Rolling Germans Review: NWA TNA 10.16.02

NWA TNA: 10/16/2002

I was dreading this show for a couple of reasons. First off, last week’s show left a pretty horrible taste in my mouth. Between a shitty “main event,” stipulation matches that sucked and the third ladder match in four weeks combined with a HORRIBLE ending to last week’s show, it’s any wonder I bothered to watch this week’s show at all. Then I take a look at the line up for the show and the severe lack of X-Division outside of the X-Title match didn’t inspire confidence either. Ah well, such as the responsibility of doing up tape reviews (how does Scott do TV rants twice a week + other rants? That’s insanity).

This review is brought to you by a combination of Canadian Essence Spring Water and the last bit of the Pepsi Blue that was left in the fridge from Poker Night on Saturday. I have no idea how anyone can put the disrespect to Pepsi Blue and still drink down the shit that is Vanilla Coke. UGH! That stiff is beyond brutal. It’s bad enough that coke is acidic enough to clean car engines, but now it tastes like shit on top of it. Who wants foul tasting engine cleaner when there’s perfectly fine tasting engine cleaner elsewhere?

I managed to find my latest TNA tape literally 15 seconds before this PPV started. Ever have those days where you say “oh yeah, I know where the tape is” and then you’re scrambling to find it because you procrastinated watching Seinfeld? Well that’s me this week… and last week… and every other week this show is on.

DON WEST IS IN A GOLD SILK SHIRT AND GOLD TIE! SWEET JESUS END THE PAIN!

We get a video covering the past events leading up to today’s matches. Well I’ll be damned, they opened up the purse strings and put something high caliber together. OH MY GOD, GRAPHICS SHOWING WHO’S FIGHTING WHO! REJOICE! I tell you, you don’t even realize how much little things like graphics with the wrestlers who are fighting can make a difference in a show. You look at RAW or Smackdown and you take stuff like that for granted, but you see it here and it’s like the show just took one big step forward in production.

Goldylocks interviews Jorge Estrada. He goes on like a moron about looking for a new partner. Oh no… oh dear God no… YANG ISN’T COMING BACK! SHIT! Syxx walks out of the locker room. Um… OK. Estrada keeps babbling on and introduces his new valet Priscilla (someone just hit the audience with a one ton weight with “obvious” painted on it). So Brian Lawler jumps in and blah blah blah’s about not knowing where his girlfriend is. WHO GIVES A FUCK! GET THE FUCK OFF MY TV! He thankfully listens but that means MORE ESTRADA! NOOOOOO! He keeps yapping and April peeks out of the locker room where Syxx just came out of. Uh… huh. So she’s fucking around. This is the part where I care right?

DAVID YOUNG vs BRIAN LAWLER
I haven’t seen Young since that X-Title match against AJ Styles a few months ago. He looks to have packed on quite a bit of weight in that span. Tenay is gracious enough to tell us that Young has been all over the world since leaving. Um… I don’t recall reading any results with his name in it. Anyway, April makes her way down and Lawler yells at her. Russo loves domestic abuse stories eh? I wonder if he had a shattered childhood. Awesome sign in the crowd says “CHINESE WRESTLING!” HA HA! I have no idea why that’s funny but I died laughing when I saw it. Lawler attacks from behind with punches and kicks. Young comes back with high end offense in a dropkick. Lawler stalls… and stalls… until Young hits an Atomic Drop (OOOOOLD SCHOOL) and looks for a lariat but no dice and he eats a Superkick. More stalling. FUCK YOU LAWLER! MORE STALLING! I HATE THIS! Lawler looks for a low blow but Young reverses into an Elevator Face Jam and three DDT’s for 2 and ѕ. Young misses a Moonsault so Lawler looks for The Hip Hop Drop but that takes fooooorever and misses (DUH) so Young goes back up but April’s all “why yes I do suck cock when I’m not on TV” so Young stands there like a moron and Lawler hits a Second Rope Reverse DDT for the victory. Man o man, you haven’t seen suck until you’ve seen this match. DUD.

