The Name on the Marquee: WWF Superstars of Wrestling Challenge (06.25.88)

WWF SUPERSTARS OF WRESTLING – JUNE 25, 1988

-We’re in Oakland, CA.

-Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jesse Ventura.

JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. THE CONQUISTADOR
-Howard introduces The Conquistador as hailing from Parts Unknown, which is patently absurd because we know that he’s from somewhere in Latin America.

-Conquy gets early offense, but Jake hiptosses him and ties him in a sleeper. Conquy makes the ropes as Cheryl offers some disparaging words for the Ravishing One.

-Jake clamps on a headlock. Conquy gets back to his feet and breaks with a few kneelifts.Weird obvious edit takes us to more and more fists thrown by Conquy while Vince announces that there are no new updates on the impending return of Rick Martel, though we all certainly hope he’ll be back soon.

-Jake gets full of piss and vinegar and hits the short clothesline for his comeback, and the DDT gets three, as it is often wont to do. Damien slithers around for a while.

UPDATE
-Lord Alfred Hayes takes a look at Greg Valentine’s vile attack on Superstar Billy Graham last week. They actually show the EMT dropping him too. Graham has no permanent injuries; however, his doctor has advised him never to go to ringside again. Graham will, however, settle into a career of doing commentary.

ONE MAN GANG (with Slick) vs. MARTIN OLIVER
-Gang attacks while Oliver still has his jacket on. Once it’s off, Gang goes to choking and elbow drops. Slick, at ringside, tells Gang to go ahead and beat up this black jobber all he wants because “He’s no relation to me! Don’t worry ‘bout it!” Slick also tells us that running into Gang on the streets would be a nightmare.

-Back to ringside, the gourdbuster gets three.

-Hold a WWF Fund Raiser today!

ULTIMATE WARRIOR vs. LARRY SIMPSON
-Simpson charges at Warrior right away and runs into a spinebuster. Warrior tosses him over the top rope and onto the floor while Vince speculates that Warrior will sign with Bobby Heenan and become the new king of the WWF. And, cue weird graphic!

-Warrior carries Simpson up the steps, onto the apron, and slams him back into the ring. Short clothesline sets up the press slam. Splash gets three.

EVENT CENTER
-HELLO EVERYONE I’M SEAN MOONEY IN THE EVENT CENTER, SO MUCH ACTION COMING TO NEW HAVEN. Ugh. Lumberjack match coming to New Haven, and Andre the Giant & Bobby Heenan wants to know who’s strong enough to knock him out of the ring, and who’s strong enough to force him back in? Honky Tonk Man is outraged that Jimmy Hart & Peggy Sue are barred from ringside because of all the political pull that Brutus wields backstage. Be there July 22!

-We look at fans munching on WWF Ice Cream Bars. Vince notes that one has a picture of Ultimate Warrior. We pan to another fan holding the solid chocolate side of the bar toward the camera, and Jesse casually says “And there’s one with Koko B. Ware.”

“Million Dollar Man” TED DIBIASE (with Virgil) vs. LEAPING LANNY POFFO
-Jesse refers to the pre-match poem as “Poffo’s Pornography.” DiBiase charges and runs into a hiptoss, and Poffo is just all over DiBiase for a while until DiBiase throws fists and rams him into the turnbuckle. Elbow and stomping by DiBiase, but he’s super-duper pissed so he throws in some choking. He tosses Lanny over the top rope while Jesse looks at the new WWF Magazine and speculates that DiBiase wants to win the WWF Title.

-Back to action, DiBiase beels Lanny onto the concrete. In the ring, DiBiase drops a series of fists and follows with a clothesline. Million Dollar Dream puts Lanny to sleep. Ted’s got some mighty impressive heat tonight.

EVENT CENTER
-Sean Mooney throws it to Greg Valentine, who complains about being jumped from behind by Don Muraco; he’s going to have to face the Hammer AND the heartbreaker (his shin guard). Don Muraco doesn’t know why somebody as good as Valentine would sneak up on a man with half a leg and assault him.

-Big Boss Man wanders through a prison and tells us “Welcome to my world.”

