Csonka’s Paragon Pro Wrestling Review 7.04.15

Paragon Pro Wrestling 7.04.15

OFFICIAL RESULTS
~ #1 Contender’s Battle Royal: Caleb Konley won @ 4:33 [DUD]
~ Darin Corbin defeated Crash Test Cody @ 4:46 via pin [*¾]
~ Espiritu defeated Mercurio Jr @ 3:51 via pin [**]
~ Kevin Kross defeated Sugar Brown @ 3:17 via pin [**]
~ PPW Title Match: Champion Jesse Sorensen defeated Graves @ 5:25 via DQ [**½]

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* This is the promotion out of Las Vegas that did a time buy with POP TV. POP TV used to be the TV Guide Channel, and the good news is that pretty much everyone has it. They run Big Brother After Dark, they run tons of reruns of 90210 and Melrose Place, as well as a Canadian show called Schitt’s Creek. The promotion uses talents such as former TNA performer Jesse Sorensen, former WWE star Gangrel, Evolve performer Caleb Konley and independent performer Joey Ryan. Todd Keneley (who had a cup of coffee in TNA) is one of the announcers. Lets see what we get.

* We’re 11-minutes into the show, and they announced Hammerstone, Gangrel, Joey Ryan, Suede Thomson, and Tyshaun Prince (w/the Cuban Assassin) for the battle royal, which is to crown a #1 contender. They then went to show us footage of Jesse Sorensen winning the Paragon Pro Wrestling from Caleb Konley (Lisa Marie Varon was with him as a manager I guess, they never specified). Sorensen had to beat Konley in 10-minutes to win the title, but there were shenanigans and he failed. So he got another title shot, and that was a lumberjack match. There were shenanigans again, but Sorensen won the title. We’re back in the ring, and there’s now 20-guys in there, 15 of them apparently geeks because they get no intro and we have no clue who they are because the announcers have told us nothing.

#1 Contender’s Battle Royal: So since the commentary team isn’t informing us who any one is here, I have to play the guessing game. We have a bargain basement Bam Bam Bigelow in here and a Dollar Tree Randy Orton; Tyshaun Prince appears to be a poor man’s Moose. They largely stood around for the first minute; Joey Ryan (one of the few name guys) was tossed in the first two minutes. Prince tossed a few guys, but was then tossed at like the 2:45 mark. Adam Cole’s older and not nearly as skilled brother eliminated Gangrel. It came down to the Wannabe Vaudevillian, Adam Cole’s older and not nearly as skilled brother, Tomasso Ciampa’s ugly little brother and Caleb Konley. Konley won the match, which was not good in any way. The match was bad, not the result. The guys were rushed, the work was poor and commentary did a bad job of explaining who the players were. Unfortunately this whole presentation was a failure.

Darin Corbin vs. Crash Test Cody: Crash Test Cody looks like the definition of “Indy Geek,” while Corbin looks like Sheamus after not working out and shrinking about a foot. This was a very basic match, and there was nothing technically wrong with it but the crowd didn’t react too much of anything they did and I really did not get into what they did. Commentary again failed here to provide me any background on these gentlemen, and they surely did not give me a reason to invest in them. It also felt a bit long. Crash Test Cody missed the corner cannonball, which led to Corbin hitting the ginger snap (RKO/cutter) for the win. Moving on.

* Jesse Sorensen cut a promo, playing every world champion in the mid-2000’s as he wore a bad suit and gave the most generic promo he possibly could. I mean, he talked about his broken neck and sounded like a robot, there was no emotion or passion. He’s just a dude in a bad suit.

* Joey Ryan talks to himself in the mirror, telling himself that’s he’s a star and that he is the best there is. The best there is at getting tossed in under two minutes in the battle royal that opened the show. He also kissed himself in the mirror.