Nice video package showing the history between The Siaki and Jerry Lynn.

Lynn comes out and challenges The Siaki to a match next week but The Siaki stops that shit cold and tells him he won’t be a mid carder for fifteen years like Lynn. OUCH! That’s gotta sting just a bit. We eventually get The Siaki going after the leg (WELL DUH!) and a pull apart brawl ensues with jobbers and the pussy patrol (security) restraining everyone.

Mike Tenay has a taped 1 on 1 interview with Sean Waltman. Tenay basically praises Waltman for bumping like a freak back when that was unheard of in the early 90’s. Waltman soaks it up, does a little self depreciating speech and then says he’s going to try and defend the X-Title to his best of his abilities. This wasn’t too bad at all.

JORGE ESTRADA vs SONNY SIAKI
Estrada comes right at him with a flying headscissors. A kick in the gut leads to a Springboard Guillotine Legdrop for 2 and Ѕ. Double Jump Ropeflip Moonsault (NICE!) for 2 and Ѕ. Estrada charges but he’s met with an Overhead Belly to Belly to the floor and The Siaki takes it a step further with a Pumphandle Pancake on the floor. BRUTAL! Back in the ring where The Siaki looks for The Flip Mode (Standing Somersault Legdrop) but no dice so Estrada hits a Leaping Swinging DDT. Double KO leads to Estrada getting in a Rollover Slam into a Quebrada for 2 and ѕ. Estrada looks for a cross corner bulldog but gets KILLED with a lariat for 2 and ѕ. The Siaki looks for an Irish whip but that’s countered into a Soviet Slam for 2 and ѕ. The Siaki’s out and Estrada looks for a plancha but crashes into the railing (UGH! Ugly spot). Back in the ring where The Siaki hits THE SIAKALYPSE (Roll The Dice) for the victory. Wow, this wasn’t too damned bad. This was easily the best singles match I’ve seen Estrada in. It was a little on the short side but everything came off crisp and clean and it had some solid heat. The Siaki could be something huge down the line if his ring work improves. Good stuff from start to finish. **

Lynn attacks again and it’s the exact same pull apart brawl with the exact same wrestlers and Pussy Patrol members as ten minutes ago. For a guy that’s supposed to have a fucked up leg, Lynn sure does a lot of leaping and running across the ring.. They might as well have thrown on replayed footage, I doubt anyone would have noticed (or maybe we didn’t. Hmmm….)

DEREK WYLDE vs ACE STEEL (with Mortimer Plumbtree)
Wylde has already worked up a sweat trying to pull apart The Siaki and the man that’s not supposed to be able to walk. Steel’s eyes look like they’re about to bug out of his head so I’m guessing that second needle in the ass is doing it’s thing. Flip flop to start until Steel is out and Wylde pulls off an Apron Handspring Headscissors (NICE!). Back in the ring where Wylde looks for a cross bodyblock and Steel crotches him on the middle rope. OUCH! There’s something about the middle rope that makes your regular crotch shot seem all the more painful. Wylde gets moved from the middle to the top for a Superplex and a Double KO (what the hell? This is like three minutes in). The crowd is chanting “HOLY SHIT” like they’ve never seen a Superplex in the last 20 years. Steel is the first on the attack and hits locomotion Double Underhook Facebusters and puts it away with The Twist Of Kane (Gory Special – Neckbreaker combo). Wylde looked very good but Steel wasn’t co-operating at all. The match was short and there wasn’t much to it outside of Wylde’s flashy offense but it wasn’t insulting to watch. *1/2

