The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (7.23.1994)

-We open with a recap of the emerging six-man tag team matches and the different stipulations from last week.

-Originally aired July 23, 1994.

-We’re in Warrensville, NC again.

-Jim Cornette & Bruiser Bedlam are marching around ringside with picket signs.

-Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Les Thatcher.

“BEAT THE CHAMP” FOR THE TELEVISION TITLE: CHRIS CANDIDO (Co-holder of the Tag Team Titles, with Tammy Fytch) vs. SCOTT STUD
-The title is now vacant because SMW’s TV Title rules were that if you successfully defended the title five times, you got a $5000 bonus and the belt was vacated.

-Dropkicks and a hiptoss by Stud for two. He tries a monkeyflip, but Candido blocks it and comes off the second rope with a legdrop. He tosses Stud to the floor and follows him out there with a plancha. Superplex finishes to make Candido the new TV Champion.

-We get words from Bruiser Bedlam, the Funks, and Jim Cornette. Rule: If you have this particular group of four cutting a promo, Dory should talk FIRST. He goes last here and damn it feels like you’re shifting gears and going uphill that way. Corny does a five-star promo on his end, promising to make Hawk feel exactly what he felt after Starrcade ’86: “Imagine laying underneath a surgeon, and as you go to sleep, you think, ‘Will I wake up again?’”

-Back to the arena, Les Thatcher talks to the picketing members of FITE at ringside. Jim is outraged that “an animal like Hawk” would be allowed to wrestle anywhere near him, and that a persnickety old man like Ron Wright would be allowed at ringside for that match. Bob Armstrong, Tracy Smothers, and Ron Wright all arrive at ringside swinging bats and chasing them off.

-We go to words from Road Warrior Hawk, either inside a bathroom or a blank wall of a living room, for his thoughts. This must be fully shared.

“Well, goodness gracious, mercy my! I wonder what time it is…I don’t have a watch. Can’t tell. (Sniff) Oh! Perhaps…perhaps it’s time to…deviate septums! Perhaps it’s time to detach retinas! Perhaps it’s time for torn cartilage, swelling of the fluid sack surrounding the brain. It’s time for double trouble! Lllllllllllladies and gentlemen, lllllllllet the good times roll! Armstrong and Smothers on my side! Against…the trio of Funks and Bruiser Bedlam! In Double Trouble! Ooooo! Gracious! They’re coached by none other than Jim Cornette! Woooooooo! Wooooooo! I hate you! I’m coming August 5 and 6, Double Trouble. Coward Waves the Flag match! Ain’t never fought one a’them befooooooorrre! Be happy to do it, though. Texas Death Match! I’m gonna come August 5 and 6, Double Trouble! But not for Smothers, Armstrong, and me!”

-Ron Wright again promises to bring a concrete flag to ringside and wrap it right around Corny’s head. I gotta hand it to Corny the Booker, he has no issue with being on the receiving end of the most gruesome threats possible for his angles. None of this “You’re a legend in that locker room and everybody respects you, BUT…” crap for him.

DA GANGSTAS (with their security force) vs. CHRIS HAMRICK & ANTHONY MICHAELS
-Right or wrong, it’s a brilliant idea. Bring some incredibly pissed-off black men to the south and give them the gimmick of incredibly pissed-off black men, and you have instant top heels. Corny even maintains to this day that he had issues with arena personnel not wanting them booked for shows because the gimmick was so convincing that they were afraid of trouble. And the icing on the cake is listening to Bob Caudle say their names.

-Backdrop and a clothesline by New Jack. Michaels gets double-teamed by Da Gangstas and New Jack chokes away. Mustafa Saed does his part with a running powerslam, and New Jack dives off the top with a headbutt to get three.

-The incredibly comfortable-looking Bob Caudle talks to Da Gangstas. They say that here in the Smoky Mountains, they’re going from ropes tied around their necks to belts around their wastes. They warn the fans that they don’t like tobacco chewers, farmers, or Klansmen, so watch yourselves. They also congratulate OJ Simpson and tell him “Keep up the good work, because that’s too less of them that we have to worry about.” Holy shit, I can’t think of a single piece of ground that wasn’t covered there. Nice work, Jack.

-We look at the career of legendary wrestler Whitey Caldwell. Whitey began wrestling for fundraisers before going pro. There aren’t many photos of Whitey Caldwell because he didn’t like selling them for extra money. (I recall reading something about Whitey elsewhere going into detail about that; Whitey was a big star in a part of the world that was going through tough times economically, so he didn’t like getting extra bucks from selling 8x10s of himself because he thought that was greedy.) He made ONE exception and finally posed for 8x10s because the proceeds were going toward paying for a fan’s kidney operation. He had a legendary feud with Ron Wright that went on for years (with newspaper clippings to back it up…literally YEARS of feuding with these guys) right up until Whitey was killed in a car accident. And setting the template for how to handle the tragedy of your top face suddenly dying, his mortal enemy Ron Wright immediately turned face and replaced Whitey in all of his matches that had already been announced.

THRILLSEEKERS vs. BRIAN LOGAN & STEVE SKYFIRE
-Chris Jericho starts with Skyfire. Backflip and a hiptoss by Jericho. Savate kick while Les Thatcher commends the WWF for forcing the Heavenly Bodies to return to SMW so that the Thrillseekers can get revenge for that attack.

-Logan blocks a dropkick from Lance Storm and tries a side suplex, but Storm reverses to a backbreaker and tosses Jericho on top of him for a three-count.

-We get extraordinarily well-lit, adequately-miked and soundproofed words from the Heavenly Bodies & Jim Cornette, talking about all the little girls who are going to cry when they see what happens to the Thrillseekers.

-We talk to the new challenger for the Dirty White Boy’s SMW Championship, Terry Gordy. Terry, sitting in his tastefully-decorated apartment near an aquarium and a lithograph of Nighthawks, calls the Dirty White Boy an obnoxious, perverted, egg-sucking dog.

-Dirty White Boy isn’t afraid. He didn’t win the belt in a cakewalk, after all, so bring on ANY challenger!

-Tammy Fytch is close to tears while talking about possibly losing her hair in that big match in August.

7.0

The final score: review Good

The 411

The mic work was ON POINT this week for everybody, and now that I actually have a copy of Night of the Legends, I'm getting pretty stoked about reaching the big night.