat Sheamus, and then to go WrestleMania to face Lashley in a heavyweight class for the ages but McIntyre will end the All Mighty Era and get back his title “you big, bald, BITCH!”

Lashley is unhappy and moves to go, Miz gets McIntyre’s attention and Lashley attacks! McIntyre is left down as Lashley leaves, and Miz is thrilled because he has an advantage in their match now. Miz pounces on McIntyre and attacks while MVP looks on grinning — AND SHEAMUS JUST ATTACKED LASHLEY! Security pulls him off and he walks away. Lashley is pissed, and we’re going to break.

DADDY’S HOME!

Never underestimate LA traffic to make your GPS look stupid AF.

WE COME BACK to RAW and Sheamus is asked why he attacked Lashley. He says because Lashley attacked Drew. When he beats Drew at Fastlane, he wants him at 100%. He wants a top of the game Drew. In fact, he wants Lashley. He wants to show Drew tonight what he won’t be able to do at Mania. Sheamus will beat Bobby tonight.

Match 1: Drew McIntyre vs The Miz
Drew is pissed! The ref stalls a bit, making sure he can go, but as soon as the bell rings, Drew attacks. He slows the match down with a headbutt, then stomps the face of The Miz. Drew grabs Miz and pulls him against the ropes with a crossface. Drew yells that he warned Miz. Drew with a hard chop. ALABAMA SLAM!!! CLAY—-NO!!! Morrison pulls Miz out of the ring.

WE COME BACK and Miz tries for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Drew escapes. Belly to belly to Miz! Again! Neckbreaker and a kipup! Drew tosses Miz to the outside and slams him into the barricade, then the apron, back to the barricade, and the apron, then just slaps the taste out of the mouth! Drew re-enters the ring, and exits again. He slams Mizs face into the steps over and over. Drew sends Miz back into the ring. Future Shock DDT! Drew back in the corner. He awaits. Why did I say “awaits?” So extra. Anyway, Drew hits a Claymore! He doesn’t cover, though. He grabs Miz and stands him up.

Drew faces hard cam with the Miz’s face in his hands. He points to the Mania sign, then locks on THE FULL NELSON!!! Miz taps.

Winner: Drew McIntyre
As long a squash match as you can get, all things considered. Thankfully, we had a fat ol commercial break to really drive the point home that The Miz doesn’t matter.
Total Rating: *1/2
Match Time: 11:18

Backstage, Bad Bunny walks with Damian Priest.

We then head to last Monday where they try to edit Shane’s “promo” from last week into something comprehensible.

We are back to RAW, and Braun is already mid-promo. Lol. He wants Shane to come out and talk to him.

Here comes the money.

Ok, so Braun says he’s been bullied his entire life by people like Shane. Shane says he finds his comments disgusting. He would never make fun of another man, ever. He has learned that he would never make fun of another human being, and poke fun. Braun says Shane isn’t here to apologize. McMahon’s don’t do that. Shane wanted to confront Braun, but he got scared, mumbling through his words, and Shane was going to write a check that his ass couldn’t cash.

Shane wonders what Braun is thinking. Apparently, there is no tone in the brain of Braun. Braun says Shane is afraid. Braun wants it. He wants a match with Shane tonight.

Shane says Braun couldn’t handle Shane. He doesn’t want this. Now he knows Braun is stupid. He looks and acts stupid and talks stupid. The adages are true regarding stupid.

Shane says Braun is on.

We shift gears to Nia and Shayna joining commentary. It’s horrible.

Match 2: Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke vs Naomi and Lana
Dana and Naomi to start. Mandy gets a quick tag and sends Naomi away with a fallaway slam. Another tag to Dana, who springboards an elbow into the corner. Tag to Mandy, running knee. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Body slam to Naomi, Dana hits the ropes and flips onto Naomi. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Cravat. Lana gets tagged in and hits a bulldog to Mandy. Lana hits the ropes, gets some knees to the back of Mandy, neckbreaker. Cover for 1..2…N!O!!! Dana stops the pin. Naomi in to send Dana outside, nope, Dana sends Naomi into the ropes. Flapjack to Naomi. Lana with a kick to Dana, right hand from Rose. Suplex to Lana.

ASUKA IS HERE!!!!

She makes her entrance during the match. Shayna, on commentary, says she’s going to take care of Asuka. Shayna runs towards Asuka, but Asuka with a spinning high kick and she attacks!!!

Out comes Pearce and some stooges to stop the fight. Nia feels like she should help.