BRUCE/JEFF JARRETT vs B.G. JAMES/HERMIE SADLER
Jarrett gets in the line of the night as he tells Sadler that Hollywood executives are looking to star him in the lead role of “The last and the furious!” HA HA! Now THAT’S funny. The first half is all terrible comedy wrestling playing off Bruce’s homosexuality. James plays eternal got the munchies in peril until it breaks down. Jarrett and James end up brawling outside and Sadler manages to pull off a victory blocking a sunset flip. Just a horrible match from start to finish. Sadler should never be allowed to wrestle again. James shouldn’t be allowed near food until he gets some decent mobility. Bruce sucks without Lenny. Jarrett was solid but well… is he ever anything but solid? I was wrong about the opener; you haven’t seen suck until you’ve seen THIS match. – *

Bruce tries to be all touchy feely with hugs for Jarrett but he has none of it and hits a low blow and The Stroke. GOOD! FUCK MISS TNA! I HATE THAT WHOLE ANGLE!

RON HARRIS vs NORMAN SMILEY
Here’s how it goes. Harris beats him down. Smiley comes back and tries the big wiggle. Rinse and repeat for five minutes I’ll never get back again. Harris wins using a Full Nelson Slam. DUD. NEXT!

Ron attacks after the bell but Smiley channels SCREAMING NORMAN! YES YES YES! Heavy D eventually breaks it up and we get a shoving match between the twins. It amazes me that an angle that lost its fire three weeks ago is the only one that Russo feels the need to slow burn.

CHRIS MICHAELS/RICK MICHAELS vs JAMES STORM/CHRIS HARRIS (NWA Tag Team Titles)
The Michaels Boys earned a title shot the week prior after being squashed by Ron Harris & The Siaki only to pull out a fluke victory. If there’s a finer way to build credible contenders, I haven’t seen it (IDIOTS). Rich and Storm start out with the flip flop leading to The Michaels ending up on the floor and the champs hit a Pummel Horse Plancha followed up with a Harris Pescado. The challengers come back with kick/punch offense for a bit. Rick looks for a Rydeen Bomb but Storm comes back with a Huracanrana and makes the hot tag. Harris brings the flying lariats for everyone. Flying Bodypress gets 2 and ѕ on Chris Michaels. The Chris’s get tied up outside and Storm hits The Reverse Tornado DDT on Rick but the ref is distracted. Chris comes off the top with a Guillotine Legdrop for 1… 2… 2.999999! The match breaks down until Rick looks for The Double Shot only to eat SWEET STORMIN MUSIC! 1… 2… 2.999999! Storm gets thrown out the ring and Rick nails Harris with THE DOUBLE SHOT and Chris comes off the top with THE FLYING ELBOW! 1… 2… 2.999999! Storm ties Chris up, leaving Harris and Rick as we get a bunch of reversals until Harris hits THE CATATONIC for the victory. We’re 2 for 2 when the champs have someone decent to go up against. I still hate the tornado rules that just randomly come into effect near the end of TNA tag matches but there’s only so much you can bitch before you just get tired of it. Good work from both teams with some tense near falls down the stretch made this an enjoyable experience. **3/4

Post match has The Hot Shots run in and both teams put the beat down on the champs. One assumes next week we’ll either have a 3 way dance or The Hot Shots getting a tag titles shot. Personally, I’d book The Michaels Boys against The Hot Shots in a #1 contenders match and have the champs sell the injuries from the beating they just took but well… that’s logical booking and we don’t get much of that in this fed now do we?

