The SmarK Rant For WWE Bad Blood 2004

The SmarK Rant for WWE Bad Blood 2004

– Live from Columbus, OH

– Your hosts are JR & King

– Opening match, RAW tag titles: La Resistance v. Chris Benoit & Edge. Rob Conway is now Robert (roh-BARE) Conway to emphasize his Frenchness. Edge starts out with Grenier, which is weird because Conway starts 99% of La Rez’ matches. They work off a headlock and Edge takes him down and brings in Benoit, who continues along those lines. Benoit overpowers him and gets a clothesline, and back to Edge for some forearms. Grenier fights him off and brings in Conway, who is promptly chopped by Edge, and then by Benoit. He stupidly tries to fight back, but C’MON. Benoit drops him on his head with a backdrop suplex and gets two. Back to Edge, who gets caught in the evil corner and choked by Grenier. He quickly comes back with a flapjack for two, however. A cheapshot behind the ref’s back leaves Edge on the floor, however, where Conway gets another shot in and Grenier gets two off it. They switch off and Conway works the neck, then drops an elbow for two. Grenier drops a leg for two. Back to the neck, but Edge fights out and gets a crossbody for two. Grenier drops a rather vicious elbow on Edge’s ribs while he’s crawling for the tag, and brings Conway back in for a suplex, which gets two. Back to Grenier, who gets a backdrop suplex for two, and hits the chinlock. Edge fights out, but La Rez cuts him off again and tries a double suplex, which Edge turns into a rather impressive double neckbreaker. HOWEVER, Benoit was knocked off the apron and unable to get the tag. Second time works, however, and Benoit cleans house with suplexes. He tosses Conway and gets a snap suplex into a Sharpshooter on Grenier, but Conway breaks it up. It’s BONZO GONZO and Edge ALMOST spears Benoit, but not quite, and Benoit takes Grenier down with the crossface…but Kane walks out for the DQ at 10:11. I didn’t buy Grenier holding on that long for a second. Match was pretty decent until the lame finish, although without much Benoit involvement for obvious reasons. **1/2

– Chris Jericho v. Tyson Tomko. Tomko pounds away in the corner to start with elbows, but Jericho fires back with chops. Tomko clotheslines him and chokes away, but Jericho gets the missile dropkick and the springboard dropkick to send him to the floor. Jericho dives and gets caught, but manages to escape and send Tomko into the post. Back in, he goes up, but gets distracted by Trish and slammed off with a gutbuster from Tomko. Tomko works him over in the corner and uses the BODYSLAM OF DEATH, but Jericho kicks back at the knee. However, he walks into a chokeslam that gets two. Bearhug, but Jericho fights out and dodges a charge to come back. Bulldog sets up the Lionsault, which misses, and Tomko gets a bodyvice into a shoulderbreaker for two. Press slam is escaped by Jericho with a poke to the eyes, and he goes for the Walls, but Tomko fights out. Jericho clips him and tries again, but again Trish is all up in his area. The heels collide, however, and the running enzuigiri finishes for the forces of good at 6:04. Good little big man v. little man match, which Jericho tends towards. Didn’t really have time to go anywhere, but there was nowhere to go anyway, ya know? **1/4

– Intercontinental title match: Randy Orton v. Shelton Benjamin. Shelton gets a rollup for two to start, and dropkicks Orton out, then follows with a baseball slide. Back in, high cross gets two. Orton comes back and slugs away in the corner, but Benjamin takes him down with an armdrag and fires away. He misses a charge and Orton tries to take over, but Benjamin slugs him down again for two. They brawl outside and Benjamin hits the railing, but backdrops Orton into the crowd. They continue brawling at ringside and head back in, where Benjamin gets two. Rolling cradle gets two. Small package gets two. Sunset flip is blocked by Orton, but gets two anyway. He dumps Orton with a clothesline and suplexes him back in for two. Blinger splash hits nuthin’ but turnbuckle and Shelton hits the floor as a result, and Orton takes control, getting two. Naitch joins us as Orton chokes away and hits the chinlock. Benjamin fights out with an electric chair, and gets two. Orton comes back with a body vice into a neckbreaker, and that gets two. That’d make a good secondary finisher. Orton goes back to the chinlock. That goes on a while. Benjamin fights out, but Orton pounds him down and goes up, only to whiff on a high cross. Benjamin gets a northern lights suplex for two. They slug it out and have an entertaining sequence doing that, but Orton opts for a knee to win. Shelton tries a running forearm, then clotheslines him down and gets a backdrop. To the top for a flying clothesline, and that gets two. Russian legsweep gets two. Orton goes for the RKO, but Benjamin blocks and they reverse until Benjamin hits the Dragon Whip, for two. Blinger Splash and Exploider get two. Flair denies involvement, and who are you gonna believe, him or Benjamin? Exactly. Still, Shelton wastes time by going after an innocent man as well as Orton, in a spot stolen verbatim from Sting, but then puts Flair in a figure-four. Orton decides to take advantage, but gets cradled for two. More Sting there. Rollup gets two. High cross is reversed by Orton, however, for the pin at 15:04. Eh, I’m a sucker for all that NWA shit, despite Orton’s tendency towards prolonged chinlocks. There wasn’t really many dead spots and it was all pretty entertaining. ***1/2

