The Wrestling Doctor 03.10.09: A Little Wrestlemania, A Little Nitro.

THE WRESTLING DOCTOR

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This week I want to look at tow very different topics, one new and one old. The first will look at Wrestlemania XXV, the second at a very old WCW Monday Nitro I dusted off from my archives this past week.

PATIENT #1: MORE THOUGHTS ON WRESTLEMANIA XXV
Last week I suggested some stipulations to make the Triple H-Randy Orton and the then-apparent Edge-John Cena programs at Wrestlemania XXV a little more enticing. Most folks seem to believe that the Triple H – Randy Orton WWE Title match does not need a stipulation. The promo between the two on the March 2 Raw was certainly a game changer. It incorporated the history between the two into their current situation, as well as played perfectly into each man’s character. The confrontation on March 2 will go down as one of the best face-to-face match building promos of all time. The WWE certainly hit a home run with the show down last week, and the build to April 5 should be interesting.

While the current build and storyline is great, I still believe that Triple H can only accomplish his goals of extreme bodily harm in a traditional match if Stevie Wonder is the special guest referee. After all, the man broke into Orton’s house on March 9. If he is unafraid of breaking the law, then he is not going to listen to a referee – especially when he is the champion and has nothing to lose if he gets disqualified.

Many people suggested an “I Quit” match for Wrestlemania XXV. I love the idea of a Triple H-Randy Orton “I Quit” match, but I did not include it in last week’s column because such a bout is not appropriate for the first meeting in a new series, regardless of the animosity levels. “I Quit” matches are the ultimate endgame. You cannot revive a feud after one man has forced the other to scream “I Quit” in public (if you will). Some lesser matches using the stipulation have been gimmicked into stupidity, but the major “I Quit” bouts – Magnum T.A. / Tully Blanchard and Ric Flair / Terry Funk – were fantastic finales for lengthy and well-developed feuds. If the WWE goes with “I Quit” at Wrestlemania, then they have to be ready to put the rivalry to bed, which I do not think they are. “I Quit” would be a great end to this feud, but it has to come later in the year. Let us hope that it does.

A lot of folks have alluded that one of the McMahons – probably Vince – will turn on Triple H in Houston much like the ending of the main event of Wrestlemania 2000. I hope that the WWE gives the HHH-Orton match the structure it needs to meet the expectations created by the build, so that post-show cries for re-booking do not become part of the folklore of the event as they have for 2000. The fatal-four way main event that year was a good match, but most people still wish that it had just been Triple H vs. The Rock.

A McMahon turn is highly likely, however. The WWE also likes to give subtle nods to the outstanding Manias of the past when they are held in the same venue. For example, at Wrestlemania X in Madison Square Garden Lelani Kai was brought back for the women’s title match as a nod to her title match with Wendi Richter at I. Earthquake scored a 32 second squash over Adam Bomb reminiscent of King Bundy’s nine second crushing of S.D. Jones. The Quebecers took a hike to retain their tag team titles just a Greg Valentine did against the Junkyard Dog to hold onto the Intercontinental Title. There have been numerous other examples over the years. The Kane body slam of The Great Khali and the haircut stipulation at XXIII point to Hogan’s slam of Andre and the Piper-Adonis haircut match, respectively, at III. The Rock-Hogan stare down at XVIII is reminiscent of Hogan-Warrior at VI. A McMahon turn this year in Houston would salute Vince joining forces with Steve Austin at X-7. The Undertaker and Shawn Michaels will give us some similar spots to UT-Triple H eight years ago, but I doubt Mark Henry is going to nail an Edge-like spear off of a ladder, so a McMahon turn would be the best X-7 element to emulate.

The Big Show looks to be the third wheel in the John Cena – Edge World Title match. I imagine his inclusion is partly a “thank you” from management for carrying the Floyd Mayweather angle to conclusion last year. The addition is certainly not going to drive up buy rates, as the Big Show does not enjoy the mystique of Andre the Giant due to the way he has been booked in the WWE, particularly in his first few years. His world title reigns were largely disasters, so it is doubtful he will win. Cena will probably walk out with the belt, especially if Orton ends up winning, as the WWE is not about to end its biggest show of the year with both main event faces doing a job.