AJ STYLES (with Mortimer Plumbtree) vs SYXX PAC (NWA X-Title)
This is a match I was looking forward to. I hated the way Waltman won the title but I also know that he’s a very good worker when motivated and he’s up against an accomplished wrestler in Styles so it had the foundation to be something special. We get a lot of posturing and mind games to start. Styles fires off a snap Huracanrana but Syxx comes back with some chops and The Triple Kick Strike. Syxx looks to backdrop Styles to the floor but he lands on his feet and crotches him on the post. UGH! Styles works in some simple offense until Syxx ends up outside and Styles hits a GORGEOUS Tope Con Hilo. Back in the ring and Styles cues the chinlock only to have Syxx escape but immediately take a kick to the gut and a Famasser. Styles looks for The Spiral Tap but no dice and here comes the comeback as Syxx brings the kicks and Styles bumps like he’s channeling Lightning Kid. Syxx heads up but takes a mid air dropkick for 2 and ѕ. Styles looks for a Bronco Buster but he gets vaulted to the floor in another sick bump and Syxx follows up with a TOP ROPE SOMERSAULT PLANCHA! Someone lit a fire under Waltman and I’M LOVING IT! Back in the ring and Syxx hits a Northern Lights Suplex for 2 and 9/10. Syxx charges but he’s met with a kick and Styles looks for The Discus Lariat but Syxx ducks and the ref gets nailed. X-FACTOR! NO REF! Syxx hits The Bronco Buster and brings the punches but the ref pulls him off so Syxx elbows him off and we get a FUCKING DQ! BOOOOOO! What a total cop out ending. OK, this match was on the fast track to ass kick land until the lame ending. Styles bumped like a freak and Syxx was all “I’ll work hard because I need WWE to hire me back.” If this is any indication of what they can do on the first go around, I’m dying to see a re-match. They left a lot of stuff in their respective bag of tricks and some more time could make for an excellent match. As of now, we’ll go ***1/4 and hope for a re-match that’ll notch an extra snowflake on the rating.

Earlier today, Mike Tenay had a 1 on 1 interview with Curt Hennig. They basically played up his role as a veteran and all the success he’s achieved in the respective feds he’s worked in.

MOTHERFUCKING RON KILLINGS HAS THE MIC! We get an even better sign than “Chinese Wrestling” as we take it up a notch with “GLACIER = RATINGS!” Oh man… that is SOOOOOO TRUE! Ron talks about being promised a chance to give more minorities a chance at the Heavyweight Title but politics put an end to that. FUCK YEAH RON! THOSE RACIST BASTARDS! Hennig rudely interrupts The Truth with some jibber jabber but Killings is all “COME ON OLD MAN!”

CURT HENNIG vs RON KILLINGS (NWA World Heavyweight Title)
Feel out process to start leads to brawling on the floor. Hennig busts out the chair shots and I’m wondering what happened to the magical rule that is a Disqualification. Killings comes back with some kind of substance to the eyes. ARROGANCE! IT’S ARROGANCE! Powerslam gets 2 and Ѕ. Hennig comes back and looks for a slam but the ref is bumped and the whole thing breaks down. Mr. Wrestling III runs in and he’s picking a fight with everyone. Now a bunch of guys run in (WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?) and the whole thing is apparently thrown out… or so you think. Killings grabs his belt and tries to walk but Old Man Senility tells him that they’re re-starting and if he takes the CO then he’ll lose the title. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? YOU CAN’T CHANGE THE FUCKING RULES ON THE FLY! FUCK BOB ARMSTRONG! FUCK HIM UP HIS STUPID ASS! So Killings rightfully gets pissed off and in the midst of it all, Jeff Jarrett runs in and nails Hennig with the worst low blow ever, giving Killings the pinfall. FUCK YEAH! FUCK ALL YOUR CONSPIRACY BULLSHIT ARMSTRONG! Because they were such inconsiderate fucks and insulted the intelligence of everyone by re-starting the match, we’re going to kick the match in the cock and go – Ѕ*

Final Analysis: Two shows, two cop out endings to end the show. This is not how you get people to keep buying your show. Anyway, the Elvis Match, the tag titles and the X-Title were very good this week but everything else was HORRIBLE! Squashes have no place on a PPV. Matches so bad they garner a negative rating have no place on a PPV. Cop out endings in two title matches have no place on consecutive PPV’s. These guys really need to get their act together. When I first finished this show I thought it wasn’t all that bad but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that there was far too much shit in comparison to the good stuff. I’d strongly recommend avoiding this show only because I know Syxx vs Styles will happen again down the line and it’ll be better than the already good match we had tonight.

Justin Baisden
Rolling Germans Wrestling