In the ring, Mandy rolls Lana up for 1..2..NO!!! Lana locks up behind, blind tag from Dana.

Mandy kicks Lana, double underhooks, Lana escapes, hits an X-Factor. Dana in with a spinning neckbreaker. Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winners: Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke
What a fucking mess. First, Dana and Mandy, as much as they’ve grown as performers, still wrestle like characters in a video game; going through a list of moves with no semblance of reason. Then, we have the HORRRRRRIIIBBBLLEEEE commentary by Nia that added absolutely nothing to the match, the story, or commentary itself. This is capped by a completely out-of-character decision of Asuka to interrupt a match of her peers to….what? Who knows. If she wasn’t going to come out and kill everyone, then why do this? Lastly, no one is buying Dana, Mandy, or Lana as anything other than attempts at wrestlers, and people may be upset about that sentiment, but when the WWE decides that they’re simply not important enough to focus on during a less-than-five-minute match, why WOULD we assume they are anything but? What a trash ass segment.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 4:25

Backstage, Kofi and Woods are chilling. In comes Riddle to talk about scooting. He says he is here to wish them luck. Kofi says the scooter is quite the steed. Tonight is all about The New Day reclaiming their place on the mountain top. They also speak on Ali, and how Riddle will defend his title. Kofi: “I hate that guy.”

Match 3: WWE RAW Tag Team Championship Match
The New Day vs The Hurt Business
Woods and Cedric to start. They lockup and Woods takes him down hard. Side headlock from Woods until Cedric braeks out and gets an elevated hold on Woods. Woods turns, they do some rope work, each go for a German, but Woods rolls through for 1..2..NO!!! Arm drag from Woods. Tag to Kofi. Kick to Kofi. Kofi with a surprise leg rollup for 1..2..NO!!! Back elbow from Cedric. He locks the head and backs into a tag from Shelton. Cedric monkey tosses Kofi into the clutches of Shelton, and Shelton hits a huge spinebuster. Cover for 1..2..NO! Shelton with a body slam. Another. I missed a knee to Woods on the apron, but they replayed it, thankfully. Tag to Cedric. Knee in the corner to Kofi’s face. On the outside, Shelton tosses Woods int othe ring steps. Shelton hops on the apron as Cedric chops Kofi. Tag to Cedric. They double team Kofi with an elbow to the chest and a dropkick to the head. Cover from Shelton for 1…..2..NO!!! Tag to Cedric. He sends Kofi into the corner and hits a shoulder. Tag to Woods, who is ack on the apron. Kick to the head, forearm to Shelton, drop toe hold to Cedric, and Woods dropkicks the back hard! He locks the head, Cedric hits a knee, Woods tries for a supelx, hits an elbow. Cedric rolls out of the ring. Kofi in the ring. Woods hits the ropes, so does Kofi, and they fly through the ropes! BUT SHELTON AND CEDRIC STUFF THEM!!! Cedric sends Woods into the announce table, and Shelton sends Kofi into the steps hard!!!

We are back and Cedric has Woods reeling. Kofi gets on the apron, but Cedric sends him right back off. Woods drops Cedric and both men are down. Shelton wants the tag, Kofi hops on the apron. TAG TO BOTH! Kofi springboards, Shelton dodges, kicks, Kofi grabs the leg, swinging kick from Shelton, cover for 1..2..NO!!! Shelton whips to the corner, Kofi hops off the corner, hurricanrana, stomp from Kofi! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! SOS to Kofi! Cover fo 1..2…NO!!! Kofi waits, goes for Trouble in Paradise, Shelton dodges. Goes for a knee strike in the corner, but Kofi hits a right. Kofi climbs the corner. Shelton rushes up the corner and tosses Kofi off the top!!! Cover for 1..2.N!O!!! Woods in to break the pin! Cedric hops on the apron. Woods shoves him off, flies through the ropes, DDT ON THE FLOOR OUTSIDE!!! IN THE RING! TROUBLE IN PARADISE!!!

Tag to Woods! Kofi flies over the top rope onto Cedric! ELBOW DROP FROM THE SKY!!! Tag to Kofi! Kofi to the top rope! Daybreak! Cover for 1..2…..3!!!

