wrestling / TV Reports
Lovell’s AEW Dark Review 5.11.21
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Let’s jump into this week’s episode of AEW Dark.
Jon Moxley & Eddie Kingston vs. Milk Chocolate
Milk Chocolate’s entrance is legen…..wait for it….dairy. However, what they got here was a legendary ass-kicking. Moxley and Kingston hit the ring and downed a glass of Milk Chocolate for the win at 38 seconds.
Blake’s Rating: SQUASH
Evil Uno, Alan “5” Angels, and Colt Cabana (1-0) vs. Spencer Slade, Cole Karter, and Andrew Palace (AEW trios debut)
As Taz points out, it’s very rare to see an eye rake on a man wearing a mask, but that was Karter’s approach with Angels. Speaking of Angles, I’ve said it before, but this dude really lays in some hard shots. All his offense is believable because it looks like it hurts. Of course, this was another fine showcase for Dark Order, with Uno getting the pin for the victory at 4:36.
Blake’s Rating: **
– Tony Schiavone with Diamante. She’s PISSED OFF at “that little alien bastard” Kris Statlander. You’ve gotta love Diamante.
Angel Fashion vs. Lance Archer (7-2)
Archer is making squash matches a thing of beauty. As always, he hit the ring with fury, but it looked like he almost landed on his head when he went for the cannonball. But then he hopped right up and beat Fashion’s ass. As Jake Roberts called it on commentary, it was just old-fashioned ugly. Fashion got a few moves in, but Archer “knocked his nipples off” according to Jake and got the win at around three minutes. After the match, Jake stared into the camera and told Sting to leave them alone or else.
Blake’s Rating: SQUASH
QT Marshall, Aaron Solow & Nick Comoroto (1-0) vs. Jake Logan, Ryzin & Rick Recon (AEW trios debut)
Comoroto picks up the steel steps before the match even begins to give QT a throne in the aisle. That’s a nice touch for a group of heels. The visual of QT sitting on the throne unamused as Comoroto dominates the action is pretty fantastic. This was all Factory from start to finish, with Comoroto hitting the powerbomb on Ryzin before tagging in QT for the cutter for the victory at 4:03. After the match, QT locks on the Figure Four and tries to snap Ryzin’s leg. QT may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but these heel antics are tremendous.
Blake’s Rating: **
– Pretty Peter Avalon with Cezar Bononi, Ryan Nemeth, and JD Drake, who is wearing his fancy shirt. They do their super-duper best buds thing where they touch tips. Fingertips, that is.
Varsity Blonds (10-3) vs. Jaylen Brandyn & Traevon Jordan (AEW tag debut)
Julia Hart has clearly impressed the AEW crew since she accompanied Brian Pillman and Griff Garrison to the ring for this one. She’s a cheerleader, so it makes sense for a team called the Varsity Blonds. Speaking of Pillman, how can you not be a huge Brian Pillman Jr. fan after watching Dark Side of the Ring? Meanwhile, Taz was not impressed by Jordan’s lower-extremity work, which is the most Taz observation ever. Pillman and Garrison took control late in the match and notched the victory at 4:07.
Blake’s Rating: **
Willow Nightingale (0-1) vs. Diamante (5-3)
I’ll use a favorite line from a great philosopher named Roddy Piper and let you know that Diamante is here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and she’s all out of bubblegum. But she did run into good competition with Nightingale, who did a good job showing off her strength and charisma. She’s got potential. However, it was Diamante hitting the Code Red for the win at 2:48.
Blake’s Rating: NR
Dante Martin (5-1) vs. Aaron Frye (AEW singles debut)
Dante Martin is one of the reasons why AEW Dark exists. He’s young, his tag team partner is injured, and there’s not enough television time elsewhere to allow him to consistently work on his in-ring skills. But with AEW Dark, he can be featured in singles matches to allow him to improve lots of elements of his skill set, which will only help Top Flight as a tag team once Darius Martin returns from injury. This was a nice sprint from both men, and it was Dante hitting the 450 Splash for the victory at 3:30.
Blake’s Rating: **
Nyla Rose (7-2) vs. Ashley D’Amboise (0-1)
Good to see D’Amboise back. I was impressed with her in the match with Penelope Ford a few weeks ago. Great strength and athleticism. Vickie Guerrero was not particularly impressed with D’Amboise though, as she yelled at her before the match. From there, it was pure domination from Nyla, and she hit the Beast Bomb to get the win at 1:43.
Blake’s Rating: SQUASH
– Alex Marvez with Dark Order. JOHNNY HUNGEE is angry at Matt Hardy’s group after their actions on AEW Dark: Elevation, and so is everyone else. Evil Uno hypes up 10 ahead of his match with JD Drake.
