The Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report: 07.22.09

So once again, my apologies for no Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report last week, but rest assured, I tried good and well to get someone to cover it, but let’s face it. Nobody can quite do the Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report quite like me.

Either that, or nobody wants to commit career suicide.

I’m leaning toward the latter.

Anywho! I was called to North Carolina last week to be a part of the birth of my first niece! Yes my friends, for the first time, I am an uncle. And yes, I’m trying to be THAT uncle. Only a week old now, she’s officially pulling my finger.

Anyway, I had a 10 hour drive to try and figure out what I was going to write this week, which gave me a great idea for a new segment which you’ll catch at the end of this report. So without further ado, Cue Banner!

News: While it has been labeled as a “personal leave”, Dixie Carter ordered Jeff Jarrett to go home following the mysterious call on the Bubba the Love Sponge Show that stated that Jarrett and Karen Angle were now together. Kurt Angle has been saying backstage that he will not sign a new contract with Jarrett in creative power, and also stated that he will end up with booking control of the company. Most of the wrestlers are siding with Angle in this situation, aside from the people who are close to Jarrett personally. People within TNA have been playing the recording from the “Bubba the Love Sponge” to see if they can figure out who the voice that caused all of this mess belongs too. TNA’s booking plans for the next month were written and planned prior to this whole incident. .

Wow. Just wow. I’m not going to debate the good or bad here or even try to choose sides but I will say this. This story sounds so much more awesome than any storyline TNA has EVER produced!

All kidding aside, this probably won’t end well for TNA, one way or the other. There is obviously going to be some friction in the locker room that support both men and to be quite honest, it’s really not their business.

My opinion on it is this. Jeff Jarrett isn’t going anywhere. TNA is his baby. Leaving it would be the same effect to him as abandoning one of his daughters in the hands of someone he despises and walking away like nothing happened. And why should he? Did he really do anything wrong here?

Jeff’s a widower, Karen’s a divorce. Unless Jeff was messing around with Karen while she was still married to Kurt, then what’s the big deal? Jeff’s got kids and Karen’s an experienced mom herself as she’s the mother of Kurt’s kids. So what? And evidently, this has been going on for awhile now, and Kurt has known about it. In fact, Kurt and Jeff have been feuding in the ring during the whole thing, yet they have been able to co-exist so far. So what’s the difference between then and now?

Then there’s the kids. That always becomes a messy issue when it comes to divorce and the next relationship. And apparently that’s where the issues lie now and are developing.

I will say this and many of you will probably argue that Jeff “Crossed a line” that shouldn’t be crossed in the professional world. And you’re right. He did. You don’t date your buddy’s ex or your brother’s ex or your co-worker’s ex. That’s just man law. It leads to nothing but drama and things never work out. And while Jeff should have never crossed that line (if this story holds true of course), Kurt Angle really has no business getting mad at Jeff. Karen has the right to move on with whoever she so chooses. If you didn’t want her to be with anyone else Kurt, perhaps you should have been a better husband. Just sayin’.

But let’s be honest here. Kurt Angle has been talking about returning to the WWE for awhile now. I can’t remember where I read it (like I said, I’ve been kind of disconnected this week.), but I think I read a report somewhere that the WWE’s newest all submission pay-per-view has been moved to Pittsburgh, right around the time Kurt’s contract is set to expire.

No that’s not suspicious at all? Right McGruff?

Um. Yeah. Anyway.

Let’s just hope that the entire TNA lockeroom doesn’t literally divide over something so silly.

Hmmmm, and now that I think of it. Anyone else wonder that whole storyline between Kurt, Karen, and AJ was written by….nah, couldn’t have been!

News: Jeff Hardy’s contract expires in 3 weeks. .

Happy: . The good part here is that in 3 weeks, all of Jeff Hardy’s fans can quit clamoring over whether or not he’ll sign his contract or not and all you 411ers will probably start a “One Strike Deal” joke about Jeff Hardy or something like that. Wait, I didn’t mean to put that in the Happy part….

As for Hardy, as big as he’s been for the WWE, they can finally quit living on the edge so to speak. I’ve been a Hardy fan, despite my criticisms over his personal life, but I’ve felt very uncomfortable about him being in the main event, worrying and wondering when that 3rd strike would come crashing down and ruining all the storylines and hard work his co-workers have been doing.

With Jeff Hardy’s exit and Edge’s injury, it opens up some great opportunities for some of the mid card guys, particularly John Morrison, who has been QUICKLY rising to the top as a face, and has that ability to turn heel at any given moment. Not to mention, we get to relive the great feud between C.M. Punk and John Morrisson fighting over a World Title all over again. These two had an awesome program a couple years ago and in case you’ve forgotten, check out this great match from Summerslam 2007!

Go Sucky: . The WWE’s PG, Mickey Mouse squeaky clean image has actually really benefited Jeff Hardy, not to mention the sale of Jeff Hardy’s merchandise. A lot and I mean a LOT of young fans. At one of the live wrestling events I refereed at recently, almost every kid in the arena was wearing some kind of Jeff Hardy merchandise whether that be the arm sleeves, a tshirt,, you name it. So I can imagine a Jeff Hardy departure will hurt the WWE not only in their already struggling ratings on Smackdown, but in the merchandise department as well.

I’ve talked about this before and I’m not going to re-open that can, but I really hope that Jeff Hardy remains a straight, and well behaved life after he leaves the ring. That’s all I’m saying!

News: WWE Creative moved Mark Henry to Raw in an attempt to make him an upper card talent.

Happy: You know, I’ve got to say that I’m enjoying Mark Henry as a face. Which is hard to believe since the guy has pretty much ALWAYS been a heel on TV. (I don’t know if you can consider him a face during that whole Sexual Chocolate ordeal.) Mark Henry seems to almost be getting over, which of course was the main idea.