Espiritu vs. Mercurio Jr: Commentary has informed me that these men have feuded for a long time, and that they trained together, which is where the feud was born. They also told me that Espiritu is a rudo and that Mercurio wants to be a role model for the kids. Well holy shit, see that’s some valuable information that I need to know going into the match. They worked some solid, but unspectacular lucha here. It was largely fine, but the main issue I had was that the sound was out of sync with the video! You would hear things, and then about three seconds later, it would happen. The commentary track was fine, but the audio from the match was so off that it took away from the work. Seriously, you’re PAYING to be on TV and you can’t get your shit in order? This had some rough patches, but it wasn’t bad. Mercurio went for the sunset flip from the apron, but Espiritu sat down and grabbed the ropes for the cheap win. This feud must continue.

* Lisa Marie Varon came to the ring to her old Tatu theme being piped in by a bad sound system. She was constantly interrupted, and would interact with the crowd a bit, but it felt very Indy and she didn’t exactly come off as thrilled to be there. She introduced Kevin Kross. Oh hey, it’s the Dollar Tree Randy Orton!

Kevin Kross vs. Sugar Brown: Sugar Brown has a boxing gimmick and was apparently an amateur boxer. Sugar Brown was actually more exciting than I thought he would be because he didn’t just do boxing stuff, and actually busted out a standing moonsault at one point. That was a pleasant surprise. Kross cut him off and hit a stalled overhead belly to belly. He then connected with the Saito suplex for the win. That was solid and fun, Kross seems to have a good presence about him and I like him being paired with an established name like Varon. Hopefully she comes off like she cares more in the future.

* We got a video package, introducing a wacky duo called the Whirlwind Gentleman. I like stuff like this; they needed to do more of this to introduce characters to the audience.

PPW Title Match: Champion Jesse Sorensen vs. Graves: Graves looks like the average Indy guy, black gear and some tattoos, and paints half of his face to kind of like the Punisher. Graves controlled right away, working the previously injured neck of Sorensen. Sorensen made a brief comeback, but Graves locked in a cobra clutch for a near submission. Graves exposed the buckle as a distraction, and then used his wrist tape to choke Sorensen out, which is basic heel 101 stuff. Graves “won” when he choked out Sorensen, but the match was ruled a DQ when another ref came out to inform the regular ref what happened. Well that was a depressing way to close the show, the work was solid, but they hyped that Konley had to defend next week against Konley, so maybe a strong win to introduce the champion properly would have been in order here. But that’s just me.

* End scene.

* Thanks for reading.

“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia.”

3.0

The final score: review Bad

The 411

I can’t imagine that this was the debut show that they wanted. The wrestling was rough, with the best match being average and there being some really bad ring work on the show. Maybe even worse than that, no one stood out and made you take notice. It was a show filled with guys, and simply put no one really made me feel like I had to tune in and see them next week. The opening battle royal was embarrassingly bad at times, and so short that you couldn’t possibly care about the guys being eliminated. Also the booking of the main event was not good, because your champion needs to look strong in his first appearance. He got beat (sure the other guy cheated) but on your first big show, we basically saw the champion look bad but now are supposed to believe he can beat the former champion next week>

The commentary team was not produced well. During the battle royal and the first regular match, they never gave us background or a reason to possibly care about these men that we’ve mostly never seen before. This is your national debut, you have to not only put on a wrestling show to catch the attention of the TV audience, but you have to introduce and educate the audience. It got a bit better as the show went on, but it was rough.

Obviously this show isn’t live, it was taped and put through postproduction and then sent to POP TV. They are PAYING to be on POP TV, so you’d think that they’d want the best and cleanest product put out there. The look wasn’t horrible, but the sound issues were bad. The venue’s sound system was really rough on some of the entrances, but that I could forgive. But when your sound is out of sync during a match to the degree that it was during Espiritu vs. Mercurio Jr, that’s simply embarrassing.

I have heard the defense that “it’s the first show and basically an indy on TV,” and while that may be the case they are on national TV and get graded like any other show. As a debut show, I found it to be a failure. As a wrestling show, it was very poor. Hopefully it gets better...