Stew’s Money In The Bank 2022 Review

Oh my god, it was just 77 degrees in my house.

I am sitting here sweating my tuchas off and thinking “Am I getting sick?”, then I finally go check the A/C and remember I never turned it back on after I streamed last night.

I do almost all of my streaming and podcasting in my basement which is typically the ideal area of the house, but the air conditioning and furnace are SO LOUD down here that I always need to turn those off when I’m recording. And sometimes, like today, I forget to turn them back on.

My wife, who spends all of her time in the main floor of our house where it’s much warmer than the basement, would never have even noticed. She is part lizard, you see. So I said it was 77 degrees in my house, and you most likely went “OH GOD, THAT IS MISERABLE!”

(As it should; that’s a reasonable response)

But you see, 77 is only three degrees above the 74 degrees that is the absolute minimum temperature my wife will allow us to set it. She will not let the house go cooler than 74. Set the house to 72, and she spends all of her time on the warm floor of the house, under an electric blanket, and complaining about freezing.

Have you ever heard of Northerners who move to Florida or something and say it thinned their blood? Now they think summers up North are “cool” and can not abide the winters and falls they used to know?

That’s what marrying my wife has done to me. I now think 74 degrees is an acceptable temperature for a house. Good god, that’s absurd.

And probably why it took me until 3pm to realize the A/C was off and it was 77 in here.

(“I didn’t come here for this,” you say, and you are right, but it’s 5 hours until the show starts, and I’m getting carried away with my preamble. Also: I love you, and I want to know how your day is going, too! Tell me in the comments)

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Okay, supposedly the house will cool down before Money In The Bank starts, and you know what? This is another WWE PPV that I did not realize was happening until I found out the day before. Last night I Googled this show to see when it was, and imagine my surprise when the answer was “tomorrow, you goof”.

I can’t… I don’t know one match on this show except for the two MitB matches. And I barely know who is in those. Whose fault is that? Well, mine, obviously. I remain far too busy with my projects to give weekly wrestling the time it deserves. But also WWE’s fault for…. reasons.

But I do almost always gush about these Live Special Awesome Mega-Fun-Time Event Spectaculars or whatever WWE is calling PPVs now. I can put aside all the work I have for four hours a month to enjoy these. And hopefully this will be another great one!

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7:41pm: Wait, Cameron Grimes is challenging for the NXT Title soon? Oh man! I hope he wins. Didn’t he JUST win the North American title? I guess he already lost that? Wow.

7:50pm: Logan Paul signed with WWE, I guess. They are trying to find a way to make someone in the company a bigger scum ball than Vince. That’s a step in the right direction if so!

7:57pm: Neither Finn Balor nor Damien Priest are in the Money In The Bank match? Are we already done with Judgment Day?

8:07pm: Becky has yellow and green in her hair tonight for the Women’s Money In The Bank Match! Why does this give me conflicted feelings? I guess it’s the first color change she has had since she came to the main roster. It feels like a big deal!

8:10pm: Just so I can look officially stupid in a few minutes: I can’t see any reality where Lacey Evans, Shotzi, Bliss, or Asuka wins this match. I’d say Liv Morgan has a slightly better chance than any of them, but… barely. She could win, but I can’t imagine she will.

So this is a two horse race, to me, between Becky and Raquel. They’ve built Raquel up as someone who could realistically challenge Rousey. Becky having the briefcase allows her story with Bianca to survive. I’m going to say… Raquel wins.

8:15pm: Some unfortunate botches and failed spots early on here. Raquel fails to do a deadlift of a ladder with Becky and Liv on it. Shotzi falls through the rungs when trying to run across a ladder to hit Raquel.

8:20pm: Haha, wow, the fans HATE Lacey Evans here. Everything she does inspires a sea of boos. I thought she had returned as a face, but if so… it ain’t working.

8:27pm: Becky with a flying leg drop onto a prone Asuka on a bridged ladder. The ladder doesn’t break because it looks like Becks jumped just a bit too far. These ladies are certainly trying, despite the fact that the match itself is working against them.

8:29pm: Okay, Liv DOES win! I mean, that makes me look dumb, but not THAT dumb. At least it wasn’t one of the four I said had no chance. Also, it’s a feel good win because it felt like WWE had just completely missed the boat on her.

The match wasn’t great. A lot seemed to go wrong and several spots seem like they didn’t work right. But they hung in there and kept trying. And yeah… I’m happy Liv pulled it out.

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8:39pm: Theory and Bobby Lashley have been feuding over baby oil, and so few storylines feel like they were 100% written by Vince himself than this. Two guys posing and squirting baby oil at each other.

Do you… what is baby oil for? Like, does it have actual uses on/with/for babies? Baby POWDER, yes! I know you use baby powder on babies. But the oil? Someone with children, help me with this! I can’t picture why you’d want to make your child more slippery.

8:44pm: Maybe baby oil makes your baby harder to kidnap? Doesn’t baby oil seem like the opposite of baby powder? Maybe there are two kinds of babies. The ones that are too wet, and the ones that are too dry.

