The Smackdown Breakdown 10.07.04

You better deliver WWE, I’m missing Babe: Pig in the City for this.

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WWE Smackdown — 10/7/04

From Boston, Mass. WICKED AWESOME!

Your hosts are Michael “raped of his dignity” Cole and Tazz.

Massachusetts native John Cena is out to let us know the champ is herre. He touts the BoSox and Patriots. Shhhh…no one mention the Celtics. He actually gives some respect or “propers” to Booker T. He insults or “snaps” Michael Cole and his love of boy bands. He is about to pull someone out of the crowd to make fun of Cole for him, but Carlito Caribbean Cool interrupts. “Hey, joo li’ll caca-roashes.” He gets some heat on the Red Sox and accuses Cena of not wanting to be cool. Cena offers up a U.S. Title match RIGHT NOW! Carlito offers a handshake and then DDTs Cena. He takes a bite of apple and spits it in Cena’s face. Now, THAT is cool. Way cooler than Lenny.

Kenzo Suzuki (w/Hiroko & Rene Dupree) vs. Rey Mysterio (w/Rob Van Dam).

Kenzo sings “New York, New York” to get the Boston fans good and pissed off. Hey, shouldn’t have traded Ruth. Rey slides through Kenzo’s legs and delivers a dropkick to his knee. Kenzo gets a big boot and tosses Rey to the outside. Cole mentions Suzuki’s New Japan history. Rey hits him with a springboard crossbody for two. Kenzo counters with a double underhook neckbreaker. Rey springboards on him again and sets up for the 619. Dupree hops up, hoping to distract him, but Rey takes him out with a 619. Rey goes for the vertical splash, but gets caught. No worries, because Rey counters to a rollup for the win. *

Stacy Keibler accepts an award from the “Make a Wish” Foundation. Embarrassing moment occurs as one kid wishes for some cogent booking. Sorry Timmy.

JBL tells Josh Matthews to shut up. Layfield goes on to misquote George Bush and gloat that he proved the world wrong. Matthews says he still has to face Hardcore Holly. Layfield says Holly is crazy, but he’ll beat him anyway. He forces Josh to chant “JBL” before heading out to the ring.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Hardcore Holly.

Bradshaw jumps Holly to start, but Holly hits him with a flying forearm. Holly punches away at Bradshaw’s forehead wound. He backs Bradshaw into the corner and abuses him like an unworthy redheaded champion. Bradshaw catches him and delivers a fallaway slam. They head outside, and Holly reverses a whip into the ring steps. That gets two once they get back inside. Holly gets two more off a snap suplex. Bradshaw goes to the eyes and delivers a swinging neckbreaker. Orlando Jordan makes his way down to ringside as Holly delivers his dropkick. He gets a diving elbow for two more. Bradshaw misses the Clothesline From Hell, and Holly nails the Alabama Slam. JBL rolls away and walks out on the match as Jordan grabs Holly’s feet so he can’t go after Bradshaw. Bad move. The match was not quite as good as last week’s, but gives me hope for a good blowoff when they finally decide to do it. **

Btw, last week I jokingly called Holly’s dropkick “The Hollycaust”, thinking that no one would be stupid enough to use that name. A few of you actually wrote in to remind me that the name was actually used for Holly’s Falcon Arrow. Leave it to the WWE.

Recap of Chavo getting injured and a video package hyping his return. Kidman, you got some ‘splaining to do.

Teddy Long tracks down Paul Heyman to let him know that when the rescue team opened the hearse…there was no Undertaker. Long says Heidenreich will get his when the Undertaker returns. Well, if you enjoy stories about people coming back from the dead for revenge, you can head over to the movie section for 31 Years, 31 Screams.

Raw Rebound shows the bizarre main event ending.

Kurt Angle tells his protйgйs that he was screwed against the Big Show. He tells Mark Jindrak to teach Big Show a lesson.

Teddy Long announces Bradshaw vs. Holly III for next week. It will be a hardcore match for the WWE Title.

Mark Jindrak (w/Kurt Angle) vs. The Big Show.

Angle joins the commentary team, but doesn’t add much. Jindrak has apparently been watching some Curt Hennig comps, because he flies across the ring off a headbutt. Show steps on Jindrak and gives him some chops to the chest. Angle distracts Show long enough for Jindrak to hit his dropkick and toss Show into the steps. Jindrak goes after the arm, wrapping it over the top rope. Show goes for the chokeslam, but Jindrak nails the arm to counter. Nice psychology. Luther Reigns comes out to help, but Eddy Guerrero intercepts him. Show kicks a chair into Angle’s face and finishes Jindrak with the chokeslam. *ј

Josh asks Carlito why he would disrespect Cena in his home town. Carlito responds by referring to himself in the third person. Carlito got disrespected. Carlito’s gonna win. Carlito’s gonna put the moves on Elaine. He promises to be a cool U.S. Champ.

