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The Island of Misfit Shows: ECW December to Dismember – December 3rd, 2006

May 6, 2007 | Posted by Louis Izzo
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The Island of Misfit Shows: ECW December to Dismember – December 3rd, 2006  

– Welcome one and all to my first review at 411. As the title of my reviews suggests, I will primarily be digging down deep for shows that no one in their right mind would want to touch, or little nuggets that aren’t exactly common place in the world of rasslin’ reviews. For those who need a little history on my reviewing-ing-ing-ing, you can find about 200 of mine from the last few years over at this board (Sorry for being such a cheap shill, but it’ll help people see how bitter I really am at wrestling).


– Before I get into the review (sorry), I should point out one thing. “ECW” debuted on June 13th, two nights after One Night Stand. This show took place on December 3rd, meaning they had six months to build up to a good show. They actually had me going to. There were at least 5 feuds running through the Summer and Fall of 2006 that could’ve easily filled a PPV card. Then I remembered this was WWECW, and realized we’re all fucked harder than by a rabbit on speed.

– The usual opening you would expect from a WWE produced show, including highlights of previous WWE Elimination Chamber matches. 30-seconds into the show, and we’re already contradicting what ECW is supposed to be. I should also point out what an absolutely AWFUL name “December to Dismember” is for a PPV. I think I’d rather see the return of “Over the Edge” than this name.

– Commentary duties is in the hands of Joey Styles and Tazz. The SPANISH Announcers are Hugo Savinovich and Carlos Cabrera. Yes, the WWE’s Broadcast team is on the ECW PPV.

– Opening Match:
The Hardy Boyz vs. MNM (w/ Melina):

(Matt & Jeff Hardy vs. Joey Mercury & Johnny Nitro)
And the opening match features ZERO people from the ECW Roster, and the sadder part is the fact this was the ONLY match announced ahead of time other than the main event. Too over-produced of an entrance for ECW, says I. Highlights from the Hardys squashing Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke from last Tuesday, when MNM ran in to lay the smackdown on them. I guess that’s more like the real ECW. Run-in’s. By the way, MNM gets a very weak reaction. The Hardys reaction is NOT that impressive, since there’s not a whole lot of girls screaming. And by the way, I REFUSE to call them “Team Xtreme.” Mediocre “Hardys” chant before the bell. Matt and Mercury start for their teams. Lockup, and no one with a clear-cut advantage. Lockup #2, and Matt with a side headlock takeover. Mercury counters with a head scissors. Matt back up and he applies another headlock. Irish whip to escape, and Matt with a shoulder block, followed by a hip toss. Mercury with a mule kick, then Matt with a trip up. Jeff and Nitro enter the ring, but nothing comes of it. Mercury applies a wristlock on Matt, and Matt counters with one of his own before turning it into a hammerlock. BORING. Jeff tags in and works the arm as well. Matt tags back in and does more of the same. BORING. Nitro finally gets the tag and runs into a hip toss. More arm work. Jeff tags in with a slingshot dropkick for a two count. The crowd is DEAD, by the way. Hardy’s with a sloppy double team move on Nitro, followed by a way-too-long-to-execute “wheel barrel” move to Mercury. Me thinks they haven’t practiced this stuff for a while. Nitro boots Jeff in the face to escape a jaw breaker, and tags out to Mercury as the crowd starts a VERY weak “she’s a crack whore”, which makes no sense since she hasn’t actually been known for being one. Obviously not the real ECW faithful. Nitro with a neck breaker on Jeff and taunting of the crowd. A Standing SSP misses, and Matt tags back in to hammer away on Nitro. Irish whip, and Matt with a back elbow and elbow drop. Whip into the corner, and Matt runs into an elbow. Nitro heads up but Matt nails him low and connects with a crucifix powerbomb for a two count. Matt runs the ropes, but Melina trips him up. Matt goes for it, and Mercury sucker clotheslines him. Back in the ring, and MNM with a stomach buster a la the Bushwhackers. Mercury works over Matt in the corner, and Nitro tags in to drive a knee into the midsection for a two count. Scott Armstrong is the referee, by the way. Melina gets in some shots, applying a head scissors to Matt… I’m sure that’s a really devastating move. Nitro sucker punches Jeff, allowing Mercury to come in for a double team modified flap jack. Melina screams, the crowd boos, Mercury covers for two. Nitro tags in and hammers away on Matt. Double suplex is escaped and Matt connects with a double neck breaker on both members of MNM. Jeff gets nailed off the apron again, and dumped out of the ring. MNM whips Matt into the corner, and connect POETRY IN MOTION! Nitro heads up top… Matt blocks a Twist of Fate, crotching Nitro in the process. Jeff with the hot-pink tag, and he unloads on Mercury. Irish whip is reversed, and Matt WHFFS on a forearm. Jeff with an inverted atomic drop and crotch drop for a two count. Jeff with a front-drop suplex on Nitro.