I do wonder if the WWE is aware that Money in the Bank is a ladder match. Adding Mark Henry to the match is not a bad move, actually, as it certainly shakes up the formula the match has stuck to for the last few years. Henry has been a key player on ECW for the last year and has performed well in his role. He deserves a spot on the biggest card of the year, but MITB this year will need to be a ladder and a hydraulic lift match if the WWE wants the fans to believe that Henry can actually win. Fellow big man participant Kane has proven that he can excel in such an environment – with performances in both the first MITB and the famous ladder match on Raw in October 2002 – but Henry has about fifty to seventy more pounds (depending on the brunch) and about ten fewer inches than Kane, making his movement on a ladder more difficult and maybe even legitimately dangerous. Still, two giants will create some interesting sequences and spots. The match will be even more intriguing as ladder match mainstays like Chris Jericho and the Hardys will be involved in other events this year. Expect Henry to have a sick spot with Shelton Benjamin.

I am sticking to my original December Wrestlemania XXV predictions of Steve Austin vs. Chris Jericho and Santino Marella vs. Beth Phoenix – even with a 25 Diva battle royal. The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels is a show anchor, and Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy and Jack Swagger vs. Christian for the ECW Title seem to be no-brainers. I hope we get a Miz & John Morrison vs. The Colons in a tag title vs. tag title bout to end their prolonged feud. The tag team championships need a little boost. With JBL’s Intercontinental Title win, maybe he will face Rey Mysterio for the gold – though hoping that the IC Title and both sets of tag team titles will be defended on the same Wrestlemania crosses the line of optimism and ventures far into the foolish.

The WWE is doing a solid job of piecing together another big Wrestlemania, which is quite impressive considering that the card’s prospects were bleak just a month ago.

PATIENT #2: MONDAY NITRO – MARCH 11, 1996
For my second topic I want to look back at the first WCW Monday Nitro that I attended live, on March 11, 1996, at the Lawrence Joel Veterans Memorial Coliseum in Winston-Salem, NC. The show was a build-up to Uncensored 96, where Hulk Hogan was scheduled to face off against a host of Horsemen and Dungeon of Doomers in a multi-tiered cage match (Randy Savage would later be added as Hogan’s partner to what would become a colossal suckfest). WCW at this time was producing some lousy pay-per-views but great television, and March of 96 was no exception.

WCW Nitro did a great job of producing a compelling one-hour live program. Before it went to two hours in May 1996, Nitro had nearly perfected the 60 minute program in seven months – which the WWF had not been able to do with Raw for over three years. I was actually unhappy when WCW took Nitro to two hours (and horrified when they went to three). Long-time readers of this column know that I have a soft spot for a great one-hour wrestling program. I still maintain that the WWE could do as well with their product in three one-hour shows as they are doing now with five hours per week.

Nitro in the pre-nWo era was very affordable to attend: my college roommate and I got 7th row seats for $15 a spot. Almost two years later to the day, we attended a Nitro at the same arena – and sat in the nose bleeds for $40 to watch a show three times as long but of only a fraction of the quality.

A weird live event story: Before the show began, a guy sat a little girl down next to us and asked, “Can you guys watch her?” He went off to buy beer before we could even answer with something like, “We don’t know you” or “Why would you leave your kid in the care of strangers?” She sat in her chair and drank thrice her body weight in Mountain Dew while we sat in awkward silence. I imagine that child has some serious daddy issues about now.

I unearthed my tape of the 3-11-96 episode this past weekend and decided on a whim to review the show as a means of analyzing what made the 60 minute Nitro so great. There is a lot of stream-of-consciousness play-by-play, but the review is not a pure move-by-move recap. J.D. Dunn I ain’t.

WCW Monday Nitro: March 11, 1996 from Winston-Salem, NC
Commentators: Eric Bischoff, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, and (God-why?) Steve “Mongo” McMichael (w/ Pepe).