KOKO B. WARE vs. STEVE LOMBARDI
-Lombardi slams Koko, then pauses to celebrate with a pose. Koko reacts by dropkicking him out of the ring. Back in, Koko hiptosses Steve-o. Steve wants a test of strength and as he starts to weigh Koko down, Koko gets out with another dropkick. Lombardi gets the advantage back by ramming him and working the leg a little bit. He Irish whips Koko and Koko capitalizes by hitting the second rope, spinning right around, and connecting with the missile dropkick. Ghostbuster finishes.

SPECIAL INTERVIEW WITH CRAIG DEGEORGE
-Our guests this week are “the entire Heenan Family,” which in this case means Bobby, Andre the Giant, Hercules, & Ravishing Rick Rude. No Islanders present, I notice. Hmm…Bobby fights tears while discussing the serious injury suffered by Harley Race at the hands of Hulk Hogan. The King has had to abdicate the thrown, and Bobby promises that the search is on for a new king, and he will reveal that new king shortly. The angle gets truly tasteless as they toll the bell ten times for Harley, with the family bowing their heads mournfully while the crowd boos.

ROCKERS vs. BARRY HOROWITZ & MARK MING
-Side headlock by Barry while we get pre-taped words from the Rockers saying they’re here to make a name for themselves in the WWF.

-Horowiz throws fists, but Shawn manages to dropkick him into Marty Jannetty, who slams him down. Ming tags in, and the Rockers give him a double-slingshot suplex. Shawn gourdbusts Marty on top of him, and that’s all they need for the win.

-George “The Animal” Steele shows off his new friend. “Mine! Nice! Eh!”

BAD NEWS BROWN vs. STEPHEN LEONE
-Bad News goes right to work like he always does. Boots and an Irish whip by Bad News while we go to the Hart Foundation, who warns Bad News that he has four eyes watching him, not just two.

-Fists fired away by Bad News while he chants “No mercy!” at anyone who will listen. Hard clothesline by Bad News, and the Ghetto Blaster finishes. Bad News declares “Garbage!” before going for the pin.

EVENT CENTER
-Brutus Beefcake laughs maniacally about the WWF forcing Honky to face Brutus all by himself. Hacksaw Jim Duggan says the lumberjacks at ringside won’t have much to do in New Haven because Duggan’s not going anywhere and he won’t run away.

-We finish with words from the Fabulous Rougeaus, who promise that even though the Killer Bees cheat sometimes, they’ll get a big win next weekend for Great American Memorial Day. The Killer Bees say we’ll find out how Fabulous the Rougeaus truly are next week.

WWF WRESTLING CHALLENGE – JUNE 26, 1988

We’re in Fresno, CA.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan.

-Still the worst TV theme the WWF ever had.

DEMOLITION (Tag Team Champions, with Mr. Fuji) vs. JERRY ALLEN & LEAPING LANNY POFFO
-Lanny trashes Demolition. Smash attacks him in his own corner and Jerry Allen just stands there, watches, and walks out of the ring. Ax axes down Lanny and blocks a tag to the now-somewhat-involved Allen. Demolition drapes Lanny across the top rope and pounds away on him.

-Allen tags in and runs right into a big boot from Smash. Backbreaker follows while we take a moment to grieve the demise of Harley Race. Bobby Heenan wonders why Hulk Hogan refuses to make a public statement of remorse.

-Demolition double-teams Allen in the corner and then tosses him to the floor. Lanny stops Demolition from doing anything down there and helps Allen back into the ring. All that accomplishes is putting Allen in the Decapitator (or “human Ferris wheel” as Bobby calls the move) for the pin.

SPECIAL REPORT
-Lord Alfred Hayes looks at the dissent erupting in the Hart Foundation. We go to comments from Jimmy Hart, who asks the Foundation to work it out peacefully and please don’t go to an attorney.

DINO BRAVO (with Frenchy Martin) vs. FRANK VALDEZ
-Dino shoves Valdez to the floor while Gorilla offers an update on the condition of Rick Martel. This somehow leads to the Harley Race graphic again, followed by a French promo from Frenchy Martin. This is not a show designed for people with lengthy attention spans, it appears.

-Piledriver by Dino and he puts the boots to Valdez. The side suplex finishes for Dino.

HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN vs. STYMIE RICHARDS
-No shit, the jobber is named Stymie. He’s actually a gigantic mofo who towers over Duggan. He misses a charge to start and Duggan pounds away on him. Stymie reverses an Irish whip and splashes Duggan. He goes for another splash and hits a boot. Duggan drops the elbow and clamps on a chinlock. Stymie elbows out, but runs into an elbow. Kneedrop by Duggan follows. Three-point stance gives Duggan the duke.

EVENT CENTER
-Sean Mooney takes us to comments from the Honky Tonk Man, who declares that he’s never been beaten and he can’t be beaten, so just keep lining up those challengers for his belt. In a bit of possible foreshadowing, we next get comments from the Ultimate Warrior, who promises to do combat with anybody and he won’t let down the fans.

BIG BOSSMAN (with Slick) vs. MARK MING
-Bossman elbows out Ming while we go to some pre-taped words. Bossman says it’s time for hard labor; Slick says it’s time to bring law & order to the WWF.

-Bossman hammers and chokes Ming. He misses a punch by a mile and the crowd lets out an “Ooooooooohhh!” to let him know they caught on. “You fucked up!” didn’t exist yet, so we had to settle for “Oooooooooohhh” back in those days.

-Spinebuster and the sidewalk slam finish. Bossman handcuffs Ming and is merciless to him, beating on him with the nightstick to Gorilla’s horror and Bobby’s delight.

EVENT CENTER
-Sean Mooney throws it to the One Man Gang & Slick; they’ve left Bam-Bam Bigelow battered and bruised and they’ll do it to anybody else. Jake “The Snake” Roberts” warns Rick Rude to mind his own business.

BRITISH BULLDOGS vs. BARRY HOROWITZ & STEVE LOMBARDI
-Gorilla has a funny reaction to learning that Brother Love is coming up next. “You called him a guest last week! I took that to mean just once!” We get comments from the Fabulous Rougeaus, who think that the Bulldogs would be a better tag team if they weren’t distracted by Matilda. It’s keeping them from being fabulous.

-Dynamite gives Horowitz a snap suplex and the Bulldogs double-clothesline him. This just in: Harley Race is still injured.

-Running powerslam by Davey Boy; Lombardi accidentally drops an elbow on his own partner and then gets knocked out of the ring. Davey Boy press slams Dynamite onto Horowitz for the win.

BROTHER LOVE
-Brother Love did not know if he would be able to bring his message of love to the WWF and begins crying, saying he’s overwhelmed by the thought of not being able to bring love to all the good people of the WWF. But THANKFULLY, we’ve had a miracle. One very generous man is so full of love that he is personally financing Brother Love so he can have a weekly segment on Wrestling Challenge to spread his love.

-And introducing that very generous man…”The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase. DiBiase says that everybody has a price for him, which Brother Love interprets as saying he loves ALL of us. They share in a group hug at the end of the segment (with Virgil glowering at the camera and no-selling the hug at the end of the bit).

-We go to Superstars of Wrestling, seeing the heinous attack on Superstar Billy Graham by Greg Valentine.

-You can see an article about the Young Stallions in the new WWF Magazine. C’mon, I gotta throw the guy a bone. Posting comments here makes him happy.

BAM-BAM BIGELOW (with Oliver Humperdink) vs. INTRUDER
-Bigelow tackles the Intruder and snapmares him here, there, and everywhere. Headbutt by Bigelow and a series of punches on the Intruder. Suplex by Bigelow while Gorilla promises to investigate and see if he can prevent Brother Love from appearing on TV every week.

-Bigelow slams the Intruder and comes off the ropes with a headbutt to the chest. He slams the Intruder into position and splashes him for three to get the win. And less than a year after he was poised to be the next break-out megastar in the WWF, this is IT for Bam-Bam, believe it or not. We won’t be seeing him again for 5 years or so. The wrestling business is funny that way. One day you’re the next big thing, the next day, you’re just some shmoe working in a box factory.

EVENT CENTER
-Ted DiBiase has always got whatever he wants, and Randy Savage’s title won’t be different. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers smile at each other and at us and they smile and smile and smile and smile and smile.

End of the show and off to Game Show Utopia.

The 411: It's weird how thoroughly dominated this show was by guys who are MIA, like Martel, Graham, and Race. Perfectly average week, otherwise.
Final Score:  5.5   [ Not So Good ]