411’s WWE Raw Report 8.01.05

Hello everyone, it is I Larry Csonka subbing, again for the partying Alex Obal. Tonight’s Raw will provide the usual Monday night fix of wrestling, but let’s see what happened last week that led to tonight!

Last week on Raw:

Highlights of Cena winning the Lumberjack match.

Angle comes out to make a challenge for the Angle Invitational. Christi Hemme came out and introduced Eugene.

Match #1 Eugene WON the Angle Invitational and Kurt Angle’s Gold Medals.

Bishoff and Cena had a confrontation backstage, Bishoff promised to make Cena’s life a living hell.

Match #2 Viscera & Cloacas defeated The Heart Throbs & Pocket Rocket

JR wishes condolences to the family of the late Lord Alfred Hayes and introduces a retrospective highlight package.

Shelton Benjamin demands a match against Carlito, instead he gets to face Snitsky and Masters.

Maria interviews Jericho. Jericho mocks Maria’s apparent stupidity. Fozzy is a perfectly normal band name – what’s a Limp Bizkit? Her attitude is indicative of the entire attitude of Cleveland and the negativity he’s been feeling since he got here. In spite of his greatness, he’s been treated like Ashlee Simpson. He’s going to destroy Cena at Summerslam and embarrass him in the battle of the bands, and yet the negativity is so strong that people’s minds are already made up about who’s going to win and lose. Cena manufactures music; Jericho makes music, real music, but that doesn’t seem to matter here in Cleveland. He steals Christian’s threatening nod at the end of his interview and walks off.

Cena won the Battle of the bands when Jericho pulled Fozzy out because of the apparent fan bias.

Bishoff informs Carltio that he will face Cena tonight, and if he wins he gets a title shot the following week. Bishoff also make Jericho the special referee.

HBK delivered a great promo on Hulk Hogan. HBK just wanted to be the greatest. He had 5 Star matches and broke his back was enough for him, but it wouldn’t be for Hogan. Hogan has been living off of 20 years ago, while HBK has worked every night to remake him self. We now have the old HBK, “WHATCHA GONNA DO…WHEN THE HEART BREAK KID WON’T LIE DOWN FOR YOU!”

Match #3 Snitsky and Masters defeated Shelton Benjamin

The Diva’s eat Hotdogs.

Match #4 Edge defeated Kane in a stretcher match.

After the match, he that shall not be named attacked Edge while Kane gave Lita a tombstone and then tossed her in the ambulance and drove away.

Match #5 Carlito defeated WWE Champion John Cena in a non-title match when special referee Chris Jericho interfered. Carlito will face Cena next week for a shot at the WWE Title.

Bishoff and Jericho celebrate.

WWE Raw 8.01.05 Starts…NOW!

Dance to the music…

Chris Jericho comes out to begin our show. No Highlight Reel set, just a straight interview for him this week.

Jericho: “Being the genius I am, I made a plan with Bishoff that is designed to end the embarrassment that is the Cena title run. As you can see, the plan is going swimmingly. Last week, he exposed Cena as a fraud in and out of the ring. We all saw his “performance” last week. It was CRAP, not Rap. Later on that night Cena faced Carlito, and Carlito earned himself a title shot, due to my impartial refereeing. My performance was so great, MONKEY’S IN THE TRUCK! Roll the footage”

Highlights of Jericho helping Carlito win last week

Jericho: “That was a bit of beauty there. A night to remember for referee history. Cena can lose his title tonight. Even if he does, I still get my shot and will win at Summerslam and place the title around this sexy waist. Cena, you are nothing but a thug. I am going to tear you apart at Summerslam. You will hurt even more than last week when I walk out with the title.”

CENA RUNS OUT! They brawl and Bishoff sends out refs and security to break it up. They get separated.

Bishoff: “Cena, if you want to raise hell tonight on MY show? I told you your run will end, and SO HELP ME GOD IT WILL TONIGHT! Tonight, the match will have a second referee…Chris Jericho to ensure that Cena doesn’t cheat to retain his title.”

Vince will be here to make a MAJOR announcement as well as an HBK career highlight special

Commercial time.

We are back.