Matt clotheslines Mercury out of the ring and follows with a pescado. Nitro’s time for a spot, and he does a no-hands version. Jeff goes to the top rope, and he just does a generic body press. I guess people learned from Billy Kidman… don’t do a SSP to the OUTSIDE when you can barely do it right in the ring. Back in the ring, and we get POETRY IN MOTION to Mercury. Twist of Fate by Matt, and Jeff MISSES the Senton Bomb, as Nitro pulled Mercury out of the ring. Nitro measures up Jeff and springboards off the top rope with a missile dropkick for a two count. Nitro with a boot to the spine of Jeff, followed by a series of forearms. Mercury tags in, and they slingshot Jeff into the corner. Rest hold by Mercury makes me get a soda. Nitro back in, and the crowd is already recycling chants. Jeff fights back, but gets thrown out under the bottom rope for his trouble. Melina with a field goal kick and a slap behind the referee’s back. Nitro throws Jeff into the ring and Mercury tags back in for a double-team dropkick for a two count. I think I have to take a break to jerk off or something, cause this match is dragging too much ass. Irish whip is reversed, and Jeff tries a sunset flip. Mercury gets the blind tag and nails Jeff across the back of the neck. CHINLOCK! The camera gets some gratuitous shots of Melina’s cleavage, at least, no matter how fake it is. Jeff escapes, but gets rolled up for a two count. The momentum of Jeff’s kick out sends Mercury out of the ring. Mercury pulls Matt off the apron to prevent another tag. Mercury with a single leg trip, but the sling shot doesn’t work, as Jeff climbs the ropes and comes off with the Whisper in the Wind… or a weak corkscrew. Matt gets the hot tag part deux and unloads on both MNM members. Whip into the corner, and Matt clotheslines Nitro. Bulldog headlock and clothesline to MNM. Matt with side effects to both men, and covers Nitro for a two count. Matt with a scoop slam, and he heads to the middle turnbuckle, connecting with a leg drop for another two count. Jeff tags back in, and sets up a REALLY lame looking and complicated hurracanrana spot by Nitro for a two count. Nitro goes to the top rope, and now they set up another contrived spot. Duel Double Suplexes by the Hardy Boys! Melina gets on the apron to prevent a referee count. Jeff blocks a slap, and Nitro dropkicks her off the apron by mistake. Jeff with a roll up, but it only gets two. Irish whip, and Nitro boots Jeff. Snap Shot connects, but Matt breaks up the cover at 2.99995. Matt gets dumped by Mercury… out of the ring, that is. MNM sets Jeff up on the top turnbuckle for a SUPER SNAP SHOT. Matt fights them off from behind, and nails a double Super Diamond Cutter. Super Senton to the MNM Sandwich (no peanut butter, says Tazz), and Jeff covers Nitro for the three count at 22:32. ** WAY too fucking long for a meaningless, pretty much thrown together match. The Hardys pretty much blew most of their signature double team spots, too many high spots looked way too complicated and/or botched, and the first half was REALLY fucking boring. I almost went lower for the rating, but things picked up for the last five minutes.

– EXTREME Elimination Chamber hype, including a Rob Van Dam promo, a ECW.com exclusive. No offense Rob, but you seem like you’re reading your lines off a tele-prompter or something. And he looks stone as fucked.

