wrestling / Video Reviews
Jack Likes Wrestlemania: Wrestlemania XV
Loading...WRESTLEMANIA XV
We’re emanating live from Philadelphia for the 15th Wrestlemania! Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are your commentators, although Jim Ross replaces Cole for the main event, making his return from an aggravated attack of Bell’s Palsy. The opening video package is really tremendous- narrated by Freddie Blassie, it’s all about immortalising yourself at Wrestlemania and cheating the passing of time, a theme they’d return to in later years. Boyz II Men perform ‘America the Beautiful’ and receive a tepid response.
MATCH 1- TRIPLE THREAT MATCH FOR THE WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP- BILLY GUNN VS. AL SNOW VS. HARDCORE HOLLY
We begin primarily with just a series of punches and kicks, although Al Snow does crack a cable into Hardcore Holly. Snow then puts a hockey stick to good use and rallies the crowd in support of their local team in the process. Gunn follows his lead and breaks the stick over the back of Holly! The champ follows up by nailing both men with chair shots, and sends Snow through a table. Gunn crushes Snow face first into a chair with the Fame-Ass-er, but before he can make the cover Holly cleans him out with a chair shot of his own, before covering the lifeless Snow to steal the Hardcore Championship! **. A perfunctory opener, but it was moderately entertaining as long as there were a decent selection of weapons in play.
MATCH 2- WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP- JEFF JARRETT & OWEN HART VS. TEST & D’LO BROWN
Test and D’Lo won this title shot in a pre-show Battle Royal in which they were the final two men left in the ring. They spend most of the match not getting on particularly well. There’s no real pattern to most of the match, the wrestlers just tag in and out and hit some moves. The Pretty Mean Sisters (a golden age for professional wrestling, the Attitude Era) start to harangue D’Lo’s valet Ivory at ringside, drawing the attention of the referee. Meanwhile, Brown attempts to powerbomb JJ, but Owen Hart disrupts the move with a Missile Dropkick, and Jarrett flips over into a Jacknife pin to retain the titles. * ½. For an ambitionless four minute match this wasn’t too bad. There was always something going on, at least.
MATCH 3- BRAWL FOR ALL MATCH- BUTTERBEAN VS. BART GUNN
Bart Gunn was the winner of the first and only Brawl for All tournament, the WWF’s infamous attempt at promoting genuine, unscripted, full contact fights between their wrestlers. Gunn, however, was not who the WWF wanted to win the tournament- the whole thing was contrived as a means of elevating ‘Dr. Death’ Steve Williams to a main event spot and a feud with Steve Austin. Bart threw those plans out the window by KOing Williams in the quarter final, then doing the same to The Godfather and Bradshaw en route to victory. Furious at him for having the sheer gall to win the whole thing, the WWF booked Bart in one final fight with hefty boxer Butterbean to take place at this event. Butterbean won the match in 35 seconds after a knockout punch, putting an end to one of the most bizarre chapters in the company’s history.
MATCH 4- WINNER BECOMES SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE FOR THE MAIN EVENT- MANKIND VS. PAUL WIGHT
Wight is The Big Show in the very early stages of his WWF career. Mankind was determined to feature in the main event by hook or by crook, while Vince McMahon wanted Paul Wight there to help him stack the deck against Stone Cold. Mankind had also been an unlikely chosen one for Vince McMahon until the Survivor Series, when he turned his back on Foley and went with the Rock instead, so the masked maniac is out for revenge! Not just on McMahon, but on Wight as well- he cost Mankind the WWF Championship by chokeslamming him off a ladder in a defence against the Rock.
Mankind starts off full of vim and vigour, but Wight’s size and power causes him lots of problems. He tries to DDT Show on the floor, but the big man just powers him into the ring steps instead. Back in the ring, Foley absorbs some power moves and fights back with the Mandible Claw! He leaps on Wight’s back for leverage, but Show falls backwards and squashes him! Wight decides to bring a steel chair into the match, cracking it across poor old Mick’s back. He grabs another chair and sets them both up, then chokeslams Mankind right through them! But the referee calls for the bell! Mankind’s going to the main event! ¾ *. Mick was not in outstanding physical condition at this point and wasn’t the right man for a good match with the Big Show. On the plus side, this was a significant piece in the only well told story of the evening. Mankind was so loveably goofy that you could really buy he’d be thrilled to even be the guest referee in the main event. I could imagine them doing this to Daniel Bryan this year! Anyway, Vince McMahon loses his temper with Paul Wight for not doing his job properly, so Wight punches him in his face.
MATCH 5- FOUR WAY ELIMINATION MATCH FOR THE WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP- ROAD DOGG VS. VAL VENIS VS. KEN SHAMROCK VS. GOLDUST
Goldust is accompanied to the ring by the Blue Meanie, who considered The Bizarre One his “mother.” Ryan Shamrock is also with him and she is Ken Shamrock’s on screen sister. Val Venis also had an interest in her, predictably, but he’d dumped her earlier in the month, so that might cause some tension! Road Dogg had won the IC Title from Venis just under a fortnight beforehand, so he’ll be keen not to lose it back embarrassingly quickly.
