wrestling / TV Reports
VIOLENT PANDA Wrestling Review: WWE Presents MSG Classics 08.23.06
I’m SORELY tempted to pick up the McMahon DVD. The more I read about it, the better it sounds. But paying for it is just going to encourage them, isn’t it?
Mean Gene lays down some pipe for us. The year was 1979. Disco was dying, and people were looking for something new. That new thing was HULK HOGAN, brother.
“The Fabulous” Hulk Hogan w/ Freddie Blassie vs. Ted DiBiase:
– This is Hogan’s first ever appearance in the WWWF, WWF, WWE, Wrestlebrand Physicality, whatever you want to call it. He’s got white tights and boots on. He’s also got a big cape with gold on the outside and royal purple on the inside. DiBiase is a beardless random dude, here. Looks much better with the beard, IMO.
– I should also note that Hulk’s tights are tragically too snug. At least we can’t see his pubes.
– We start things off with lots of pantomime. Hulk points to his muscles. Then he makes the “I can break a stick in TWO” gesture. Crowd is booing already. Vince McMahon, solo on commentary, says that he knows Hulk is strong, but “can he wrestle?”
– DiBiase unloads some super-fast arm drags and the crowd LOVES it. The fans boo Hogan big time. The ref in this is tiny, almost a midget. I guess that’s to make the wrestlers look that much bigger.
– Commercials… ad for the WWE show at MSG on 9/11. Will they exploit 9/11 like they did Eddie Guerrero? Hope not.
– Hulk hits a sweet suplex to bring DiBiase from the apron into the ring. LEG DROP~. Only two? Guess it wasn’t his finisher yet. Elbow drop, also gets two. Hulk cinches in a chinlock and the ref calls for the bell. Wait.. DiBiase submitted to a CHINLOCK?
– No, wait… ref says that was a mistake. The match continues. How odd. DiBiase escapes the chinlock and dodges an elbow. Ted rallies and the crowd eats it up. Hulk cinches in a bearhug.. Ted submits. Fink announces the winner: “The Incredible Hulk” Hogan. HEY!
Phew.. was that ever dull. Hogan sure got heat, though.
Winner: Hulk Hogan
World Champion: Bob Backlund
IC Champion: Pat Patterson
Tag Champions: Ivan Putski & Tito Santana
Texas Death World Title Match – Big Bad Bobby Duncum vs. Bob Backlund©:
– Fink messes up the ring intros, mixing the guys up. He corrects himself. Backlund is like a grown-up Huckleberry Finn, or Danny Partridge. Duncum is very, very out of shape. Like Dusty but without the curves.
– Backlund cinches in a headlock and just won’t let go. How was this guy a champion? Duncum eventually uses a blatant choke, as Texas Death = No DQ. The choke looks more like a neck massage, truth be told.
– Backlund hits a snazzy monkey flip, but it doesn’t get much of a reaction. He later hits a suplex for 2. And then he hits a piledriver, also gets 2. Both guys end up lying prone despite the fact that Duncum’s hit Bob with a total of about 2 moves.
– Backlund takes a terrible bump off a bulldog. He landed on his SIDE somehow. More commercials? Ugh.
– Backlund goes for a bunch of sunset flips. Finally, he does one off the turnbuckle that gets the 1, 2, 3.
Man, Duncum looked really bad here. How do you somehow exhibit less charisma then Backlund?
Winner: Bob Backlund
NWA Title Match – Dusty Rhodes vs. Harley Race©:
– !!!! An NWA Title match headlining a Vince show?! Imagine that now? Dusty’s ‘fro is in a pyramid shape. Race’s ‘fro is circular.
– Dusty does tons of gyrating in this. He jabs his finger ala Muhammed Ali, trash-talking and squatting slightly. The crowd eats it up. Dusty is INSANELY fast on an elbow drop.. good gawd. Harley does his flip bump to the floor, pretty cool.
– Dusty sets up for a piledriver, and turns Harley so each side of the crowd gets a look and cheers Dusty on so that the resultant pop is enormous. I hope Backlund took notes right there.
– Each time Dusty hits a big move, he covers, but Harley gets his legs on the ropes to break. Race DRILLS Dusty in the head with a knee, gets two. Dusty rallies, doing his squatty wiggling, and the crowd is on fire.
– Harley hits an absolutely terrible looking second rope diving headbutt. Dusty blades, takes forever for him to ditch the blade. Dusty busts out some great-looking elbows, but the ref decides to stop the fight because Dusty is gushing blood.