– Balls Mahoney vs. Matt Striker:
On a normal WWE PPV, I would laugh my ass off thinking THIS made it onto a PPV. Matt Striker is basically the 2006 version of Dean Douglas, except even less intimidating and without awesome vignettes. He also wears a faggy sweater vest over some of the worst ring trunks I’ve seen in a non-scrubby-Indy promotion. Striker cuts a promo before the match, and I pay zero attention. Striker announces his match will be held under EXTREME ENFORCEMENT OF RULES. This is just eating up too much time, but I guess when it comes to a Balls Mahoney match, you need to stretch for time so he doesn’t stink the place off. Mild “Balls” chant, but this is obviously NOT an ECW crowd. TOO MANY SHOTS OF STRIKER’S ASS! That camera angle should only be used for the women wrestlers and valets. Styles gets a good line in, at least. Balls with a single leg trip, and tries applying… something. MORE ass shots of Striker. Please God, stop it. Lockup into the ropes, and Matt with a cheap shot to the midsection. Irish whip is reversed, and Balls ALMOST blows a leap frog. Balls with a hip toss, and he applies a cross-arm breaker! That boosts the match ¼* already! The crowd is DEAD, by the way. Striker with a sucker punch, and blows across the back of the head. Whip into the corner is reversed, and Balls misses a charge into the ring post. Striker with a single arm DDT, followed by… uh… something to drop his body across Balls’ arm. Striker applies an armbar and throws Balls down by the hair. Striker with a series of elbows and more working of the arm. “Striker Sucks” chant as Striker applies an armbar. Balls counters for a two count, and Striker steals Triple H’s neck breaker for a two count of his own. Striker hammers on Balls arm some more. ARM BAR! Striker whips Balls into the corner, but runs into a boot. Balls punches, and Striker takes him down with an armbar. Balls with his signature jabs, but Striker breaks it up again. Irish whip is reversed, and Balls with a side suplex for a two count. Balls goes to the top rope, but Striker crotches him behind the referee’s back. BORING. Striker works the arm, no one cares. Balls with a back suplex and some ugly looking punches. Irish whip, and Balls with a back drop. Balls with his jabs, and this time he gets to do the big wind up punch. Irish whip, and Striker with a boot to the face. Balls catches Striker with a sit out Spinebuster for the three count at 7:21. Lesson of the match… never let Balls money “wrestle” a match without some weapons. I guess I have to keep my promise… ¼*. And that’s being generous. For a 7-minute match, it felt more like an iron man match. Dull, dull, and more dull. Another NON-ECW trait… a Balls Mahoney match without weapons.

– C.M. Punk is fighting the air backstage. Some tough guy he is.

– Also backstage, Sabu has been INJURED and won’t be competing in the EXTREME Elimination Chamber Match. Bait and switches are a bitch, and are, in fact, true ECW. I wonder who was behind this attack… and nice of the EMT to mug for the camera. “Bullshit” chant, by the way.

– The FBI (Little Guido & Tony Mamaluke) (w/ Trinity) vs. Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay:
What the fuck… I forgot that Terkay was even moved to ECW before being fired about two weeks later. Terkay definitely looks like someone I wouldn’t want to mess with. Burke makes a VERY unusual reference in his promo about a wild animal in heat leaving it’s mark. No reaction for anyone, and Trinity doesn’t even get introduced by the shmuck ring announcer. Burke (with cap on) starts with Guido. Lockup, and Burke with a waistlock takedown, followed by getting slap happy. Lockup #2, and Guido with a single leg trip and slapping to the back of his head of his own. Guido wears the cap and applies a wristlock. Mamaluke tags in and rolls up Murke for a one counter. Mamaluke with a side headlock takeover and wristlock applied. Guido tags back in, and they take Burke down with a double hip toss. Double elbow drop by the FBI, and Guido covers for a two count. Mamaluke tags back in, but gets a knee to the midsection. Terkay tags in for the first time and hammers on Mamaluke in the corner with knee strikes. The crowd is DEAD, by the way. Irish whip to the corner, and Terkay misses a cross body by a few minutes. Guido to the top rope, but he jumps into a Terkay press slam, right onto Mamaluke outside the ring. Back in the ring, and Terkay beats away on Guido. Burke tags back in, and the heels trade shots on Guido before Burke covers for a two count. Burke with a reverse chinlock. Guido elbows Burke and cheap shots Terkay, only to get nailed in return. Terkay boots Guido in the head, then whips him into the corner. Burke with a double knee to the face and a front leg sweep for a two count. Chinlock again by Burke. If I’m making this sound exciting, I’m sorry for being misleading. I’m just bored out of my skull from this show. Mamaluke gets the luke-warm tag and nails a series of dropkicks on Burke. Diving forearm by Mamaluke to Burke. Double shin dropkick to Terkay by the FBI, followed by basement dropkicks. Flap jack to Burke, and Mamaluke covers for a two count. Guido gets thrown down the aisle by Terkay, and Mamaluke eats a forearm. The Stroke…er, Elijah Experience is enough to cover Mamaluke at 6:42. Guido gets thrown into the ring and Terkay connects with a muscle buster as one guy chants “TNA.” Yes, the crowd is THAT dead you can hear a single person chanting. * Is this a PPV or an episode of Sunday Night Heat? Seriously, this was heatless and people going through the motions.