My tape begins with the last few minutes of Thunder in Paradise. A lady with a fake ass southern accent tells Hogan that if he ever gets tired of being married, he knows where to find her (what crystal ball was tea bagging?). They then show about five seconds of Hogan in bed with his bride doing some of the most uncomfortable coital grunting you will ever hear. If you think the Hulkster’s action acting is bad, this sex scene performance makes Brian Bosworth look like Kenneth Branagh. The awesome Paradise theme song takes us to Nitro…

…I never noticed how old Pepe was until now. He is in a wizard outfit and, unlike Eric Bischoff, was not ashamed to show his grey. Bischoff looked quite fake when he was trying to be positive and upbeat. He does much better portraying an opportunist without scruples. No Raw spoilers in the intro, so either Bischoff had stopped doing that at this point or Raw was live that week. I am going with the latter. Interestingly enough, Bischoff refers to Nitro as “The War Zone.”

THE GIANT vs. HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN (7:07)
Hacksaw comes out as a father and little girl are shown looking happy and excited. This father is not the one who left his kid with us, as this guy seems to actually love his daughter.

Here comes Paul Wight a.k.a. The Big Show a.k.a The Giant – with a horrendously outdated Jimmy Hart. The Giant’s Tarzan banana hammock was a sight to behold. He could cut a new Nile walking across a beach with that schlong. The Giant’s hair is frizztastic, too. Bischoff talks about Hacksaw’s football career in Atlanta. Didn’t he criticize JR for doing that?

As the match starts the commentary team discusses an incident occurring off camera. It was Brian Pillman stirring up commotion at ringside during his loose cannon days. Bischoff leaves the broadcast while the Giant bear hugs Hacksaw. Heenan and McMichael acknowledge that it is Pillman, but he is not shown on camera. The live audience could clearly see the exchange between Bischoff and Pillman before security takes Brian out. Bischoff returns to the booth and refuses to talk about the incident. The angle with Pillman was a successful experiment in making fans question kayfabe and their own expectations, and it is often underrated in its contribution to the psychology behind the nWo storyline.

Hacksaw clotheslines The Giant over the top rope, and Wright flips like Harley Race. He was agile back then. Duggan gets some duct tape off of the floor, and tapes his fist, as he was doing at the time. He takes The Giant down with a series of punches. Duggan then goes after Jimmy Hart, and Giant hits him a great choke slam for the win at 7:07. He fell downward with his opponent during his first few years, and the move looked much better. The replay is our Pep Boys power pin of the week. An all right match that would be terrible now, but it serves as a great opener that provides decent action while giving the announce team enough time to build up the rest of the show. The Giant continues his push with a decisive win while Duggan is kept fresh in the fans’ minds as a jobber to the top tier.

Weirdly enough, I attended a WWF Superstars taping on 3-9-1988 at the old Winston-Salem Coliseum where Hacksaw used his 2 x 4 to knock out Andre the Giant to ignite their feud.

After a commercial break advertising Steve Martin’s new comedy Sgt. Bilko, Mean Gene interviews WCW Busch Series driver Steve Grissom. We get some footage from the Busch race in Atlanta. They got fourth place, which Gene neglects to mention is 3rd loser. Okerlund pronounces “hiatus” like “hy-eat-us”. WCW devoted brief segments to Grissom when they were sponsoring his car, but this time could also be used for a promo for the show’s main event or a major angle.

The next match is supposed to be The Nasty Boys versus The Road Warriors. The Nasty are coming out first, but…

…it’s the Steiners on motorcycles, returning to WCW for the first time since October 1992!

I cannot communicate just how much this crowd was marking out. Everyone also assumed that the Steiners would be facing the Nastys. We certainly did not believe that WCW would blow a Steiners-Warriors match on a free Nitro.

We were wrong. The Road Warriors stalk down to ringside, and Bischoff reveals that The Nastys were taken out before the show, presumably by the Steiners. We go to a commercial break. I am pretty sure I crapped my pants while the audience at home was learning about the new sandwiches at Wendy’s.