– Pretty good stuff! I actually like the ref stoppage finish. I think they should start doing that again, helps prolong a feud in a more believable manner. Dusty was gushing blood, but had the upper hand and thus this sets the stage for a heated re-match. Dusty’s “jive talking” swagger really got the crowd going. I wonder if Vince sees Cena’s hip hop stuff as a modernized version of a jive talkin’ white man?
Winner: Harley Race
Mean Gene clears our conscience. In 1987, President Reagan was embroiled in the Iran-Contra controversy. In the WWE, the controversial Roddy Piper was about to head off for Hollywood. Pretty weak there, Gene.
Tag Title Match – Killer Bees (Jumping Jim Brunzell & B. Brian Blair) vs. Hart Foundation© w/ Jimmy Hart & Danny Davis:
– Danny was a ref who became a talent. I think he now owns WWE’s developmental fed, OVW. Jim does a sweet leap onto Bret’s shoulders into a sunset flip. Gorilla and Heenan are on commentary. Heenan makes sure to point out the Bees’ yellow nike tennis shoes, heh heh.
– A Bee slingshots Bret into the Anvil on the apron, crowd loves it. Bret locks in a camel clutch but cradles the chin with the backs of his hands. Brian escapes by standing and delivering an electric chair drop. Blair covers, Anvil breaks up the pin, and the ring bell goes off… huh?
– It was a mistake. The match continues. Did this happen a lot back then or what? Danny Davis slips in and turns a small package over so that the Harts retain.
Decent stuff. Not even CLOSE to the Rockers match from the show that aired two weeks ago, though.
Winners: The Hart Foundation
World Champion: Hulk Hogan
IC Champion: Randy Savage
Tag Champions: The Hart Foundation
Jake The Snake Roberts vs. King Kong Bundy w/ Bobby Heenan:
– All right! We are told Jake is working against doctor’s orders. This is right after Honky Tonk Man hit him with the guitar and legit injured him. Jake has said that this is when his use of drugs to cover the pain got completely out of control.
– Jake has his snake in the corner. The bag has a hole in it. Throughout the match, we keep cutting to the bag as the snake keeps poking its’ head out. Awesome.
– We pan the crowd… mostly adults. “Weasel” chant for Bobby. Lots of stalling, just a few strikes, then a “Let’s go Jake” chant breaks out.
– Bundy cinches in a chinlock to kill some time. Jake hits his patented kneelift and goes for the DDT, but Bundy CHUCKS him up and over to counter.. nasty!
– They do some ringside brawling and the bell rings. ??? Jake chases the heels off with the snake as it is announced that Bundy was counted out.
Man, that was a craptacular. Some seriously chintzy finishes so far, too.
Winner: Jake Roberts
Elimination Rules – Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat & Junkyard Dog vs. Randy Savage, Adrian Adonis & Harley Race:
– We are told this is Roddy’s final MSG appearance before he heads off to Wrestlemania 3 and then Hollywood. Crowd FREAKS OUT for Roddy at the start.
– JYD hits some really fake-looking headbutts on all fours. Crowd loves it, though. “JYD” chant. Still has the word “thump” on the butt of his tights, heh heh. Gorilla is accompanied by the pimp Slick. Slick talks just like Eddie Murphy.
– Slick says that JYD can’t read. Ringside brawling, crowd loves it. JYD and Adonis end up counted out. Steamboat uses some KUNG FU KARATE~ on Harley Race, who is really bloated here.
– We get another tipped-over small package. Steamboat is eliminated by it. So it’s Piper vs. Harley Race & Randy Savage. Crowd breaks into a MASSIVE “Piper” chant. Savage accidentally hits Race, and Piper gets a quick pin to even the odds.
– Piper hits a bulldog on Savage. He offers his hand to Randy. “Want to shake now?” Randy does, and Piper bites down on his hand hahaha. They choke each other simultaneously.
– Roddy ends up playing possum, one of the rare instances where the crowd picks up on it without it being cartoonishly obvious. Crowd then ENCOURAGES Randy to go for the elbow, hahaha. He does, Roddy moves.. Small package, Roddy wins!
Fun match! Roddy was over and ON. Steamboat was just on a whole other level during this period.
Winner: Roddy Piper
In the back, Gorilla gets a post-match interview. Roddy goes off, thanking the fans and saying: “When I’m good I’m good, but when I’m bad, I’m better.”
Mean Gene notes that Roddy actually won his retirement match against Adonis at WM 3.
OVERALL: Pretty good. It’s interesting to see things like “Fabulous” Hulk Hogan. The fact is, though, that a lot of the wrestling is brutally dull by today’s standards. A TWO out of FIVE.
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