Memphis Wrestling (11.12.1983) Review

-Originally aired November 12, 1983.

-Your hosts are Lance and Dave.

-This is another one of those recordings from whoever the fan was in 1983 that just did not care about anything that actually happened in the ring in the studio, so it’s a 24-minute show for us this week.

-Off to Mid-South Coliseum, where Jerry Lawler, Austin Idol, and Dutch Mantel are battling Man Mountain Link and the Moondogs, no disqualification. And this is automatically the greatest no-disqualification six-man tag in wrestling history. Wanna know why? BECAUSE NOBODY IS STANDING ON THE APRON. All six guys are brawling, and there’s weapons strewn about, which is how it’s supposed to be. Later in the match, Jimmy is using the rope from a toppled stanchion to strangle Idol, and then he helps with a table spot the clears out the entire front row. Lawler throws a fireball at Link, and the referee inexplicably calls for the bell because of THAT. Like, “Woah, woah, woah, you can use stanchions, tables, ropes, brass knuckles, and a chain, but fire? Now you’re just going over the line.”

-Onward to the Rock & Roll Express battling the Bruise Brothers. Rock & Roll Express gets the win, and the Bruise Brothers aren’t happy about it, because Paul Morton was the referee and that’s one hell of a conflict of interest. They have a point. Ricky hurries back to the ring to help his dad, who has to be carried back to the locker room.

-Bruise Brothers cut a promo bragging about their actions, and Pork Chop Cash…definitely should have just leaned back and let Jimmy Hart take this one.

-The Rock & Roll Express gives an emotional interview from Paul Morton’s hospital room. Rock & Roll knows you can’t get to the masters without working your way through the dogs, so they’re going to face the dogs and get revenge for Dad.

-Jerry Lawler is here with a stack of wrestling magazines and shows the rankings for AWA wrestlers over the past few months. Basically, he’s fallen out of the top ten contenders for the AWA World Title because he’s been wrestling almost exclusively tag team matches. He wants only singles matches going forward, and he’s issuing an open challenge against everybody on the Top Ten Contenders list in the most recent issue, committing himself to defeat every one of them to earn another match against Nick Bockwinkel.

JERRY “The King” LAWLER vs. JEFF GRIGGS
-Oh, damn, an actual match on this recording! And not much of one, as Lawler just KOs Griggs with a right and rolls him up for the pin in 31 seconds.

-Bill Dundee comes out to declare that he’s not impressed. He dares Lawler to come back out from the dressing room for an actual opponent. He stops for a second to confirm the time of Lawler’s match, and Lance verifies that it was 31 seconds.

SUPERSTAR BILL DUNDEE vs. DON DONOVAN
-Dundee puts out one hand for a sportsman-like handshake, but Donovan takes the bait and Dundee knocks him cold with his own right hand, getting the three-count in six seconds.

-Jimmy Hart is here is here in camouflage and a helmet to welcome his new tag team, The A-Team, a pair of fat guys with masks who dress like 1990s Sgt. Slaughter.

-Jimmy Hart brings out the rest of the First Family, and everybody just passes the microphone around to remind us that they’re great.

-Actually, hold on…I only have 17 minutes of next week’s episode. Might as well cover that too…

-Originally aired November 19, 1983.

-Jerry Lawler goes on such an intense anti-Russia tirade that he makes Bill Watts sound like a pinko. He advises television viewers everywhere not to watch the made-for-TV movie The Day After because he thinks it’s a communist plot to make Americans fear the USSR and yes he dead-ass said “communist plot.”

-And another parallel to Bill Watts…the set is decorated for a First Family party that we apparently missed, and there’s a gigantic sack of wheat on the commentators’ desk, at the same time that they used a gigantic sack of wheat for an angle in Mid-South. For anyone who needs the history lesson, the USSR bought wheat from the U.S. until Jimmy Carter instituted an embargo that mega-backfired on him because it cost U.S. farmers a bunch of money. At the time of this episode, the U.S. had just lifted the embargo and was sending wheat to the U.S.S.R. again, and as Lawler touched on here, there was some “Can’t these people just grow their own damn food?” sentiment from the same people who got mad at Jimmy Carter for screwing over the farmers.

JERRY “The King” LAWLER (Southern Champion) vs. BUDDY LANDEL (Mid-America Champion, with Jimmy Hart and Andy Kaufman)
-Oh, wow, wasn’t expecting Andy out here. Andy joins the commentators, gloating that the dumb Memphis hick still hasn’t learned his lesson about dealing with Andy Kaufman. And while we’re at it, Lance is the worst wrestling commentator in the country. Lance fires back “At least I’m working right now!” and Andy is actually speechless for a few seconds!

-Side headlock by Landel, who doesn’t have to resort to pathetic fists or piledrivers to injure people, he uses pure scientific holds. Lawler breaks the hold by lifting Landel and placing him on the top rope, and Andy complains about illegally using the top rope for a move. And then Andy starts talking like he’s a grizzled wrestling veteran because he’s been in the ring with Lawler and sustained some injuries, and he makes it sound like he’s an old hand in the ring.

-Lawler throws a punch, and Andy declares a DQ right there, demanding that the match be stopped. Jerry gets distracted by the yelling and turns to say something to Andy, and Buddy Landel knocks him to the floor, with Jerry hitting the manager’s chair face-first.

-Landel controls the match for a bit, but Lawler mounts a comeback and pulls the strap down. Punches by Lawler, and Andy is going out of his mind about the match continuing after that. Fist drop off the second rope by the King, but Jimmy Hart breaks the pin with some weak stomps for the DQ. Andy made this match a treat.

-Russian Invader comes to the ring and grabs the giant sack of wheat, and OH MY GOD this goes wrong. So…

-WHAT THEY HAD IN MIND: Buddy Landel holds Lawler up by his arms, and Russian Invader jumps off the second rope with the huge sack of wheat and knocks Lawler over the head with it.

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS: Buddy Landel holds Lawler up by his arms, and Russian Invader climbs on the second rope and struggles for a few seconds with getting a grip on it. He gradually realizes that because of the added weight of the sack of wheat on his shoulders, he can’t jump off the second rope easily, so he steps down from the ropes and takes a big swing with the sack of wheat, completely overshoots Lawler, and unmistakably hits Landel over the head with the sack. The studio audience pops like crazy because 100% of the sack of wheat hit Landel and completely missed Lawler, but they stick with the angle as they intended it, and Lawler sells the blow, completely confusing the crowd. This angle died so hard that Jerry Jarrett probably told Jeff that they sent the sack of wheat to a nice farm upstate where it can run and play.

-After commercial, Jerry Lawler puts a band-aid on this by playing up the idea that he wasn’t hurt THAT bad, but there’s still some wheat left in the sack, so he promises Russian Invader that when they meet in the ring, Invader is going to eat what’s left of the wheat “through the other end.” So buy a ticket to Mid-South Coliseum this Monday night and watch Jerry Lawler empty his sack in the Russian Invader’s butt.

THE A-TEAM vs. MAD DOG & TOMMY ROGERS
-I looked it up, and I can’t tell which is which, but the A-Team is Don Bass and Roger Smith under masks.

-Mad Dog sandbags the shit out of a belly-to-belly suplex and then tags in Tommy Rogers. Tommy takes his ass-kicking like someone who’s had at least a second day of wrestling training. Slingshot splash finishes this one for the A-Team.

6.0

The final score: review Average

The 411

Decent collection of angles, but I gotta be honest, Lawler/Dundee is very, very played out for me.