– Women’s title: Victoria v. Gail Kim v. Lita v. Trish Stratus. Trish immediately opts out, leaving Victoria to fight with Gail and backdrop her. Jigglesault gets two. All four are back in and now it’s Trish exchanging shots with Gail, but Lita gets rid of the Asian contingent and goes after Trish. They slug it out (always a mistake with Lita) and Trish tries the high kick, but Lita rolls her up for two. Lita gets the Twist of Fate for two, but Gail saves. Victoria gets the sideslam for two. More four-way fighting and Trish rolls up Lita for two. Lita fires back with more shitty punches and gets the headscissors to dump Trish, but Gail gets one of her wacky submissions. Victoria breaks that up and suffers a similar fate, this time with the satellite armbar, but Trish breaks it up, so Gail puts HER in a submission too. Lita saves. Lita gets a suplex on Victoria and they do a horrible-looking collision in the corner (how do you fuck THAT up?), but Lita rolls up Gail for two. Gail comes back, but misses a charge, and Lita gets the DDT OF DOOM for two, but Trish saves and rolls her up for the pin and the title at 4:44. Bit of a mess for the most part, but even Lita couldn’t ruin the entire match by herself this time. *1/4

– Jonathan Coachman v. Eugene. Eugene uses the…uh…HANDSHAKE OF DEATH to start, as he apparently doesn’t know his own strength. Coach tries a headlock, but Eugene sends him into the ropes…and then goes into what appears to be a yoga ball. He suckers Coach in and gets two. Criss-cross and Eugene outsmarts him again, riding him like a horse this time. Another criss-cross and Eugene stops to go meet people at ringside, leaving Coach running around like an idiot. Back in, Eugene takes him down into a bodyscissors and rolls him around, then does a bit of JYD. Coach stops to call out a bikini-clad cookie server, which tempts Eugene out of the ring and allows Coach to attack him. Back in, it’s futile, because Eugene is TARDING UP. Atomic drop both ways and a dropkick set up the airplane spin, but now Garrison Cade comes out and goes after Eugene’s teddy bear. This match is hitting new lows. The heels collide, and Rock Bottom and the People’s Elbow finish Coach at 7:36. Felt like a midget match or something. *

– RAW World title: Chris Benoit v. Kane. Benoit throws chops to start and pounds away in the corner, and then he backs off and he’s all “Come get some more if you’re so tough”. Kane does so, so Benoit goes for the arm and gets tossed around as a result. Like Benoit is worried about a hiptoss. He keeps coming with chops, but tries a shoulderblock and that backfires pretty badly, as he bounces off Kane and hits the floor. Back in, he keeps firing away, but runs into an elbow. Kane misses the boot and Benoit tries a suplex, but Kane fights out…and misses an elbow. Call it even. Benoit kicks him in the head and tries the Sharpshooter, but Kane powers out, so he tries the crossface, and Kane powers out of that too. He keeps trying the chops, but Kane uses the power of CLUBBING FOREARMS, so Benoit takes that away by ramming the arm into the post and going for the crossface again. Kane powers out again and drops him with Snake Eyes and a clothesline to put him down. Kane works the neck over and gets a hotshot back in the ring, then goes to the choking. Benoit fights back again, but Kane gets a neckbreaker for two. He hits the chinlock, but Benoit fights out and slugs back, only to walk into a sideslam for two. Back to the chinlock, and that goes on for a while. Benoit fights out and escapes a suplex, going for the leg again, but Kane pounds him down again and gets two. Kane tosses him and charges, but hits the post, allowing Benoit to recover in the ring. But not enough, as Kane hits him with a lariat for two. Benoit doggedly keeps on the leg, dropkicking the knee to bring him down and clipping him to keep him there. Sharpshooter is blocked by Kane again, so Benoit keeps dropkicking the knee and tries it again. This time Kane blocks with the chokeslam attempt, so Benoit fights out. Kane misses a boot and it’s back to the knee, as Benoit is like a machine with that shit, and another Sharpshooter, and this time he’s too worn down to block. See, that’s good psychology and a good story. Kane has to power out now, and fights to the ropes. Benoit goes to the german suplexes now, and to the top. Kane sits up before he can even get there, so Benoit fires away with more chops and another german suplex series. As long as Kane doesn’t sit up while Benoit’s in mid-air, it’s no problem for him to adjust. He gives Kane the SNOT BLOW~! to show he means business, heads back up, and gets the diving headbutt. Both guys are out. Kane sits up again, so Benoit tries the crossface again, but Kane blocks again and fights him off, then chokeslams him. Doesn’t look good for Benoit, but it only gets two. Kane decides to try again, being a perfectionist and all, but Benoit escapes, so he settles for a big boot instead. Kane goes up, having not learned the lesson Benoit did, and lands in the crossface. Sweet! Kane’s got nowhere to go, so he powers out, but Benoit slickly uses the other arm to roll him up for the pin at 18:12. Remember kids: Don’t fuck with the master. First really good Kane match in what seems like forever, as they told a good story and Kane had a lot of intensity here. ***3/4