– Backstage, Sabu is stretchered out of the arena as fellow babyfaces and some other shmucks look on. Yeah, Sabu isn’t tough enough to fight through the pain. It’s not like he taped A BROKEN JAW TOGETHER, or crazy glued cuts to wrestle more the same night.

– Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari (w/ The Great Khali):
This show isn’t doing me any favors with a Great Khali appearance, but at least we get to hear Daivari’s theme music. No idea if there was a reason behind this. I think Daivari cheated to beat Dreamer on ECW the same week and huzzah. By the way, we still haven’t seen an EXTREME RULES MATCH. On an ECW PPV. Crowd is still dead, for the most part. Lockup to start, and Daivari with a knee to the midsection. Irish whip is reversed, and Daivari runs from a big boot. Daivari attacks from behind and punches a lot. Irish whip is reversed, and Dreamer with a hip toss, sending Daivari out for more stalling. Back inside, and Dreamer with a drop toe hold and armbar. Daivari rakes the eyes and connects with a dropkick, sending Dreamer out of the ring. Daivari with a baseball slide, but a whip into the security wall doesn’t go his way. Khali… slowly… lumbers… over… to protect… Daivari. Back in the ring again, and Dreamer takes Daivari over with a suplex. Dreamer runs the ropes, and Khali pulls them down, causing Dreamer to spill out of the ring… and Khali is Ejected from ringside for it. Yeah, like that would ever happen in the real ECW. “Good bye song” is sung, and I think it’s the Jim Ross version… you know how that one goes. Back in the ring, and Daivari hammers away. Snapmare and hammering away on the back of the neck of Dreamer by Daivari, followed by a chinlock. BORING. For the love of God, end this fucking show already. No sane man can suffer through this much torture! The crowd is REALLY dead, by the way, as Daivari covers for a two count. Another chinlock by Daivari as the crowd starts an anemic chant for Dreamer. Daivari applies a sleeper hold now, because I wasn’t bored enough by all the chinlocks. Dreamer fights back to his feet and slams back down onto the chest of Daivari. BORING! They exchange blows, with Dreamer coming out on top of that war. Irish whip and Dreamer with a back drop. Dreamer with a Scorpion Death Drop for a two count. Death Valley Driver attempt, but Daivari escapes with an eye rake. Daivari with an elbow to Dreamer, but he gets caught going to the top rope. Daivari slugs Dreamer down, but still misses a cross body press. Dreamer sets Daivari in the tree of woe, and connects with a running basement dropkick. Dreamer with the DDT attempt, but Daivari rolls him up and “hooks” the tights for the weak three count at 7:23. Uh-huh… ½* This match fucking BLEW. I think I saw it on an episode of Sunday Night Heat back in 2003, too. Except Daivari used a MAGIC CARPET for a finisher attempt. Dreamer chases Daivari backstage, but gets caught in a choke by Khali, and slammed into the top of the ramp. Yeah… that looked so awesome. I’m dropping the rating to a DUD just for more involvement of the Great Khali, and the crowd not even caring about the spot 4-seconds later. This show just fucking SUCKS. By the way, Dreamer sells this WAY too much, and the crowd still doesn’t give a shit. I’ll boost it back to ¼* for Dreamer being a true professional, then drop it another ½* for being too much of a professional. I also owe ECW * in brownie points, making it a grand total of… uh… ¾* I think.

