USWA Championship Wrestling (2.24.1990) Review

-Originally aired February 24, 1990.

-Your host is Michael St. John.

-We recap the zany multiple Tag Team Title changes on last week’s episode, and then off we go to the Sportatorium in Dallas, where Marc Lowrence is now standing by with Robert Fuller, who promises that the Stud Stable is going to find a new valet who’s willing to ride a tour bus and do some dirty work. Fuller tries to gloat, but Lowrence points out that the Southern Rockers not only won twice, they won twice easily, and in an instant, Fuller is spitting fire and making excuses.

-Billy Joe Travis and Jerry Lawler cut a pretty funny promo for their six-man tag team match main event “coming up this week, right here in this town.” Travis, Lawler, and Terry Garvin will be battling a team featuring the returning Handsome Jimmy Garvin. I don’t remember asking for that.

ROBERT FULLER vs. DAVID HINKLE
-Fuller armdrags Hinkle and shakes his hand to prove that he’s a true southern gentleman. Hinkle armdrags him back. Fuller tries a side headlock next. Big boot and a…stomp…finish. Not even a Garvin stomp. Just a stomp.

SOUTHERN ROCKERS vs. KEITH ERIC & BIG O
-We head up to the TV studio in Memphis, with Dave Brown and Jerry Lawler on commentary. “Big O” sounds like the worst idea that Vince Russo never got on the air, but he’s just a tall muscular jobber. Rex King dropkicks Keith Eric and works the arm. Right hands by King while Lawler rages in 1990-like fashion about how the Rockers appeal to “retarded fans.”

-Big O tags in and gets double-teamed, with Lawler crapping all over the Southern Rockers for using exclusively double-team moves on the guy. Top rope splash ends the match, as apparently The Big O gets finished off quickly.

JEFF JARRETT & SUPERSTAR BILL DUNDEE vs. THE SHADOW & CHRIS ALLEN
-Back to Dallas, with Jarrett and Dundee taking on Allen with a double-dropkick. Shadow tags in and Dundee twists the mask around to keep him from seeing. By the way, if you thought wrestlers who wore t-shirts during their matches were pitiful, Shadow takes it to the next level by wearing a sweatshirt tucked into his tights. Sleeper by Dundee finishes.

-We get a Handsome Jimmy Valiant highlight reel, and I instantly recognize it from an old Mid-Atlantic tape I have from 1982. See, back then, wrestling had changed so much that eight-year-old footage looked ridiculously outdated. As opposed to today, when WWE could show footage from 2011 and it’d be hard to notice.

DIRTY WHITE BOY vs. BEN JORDAN
-DWB shows up looking good and mad about something and attacks right away. He wrings the arm, but Jordan gets free and leapfrogs him, armdragging DWB. DWB uses a handful of hair to take control back. Jordan keeps fighting but misses a second rope bodypress, and DWB finishes with the stroke.

JIMMY JACK FUNK & DUTCH MANTELL vs. SHEIK BRADDOCK & JEFF GAYLORD (with Skandar Akbar)
-Back to Dallas, where Marc Lowrence abruptly announces that Terry Garvin is banned from television. Dutch works the arm on Braddock and we pause for commercial immediately.

-Jeff Jarrett and Bill Dundee have words for their opponents in the six-man tag match coming to your town. They warn Terry Garvin that Jimmy Valiant can “out-fruitcake” him. I remember those promos with Tony Schiavone.

-Back to the match, with Dutch still working Braddock’s arm. Funk tags in and hits the shoulderbreaker, then goes to an armbar. Akbar teases interfering, so Dutch grabs his whip and heads on over. Gaylord grabs the ring steps and holds them over his head, and we get a standoff that Lowrence just completely undersells. Back in the ring, the arm wringing just goes for a while before everybody finally tags and we get the Dutch/Gaylord confrontation. Gaylord misses a tackle and knocks himself out of the ring, and he has a great embarassed reaction to it before storming back into the ring and choking Dutch to save face.

-Braddock tags back in and powerslams Dutch for two. Dutch ducks a double clothesline and wipes out both opponents. Hot tag and we have all four men in the ring. JJ rolls up Braddock for a visual three, but Gaylord clotheslines him off and sends him over the top rope. Referee catches that last thing to give JJ and Mantell the win by DQ. Weak finish to an underwhelming match. I feel like the timing got screwed up really badly, because they went at such a slow pace for five minutes and then zoomed through the last two.

JERRY “The King” LAWLER (USWA Champion) vs. FREEZER THOMPSON
-Lawler gets slammed right away and complains about hair-pulling. Freezer’s name is a pretty obvious riff on Refrigerator Perry, and he’s built accordingly, an enormous, heavy black man who Dusty Rhodes probably would have slapped a necktie and hat on for a push if they had ever crossed paths.

-Lefts and rights by the King take Freezer off his feet, and a fistdrop off the second rope finishes…with a handful of tights. Of note is that Lawler was in the best physical shape I’ve ever seen him in.

BILLY JOE TRAVIS & HOLLYWOOD JOHN TATUM (with Terrence Garvin) vs. JIMMY JAMES & JAMES RATH
-Marc Lowrence elaborates on Garvin being banned from commentary and it’s a pretty funny payoff, as the USWA higher-ups all had a conversation and realized that none of them had any idea who actually hired him to do commentary, so they simply fired him. Scary spot as Tatum goes for a Davey Boy Smith-style delayed suplex on Jimmy James, but he loses his balance and the jobber lands on the top rope, which he totally no-sells. Jobber just totally freezes at that point, with Tatum throwing a punch and James doesn’t sell that either. So he tags in Rath and Tatum just finishes him right away with a tombstone. Twelve stars.

6.9

The final score: review Average

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