– Hell in a Cell: HHH v. Shawn Michaels. Big staredown to start and they fight over the lockup, and then trade shots in the corner. Shawn wins that battle, but runs into an elbow. They slug it out on the mat and do that for a bit, then HHH tosses Shawn and they brawl on the floor. Back in, Shawn comes back with a neckbreaker for two. HHH tosses him again, but this time gets sent into the cage when he follows. Back in, Shawn slugs away and drops a Dibiase fist (now THERE’S a move you don’t see anymore), but runs into a boot while charging. And HHH tosses him. Again. More brawling, and HHH goes into the cage again and he starts bleeding. Back in, Shawn stomps him and starts throwing chops again. He dumps HHH and suplexes him back in, but the back gives out. HHH takes advantage and whips him into the corner a couple of times. He starts dropping elbows on the back and gets a backbreaker, then a vertical suplex for two. Backbreaker gets two. He grabs a chair and tries another one, but Shawn fights out and fights back. They head out again and HHH rams his back into the cage and post a few times, and slugs him down. Back in, a backbreaker on the chair gets two. Another one gets two. Chairshot to the back gets two. Shawn comes back with a hiptoss to put HHH on the floor, but he comes back with a Pedigree attempt. Shawn blocks with a low blow and an atomic drop, then knees HHH to the floor, and they brawl outside, where HHH hits the stairs. Shawn goes for a piledriver on the steps, but gets backdropped for his troubles. HHH finds another chair under the ring and works Shawn over with that. Next up, the stairs, but Shawn fights those off and gets the flying forearm. The superkick misses and HHH puts him down with the stairs, and now Shawn is bleeding. Much better than HHH’s wussy bladejob. But is Shawn’s a blade, or just stigmata? Another shot with the stairs gets two. HHH pounds away on the cut and tosses him again, and it’s back to the cage for Shawn. Many times. There’s even a nicely innovative rubbing of the forehead on the stairs. Back in, and it’s a MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER for two. And then the devastating followup, the MAIN EVENT SLEEPER. Shawn rams him into the corner to break. DDT and both guys are out. And me. Shawn comes back with his own chairshots to freshen up HHH’s crimson mask, and gets two. HHH gets the facecrusher and Shawn bails, but grabs a ladder while he’s out there. Well, that’s handy. He pounds him with the ladder and slugs away in the corner, then whips him into the ladder. The ref asks HHH if he wants to quit, and he responds with a very naughty word. Another trip into the ladder, and Shawn pounds him outside, working on the cut. It’s like they just don’t know what to do to fill the time. “What do we do now?” “Uh, I dunno, grab a ladder?” Shawn catapults him into said implement of destruction, but HHH whips him into it and gets two. They slug it out from their knees and Shawn gets two. HHH sends him into the post and fetches a table, but Shawn slugs him down again. He drops an elbow from the ladder, through the table, but really it’s been 40 minutes and I just want this to end. Shawn gets two off that. He tries the superkick, but HHH blocks with a low blow and it’s KICK WHAM PEDIGREE. That gets two, whereas everyone else on earth has to play dead for 15 seconds while HHH rolls over and gets the pin. Back up, and Shawn superkicks him and makes the slow crawl to get two. Back up again, and it’s KICK WHAM PEDIGREE #2 and both guys are dead. After an ETERNITY, HHH gets up first and gets a third KICK WHAM PEDIGREE for the pin at 48:13. Although that time might be slightly inaccurate due to the warping of time and space that occurred during the match. JR had 47:26, so if you wanna go with that, feel free. Anyway, this was more accurately, to me, Boring as Hell in a Cell, as you could have easily lopped 20 minutes off it, including the silly ladder and table stuff, and still had a solid match. As it was, it was pretty okay with all the “oo, ah, he’s so injured” drama stuff, but I felt like I was watching a circle jerk, and it just shows who was carrying the load in the three-way classics the past few months. ***1/4

The Bottom Line:

Can’t go thumbs up because nothing was super entertaining or stood out, and I can’t go thumbs down because everything was mostly good, so call this one a solid thumbs in the middle. I’d check out Benoit v. Kane and the IC title match, personally, but the HITC is personal preference only.