– Backstage, Paul Heyman runs into Bombastic Bob Spark Plugg Holly, who is the “suitable” replacement for Sabu in the EXTREME Elimination Chamber. I guess this is better than Holly vs. Brock at the Royal Rumble in 2004. The crowd disagrees with this decision, by the way.

– Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly vs. Kevin Thorn & Ariel:
Yes, it’s not only a heel vs. heel match, but it’s a mixed tag heel vs. heel match. WITH NO BUILD UP. It’s thrown together only for the fact both men have female valets or something. Seriously, I think that was the logic behind his decision. And yes part II, someone actually named a wvalet “KELLY KELLY”, no doubt thinking that’s a creative name. Knox is doing the Marc Mero gimmick about 9 years after it worked. Kelly grabs the microphone and appears to be rubbing it somewhere naughty… remember, she’s an exbiditionist. Oh, by the way, Kevin Thorn is basically mocking the Gangrel gimmick. Badly, I might add. WHO THE HELL FEELS THREATENED BY A VAMPIRE NAMED KEVIN!? Good news: This is the last regular match. Bad news: The show must continue. I don’t think those boots of Ariel are made for wrestling. The men start… that’s Knox and Thorn, for those who forget. Lockup to start, and no one wins that war. I like Thorn’s look, but the gimmick isn’t him. And that awful red vest has to go. It’s queer eye for the vampire guy, right here at DWB! Knox with a wristlock, and Thorn fights free. Crowd is STILL Dead, by the way. Irish whip, and Thorn with a forearm smash. Ariel appears to be having a fit on the apron, and Thorn does… stuff. Gratuitous camera shot #5 of the night, by my count. Too bad the last four were of MATT STRIKER. Knox with a hair pull slam and clothesline, but no one cares. It’s heel vs. heel. Thorn with a short-arm clothesline, and no one cares. Thorn does something on Kelly’s direction, but who cares? Knox with rights and a scoop slam for a two count. Whip into the corner, and Thorn nails Knox with an elbow. Knox returns the favor with a big boot for a two count. Knox with a chinlock of some sports, as Ariel continues going nuts on the apron. The crowd in return goes nuts when she keeps leaning over. Ariel tags in to face off with Kelly-Squared. She’s the only person with heat in the match, and probably not for the right reason. Ariel with a boot to the chest, followed by some hair pulling and choking. Kelly’s a screamer, at least. This is bowling shoe ugly, by the way. Ariel with the Kevin Nash choke, and we get Gratuitous camera shots #6 and #7. More choking. “One more time” chant as they continue doing an AWFUL match. Ariel mocks Kelly and drops an elbow. Kelly goes for the tag, but Mike Knox runs away on her… yeah, we didn’t see that one coming. HA HA! The crowd gives the walk-off a mixed reaction, apparently… then chants “CM Punk.” Ariel chokes more and leg sweeps Kelly for the three count at 7:43 while sitting on her face. Uh-huh…. The match gets -*, but I’ll boost it to a DUD for the constant shots of ass. Yes, I’m that desperate to find entertaining, I’m giving stars out to half-dressed women who can’t wrestle. Ariel continues working over Kelly until CM Punk runs in… FOOLED YOU! That would make too much sense. It’s actually the Sandman, who I guess wasn’t good enough to wrestle a real match. Sandman does his entrance, which sucks without “Enter Sandman” and unloads on Thorn with his Singapore cane. Take that you blood sucking freak!

– Rebecca, who sounds like Joanie Laurer without the intelligence, interviews Bobby Lashley after we get some highlights of Lashley/Big Show from ECW last week.