The opening stretch of the match is essentially a pacey exchange of random but fairly exciting moves. Shamrock seems in a good position as he applies his fearsome Ankle Lock to Val Venis. Everything goes wrong for him when Val makes the ropes though- he charges recklessly at his foe and gets backdropped over the top rope! VV follows him out, and they brawl up the entrance way until they’re counted out! The red mist descends over Shamrock, and he delivers Belly to Belly suplexes to both Goldust & Road Dogg. The Bizarre One recovers first and pins the Dogg for two. Goldust goes to whip Road Dogg into the ropes- the champ reverses, and Shamrock accidentally trips her man up! Goldust is rattled, and his powerslam is countered into a small package which ensures Road Dogg keeps the title! ** ¾. Decent match. It didn’t really have any kind of ebb and flow, and it was hard to believe that Ryan Shamrock’s reaction times were so slow she was unable to compute it was Goldust bounding towards her, prime for a tripping, and not the Road Dogg. But they kept a good pace up and there was a nice variety to the action. It wasn’t a mess!
MATCH 6- KANE VS. TRIPLE H
This rivalry was set ablaze when Triple H turned a flamethrower on Kane, which is perhaps the most Attitude-y angle there’s ever been with its crazy excess. Aside from that, the other factor driving the angle is Chyna’s decision to abandon DX and join the Corporation, where Kane had developed a cute little crush on her. Before the match a giant chicken attacks the Big Red Monster, but OMG, it’s a vengeful Pete Rose in disguise! Kane swiftly disposes of him with another Tombstone.
Kane gets off to a strong start, clotheslining HHH into the laps of the Mean Street Posse at ringside, then bouncing him off the ring post three times! HHH has taken full control by the time Chyna decides to make her presence felt though. She lobs the steel steps into the ring, an act which seems to revitalise Kane! He charges at Triple H brandishing the steps, but Hunter kicks them back in his face. Kane tries again but gets tripped into them this time. The referee decides enough is enough and moves the steps to the floor, but Triple H decides he’ll just follow them out. He tries to pedigree Kane right on top of them, but the Big Red Monster backdrops out of the predicament! Back in the ring Kane drops Hunter with a chokeslam and seems to have the match wrapped up, but Chyna wants to perform the finishing touches herself with a steel chair. Or so she says! Because what she actually wants to do is crash the chair into Kane! That hands him the victory via DQ, but I don’t think that was part of Chyna’s plan. **. Quite an average brawl. Most of it was bland, but the closing moments felt appropriately dramatic. It sinks in to a crestfallen Kane that Chyna had betrayed him, and then Triple H annihilates him with the chair. I think Hunter and Chyna are meant to be the fan favourites in this, though?
MATCH 7- WWF WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP- SABLE VS. TORI
Tori had been stalking the champion but remains our hero this evening because the success of her Playboy photo shoot had rather gone to Sable’s head. I have no idea who the faces and heels are meant to be in many of these matches, which is both one of the biggest plus and minus points about late nineties WWF.
Sable’s offense primarily consists of grinding her hips in Tori’s general direction. It’s so wildly arousing that Jerry Lawler questions whether the announce table is rising. Christ. Jerry Lawler has an erection. That’s the last thing a Wrestlemania needs. The ladies fight over a powerbomb and Tori comes close to getting one, but bodybuilder Nicole Bass debuts as Sable’s bodyguard and press slams Tori. That allows the champ to finish with the Sable Bomb. ¼ *. Neither of these ladies looked like well trained professional wrestlers.
MATCH 8- WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP- SHANE MCMAHON VS. X-PAC
In a pre match interview, DX claim they are stronger than ever. ARE THEY REALLY THOUGH???? Shane McMahon had won the European strap from X-Pac in a tag match mere weeks earlier after Chyna interfered in the Boy Wonder’s favour.
X-Pac starts at a disadvantage as Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco, The Stooges, jump him in the aisle. The DX representative is too quick for them though, and ducks a Patterson punch that ends up landing on Brisco instead! Shane’s bodyguard Test proves more of a problem for Waltman, crotching him against the ringpost and distracting the referee while Shane hits a low blow. X-Pac fights back, whistling over the top rope onto Shane on the floor with a plancha, but now the Mean Street Posse gang up on him from the front row. Test tries to interfere again but gets kicked down and Bronco Bustered! The X-Factor plants Shane, but the referee can’t count the pin because… Chyna’s distracting him? Triple H takes advantage to turn on his DX stablemate and land the Pedigree, before putting Shane on top for the three count. **. There was some decent athleticism on display here, but all the run ins and plot twists and controversy on this show has grown wearisome. It’s a shame because usually these kind of matches are a speciality of the McMahon family, but there was little that distinguished this from the rest of the undercard. Hunter and his new Corporation pals assault X-Pac post match, forcing The New Age Outlaws and Kane into making the save.