THE ROAD WARRIORS vs. THE STEINER BROTHERS (11:03)
Scott’s mullet is as fine as it ever was. Hawk opens with stiff chops, countered into belly-to-belly suplex and pump handle slam by Scott. The crowd eats it up. Bischoff reminds us that WCW is where the big boys play. Hawk pushes Scott out of a superplex attempt and hits a clothesline from the top. He follows up with a big boot and a neck breaker. Scott gets tired of selling, hits a butterfly suplex, and tags in Rick.

Barking fills the arena.

Hawk tags Animal, who hits Scott with a power slam and a dropkick. Rick takes a body slam and a big elbow drop before turning the tide with a pair of Steiner lines. Suplex 101 follows. Scott is back in, putting Animal in the tree of woe. The Steiners tag in and out, working over the big man in the corner. An LOD chant ensues.

Hawk breaks up a Rick camel clutch with a boot to the head. The commentary team stops calling the match to discuss the lumberjack main event for about two minutes. This move was very typical of Nitro at the time and standard today now on most wrestling programming, but the pacing at this point is great. They only hype the main event or other angles during rest holds, and right now the Steiners have taken this thing to chin lock town. Bischoff said in his book that he wanted to do commentary different – hence why he put himself on Nitro – and he used the booth to keep the focus on main event angles during matches in an era where that was not commonly done. Early Nitros focused on the Hogan-based storyline during great action – see some of the Benoit-Guerrero matches from the fall of 95 as an example – but by this episode they have really learned to pick their spots. The Tony Schiavone-Bobby Heenan-Mike Tenay team would never learn to do that, particularly from mid-1997 onward, but this shift in commentary focus is one of WCW’s major contributions, for better or worse.

While the stylistic contribution is notable, the actual remarks are not, as they talk about the six-man strap lumberjack match main event like it is going to be an exploding barbed wire inferno death match. Scott and Animal clothesline each other. Hawk tags in and cleans house with clotheslines, including one that sends Scott over top. A big flying shoulder block to Rick is followed up with powerslam. Hawk whips Animal into Rick, who is in corner. The LOD hits the Doomsday Device on Rick! Scott is back in to make the last minute save. Scott and Animal go out to the floor, where Animal is sent into the rail. Belly-to-back by Rick on Hawk, and then the Steiners try a Doomsday Device of their own. Animal distracts Scott and Hawk escapes. Scott hits Hawk with clothesline from the top, and then Animal comes off the top with a clothesline on Scott. Scott reverses an Irish whip and hits the Frankensteiner on Animal! Hawk break up the pin. Referee Nick Patrick has lost control! The Steiners hit the Doomsday Bulldog on Hawk. Patrick tries to get Scott out of the ring, while Animal sneaks up and hits Rick in the face with a spiked arm band. Hawk gets the pin at 11:03.

The crowd is exhausted.

This match was what Bischoff termed the “human car crash” spot on the show, which featured a very competitive match between evenly matched opponents. In the early days of Nitro this meant that Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, or Dean Malenko would be involved, but by the spring of 1996 the red hot WCW tag team scene began to fill this gap. By 1997, the luchadores were moved in. The car crash segment straddled the second and third quarter hours, and kept the audience glued to the program. It was also the draw for the fans who loved good wrestling. The concept was abandoned by WCW in later years, but it was a smart piece of television booking that created interest in the WCW product across the board. This match in particular between The Road Warriors and The Steiners was a great free TV match, definitely of PPV quality. It was even better live. It should have been on the LOD DVD in place of their dull encounter with Sting and Lex Luger at Super Brawl VI.

Mean Gene interviews the Steiners in the ring. In short, the Steiners returned to WCW to face the LOD but now they have a serious problem. Being the crack investigative journalist that he is, Gene asks about the Nasty Boys and Scott dodges the question like his last name is McClellan. Gene goes with it, and Rick babbles us into a break.