Winners: The New Day
While I have zero complaints about the match – it was stellar – I find the transition to Kofi and Woods as champs as a bit of a ploy for Mania. I didn’t see Cedric and Shelton as too bad a team, and they looked good donning either side of Lashley. I suppose the somewhat apathetic shoulder shrug I gave after the title change also is a sign of just how important they’ve made the tag team titles over the past year or so.
Total Rating: ***3/4
Match Time: 13:14

AJ Styles, of all people, interrupt The New Day with Omos by his side. He wants to congratulate The New Day. AJ says that neither he nor Omos have anything planned or Wrestlemania. He goes over his title wins. Woods says he doesn’t care; what does AJ want? Lol. Omos wants a shot at the tag team titles.

AJ: “We are [a tag team] now. This man is like a little brother to me!”

Lol.

AJ says they are officially challenging them for the tag team titles.

Kofi grabs a mic, and wonders if they are registered as a tag team or if they know how to work…as a team? And third….they accept.

Woods tells Omos to get himself some gear.

Backstage, The Miz and Morrison are walking.

They run into Priest and Bad Bunny. Priest and Bunny make fun of Miz losing the title. Miz says he may not be champion, but he’s still The Miz. What has Bad Bunny ever won? Miz main evented Wrestlemania, is the star of The Marine franchise. And Priest? Sure, he’s off to a great start, but what title or awards has he won?

Priest says he’s willing to start accumulating accomplishments right now.

R-Truth is backstage. He goes to attack Bad Bunny from behind, but Priest stops him, and Truth says it’s not what it looks like. He has a gift. He offers a Stone Cold doll. He offers it to Bad Bunny. Truth shills some limited edition merch, and offers the title to Bad Bunny. Truth opens the lunchbox, asks Priest to hold the IPA inside of it. He offers this to Bad Bunny, says he can put his Grammy in it.

Bad Bunny wonders what he wants. Truth says the title; his baby. Bunny tells Truth that he respects him and the business. He thinks that Truth deserves it more than Bad Bunny. He says he will keep the SCSA title, and offers the 24/7 title to Truth.

Truth gets Bad Bunny’s name right, and is incredibly excited to have his baby back. Here come the goons to chase Truth.

Match 4: Damian Priest vs Jaxson Ryker

BROKEN ARROW and a Hit the Lights for Ryker! Pin for 1..2…3!!!!

Winner: Damian Priest
LOL
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: :32

Elias attacks immediately after the match! He leves the ring, grabs a guitar, and enters to attack. But Bad Bunny is there to grab the guitar and toss it out of the ring. Elias grabs Bad Bunny by the nek!!! He looks to body slam him, but Bad Bunny drops to his feet, hits a right hand!!! Priest is up! He boxes the ears! HIT THE LIGHTS!!!!

Bad Bunny shows fear and excitement, then hugs Priest for the save.

Out comes Morrison to applaud both Priest and Bad Bunny.

THE MIZ SLAPS BAD BUNNY IN THE BACK WITH THE GUITAR!!!!

Backstage, Sarah is with MVP and Lashley. MVP screams that The Almighty Era has begun. He will be damned if Sheamus thinks he can blindside the champ and attempt to embarrass him. Sheamus wants Drew 100%, but after tonight, Sheamus won’t be 100% at Fastlane. He guarantees what happens to Sheamus tonight will happen to Drew at Mania.

Ah, MVP must be mad from the tag team title loss…right?

So Braun and Shane is next. They both do their entrance, but Shane wants to do a little warmup, then says he has this set up for Braun. He’s got a hopscotch out by the ring. Seriously, they spent money on that. Braun leaves the ring, chases Shane. Shane enters the ring, and Braun grabs the wrist and pulls him out of the ring. Braun tosses Shane into the barricade. Uppercut to Shane. Braun with a kick to the chest. Braun decides to pick up speed and……shane grabs a camera from a cameraman! He clocks Braun in the head. Shane attacks with kicks to the chest and stomach. He attacks with the punches, then clocks Braun again with the camera. Shane clears the announce table. Another hard hit to the head. Shane to the top rope. He flies with an elbow drop to Braun, breaking the table. He lifts Braun by the head and calls him stupid a few times.

Shane finds a bucket of green slime. Maybe it came with the hopscotch platform…

Shane has another bucket of slime. He dumps it on Braun and yells at him to never challenge him again, then punches him in the head. He calls Braun stupid one more time, then leaves.

LAST MONDAY, Randy Orton could only afford the black slime.

This week, Alexa Bliss wants to play the game of Truth through inflicting pain. She speaks to Randy directly, and says if he wanted her out of her life, he’ll have to take her out of it. This Sunday, at Fastlane, is his chance. Are you going to take it?

