The Name on the Marquee: NWA World Championship Wrestling (8.22.1987)

-Welcome to the world of tomorrow! Used my tax refund to treat myself to a Roku TV, and I’m now fully prepared to be that guy who talks endlessly about his Roku the moment somebody in the room says they’re thinking about buying a new TV. But it’s how I’m writing all of my reviews from now on, courtesy of the beautifully-designed Roku version of WWE Network.

-Cold open: Dusty Rhodes enters the ring and Bob Caudle introduces him as “The Living Legend” Dusty Rhodes. Dusty puts away one of the Gladiators in seconds with the Weaverlock.

-Originally aired August 22, 1987.

-Your hosts are Tony Schiavone and David Crockett’s gigantic pocket square.

MIKE ROTUNDA (Florida Heavyweight Champion) vs ALAN MARTIN
-Alan Martin applies a side headlock and hangs onto it pretty well until Rotunda breaks it with an atomic drop. Commentators fill us in on an angle that 49 states don’t know about, as Rotunda is the reigning champion, but Dory Funk, Jr. has stolen the belt.

-Martin throws punches, Rotunda punches back. Armbar and a facelock by Rotunda. Rotunda whips him back and forth as the crowd gets antsy and demands the airplane spin, and Rotundo treats them to it and gets the win.

-Mike Rotunda heads to the commentary table to give a more detailed rundown of why he doesn’t have the belt, but he is still very definitely the Florida Champion.

“Boogie Woogie Man” JIMMY VALIANT vs EL NEGRO
-It amazes me how week after week, the TBS studio managed to round up 200 fans who apparently saw something in Valiant that I just don’t.

-Valiant works the arm of El Negro and he does the shtick with Teddy Long where he chats with him while choking the jobber. El Negro takes one HELL of a bump flying out to the concrete. Back in, the elbow finishes.

-Dory Funk, Jr. is here that Mike Rotunda has misinformed the fans by saying the Florida Title belt has been stolen. Dory is the rightful owner, via a victory over Mike Rotundo in the middle of the ring. He offers to defend the title against all comers, including Kevin Sullivan and Gasbag Mulligan.

LAZOR-TRON & KENDALL WINDHAM vs DEXTER WESCOTT & DALE LAPEROUS
-Holy crap, I just straight up forgot Lazor Tron has a championship.

-Kendall slams Wescott and dropkicks him. Armdrag by Kendall, and some double elbows by the faces get a one-count. Dropkick and a weird-looking backbreaker on Laperous (Tron REALLY has a lot of trouble holding onto him) and Windham comes in to add a dropkick. Flying shoulder tackle by Lazor Tron. The commentary in this match is telling, in the sense that it’s almost non-existent. Tony and David have nothing to say about either star.

-Fans chant “bulldog” to continue showcasing their awareness of finishing moves, or perhaps they really just want this specific match to be over. Kendall works the arm on Dexter Wescott. Lazor and Kendall work over their opponent in extremely laperous fashion, and Kendall finishes with the requested bulldog.

LIGHTNING EXPRESS (UWF Tag Team Champions) vs COUGAR JAY & TOMMY ANGEL
-Brad Armstrong wrings Cougar’s arm as this crowd just is not getting sick of the “Break it” chant at all. Lightning Express takes turns with an armbar. Cougar Jay tags out and Armstrong rams Angel in the corner. Tim Horner goes back to working the arm. Horner slams Angel, and a double backdrop nearly finishes. Atomic drop/legdrop combo by the Express finishes.

-Lightning Express thanks the great fans and will take on all comers. Tim Horner whips out a bunch of names of people who have never been on TBS and invites them to bring it on.

TERRY TAYLOR vs ITALIAN STALLION
-They trade aggressive shoves and Terry armdrags Stallion and gets right in his face. Terry is playing heel really, really hard here, but the NWA fans remember him as a babyface two years ago and refuse to boo him. So Terry is whining about non-existent hair-pulling and the crowd just chants “Go Terry Go!” for him. Terry complains about hair-pulling again, and we get something of a lost art from Teddy Long, as he turns to the fans and asks “Did he pull the hair?”

