The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (11.11.1995)

-Originally aired November 11, 1995.

-Your hosts are Chip Kessler & Les Thatcher.

-We start with the finish of last week’s incomplete battle between Buddy Landell and Tommy Rich. Landell clamps on the figure four and looks to finish with that, but in comes General Cornette with the tennis racquet, breaking the hold and drawing the DQ to finish. Butch Cassidy steps in and attacks, but that brings out The Punisher, and Cornette’s Militia wails on everybody in sight. He kills Cassidy dead with a chokeslam, which draws an inside joke from Chip Kessler on commentary: “After a chokeslam like that, somebody better call 911!”

-Another insane ad reminding us that Lifeline is the fiber optics company that offers you big savings while rejecting the evils of homosexuality.

-We recap a lot of events involving the Rock & Roll Express from the summer. The Express had a tag team title shot, but no-showed that night, so the Thugs took their place and wound up winning the belts. The Express resurfaced during the post-match celebration and were pissed about getting replaced, so Commissioner Armstrong granted them a title match. Commissioner Armstrong then announced that Ricky Morton was fired due to some out-of-ring incidents, so Robert Gibson began hunting for a new tag team partner. That search failed and Gibson went on a bit of a losing streak.

-Gibson tried to break up the Thugs and go for a Tag Team Title shot with one of them, but the Thugs politely declined. A while later, Gibson resurfaced as guest referee for the Thugs’ match against the Heavenly Bodies, which the Thugs liked because they figured that Gibson still had unfinished business with them. Surprise! Gibson turned heel! Now that’s actually pretty brilliant way to execute a heel turn. Hint at it for months, drop it and have it forgotten about for a while, and then pay it off out of nowhere so the fans can look back and see a series of perfectly logical reasons that it happened.

-We get words from Cornette and Robert Gibson. Cornette recaps all the screwy things that the Thugs and Smoky Mountain Wrestling did to Robert Gibson in the past year. Every supposed friend he ever had screwed him over, but Corny was there to make a phone call when Gibson needed some cheering up, and Corny points out that Gibson was the true star of the Express. After all, Corny points out, in EVERY match they ever wrestled, Ricky Morton always got the snot kicked out of him. It was always Gibson tagging in, cleaning house, and getting the win, so clearly Morton was the weak link of the team.

-Les Thatcher gets words from the Thugs. They’ll be joined by a mystery partner to face the Bodies and Robert Gibson at Thanksgiving Thunder.

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ROBERT GIBSON (with General Cornette) vs. BOBBY BLAZE
-Gibson comes to the ring to “Rock & Roll Hoochie Koo.” Sadly, it’s not Gene Okerlund’s cover, which would have made him the most over heel this side of Generalissimo Osama Bin Hitler.

-Blaze backs Gibson into the corner and then into the ropes and then into the corner again, so we have a decided advantage to Blaze in the backing-into-corners department. Armbar by Blaze while Corny complains about hair-pulling. Blaze actually controls the match quite handily until he puts his head down and Gibson finishes with a neckbreaker.

KESSLER’S CORNER
-The Punisher & Tommy Rich are ready for tag team action at Thanksgiving Thunder. They’re going to trap and kill a bunch of rats. Be there!

-We get words from Bob Armstrong, who’s bringing his “Tennessee Toothpick” (a baseball bat) to the ring for that match.

-We look at one of the participants for that big match, Joe LeDuc, set to “Bang Your Head.”

SGT. ROCK (with General Cornette) vs. RON DAVIS
-So after weeks of hype, Corny is ready to reveal Sgt. Rock. Remember how I told you a while back that the mystery of “Sgt. Rock” was brilliant because unlike most wrestling mysteries, it was perfectly solvable? Here you go, Sgt. Rock is finally revealed as…Jacqueline. Think about it. Privates and corporals in the military refer to higher ranking officers as “superiors.” Professional wrestling has its roots in the Greco-Roman style cultivated in ancient times. An ancient Greek term for “superior” was the word “Delois.” Jacqueline’s middle name is Delois, so obviously, she would be a superior officer, hence Sgt. Rock. Jim Cornette is a genius. Unless he was just trying to swerve the crowd by giving a masculine name to a female wrestler.

-The crowd is incredulous about how a female wrestler will fare against a man until Rock kicks Davis in the nuts and gets an easy three.

-Les Thatcher is still stunned when Corny arrives and introduces her as a former Miss Texas who has beauty, brains, AND brawn. She’s going to get rid of the Wolfman at Thanksgiving Thunder. Wolfman comes out and says it’s not right to fight a woman and he demands to speak to the Commissioner. Sgt. Rock shows she’s not afraid of hitting, decking Wolfman with a forearm. Corny adds some racquet shots before taking off like the proverbial thief in the night.

-Bad Brad Armstrong is ready to take his belt back at Thanksgiving Thunder.

BAD BRAD ARMSTRONG vs. MOSH
-Backdrop and an armdrag by Armstrong. Armstrong stays on the arm and goes off the ropes, but Mosh catches him with a powerslam. Mosh stomps away at the back and follows with a side suplex. Armstrong rallies with a Russian legsweep to get the three-count. Thrasher runs in for the beatdown and Terry Gordy arrives with a leather strap, but Armstrong dropkicks him away and lives to see another day.

6.0

The final score: review Average

The 411

Another week that's probably OK but I found myself feeling incredibly sad that it's winding down so I had trouble really enjoying it.