WWF Superstars of Wrestling (1.10.1987) Review

-Way, way back at the beginning of my time writing for 411, I went through the entire year of 1987 for WWF Wrestling Challenge. Since those shows are showing up on Peacock, I’m going to re-post my reviews of those episodes as they’re uploaded. For the first few weeks, I’ll go ahead and add the episode of “Superstars” from the same weekend…starting with this one…

-Originally aired January 10, 1987.

-Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino, and Jesse Ventura.

JUNKYARD DOG, GEORGE “The Animal” STEELE, & BILLY JACK HAYNES vs. MIKE LUCA, TIM PATTERSON, & FRENCHY MARTIN
-Steele clears the ring while Vince exuberantly hollers about the impending prospect of grabbing them cakes.

-Haynes locks up with Frenchy. Haynes Irish whips him and Frenchy trips, but he manages to trip in a way that the commentators cover for nicely, explaining that it was the sheer strength of Haynes. Steele comes in and slams Frenchy across the ring, and Jesse commends George for doing an actual wrestling thing.

-JYD tags in for the first time in the match, and since he’s not paid by the hour, he just hits the Thump and gets the three-count.

UPDATE
-Paul Orndorff seems to have taken a psychological blow from losing to Hulk Hogan. Orndorff comes in to tell us what “wonderfulness” is, and it involves taking a man and putting him between your legs…for a piledriver.

-We go to Memphis, where Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart are standing outside Graceland. Honky had considered buying Graceland, but he just went on a tour of the estate and it’s so ugly that he’s going to buy a larger mansion and call it Honkyland.

NON-TITLE: BRITISH BULLDOGS (Tag Team Champions) vs. IRON SHEIK & NIKOLAI VOLKOFF (with Slick)
-Vince makes a spectacularly weird comment about wanting to date Matilda, and even Jesse doesn’t have anything to say back to him after that. Danny Davis is the referee.

-Slick trips Davey Boy from the floor to exact his revenge for being chased out of the ring by Matilda at the start. Sheik gutwrenches and Davey Boy is trapped in the corner, as Dynamite is at least sane enough tonight to let Davey Boy do most of the work for this match.

-Davey Boy reverses a suplex and makes the hot tag. Headbutt and a hiptoss by Dynamite for a two-count. Snap suplex and a sleeper, but Slick pool-cues Dynamite’s ribs to break the hold. Bulldogs have had enough of Slick and grab Matilda, and they chase Slick back to the dressing room…which gets them counted out. Real smart, guys. This was actually laying the groundwork for Volkoff and Sheik to win the titles in a rematch, but Dynamite refused to job the belts to any team except the Hart Foundation.

PIPER’S PIT
-Hot Rod welcomes Randy Savage and Elizabeth. Piper flirts with Elizabeth a little TOO much, and Savage warns him that he’ll end up like Steamboat if he’s not careful. Savage points out that Piper injured Adrian Adonis, but Adonis is back. Steamboat got injured, and he’s STILL gone.

-Savage pulls out a Ricky Steamboat action figure and a Macho Man action figure to recreate the injury, with Roddy busting on him because the Savage figure has an unrealistic amount of hair on top. That was actually a legit sore spot for Savage, so Piper has brass ones.

-Piper wraps up by surprising Savage with a ringside ticket for next week’s taping, because Ricky Steamboat is on the card.

HERCULES (with Bobby Heenan) vs. ALEX KNIGHT
-Elbow by the mighty Herc, and the torture rack finishes expeditiously.

-Jesse confronts Bobby Heenan, since Andre ain’t talking. Once again, Bobby petitioned back in May to have Andre suspended for no-showing match. He got the suspension. Jack Tunney held a hearing in December about reinstating Andre. Andre no-showed the hearing. Bobby, who wanted the suspension, attended the hearing. And Andre got reinstated, which doesn’t make sense to anybody. What happened at the hearing?! Bobby ignores the question and talks about why the contract for Hercules was worth the investment.

-Ken Resnick announces the card for Boston next month: Randy Savage defends the Intercontinental Title against Bruno Sammartino in a Lumberjack match. The rules are simple: The competitors must skip and jump, where high heels, suspenders and a bra. Randy Savage isn’t worried about meeting the challenge of the old man.

-Another Blackjack Mulligan vignette. Man, they are going all-in on this guy, which is weird because at this stage in his career, what are they expecting to get out of him?

JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. BILL ANDERSON
-Jake slams Anderson and wrings the arm. We get a pre-tape where Jake drops in to remind us that his python is bigger than Hulk Hogan’s, achieving a rare triple entendre. DDT finishes.

-Outback Jack shaves with a knife. Okay, honestly, with the amount of hype they’re pouring into Outback Jack, Blackjack Mulligan, and Superstar Billy Graham, I can kind of understand why Dave Meltzer was preemptively predicting Wrestlemania III would bomb.

“The Natural” BUTCH REED (with Slick) vs. REGGIE PARKS
-Hey, it’s the king of belts!

-Reed hammers at Parks while Vince & Bruno tease Jesse for his totally useless interview of Heenan. Jesse vows that he’s going to get to the bottom of this. Vince’s own theory is that Andre sent a battery of attorneys in his place for the reinstatement hearing and Heenan is embarrassed because he got outsmarted by Andre. Clothesline off the top by Reed for the win.

-Jesse is at the airport, where a bunch of women ambush the Can-Am Connection.

-Ken Resnick talks to Bruno Sammartino. Savage is a coward who hides behind his woman to avoid getting a beating. And that’s why Bruno wanted the Lumberjack match, to prevent the hiding.

6.0

The final score: review Average

The 411

Piper’s Pit was the highlight this week. Nothing memorable in the ring.