Alexa giggles.

Apparently, Molly Holly found out about her induction through Gregory Helms, who gave her the news in tears. Awwww.

BEFORE SHAYNA can even get ready, Asuka attacks!!! She handles Nia with ease, kicking her in the face and out of the ring. Ref holds Shayna back, Bell rings!!!

Match 5: Asuka vs Shayna Baszler
Hip attack to Shayna!!! Suplex to Shayna, hp attack to Nia on the apron! Kick to Shayna, Asuka tries for a hip attack, but Shayna moves and hits a running knee to the face. RIGHT TO THE FACE! Lol. Damn. Shayna mounts, Asuka rolls through, beats on Shayna. Asuak goes for the arm bar. Nia on the apron again, but Asuk dropkicks her! Lol. Running dropkick to the back of Nia, and she hits the post! Asuka rolls back in, and Shayna grabs The Clutch!

Asuka reverses for the Asuka Lock, but Shayna locks in The Clutch! Asuka flips backwards and turns the hold into a pin! 1…2…3!!!

Winner: Asuka
Asuka the Bad Ass is back!
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:24

Shayna won’t release the hold! She finally does, then tries for a kick, but Asuka catches the boot! She sends Shayna down hard, then gives her a bunch of kicks to the side of the face. Asuka grabs the arms of Shayna, pulls back on them, then kicks Shayna’s face into the middle post!!!

Asuka removes the turnbuckle pad. She puts Shayna’s face onto the metal. She pushes the face into the post!! Asuka grabs the arms, pulls back, she’s going to drive Shayna into the corner! She nearly does so, but the ref saves Shayna!!!

Nice!

BACKSTAGE, Ali is admonishing Retribution. Riddle drives by on his scooter, pissing off Ali.

The entire team of Retribution is ringside, so I’m smelling a title change.

Match 6: United States Championship Match
Mustafa Ali vs Matt Riddle
HARD chop from Riddle to start. Ali tries to whip, Riddle holds the ropes. Ali kicks, goes for another whip, but Riddle locks the hips and hits an overhead suplex. Running kick sends Ali to the outside! Riddle leaves the ring and heads over to Ali. Ali sends riddle into the edge of the announce table. Ali rolls into the ring as the ref counts. Riddle slides in at 6. Kick from Ali. Riddle and Ali on the apron. Throat thrust from Ali. SPINNING NECKBREAKER OFF THE APRON TO THE FLOOR!!! OUCH!!

WE come back, and Ali flips out of a corner, slides under the ropes, trips Riddle up, and covers his face with the apron, and attacks. Ali runs in, hits a neckbreaker. Cover for 1..2…N!O!! Ali tries to cover again, but Riddle rolls through and kicks Ali in the chest. Ali tries for a right, a bunch of palm strikes from Riddle stop him, though. Pele kick from Riddle. Riddle rushes the corner, hard right in the corner, T-Bone Suplex! Broton. Riddle drops Ali and covers! 1..2…NO!!! Riddle with a deadlift, spins for a Final Flash, but Ali counters and kicks.

Riddle with a kick to the head, waist lock, of the ropes, Ali rolls up, sits on Riddle to cover for 1..2.NO!!! T-Bar on the apron, distrcting the ref. Bro Derek! Cover for 1..2….3!!!!

Winner: Matt Riddle
Damn, that Ali kid is good. Riddle is no slouch, either. This was fun.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 8:52

T-Bar tries to attack. Retribution enters the ring.

Ali, naturally, is pissed, and ya gotta wonder just when enough will be enough…right?

No?

No one?

Backstage, Sarah asks Orton of his reaction to Alexa challenging him to a match. Is that what that was? Lol.

Orton says that Bliss dared Orton to kick her out of her life. Well, that is exactly what he is going to do.

It’s official; AJ and Omos vs The New Day.

DREW MCINTYRE IS HERE!

He says he knows we have a crush on him. We are also wondering why he hasn’t showered and changed. He says this is his normal attire. He then brings up MVPs guarantees. He says if MVP doesn’t deliver on that. But he’s got a guarantee. At Fastlane, Drew and Sheamus will bring a level of physicality that we’ve never seen before. Hey’ve been doin this for 20 years. The last stop before Mania, Fastlane, Sheamus is looking to take him out. He will beat the hell out of Sheamus.

He also came out to watch Lashley vs Sheamus, so he’s going to be watching.