Another Wendy’s commercial with Dave Thomas! Pep Boys is still our sponsor. A promo reminds us to buy Uncensored. I really hope that you did not.

Techno music means Alex Wright! Das Wunderkind back flips into the ring and – he doesn’t dance! Damnit! This match was supposed to be Johnny B. Badd vs. Lex Luger, who had just taken the strap off of Mero the previous WCW Saturday Night. Luger enters with two belts, as he and Sting are also the tag team champions. He gives them to some crew member while he poses in front of his pyro. Wild Cat Willie is clearly in the background.

We go to another break and a horrendous commercial for the WCW Hotline has an incognito Gene spying on the American Males, Sting, Luger, and the Disco Inferno. Nitro also introduced the station break concept of regularly introducing a match and then cutting to commercial before beginning the actual bout. Such an approach is the core of wrestling TV today, but it gives the one hour show a nice pace that keeps audience curiosity high. That is not so easy to do in two hours.

Time Life Video is celebrating the wars of the twentieth century! Nothing perks you up like a documentary on trench warfare or footage of massive civilian casualties. GNC advertises 2200 Weight Gainer, but the voiceover guy clearly has never seen the inside of a gym, as he sounds like he is seven or eight.

WCW TV TITLE: LEX LUGER (c) vs. ALEX WRIGHT (6:20)
Back to action. Bischoff reviews the show so far while Luger opens up on Wright. Bischoff says that Badd could not hang where the big boys play, which really means that his contract ended and he jumped to the WWF to be “The Wildcat” Marc Mero. Wright gets in some drop kick based offense. He hits an axe handle off of the top for a near fall.

Mongo McMichael was a terrible commentator – he was actually much better as a wrestler, if you can believe that – but he was good at taking his cues and keeping the commentary moving. The pacing of the one hour Nitros really was their secret, and they minimized any down time. Mongo goes nuts hyping WCW. Luger throws Wright out to the floor and rams his back into the apron. Heenan stands up for Lex as a quality guy while Bischoff and McMichael chastise his heelish ways. A press slam by Luger is coupled with a reminder that a big six man main event is on its way. Heenan says that Luger knocked three zits off of Wright’s cheek with a forearm. Luger hits a modified snake eyes, slaps Wright, then taunts the crowd in what looks to be some serious roid rage. He slaps Wright some more, then keeps yelling. Man, he is pissed. Luger whips Wright into the opposite corner and then yells in camera. This screaming fit is accomplishing nothing. Wright European uppercuts his way back into the match, before hitting a jumping elbow, a backdrop, and a wheel kick. More main event talk. A Wright drop kick off of the top gets a near fall. Bischoff says that Luger’s partner Sting – who at the time was having serious problems with Luger’s Jimmy Hart association and heelish tactics – is in Hollywood and not here tonight. Speak of the devil, Jimmy Hart – who Luger had told not to come to ringside anymore on earlier programming – comes out to distract Wright, who is back up top. He tries a flying bodypress but Luger catches him and drops him throat first over top rope for the pin at 6:20. Wright was crying over some Kraftwerk that night. Luger berates Hart for coming to ringside before posing. Luger and Hart would part ways after Uncensored.

The commentary team did not do as good of a job in balancing the match play-by-play with their excitement over the main event during that last match. The concept was there, but the execution was not always. We are again reminded of the huge main event. I had no idea there even was one tonight!

A commercial for the COPS Uncut and Uncensored video. It was your place for drunken college girls showing their boobies before Girls Gone Wild.

We are back. As you read this recap of this huge main event, remember that this card is occurring in Winston-Salem, NC.

LUMBERJACK STRAP MATCH: HULK HOGAN, RANDY SAVAGE, & THE BOOTYMAN vs. RIC FLIAR, ARN ANDERSON, & KEVIN SULLIVAN (6:32)

Flair, AA, and Sullivan come out to a huge pop in Flair Country. Flair has Elizabeth and Woman. The crowd is hot for The Nature Boy. This show was during the alliance between The Horsemen and The Dungeon of Doom which lasted uncomfortably until June.