Recap of Kidman and London at No Mercy. Kidman blames the fans for London’s injuries and then adds to them. Okay, it doesn’t make sense, but it’s cool, and this is the night for cool things.

Billy Kidman vs. Charlie Haas (w/MISS JACKIE~!)

This should be good. Haas Fireman’s Carries Kidman and armdrags him to start. He misses a swing and gets hotshotted on the top rope. Kidman goes to a chinlock as Jackie tries to get the fans behind **her man** (he says sourly). Haas elbows out of it and gets the Exploder. Haas comes off the top with the twisting double ax-handle. He charges, but Kidman gets his feet up. Kidman is about to go for the SSP, but Jackie climbs in and stops him. Kidman gives the RYDIEN BOMB TO JACKIE! (and cops a feel) He kicks Haas out of the ring and DRAGS JACKIE TO THE CORNER! He gets up top and readies for the SSP, but decides that’s what the fans want him to do and lets it go. Rico runs in to make the final save. Not long enough to be much of a match, but a great segment for Kidman. ѕ*

EVIL CHACHI RULES~!

Elsewhere, Orlando Jordan runs into Booker T. Jordan asks him to do some shtick, but Booker says he don’t dance for nobody. Hmm, a possible face turn for Booker? It would give Bradshaw something to do after he gets done with Holly.

Cole and Tazz hype Tough Enough IV contestants. One guy rips off Adam Sandler. Another rips off Jim Cornette at his junior prom. The others all do the roid rage thing.

Speaking of roid rage, Heidenreich and Heyman are out to discuss the unsettling events of the past 48…uh…96 hours. Heyman puts all that aside in favor of poetry. The crowd interrupts the poem with their booing, so Heidenreich STARTS OVER! Now THAT’S heel heat! He heads out into the crowd to put an end to the booing. Hey, he’s assaulting four completely random fans! Well, that’s what they get for looking like a bunch of sleazy independent wrestlers. Wait, you don’t think…nah.

The Foley-Bradshaw debate will be on Spike TV. “Bradshaw, I know Stan Hansen. Stan Hansen is a friend of mine. You’re no Stan Hansen.”

Michael Cole ties the All-Time “Full of Shit” record for being so full of shit it actually spills out of his mouth. He says that fans of the WWE don’t deserve the treatment Heidenreich gave those fans because they are guests and have freedom of expression. Yeah, try taking in a 411 sign and see how far that gets you. Or anything mentioning TNA. They certainly don’t confiscate signs. No history of that whatsoever.

U.S. Title: John Cena vs. Carlito Caribbean Cool.

Cena just bowls him over to start. Carlito begs off, but Cena hits him with a long delayed vertical suplex (with squats!). Impressive. Most impressive. Carlito takes a big backbody drop, and Cena gets two off a legdrop. Cena delivers a one-armed delayed sideslam. Carlito finally takes the advantage by low-bridging the ropes and sending Cena to the outside. He tosses Cena back in, but Cena gets fired up. Back to the outside, Carlito tries a piledriver on the mats. Cena counters to a slingshot into the audience. We return from commercial to Carlito rolling out of the way of a Cena crossbody. Carlito gets two off a suplex. A slingshot elbow gets two. Carlito locks in a sleeper, but Cena turns into it and backdrops Carlito over. Cena makes the big comeback and hits Carlito with a flying shoulderblock. “Shay with a gauge and Vanilla with a nine, BITCH!” Five Knuckle Shuffle! ONE, TWO, TH–NOOO!!! Cena goes for the FU, but Carlito grabs the ropes. Cena knocks him off the apron. Carlito distracts the referee by grabbing the U.S. Title. While the ref is distracted, Carlito grabs Cena’s chain and blasts him with it. ONE, TWO, THREE!!! Winner and NEW U.S. Champion — Carlito Caribbean. Carlito looked as good as any of the other vanilla guys they have, plus he’s got personality. **ѕ

Final Thoughts: I guess you could say Carlito made an impact in his debut. It’s hard to judge how good a wrestler he is off one match, but he certainly wasn’t as bad as Mordecai. They have to make a new star somewhere, and I think this guy’s got it. Unlike Randy Orton, they’ve actually given Carlito a little room to create his own character, and he’s done a really good job. Holly and Bradshaw seem to have decent enough chemistry for a layover feud. Kidman really impressed, but it will be difficult to find things for him to do outside of being the midcard heel. All-in-all a decent Smackdown with one big surprise and no truly bad parts (other than Heidenreich not finishing his poem.)

J.D. Dunn