411’s WWF Smackdown Report 8.16.01

411’s WWF Smackdown! Report
August 16, 2001
LIVE!!! from Salt Lake Citaaaaayyyyyy
Your announcers are Cole and Heyman
Report for 411 by Sean McCluskey

Well then… I’m back for Smackdown this week. I had to put my dog Diamond to sleep yesterday. She was only 7. She had cancer, and she was in a lot of pain, couldn’t move… so we put her to sleep. Pretty rough… wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.

Anyway… Let’s get on with the wrestling.

If my teaser got you in here… hey I already got the hit from ya. So I’ll tell you now… my report will probably suck ass with the mood I’m in. 😉

We’ve got a sexy new set for Smackdown this week!

Cole is plugging the hell out of the Austin Invitational.

Shane McMahon is out to start the show. Shane gets a little heat from the crowd to start. Now Shane talks about Booker T defending his title this Sunday. Shane calls out Booker T. Booker’s music has a “can you diggit sucka” throughout his song now. Shane hands Booker the mic, and Booker mocks Rocky. I fall asleep… Now Booker says that Rock stole his moves and such. God… that was it???

The Rock has entered the building… I cry out of pure excitement…

Commercials…

Here’s The Rock. I haven’t even noticed… but I just realized that Vince hasn’t been around for the past couple weeks. Figures… as soon as he turns face, we don’t get to see him as much. Rock talks some trash to Booker now, talking up the Rock Bottom a bit. Rock calls Booker out, and here he and Shane come. Here comes Stasiak, and he offers to take The Rock out. I gotta admit, Stasiak has decent mic skills and charisma. Well… we have an……

IMPROMTU MATCH!!!

The Rock Vs Shawn Stasiak
Rock Bottom.
Winner: The Rock

So anyway…

The Rock issues a challenge… for the first ever “Lights Out Match”. No rules, no Alliance, no WWF. Now… what exactly is a Lights Out Match please? Oops… Rock just called the title the WWF Title instead of the WCW title. Good raughs.

Okay… so lights out means the lights in the arena are actually out… What the hell?

Commercials… Seriously… I think I could think of a better movie idea than Bubble Boy…

How much ass does Tajiri kick??? I mean… think about it…

William Regal & Tajiri Vs X-Sync
Regal and X-Pac are in to start. Regal slaps on a headlock, and remains in control. Regal lands a reverse elbow and sends X-Pac down. Regal tags in Tajiri to a nice pop. Tajiri lands a sweet ass kick on X-Pac. X-Pac makes the tag to Albert. Albert dominates in the corner. Albert goes for a gorilla press, but Tajiri fights back on and lands a reverse kick. Now Tajiri tags in Regal, and Albert takes him down and gains control. Now all hell breaks loose. Tarantula on X-Pac, but Albert breaks that up. Now Tajiri lands a kick to X-Pac’s gut, then goes for a kick to the head, but X-Pac ducks, and Albert comes from behind with a Baldo Bomb. Game. Set. Match. Point.
Winners: X-Pac & Albert

Austin tells Earl Hebner to take his Invitational signup sheet to the WWF locker room. Austin’s new “what?” saying makes me want to punch my TV…

Commercials… Now… Jay and Silent Bob looks awesome! OH!!! I just saw a preview, and Jules Asner is in the movie! That’s my woman!!! CW can have Chyna… I’ll take her.

We see some no namers sign up for the Austin Invitational.

Ivory pumps up Stacy and Torrie up for their match on Heat… Kay…

Commercials…

Tazz joins the announcers, and talks smack with Heyman.

For the record, Kurt Angle was the first one to sign Austin’s list… Austin is out with his clip board now. Heyman comes to the ring, and tells him that Tazz is talking trash. Now Austin calls out the first name on the list… Scotty II Hotty. Austin talks some trash to Scotty, and he says that he expected someone like Kurt Angle to sign the list. This is extremely boring… Austin starts calling Scotty, Kurt. Austin keeps pushing Scotty around. Okay… One match in an hour… this is so awful… I’m very close to changing the channel for a minute right now… Austin finally decides to kick Scotty’s ass. Here comes Angle. Angle works on Austin, and here comes Tazz into the ring. Tazz locks in a Tazzmission on Angle… and Austin lays some boots on him. The WWF comes in and clears the ring out…

That was the most overhyped piece of garbage…

Commercials…

Coach tries to talk to Angle. Kurt says he’s bringing the gold back where it belongs. Kurt challenges Tazz to a match tonight.