The rules of the match are that each wrestler has a leather strap, as do the lumberjacks at ringside. Somebody is getting their hide whipped tonight. Too bad Dusty Rhodes is not in the booth.

“American Made” blares and the crowd boos like it is Rick Rude in 1992. Hogan, Savage, and The Booty Man (a.k.a. Brutus Beefcake repackaged yet again) are out. A brawl ensues on the floor. The lumberjacks are all wearing red flannel shirts. Cute. The lumberjacks are The Giant, Loch Ness, Diamond Dallas Page, The Road Warriors, The Barbarian, Meng, Steven Regal, Robert Eaton, Dave Taylor, Konnan, and some dude in neon green who I believe is Al Green. The Blue Bloods have ascots over their lumberjack shirts! That is a great touch. I credit Regal.

The Giant and Loch Ness immediately attack Hogan, but Ness hits The Giant on a miscue and the two brawl to the back, taking them out of the match and setting up their bout at Uncensored. Hogan weakly straps Flair. Sullivan looks ancient against Savage – and it is sad, really. Kimberly Page is out to check out The Booty Man, with whom she would briefly align. Flair tries to run away, but Animal catches him on the ramp and carries him back.

Bischoff is fellating Hogan from the booth, and Hogan’s uninspired punches are reminiscent of the last few moments of Thunder in Paradise. The action is completely unnotable in every sense. The Hogan-Flair pairing is the only action the cameras are following, and Hogan is not allowing Flair to get in anything, even though he is the WCW World Champion at this time. Hogan hits the big boot and the leg drop and pins Flair at 6:32 out of nowhere. Six-and-a-half minutes is a short main event for this era, but for this particular match is was about four minutes too long. Hogan, Booty, and Sullivan were not working well at this point. Bischoff says the crowd is going wild, but they are clearly booing the crap out of the finish. The agitation at the booking that was present live really translated well onto TV. Everyone is pissed that Flair had to take the pin in Winston-Salem. Flair and Savage, who were feuding at the time, hardly met at all. Hogan had to have his spotlight. Savage, AA and the Booty Man hardly factored into the match.

Hogan chases the heels to the back, and we get the replay. The heels then come back out to the ring for a promo with Gene. Yes, it is confusing. Sullivan cuts a poor promo on the four cage match at Uncensored. AA saves the segment by saying that Hogan is in for it at the PPV. Flair taunts Savage by saying he has Elizabeth. Woman emphasizes that fact. Flair basks in his gold and women while Sullivan rocks back and forth like Tom Waits’ Renfield in Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

We are back up with the commentary team to close the show, build up Uncensored, and hype next week. Pepe could not be more disinterested. Flair then climbs up in booth and goes crazy. Bischoff looks legitimately pissed. End scene.

This episode was not a perfect show by any means – the main event was particularly lackluster – but it did display the strong formula that WCW developed for a one hour show. A decent opening match that usually pushed a talent near the top of card was followed by a promo that built an existing angle or hyped a PPV or cross-promotion. The “car crash” match was the best wrestling match of the night and kept fans tuned in. Another bout followed that built up talent in a title picture or other significant scene. The main event followed and, while it was usually sub-par in terms of wrestling, did serve to advance the top angle of the company. A few promos occurred in between segments, but they were used to build upon what had just occurred in the ring. There was no backstage action. The show was lightning paced, so that you felt a sense of urgency to stay tuned. Surprises – such as the mysterious Pillman incident and the return of The Steiner Brothers – were well placed. Not every episode was stellar, but the formula worked very well. Storylines were able to be built and very few wrestlers were over-exposed in one hour, except for Hogan. Talent was used enough to keep them fresh in the minds of the fans but so much that they became quickly stale. The approach delivered the goods on a consistent basis – until WCW had to slow down many elements of the formula when they went to two hours. While I do not believe that the WWE or TNA would ever willingly reduce the length of their programming, they could learn a lot by analyzing the first seven months of Nitro in order to learn about how to pace a well-structured program.