Match #1 Chris Masters and Gene Snitsky vs. Shelton Benjamin and The Big Show

Show springs Shelton into the ring, he almost falls and he takes down Masters and Snitsky. Master fights back, but Shelton with a shoulder block. Tag to Show and Masters runs and tags Gene. Show tosses him in and clubs him down. Chops by Show in the corner. Back elbow by Show and he talks smack to Masters. Chops again by Show, and a head butt to Gene. More chops by Show, and he chokes Gene in the corner with the boot. Show asks for quiet and LIGHTS him up with another vicious chop. Corner whip, Show clotheslines him to the floor. Masters in from behind, but Show press slams him to the floor! We head to a commercial @ 3:15.

We are back @ 5:46 with Shelton working over Gene. Shelton knocks Masters off the apron and Gene gets a big boot. Masters in and a back breaker to Shelton. He covers and gets 2. Knees to the back of Shelton now, picks him up and locks in bear hug. Shelton escapes, but Masters with a powerslam for 2. Tag to Gene, and he clubs down Shelton. Boots to Shelton now. Slam to Shelton, off the ropes and an elbow by Gene gets 2. Seated Cobra Clutch on Shelton now, and Shelton fights to his feet. Elbows out and off the ropes and Gene gets a spine buster for 2. Tag to Masters, and they slam Shelton back to their corner. Masters talks smack, and slaps Shelton. Tag to Gene, and they slam him back to the corner and get a double clothesline. Show in to break things up, but is ushered back to his corner. Gene boots away at Shelton again. Tag to Masters. Shelton with a roll up for 2. Back slide try, but Masters slams him down and covers for 2. Rear choke by Masters and Shelton battles to his feet. Elbows out but Masters clubs him down. Rights to Shelton and Masters is still in control. He chokes out Shelton, picks him up…suplex try, Shelton escapes and gets a neck breaker! Shelton tries for the tag…Masters tags Gene and Shelton gets the mule kick! TAG TO SHOW! Shoulder block to Gene. Slam. Clothesline to Masters. Whips them both to the corner, BIG CORNER SPLASH! Show spins Shelton for the spinning kick to Masters. Big boot by Gene. GOOZLE BY SHOW! CHOKE SLAM! 1…2…3!

Winner: Show and Shelton @ 13:50 via pin

We see highlights of Eugene winning the Angle Invitational last week. The Eugene Invitational is next.

Commercial time.

We are back!

Christi Hemme comes out with Eugene, as his cheerleader. I hope Angle come out as LOS CONQUISTADOR! Hemme introduces him.

Eugene wants to play with her pom poms, but she says he has a match.

Here comes KURT!

Angle “All right Eugene”

Eugene “What’s your name and were are you from?”

Angle “All right Eugene”

Eugene “What’s your name and were are you from?”

Angle “Kurt Angle! My name is Kurt Angle, and I am from Pittsburgh PA.”

Eugene “This is not Pittsburgh, and you are not a home town boy!’

Angle “Last week you weren’t from Cleveland!”

Eugene “This week is for real!”

Angle “You are pretending! This is an Indian Reservation, what hero could be from here? Tonto? You tell me? You have no choice!”

EIEIEIEIEIEIEIEI YI YI YI! TATANKA!

Eugene is all excited! They shake and we have a match. Angle stays at ringside.

Match #2 The Eugene Invitational: Eugene vs. Tatanka

Lock up and Tatanka takes him to the corner, and breaks clean. Lock up and a headlock and take down by Tatanka. Arm drag by Eugene and a cover for 2. Wristlock by Eugene, Tatanka escapes and Eugene with another take down and cover for 2. Corner whip by Eugene, boot by Tatanka. Chops by Tatanka, corner whip and a chop by Tatanka. Indian Dance. CHOP to Eugene. Tatanka up top…BIG chop gets 2! Off the ropes, reversal and an ANGLE SLAM by Eugene! ANKLE LOCK! Angle come sin and that’s all.

Tatanka helps Eugene and they dump Angle to the floor.

Winner: Eugene retains @ 2:33

Angle says he will beat Eugene’s ass.

They show highlights from Larry King Live with Hogan. Hogan says they were posing and HBK cheap shotted him. Hogan says HBK wants the upper tier that he never accomplished.

Commercial time.

We are back!

Angle is pissed and Todd tries to interview him. Todd makes the mistake of calling them Eugene’s medals. Angle says next week in Pittsburgh, he will win his medals back, even if Eugene brings the whole damn tribe! Next week, he will make Eugene REALLY special.

Last week we saw a horrible situation after the stretcher match.

We see footage of Edge winning, and then Kane slammed Edge into the set and tomb toned Lita on the ramp. No footage or mention of he who shall not be named. We see Kane steal the ambulance with Lita in it and asks if she has ever been on the hi-way to hell.