-Stallion comes back with ten punches in the corner followed by a monkeyflip. Taylor backs away from him and rakes the eyes as the fans chant “Let’s go Terry!” Taylor rolls up Stallion with a handful of tights to get the win.

-Terry Taylor says everyone in wrestling has been talking about him and Chris Adams lately. What? I haven’t been talking about them. It’s amazing how this whole hour has succeeded in making a regular viewer feel like they’re in the dark.

IVAN KOLOFF & “Ragin’ Bull” MANNY FERNANDEZ vs GEORGE SOUTH & ROCKY KING
-Man, this team is STILL together. I thought for sure Manny had fucked off and gone bridge-burning at this point.
-Ivan punches and kicks Rocky. Rocky fights back with dropkicks, but goes to the well too often and Ivan just dodges one. Sudden thought: They should have given Koloff and Fernandez a repackaging as snooty businessmen and renamed the team the Stock Market, because one of them is a Bull and the other one is a Bear. Jim Crockett probably wouldn’t have had to sell the business a year later if I had been around to suggest it.

-Manny with a flying clothesline that South really clearly deflects, in one of those spots where Gorilla Monsoon would have said “He didn’t get all of that one.” Flying sickle by Ivan puts this one to bed.

-Kevin Sullivan says he’s back in the NWA because he hates Dusty Rhodes. BUT…Ric Flair’s a coward who won’t defend his title in Florida, so he asks Dusty to consider arranging a deal with him.

GENTLEMAN CHRIS ADAMS vs COLT STEEL
-Oh, cool, it’s that Chris Adams fellow that I’ve been talking about lately. Snapmares by and side headlocks by Adams. And wouldn’t you know it, fans are chanting “Superkick!” Adams drops the knee and drops a leg. Terrifying piledriver as we take a commercial break.

-Steel finally gets a little offense, long after the point where he’d be legally dead. He goes to the second rope and hits the canvas, and Chris Adams hits the superkick to finish. Terry Taylor runs in, attacks Adams to a huge pop, and runs off.

-Adams describes why he’s feuding with Terry Taylor. Video is so much more effective than guys explaining their feuds for the first time, I don’t understand why they’re doing it this way.

RON GARVIN vs KEITH STEINBORN
-Garvin chops away as David Crockett lays out the strategy for this match: “Garvin’s gonna feel him for a while.” Rear chinlock by Garvin and he literally spanks the jobber’s ass while straddling his back. Hands of stone get the duke.

-Ron Garvin wants everyone in the arenas to stand up if they believe in him, but remain seated if they don’t.

KEVIN SULLIVAN vs LARRY STEPHENS
-Sullivan slaps Stephens around and elbows him. He sends Stephens out to the floor and rams him into the post. Sullivan beats him on the apron and the camera could not be in better position for a shot of Stephens’ package. Sullivan lights into him with punches on the mat and then just pins him without any kind of finisher. I guess because the fans didn’t chant any suggestions.

BUGSY MCGRAW vs TERRY JONES
-Jones goes to work with punches to the head, but that has no effect on Bugsy and he just elbows Jones down. Splash off the ropes gets the win.

THE FABULOUS FREEBIRDS vs THUNDERFOOT #1 & THUNDERFOOT #2
-This week, it’s Buddy Roberts taking the night off. Hayes rams #2 from turnbuckle to turnbuckle. I’d like to thank the Thunderfoots for having a way to identify them, as #1 has one lightning bolt on his knee and #2 has two of them.

-Terry Gordy with a back suplex on #2. Backdrop/powerbomb combo by the Birds for the win.

4.5

The final score: review Poor

The 411

What a weird week! It seemed built on the assumption that every fan in America was watching every TV show owned by Jim Crockett, and we just repeatedly got dropped into the middle of one storyline after the other with very little help in the way of explaining why we should care.