RV F’n D & RHYNO w/Steph Vs Jeff Hardy & Y2J1
RVD and Jericho are in to start. Jericho gains control early and often. Jericho goes for a quick cover, but no dice. Tag into Jeff. Jeff stays in control. RVD tosses Jeff into the corner, and he makes the tag to Rhyno. Jeff comes back with an insiguri, and he makes the tag to Jericho. Jericho works on Rhyno in the corner. Jericho goes for a dropkick, but Steph grabs his leg, and allows Rhyno to land a Gore-lite. RVD is back in, and he lands a flipping splash, and covers for a two count only. Jericho flips through a back suplex, and lands a german release suplex on RVD. Jericho tags Jeff in, and Hardy goes to work on both men. Out of nowhere, Rhyno lands a Gore on Jeff, then Jericho lands a missile dropkick on Rhyno. Y2J and the Manbeast brawl outside of the ring. RVD grabs a ladder, and springboards it into Jeff’s face. Now a ***** Frog Splash. Cover. Game over.
Winners: RVD & Rhyno

Tazz accepts Angle’s challenge. Tazz does a nice promo using some of his ECW stuff.

Commercials…

WWF Tag Title Match
Kanyon and DDP (c) Vs Edge & Christian
Edge and DDP are in first, but Edge gains control and makes a quick tag to Christian. Christian tries for a quick cover but is unsuccessful. Now Kanyon is in, and Christian tries for a quick pin on him, but to no avail. DDP lowers the rope on Christian, sending him to the outside, and he works on him a bit and sends him back in to Kanyon. Kanyon lands a fisherman suplex, but Christian kicks out of it. Tag into DDP now, and he stays in control. Now Christian gets out of trouble and tags in Edge. Edge spears Kanyon, and covers, but DDP breaks up the count. Now the heels try to get a cheap win, but Christian pulls the ref out of the ring. E&C go for a Conchairto, but Lance Storm comes in and lands a kick on Edge. Christian chases Lance to the back. DDP lands a Diamond Cutter on Edge, and it’s over.
Winners, and still champs: DDP and Kanyon

Commercials…

UT and Kane interview… nothin special…

APA interview

Angle… Tazz… next…

Thus ends our pointless 5 minute segment for the night. Actually… this whole show has been rather pointless…

Commercials…

Angle Rules! w/ random WWF guys Vs Tazz w/random Alliance members
Austin is pacing at the top of the ramp.
Angle takes control over Tazz early. This looks like a lumberjack match with all the guys out… wait… scratch that. Action spills to the outside now, and Tazz takes control. Now we head back into the ring, and Tazz lays a couple boots on Angle, but Angle fights back. Tazz comes back quick with an overhead belly to belly suplex. Tazz lands another suplex on Angle, and talks some trash. Tazz follows up with a big clothesline. Angle fires back with a flying forearm. Angle lands a belly to belly of his own. Tazz locks in the Tazzmission, but Angle breaks it, and lands the Angle Slam and gets the tre!
Winner: Kurt Angle

After the match, Angle taunts Austin. Tazz goes after Angle, and Austin takes advantage. Angle quickly applies the Ankle Lock on Austin. Now all hell breaks loose, and the WWF clears the ring.

Commercials…

Lights Out Match
Booker T Vs The Rock
This should be interesting…
Okay… it’s completely dark right now…
Okay… the lights aren’t out now as the wrestlers are out. Rock has control early, and they take it outside of the ring, and up the ramp. Booker drives The Rock into some “glass” on the Smackdown stage. Rock comes back with a spinebuster on the ramp, followed by a penis punch. The lights are still on… kinda weak. The Rock slams Booker into the ring bell table thingie. Now Booker and Rock are up on the announce table. Shane is out, and lands a low blow on the Rock. But uh… it was a pretty weak attempt at a low blow. Now Booker lands the book end. And… match over????

WHAT THE FLYING F*CK WAS THAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Booker’s music plays… the lights went out before the match, and that’s it… We fade…

Sorry… but that was pathetic…