Ryan Nemeth & Cezar Bononi (0-1) vs. Liam Gray & Adrian Alanis (0-3)
THE SENSUAL SLED is back! You either love PPA or you really love PPA. Those are the only two options. Also love the theme song for this faction. Pretty competitive match with Gray and Alanis getting in quite a bit of offense, but it was Nemeth hitting the Rude Awakening to pick up the victory at around five minutes.
Blake’s Rating: **
Kris Statlander (3-0) vs. Julia Hart (0-2)
Statlander giving the boop to Bryce Remsburg never gets old. He even gave Statlander a boop of his own. Hart’s reaction to getting a boop was pretty funny, and her personality is one of the reasons why she’s got potential. Statlander pretty much dominated the match before hitting a brutal Big Bang Theory for the win at 2:21.
Blake’s Rating: SQUASH
Marty Casaus (0-1) vs. Jungle Boy (4-1)
Marty the Moth returns! So does Taz singing Jungle Boy’s theme song, and have I mentioned how awesome it is? It’s awesome. Speaking on Marty, I decided to start a rewatch of Lucha Underground, and while I’m only a few episodes into season one, that’s all you need for a reminder of the greatness of the show. Marty played so well off the smaller Jungle Boy and even earned high praise from Taz, who basically called him ugly. Marty got his mouth busted open at one point, but it only added to the finish as Jungle Boy locked in the snare trap to earn the victory at 5:44. After the match, Taz’s singing took control: “Jungle Life, it’s all about the monkey….”
Blake’s Rating: **3/4
Big Swole & Red Velvet (3-0) vs. MK Twins (0-1)
Add the MK Twins to the list of unsigned talent that have made the most of their opportunity. Their previous match against Swole and KiLynn King was enjoyable given their intensity and aggressiveness in the ring. So, hey, we’ve somewhat got a continuing storyline in this one. But the result was the same as the other match, with Swole and Velvet picking up the win at 4:41.
Blake’s Rating: **1/2
JD Drake (2-4) vs. 10 (14-2)
Excalibur on JD Drake: “This man is an absolute snack.” Commentary gold right there. Rick Knox, another Lucha Underground alum, refereeing the match. 10 has really been one of the AEW Dark MVPs thus far this year, and he has the record to prove it. As you would expect, there were some shenanigans from PPA’s faction, but Dark Order was there to keep the action fair. Very competitive match with lots of back and forth action, and Excalibur could not stop laughing when Taz claimed that Drake ripped his Wranglers. But it was 10 locking on the submission to earn the victory at 8:14.
Blake’s Rating: ***
The Acclaimed (6-2) vs. Sonny Kiss & Joey Janela (12-11)
In his rap, Max Caster joked about both “Sunny Days” and having a better butt than Kiss, and Caster thrusting his butt to try to prove it while saying “Booty butt, booty butt cheeks” is one of the funniest things on AEW Dark in a quite a while. Excalibur and Taz agreed. The most notable moment of this match was Janela landing hard on his knee on the ramp, and everyone minus Caster and Anthony Bowens sold it like a legit injury. That led to Caster and Bowens going right after the knee. Janela tried to go for a top rope move late in the match but quickly fell after the knee didn’t hold up. Janela and Kiss kept fighting, and there were lots of creative spots. Eventually, it was Caster hitting the Mic Drop for the win at 11:54. You never know how some of these matches between the AEW regulars will unfold, but this was just great stuff from all parties involved and one of my favorite AEW Dark matches in a good while.
Blake’s Rating: ***1/2
Bear Bronson vs. Brian Cage (12-2)
Excalibur notes that Bear Boulder is injured and out of action for a few months, so hopefully he has a speedy recovery because Bear Country was hitting its stride. Nonetheless, we’ve still got a HOSS FIGHT on our hands with Cage and Bronson. And folks, this was not a one-sided match. They clearly intended to give Bronson a showcase in his first singles match, and they did just that. He performed very well against Cage and fooled me on a couple of near falls. Like I legitimately thought the match was over, but Bronson kicked out. However, he wasn’t kicking out of the Drill Claw, which gave Cage the victory at 7:05. Hell of a match.
Blake’s Rating: ***1/4
Powerhouse Hobbs (10-1) vs. Mike Sydal (1-1)
Mike is gonna need more than his yoga mat to beat Hobbs, though perhaps DDP could do it with a yoga mat alone. Hobbs hit a cross body block for the ages early on in the match, which got a great reaction from Excalibur and Taz. Hobbs controlled the match and earned the win at 3:25. After the match, Hobbs goes after Mike again but Matt Sydal comes in for the save.
Blake’s Rating: **
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