Jericho is backstage, and talks to Carlito. Carlito says what Cena did wasn’t cool. Carlito says Jericho should get even. Jericho says that Carlito will win the title tonight, and they will face at Summerslam. Bishoff is out, and says they need to end Cena tonight! Bishoff wants it done, and they need to make a plan RIGHT NOW. Jericho says he will fast count Cena, and Carlito says it is cool.

Limo arrives…and VINNIE MAC IS HERE! He will have an announcement…NEXT!

Commercial time.

We are back!

**NO CHANCE HITS!**

Vince “Well tonight…tonight is a special edition of Raw. So many years ago Raw debuted in the Manhattan Center, in front of 1200 people. The is the 636th episode of Raw. That is a milestone, for weekly entertainment. We passed Seinfeld, Happy Days and Bonanza, and did it here in the Mohheccan Sun Arena. The classy thing would be to thank the fans, but I would like to thank the one person who built this show. VINCE MCMAHON! It is ok to thank yourself, and it feels good. The one this I can do is pat himself on the back. I never allow my ego get in the way of business decisions. I bring back super stars after they stab me in the back. A son of a bitch like Bishoff I made GM of Raw, he’s unpopular, but good business. I took ECW and rejuvenated it and made good business. Tonight I make another good decision, without Bishoff’s notice. This man has been wreaking havoc, and when I see fire, I pour gas on it. I introduce my lasted acquisition, and will face Edge at Summerslam…ladies and gentlemen…MATT HARDY!”

Matt gets out of the limo and heads to the ring. They shake and Vince leaves. HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED HAS BEEN NAMED!

Hardy “I guess I should thank Vince for bringing me back, but actually, the people brought me back to Raw. Unlike Vince I do thank you all. Here is my story, I was involved with Amy Dumas, better known as Lita for 6 years. Lita was married to Kane on TV, but came home to me every night. When I was hurt, Lita had an affair with Adam Copeland, better known as Edge who was supposed to be his friend. The story broke, my life turned upside down. You fans let the WWE know how you felt. You chanted WE WANT MATT and YOU SCREWED MATT. It was on that day, the Matt Hardy movement began. I took matters into my own hands and I am BACK! Edge, you destroyed my dreams of a family and a WWE star. I worked my entire life for that. Edge, now you are mad and upset because your life is miserable. If you can live through it, I will put your life through so much that you wish you were dead. The only thing that would make me more happy than ending your career, is you being killed before I have the chance. So when we meet at Summerslam, it is kill or be killed Adam…and Matt Hardy will not DIE!”

Commercial time.

We are back!

Vince sees “Kerwin” backstage. They discuss Grenich and Kerwin wants to move there and loves Regis. Vince says that he has been a billionaire for so long, he forgot what middle class was like.

Val gives the towel to a lucky lady, what a pimp.

Earlier today Conway says he is the new big star, the Conman. He will do things his way, the CONway.

Match #3 Val Venis vs. Rob Conway

Conway keeps his sunglasses on. Lock up and a wrist lock to Val. Reversal and Conway escapes with a boot and gets a headlock on Val. His glasses get knocked off and he is mad. Lock up and Val with an arm wringer. Conway escapes with an elbow, and then a back elbow. Scott Steiner pump up elbow drop gets 2. Chops by Conway in the corner now. Corner whip, reversal and backdrop by Val. Conway bails and pulls Val to the floor. They brawl and Val chops away on him. Conway back in, and knocks Val off the apron. He works the back of Val on the floor and repeatedly rams him into the apron. Back in the ring and boots to Val’s back. Rammed to the corner is Val, and a corner whip and Val drops on impact. Neck breaker submission hold by Conway, Val fights and escapes. BLUE THUNDA DRIVA to Conway! Rights to Conway now. A back elbow and Val locks in the reverse figure four! Conway gets the ropes though. Knee lift by Conway, but Val with a spine buster to Conway. Val up top… Conway knocks him off. Conway hangs him on the ropes and gets the roll of the dice (Called the ego trip) for the win.

Winner: Rob “The Con Man” Conway @ 5:34 via pin

Commercial time.

We are back!

They run the career highlights of HBK’s career.