– ECW Championship, EXTREME Elimination Chamber Match:
Big Show © vs. Rob Van Dam vs. C.M. Punk vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Bobby Lashley:

Yes, everyone worth a damn… and Hardcore Holly, was thrown into one match, which explains why the undercard for this show was SO fucking weak. The difference from an Elimination Chamber and EXTREME Elimination Chamber is that each chamber is equipped with a weapon of choice, including a “crowbar”, baseball bat wrapped with barbed wire, table, and other goodies. Before the match begins, Paul Heyman gets on the microphone to stretch the show out some more. It seems like Heyman knows he’s fired that night, talking this way. By the way, only one rowdy fan seems to be alive for the show at this point. It’s sad you can hear ONE person over about 6,000 others, taking into consideration the fact the audio isn’t as good on T.V. as it is live. I wonder if the popular trend of ring entrances = the same for match entrance. For the non-starters, they come out in this order: Big Show (w/ barbed wire bat), C.M. Punk (w/ steel chair), Test (w/ crowbar), Bobby Lashley (w/ table). I should note that the last match ended 25-minutes ago, and this one still hasn’t started.

Period I: Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly:
Normal rules. Two men start, five-minute intervals, and weapons released with the wrestlers from their “pods.” I guess the match will only get worse from this point, unless C.M. Punk is released first and they eliminate Holly within 90-seconds. Lockup to start, and Holly with a waist lock. RVD counters and gets elbowed in the mouth. Irish whip, and RVD with a clothesline. Holly returns the favor and covers for no count. Holly clubs RVD across the back of the neck and stomps away in the corner. RVD fights back with right. Irish whip is reversed, and RVD spills onto the steel. Holly drops RVD throat-first across the top rope and heads outside. RVD heads to the top rope, and springs onto the mesh like in 2002, but misses a springboard onto the ropes this time. Holly with a scoop slam, then rams RVD into the mesh. Holly with another scoop slam, and he heads to the top rope, eating boot on whatever the fuck he tried doing. RVD heads back in, and comes back out with ROLLING THUNDER! RVD tries for a suplex, but Holly blocks and suplexes RVD back into the ring for a two count. They trade blows from their knees… not THAT kind, perverts! Irish whip, and Holly with a dropkick for a two count.

Period II: Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly vs. C.M. Punk:
Punk throws the steel chair into Holly’s face and springboards off the top rope with a dropkick to RVD. Punk tosses the chair to RVD, but RVD catches and throws it back at Punk, head on. Awesome spot. RVD with the chair, and he monkey flips Punk onto it… kind of. Punk avoids a leg sweep and rams the head of RVD onto the chair this time. Springboard dropkick to Holly, sending him onto the steel. Punk wedges the chair between the turnbuckles, a spot RVD loves I bet. RVD is bloody, and he gets his face smashes through the chair. Then Punk kicks it back in his face for fun. Punk tries a hurricanrana, but Holly catches him and swings his face into the steel mesh for a one count. Holly stomps away on Punk in the ring while RVD plays dead. Holly with a side suplex on Punk for a two count. Holly suplexes Punk across the top rope, then boots him back against the mesh. Holly with a few stomps to RVD, then dumps Punk back in the ring. Holly sets Punk on top of the turnbuckles and chops away. SUPER-PLEX! RVD crawls over and makes the cover for a two count. Then Holly covers Punk for a two count. Punk whips Holly to the corner and nails the knee. RVD dropkicks Punk as the timer comes up…

Period III: Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly vs. C.M. Punk vs. Test:
Test uses the crowbar on Punk, then “digs” it into the face of RVD, despite looking pretty fake at it. Choking on Punk with the crowbar. Punk stuns Test across the top rope to break his momentum. RVD clotheslines Holly a few times and boots him in the face. RVD with the steel chair, and Test puts his hands up like a bitch. Holly eats a chair shot, too. RVD dropkicks the chair into the face of Punk, who is man enough to take it full on. 5-Star Frog Splash to Punk, and he’s gone at 12:23. Test measures up RVD, but boots Holly for a two count… despite the fact Holly never got his shoulder up. RVD comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick, then heads to the top rope, flipping off Big Show in the process. RVD actually goes to the top of the pod, but Show hooks his ankle. Test climbs up and brains RVD with the chair a few times, then pulls him off by the hair. Test places the chair across RVD’s face and heads to the top of Big Show’s pod… ELBOW DROP! HOLY SHIT! RVD is dead at 13:59. Correction, Hardcore IS gone, the referee just fucked up. Call it at 13:00 or so. Was the “crowd” chanting “we want refunds?”