Match 7: Sheamus vs Bobby Lashley
Lashley lifts Sheamus and drops him in the corner, then tries to beat down. The ref gets in between both of them. Sheamus sends Lashley into the corner, and the ref backs HIM up this time. Lashley rushes out of the corner, lifts and slams.!! Lashley sends Sheamus into the corner. He sends an elbow to the face. Whip to Sheamus. Elbow to the face. Lashley chokes Sheamus up. Lashley tries for a suplex, Sheamus chops the back of the leg. Knees to the head. Sheamus lifts Lashley, Lashley hits elbow, Kick from SSheamus, Lashley catches the foot and rolls oward with an elbow. He hits a delayed suplex to Sheamus!!! All while staring down Drew. Clothesline sends Sheamus to the outside. Lashley stares Drew down.

Both men on the outside. Shemaus tries to take him to the post, but Lashley sends him into the post instea. Ref at 8, and both men get in. Lashley on the apron Sheamus hits a knee. He hits the kindey hard, then drives an elbow to thback again. Sheamus tries for the ten beat,s but Lashley blocks. Sheamus hits a clothesline, Lashley lands on his feet. Shemaus flies off the apron, Laslhey catches him. An over the head toss, and Lashley stares Drew down! MVP tries to hold him back as we go to break.

WE ARE BACK, and Lashley is driving Sheamus into the barricade on the outside. He does so again. Into the apron. Back into the ring at 8. Elbows to the fucking face in the corner. Running shoulder into the corner! Lashley tries for another running shoulder, but Sheamus moves and drives Laslhey into the post! He hits it hard, shifting the entire ring!!! Sheamus grabs the arm and drops Lashley, then drags him into the ring by the arm. Shemaus to the top rope. He dives, hits a clothesine! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Sheamus with elbows to the side of the face. Lashley on the apron. Sheamus with a right hand. He locks the head, then gets the ten beats! He’s staring directly at Drew while this is all going down. Sheamus turns Laslhey, drags him into the ring, IRISH CURSE! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Irish Curse Backbreaker again!!! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Sheamus grabs the leg and locks in a Cloverleaf! Lashley kicks Shemaus away. POWERSLAM TO SHEAMUS!!!!! Cover! 1…2…NO!!! Short clothesline!!! Whip to Sheamus! BROG—NO!!! HURT LOC—-NO!!! Lashley with a Flatliner! He sits Sheamus on the corner. MVP shouts to end it. Lashley with a SUperplex!!! Sheamus is up! Lashley is up! KNEE FROM SHEAMUS!!! WHITE NOISE!! Cover!! 1…2…..NOOO!!!

SHEAMUS LOOKS TO BROGUE!! BUT LASHLEY HITS A SPEAR MIDAIR!!!! Cover for 1..2….3!!!

Winner: Bobby Lashley
Wow. Quite possibly Lashley’s best match to date. Not only that, but the ass-beating that he, Sheamus, and Drew have been giving each other over the past few weeks have been great. If this was a test run to see if Lashley could handle a lengthy match, he just proved himself. Good job.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 17:40

Drew enters the ring. Lashley holds his hands out. Sheamus grabs at MVP’s leg, and that’s enough to distract, because Drew hits a Claymore to the face of Lashley.

Shemaus stands, struggling, and he and Drew share a staredown.

End Show.

6.8

The final score: review Average

The 411

The good news is that we had a few good matches, and some clear-cut direction for Wrestlemania in tonight's episode. The bad news is, there was still plenty of the typical WWE follies to bog the show down. The opening segment was like any other, the match that followed after was, unfortunately just another Miz squash, they spent a whole lot of time, segments, and promos instead of wrestling, and more often than not, these moments were anything but entertaining. Still, I have to admit that the main event was stellar, the Riddle v Ali match was fun, The New Day vs The Hurt Business was awesome, and even though it was short, Asuka vs Shayna had redeemable qualities in it as well. The trouble lies in the segments outside of the ring that just...aren't good. Shane v Braun went even deeper into juvenility, with a hopscotch game and green slime. The women's tag was three women trying their hardest not to miss a spot instead of putting together a cohesive match (including Nia on commentary, making it excruciating in multiple ways). AJ and Omos challenging for the tag titles seems so shoe-horned, and who knows how many times we're going to get Ali admonishing Retribution before something actually comes from it. Maybe I'm in a good mood tonight, or maybe the in-ring product truly does hold more weight, but RAW was more average in quality than usual Monday nights.