OMG! A LARRY KING PARODY! HBK with a walker dressed as Hogan! “Hulk” says LEMME TELL YA SOMETHING BROTHER. I’ll be 102 years old brother. Every day he waked up alive brother, it is good brother. When the camera is on brother, brother, brother, brother (yes he is saying this.) He isn’t old brother, it’s how old brother you feel, and I feel 157 brother. They take a “caller” who wants to know when Hulk will be back in Battle Creek. Hulk says he only makes the big towns, not small time stuff like Battle Creek. Larry asks how Hogan will last with HBK, and NOW we get the career highlight video. (That reminded me of the “Flair for the Gold” when the Hollywood Blondes parodied Flair.)

Great WWE video as always.

Larry asks what will happen at Summerslam, and Hulk says he will have to do some politicking. When I left and made more money HBK never got the job done, and only wanted to be a great wrestler. He always wanted to steel the show brother. I have a philosophy brother, when they arrive brother, you have their money brother. HBK always worked hard brother. It won’t matter, MEAN GENE BROTHER…I mean whatever Larry, I am selling tickets here brother. Whacha gonna do brother, when we lock up brother, OH brother! He poses and gets a “Cramp” Oh brother, brother, brother, brother, brother. SUPER KICK to Larry King imposter!

He takes off the make up and says Hogan, you got your reality show. At Summerslam, what you gonna do when reality kicks you right in the face.

Commercial time.

We are back!

Diva search time. They cut Summer…I have no use for this competition anymore. They go to the ring and are all dressed rather scantily. It’s a joust! AMERICAN GLADIATORS LIVES!

The guest judge is…Rob Schneider. Riiight. Rob tells the divas, you can do it! His advice is, do not be distracted by his boner.

Leyla vs. Ashlee. They tie, then go again. Another tie. Ashlee wins finally.

Krystal vs. Elisabeth. Elisabeth wins. They fight and Rob breaks it up and throws down Elisabeth.

Ashlee vs. Elisabeth. Elisabeth wins. The Coach hits on Elisabeth, but she chooses Rob instead. Go vote people.

Video history of Carlito vs. Cena.

Commercial time.

We are back.

Bishoff is at ringside, and Jericho is the ref. Are they gonna Montreal Cena?

Next week Angle will challenge Eugene for the gold medals. Also, Hogan and HBK face-to-face…brother.

Match #4 WWE Title Match: Carlito vs. John Cena ©

Cena tries to attack Jericho, but Carlito takes advantage. Cena charges, but Jericho pulls Carlito out of the way. Quick 2 count on Cena. Another quick one. Carlito beats down Cena, as Jericho cheerleads. Cena fights back, but Jericho stops him and helps Carlito ram Cena into the steel post! We head to commercial @ 1:26.

We are back @ 4:33 as Carlito has Cena in an arm bar type hold. Cena escapes with rights, and an elbow. Off the ropes, but Carlito stops him and gets a neck breaker for a quick 2. Another quick 2. Back elbow by Carlito gets a fast 2. Rights by Carlito in the corner and Cena is down. Jericho with a kick as well. Suplex by Carlito stopped, Cena tries one, but helps Carlito and Carlito covers for 2 even though Cena had a foot on the ropes. Rights by Carlito, and then a knee to Cena. Cover for a fast 2 again. Off the ropes, and a shoulder block by Cena! He takes down Jericho but Carlito grabs him and gets a rear choke. Bishoff yells at Cena, as Jericho tries to fast count him. Carlito tries to get the body scissors as well but Cena fights out. Rights to Carlito. Backdrop and Cena is free. Off the ropes and Carlito gets a flatliner for 2. Carlito tosses Cena to the floor and follows. Jericho takes off the safety padding for Carlito and Cena gets rammed headfirst. Jericho helps Carlito now. Carlito covers now for 2. Rights to Cena, and Carlito mocks him. Cena tries to battle back again with rights and lefts. Clothesline to Carlito. Backdrop to Carlito. PROTO bomb. 5 knuckle shuffle! Cover and Jericho won’t count! Cena is pissed! He attacks, but Carlito nails Cena from behind. Rights by Cena, and then nails Jericho by accident. Fu is stopped by Jericho. Jericho nails Bishoff and Cena tosses him. Another ref is out, FU and Cena wins!

Jericho back in and LOW BLOWS Cena. Tosses him to the floor and drops him on the security wall. Suplex on the floor. Jericho has a camera…and KILLS Cena with it! Cena is BUSTED WIDE OPEN! Back in the ring and Jericho with the catapult under the ropes and then the Walls as Cena fights and bleeds as Bishoff yells at him and slaps him repeatedly!

Winner: John Cena@ 12:15 via pin

Thanks for joining 411 for the live coverage tonight!