Period IV: Test vs. Bobby Lashley:
Yeah, this is certainly going to light the world on fire… but the Swat Team locks Lashley in his chamber. Lashley pulls a Goldberg though, and busts his way through the ROOF with the table. That’s a new one for this match, I think. Lashley comes up through the roog and boots Test off the top rope. Lashley hammers away on Test outsider the ring, and whips him into the “glass”, which explodes from it’s position. Holly continues taking a beating… I’m sorry, Test. I don’t know how I confused the two. Back in the ring, and Lashley continues to dominate, hammering away on Test some more. Test fights back briefly with roundhouse rights. Test chokes in the corner and grabs the steel chair. Lashley boots it back into Test’s face, and clotheslines him to Canada. Lashley with a snap suplex, and the crowbar ends up in the midsection of Test. SPEAR by Lashley! Test is gone at 19:37.

Final Period: Bobby Lashley vs. Big Show:
The fuck… the final two is decided before the last entrance? That surprised me a bit. Big Show gets some advice from Heyman at ringside, and he also has the barbed wire bat. In the mean time, Lashley brings the table from out of his pod. Lashley throws weapons at Show’s pod, proving anger management is required for all wrestlers. Show swings his bat, but Lashley blocks with his chair. Lashley with a chair shot to the midsection of Show, then he rams Show into the mesh. Lashley then throws Show through a pod. I guess I’m thankful they don’t put it over as plexy-glass. Big Show is busted, and busts his way through the other side of the pod. Lashley hammers away, but gets thrown back into the ring. Chokeslam is signaled for, but Lashley counters with a DDT. Slug-fest time! Show throws Lashley into the corner, but misses a charge. Show catches a Lashley cross body, but can’t connect on the slam, and Lashley SPEARS Big Show for the three count and ECW Title at 24:44. Good for him, just as long as this match ends. **1/2 The first half, before the rapid-fire eliminations, was pretty entertaining with some cool “hardcore” spots. But one it came down to Test/Lashley and then Show, you knew things were fucked. The crowd simply fizzled out, after finally “getting into it” for the first time all night for the match, and Lashley going over was about as luke-warm a decision as you could want. A Mediocre way to end an awful show, says I.

The 411: I’m not a professional and probably couldn’t do ANYTHING to promote a wrestling company, but any idiot could’ve done a better job on this show than what WWE did. They had feuds built up already. Off the top of my head, we could’ve seen Big Show vs. RVD, Sabu vs. Hardcore Holly, Balls Mahoney vs. Kevin Thorn, C.M. Punk vs. Mike Knox, The Sandman vs. Matt Striker, and you could stretch it with Tommy Dreamer vs. Test. I could live with the FBI/Terkay & Burke tag match as filler. Hell, I’d even accept the MNM/Hardys match for filler, too. But what we got was a poor excuse for a PPV. Yes the show would've sucked either way, but at least with the former, they would've TRIED. Instead... Two matches announced with DAYS left before the show. Is this WWE or WCW circa 1998? One of those matches wasn’t even an “ECW” match. Then you have ZERO “Extreme Rules” matches on the entire card, forcing Balls Mahoney among others to wrestle with straight rules. Finally, KELLY KELLY gets a match, yet the Sandman doesn’t, and neither does Sabu, because of a punishment or whatever fucking lame excuse WWE had to offer. This show marked the final time I gave “ECW” a chance. I was optimistic, hoping it was a Velocity type show. But poor direction, poor decisions, poor matches, and a poor product from every possible angle makes this one of the worst shows I’ve seen in a long time. I’m not talking about shit like Heroes that was obviously going to be bad. I’m talking a $40 PPV that WWE could’ve made a hell of a lot better than it did. Poor fucking excuse for production execution. Strongest Recommendation to Avoid, unless you love boring shit matches that belonged on the C-Show’s a few years back.
Final Score:  0.5   [ Torture ]  legend

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