MATCH 9- HELL IN A CELL- THE UNDERTAKER VS. THE BIG BOSS MAN
The Undertaker had been torturing the McMahon family in the lead up to this match, even setting fire to a teddy bear that held deep symbolic meaning for Vince! The chairman decided to send loyal footsoldier the Big Boss Man into battle to try and tame the ‘Taker, inside Hell in a Cell!
The Big Boss Man thinks his police background might be useful in defeating the Undertaker- he handcuffs the Deadman to the cell, and beats him with his nightstick! Unfortunately for Boss Man, when Taker slumps forward he snaps the handcuff chain apart, so he’s not confined for as long as he’d like. The Phenom takes advantage of his newfound freedom to fire BBM into the cell and smack him in the back with a chair. Everyone bleeds in a desperate attempt to inject some life into the match. Taker attempts to go Old School, but Boss Man sweeps his legs away and crotches him on the top rope. The Deadman quickly retakes control with a low blow though, and attempts a Tombstone while the fans show their disinterest. Boss Man slips out the back door, but misses a clothesline, and leaves himself open for another Tombstone! Which finishes the match disappointingly abruptly. I say disappointingly, no one wanted that match to go any longer, but it’s a shame they couldn’t even put a decent finish on it. ½ *. Dreadful! Outside of Boss Man handcuffing Taker to the cell they just didn’t seem to have any ideas at all, and even that only lasted a few seconds. This was sluggish and boring and like I say the ending was lazy as anything. Post match, The Brood (Edge, Christian and Gangrel) descend from the rafters, which is a cool idea in theory, but the harnesses make them look like awkward humans rather than vampires. It also didn’t help that on their way back up, Christian bounced off a hockey scoreboard and Gangrel got stuck in mid air. It’s less Dracula and more What We Do In The Shadows. They tie Boss Man to the cell in a noose and then Paul Bearer raises the structure so he slowly has the life choked out of him, which is just really unpleasant to watch. Ugh. There is almost nothing to redeem this shoddy spectacle.
MATCH 10- NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH FOR THE WWF CHAMPIONSHIP- THE ROCK VS. STEVE AUSTIN
So, you may remember that earlier in the evening Mankind won a match against The Big Show for the right to officiate this match. However, due to injuries sustain in said match he had to make a trip to the hospital, and thus couldn’t fulfil his refereeing duties. Vince McMahon decided the best thing to do would be to put himself in charge, but just as he enters the ring for that purpose, Commissioner Shawn Michaels spoils his plan! HBK points out a little known law in the WWF rulebook that says only the Commissioner can appoint referees, and he wants Mike Chioda to take charge, not Vince! What’s more, Michaels bans the whole of the Corporation, bar Vince, from ringside! The deck! It’s unstacked! We’re going to get a fair championship match! The crowd are mad keen on Shawn as well.
Austin and Rock brawl over the place in a natural progression of the Michaels-Austin main event style. They brawl through the crowd and up the entrance way, where Stone Cold uses some electrical equipment to his advantage, and whips the champion into the Wrestlemania sign. The match moves back to ringside, where Rock finds himself lying on the Spanish Announce Table- Austin tries to elbow drop him through, but it doesn’t break, so he comes off the barricade for extra momentum and this time gets the desired result! Finally, they confine themselves to the squared circle, and Rock hits the Rock Bottom for a two count! He grabs a steel chair, but Austin steals it from him. It’s a swing and a miss though, and, Jesus, Mike Chioda takes a vicious shot to the skull! Chair shots to the head were a fucking plague. Rock batters Austin’s injured knee with the chair, then loses his temper with referee dos Tim White and drops him with the Rock Bottom! He’s punished for that needless attack with a Stone Cold Stunner! Earl Hebner is brave enough to join the match and make the count, but Rock kicks out at two! Vince McMahon returns and somewhat inevitably Hebner is his cannon fodder. With Earl out the equation, Vince and Rocky double team Austin, but Mankind makes a dramatic return and saves the day! He dumps McMahon to the floor, and Stone Cold rallies! Thesz press! Sweary elbow drop! But a backdrop is countered, and Rock lands the Rock Bottom! People’s Elbow misses! Stunner- blocked! Rock Bottom- blocked! Stunner- connects! Kaboom! Austin covers, Mankind counts, and we have a new WWF Champion! ****. This is essentially what everything else on this show was trying to be- a big, fat, brilliant soap opera with fizzing near falls, thrilling plot twists, and everything tying itself together into a logical, cathartic conclusion. It didn’t really build in the way a regular match does, or perhaps a good movie- it felt like three final acts all squashed into one film! But they were three bloody good final acts, and it wasn’t too long a film, and also it wasn’t a film, it was a wrestling match, and there are several key differences between those things, so it worked out just fine. Not quite good enough to save the show, but it’s a satisfying watch, and to put the icing on the cake, Austin delivers the obligatory stunner to Vince post match!