8:46pm: Theory thwarts the Spear by… crumbling into the fetal position. Theory is apparently my patrons as a wrestler, and I appreciate that.

8:48pm: It just feels like Theory is going to eat a DQ to save his title, right?

8:49pm: Theory has Lashley in a headlock, and you know what would help you escape a headlock?

Baby oil.

Do babies get put in a lot of headlocks?

If Lashley was smart enough to use it to escape this headlock, we could call it Bobby Oil!

8:54pm: Lashley wins with The Hurt Lock, which… I definitely thought Theory was going to walk out with the belt. I’m shocked! This was actually a much better match than I was anticipating, too. I really enjoyed this affair.

Hey, you know what would help you escape The Hurt Lock?

Stegosaurus spines.

What did you think I was talking about?

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9:10pm: Carmella vs Bianca Belair is still going on after I made a salad during Bianca’s ring entrance.

9:15pm: Nothing of note here. Mella was a replacement challenger who never posed a real threat to Bianca. This did everything it needed to, but it was never in any danger of being the high point of the show.

9:17pm: There is a post-match beatdown from Mella to Bianca which at least got everyone thinking “Will Liv come out?!”, but it was not to be.

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9:19pm: Hey, Byron Saxton is dressed up as a pistachio tonight.

9:20pm: Logan Paul, who STILL isn’t Pewdiepie apparently, has signed with WWE. I am so, so old.

9:26pm: It’s time for the Tag Team Title match! This should be amazing. I love both of these teams.

9:43pm: You know… this match is GOOD, but it hasn’t felt like what either team is capable of just yet. It felt like the Usos were working the heel heat FOREVER, and it just seemed so slow. Let’s see how the last act goes.

9:44pm: Montez Ford hits a Blockbuster, and he just keeps crotch-chopping everyone tonight. Does he ALWAYS do this and I just never noticed?

9:51pm: The Usos won, and the match did pick up dramatically in the back end, so that is nice. It’s the match of the night to this point.

Montez’ shoulder was [accidentally?] up during the pin, so that becomes the story of the post-match when the replays are shown. So we will get some more of this going forward, which I am fine with. I mean… what other tag teams are there right now anyway?

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10:01pm: Natalya vs Ronda is up next, and I’m very eager to hear the fans in this one.

10:03pm: Ronda’s entrance theme reminded me I watched the new Joey King movie earlier today called The Princess. They kept using that song in the commercials, but in the flick? Not a note.

10:11pm: Natalya has Ronda in an abdominal stretch, and you know what would help you escape… okay, okay, I will stop.

10:13pm: Ronda puts Nattie in the Sharpshooter and hits a Shawn Michaels pose while doing so, which is a snotty and fun little touch.

10:14pm: Also, my Mac decided halfway through this match to start acting really strange, so I restarted it. And now it has decided to install updates. Wonderful. Nothing more fun than having to write on my phone.

10:20pm: Liv actually cashes in on a not-all-that-vulnerable Ronda Rousey post match and wins!

Just so you know: this means the last THREE women’s MITB winners waited a TOTAL of about 50 hours until they cashed in and won the title. WWE has just gotten entirely bored with the briefcase concept, haven’t they?

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10:28pm: Okay, my computer is still unhappy. My total system storage just keeps decreasing by about 0.03 GB per second. I can open the Storage and just… watch my storage space slowly decrease. I don’t love this.

10:30pm: Anyway, I’ll deal with that when I can. It’s time for the Men’s Money In The Bank. And I have NO IDEA who is going to win this, though the pre-show made the ENTIRE STORY about Riddle, so… probably him? I’m pulling for Seth! He’s the new UpUpDownDown champion, after all.

10:34pm: I don’t know why, but I think it would be hilarious if Omos won the briefcase. They just made him look like a geek multiple times against Lashley; why is he even in this? Why not put Veer in here since they haven’t hit the downside of the coaster on him yet?

10:40pm: “Oh, Adam Pearce is going to add another competitor to the match, so exciting oh never mind it’s Theory”.

10:51pm: Omos gets buried under ladders, so let’s see how long that keeps him out of commission.

10:57pm: Omos is back!

I’m not going to lie. I’m spending almost the entirety of this match trying to figure out what the problem is with my computer. CleanMyMac tells me it is com.apple.nsurlsessiond. Whatever THAT is. That folder has 70 gigs in it.

11:06pm: Riddle hits an RKO to Rollins from the top of the ladder, and that looked DEVASTATING. Wow.

Oh, and that folder is up to 90 gigs.

11:07pm: Theory won this match?

Really?

I thought adding him to this contest was just a red herring, but it’s not. It’s a… blue… cod? I don’t know what the opposite of a red herring is.

I mean… good on WWE for going with a young guy who is new to the main event scene! We DO always say we want that! And Theory is talented an fun. It’s just…

Theory. Won the match.

Huh.

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All right, sorry this isn’t going to be a better wrap up. My Mac is telling me I have… 200MB of storage right now. I really have to figure out what’s going on here.

Until next time… take care!