I mean, Mark Henry has been around for a LONG time. 10+ years. And that whole time, he’s just been a big, mean bully. But having him as a big guy who beats up the most hated heels and gets the crowd hot, this whole situation might just work. And I might just enjoy it.

Although I have to say…what’s up with that whole “Using The Force” hand he’s been throwing up lately?

Go Sucky: For a guy who’s been a heel for so long, it seems like more work should have been done to get him over as a face. He will dominate all of Raw’s heels for a little while but after awhile, the heels are going to need to look good and strong again, and that’s when Henry will begin jobbing out again.

My concern is can the WWE keep Mark Henry over if he CAN’T beat the Randy Ortons and Chris Jerichos? Then what? Is he going to go back to jobbing out to Rey Mysterio and Evan Bourne?

And of course, there’s that old bugaboo named “Injury Prone”. Mark Henry has spent a huge chunk of his WWE career on the shelf due to random injuries. If Henry is going to be a main event type guy, he’s going to have to put on main event types of matches. Can Mark Henry stay healthy that long while putting on quality matches that live up to the expectation of the Raw main event?

Guess we’ll find out!

News: Bobby Lashley is expected to work the Impact tapings this week.

Happy: Wait, Bobby Lashley is working with TNA? When did that happen??

Oh that’s right. That was like, uh, 2 or 3 months ago. And now he suddenly is back. Ok sure why not?

Bobby Lashley is actually a hot commodity right now in the sports world. The name has been making International headlines after his MMA victories. I mean, the guy is undefeated and has made a statement for himself. And now, he’s going to be in TNA. And everytime he gets into another MMA fight, that TNA name is going to be thrown out there, which is EXCELLENT publicity for TNA.

Go Sucky: Wow, ok. Didn’t he make his debut 2 or 3 months ago? And he’s JUST NOW showing up? Talk about sloppy work and pulling the trigger way too early.

Will Bobby Lashley actually really be able to focus on wrestling while continuing his awesome run in MMA? A lot of people are talking that Bobby Lashley could make it big as an MMA fighter and really has nothing to gain with TNA’s horrible creative booking who will more than likely make him look like a bloated chump.

Oh..yeah..right.

Bottom line. TNA doesn’t need another guy like Bobby Lashley. I can’t really describe my feelings anymore than the consistent TNA signings and booking are just getting more and ridiculous, and it’s starting to show in their slumping ratings.

News: Nick Dinsmore, AKA Eugene has re-signed with the WWE and will help train younger wrestlers.

Happy: I’m really glad to see this and I hope that the WWE actually gives Nick a chance in the ring as well.

I don’t feel like the majority of the wrestling world understands just how good a wrestler Nick Dinsmore really is and for that reason, check out a video of some of his work outside the Eugene character.

Dinsmore vs. Batista (Leviathan) WWE Dark Match 1998

Nick was never really given the chance to show those kind of wrestling skills during his time on the main roster of the WWE. Instead, we got classic segments like this…

Nick will at least be able to contribute to the WWE and make a paycheck again. The guy spent a good 10 years in OVW and trying and working hard to be a WWE wrestler, but because he wasn’t a big, muscleheaded giant, was constantly looked over.

Good for Nick to be able to re-join the WWE for a hopefully more successful run.

Go Sucky: Unfortunately, this more than likely means that we will see some cameo appearances from Eugene. I seriously doubt that the WWE is going to “debut” a wrestler Dinsmore’s age. So don’t be surprised in the next few weeks if you see Eugene “Guest Hosting” Monday Night Raw.

Consider yourself warned.

Rapid Fire!

News: WWE is taping the “A Decade Of Smackdown” special on Tuesday September 29th to air on Friday October 2nd at 8PM. Stars from all three brands will be on the show.

I’ll go ahead and spoil the end of it for you. It will end with this:

Followed by a “We Had Brock First” campaign followed by a “Dwayne Johnson Named Our Show” Promo. Gotta keep up with the times ya know.

News: Shaquille O’Neal will host Raw next week.

It’s only a matter of time before Kobe Bryant hosts Raw now. Because we all know what Shaq does, Kobe has to try to do better.

News: Along with Aaron Williams, author credit has been given to both Shawn Michaels and HHH on the upcoming Unauthorized History of DX book.

Llllllllllllllet’s get ready to…..Read It?

By the way, Happy 44th birthday to the Heartbreak Kid!

News: Jimmy Snuka’s daughter Serona had a recent tryout with WWE. .

Is Snuka going to keep breeding until he gets his offspring into Legacy?

News: According to The Detroit News, on June 10th the state of California filed a $22,024 lien against Stone Cold Steve Austin. The Los Angeles County Recorder of Deeds office has the lien has the address place don the home that Austin sold last year in Malibu, which he sold for $2.49 million. .

Michael Jackson 3:16 says “Someone’s gotta pay for my damn funeral.”

Too soon?

Wrestlers Tweet The Darnest Things!

Chris Jericho @mikethemiz wow i’m the same age as your dad? So he was ten when you were born. Pedophilia runs rampant in Cleveland in the early 80s.. (Wonder if he’ll say that to Shaq next week.)

The Miz @IAmJericho i just saw a movie based on ur life. for some reason they called it bruno.

Eve Torres I got the tuna… & the chopped pecan salad! But the best was my sweet potater! (Mmm… sweet ‘tater…)

Maria I am not a veggie! I like meat! (Insert *boing* sound effect here.)

Jeff Hardy Shaved face.. Good…tomato soup burnt me hand….not so good! (They should team Hardy up with Paul Birchall and bring the pirate gimmick back.)

Maryse omg i think i just saw a ghost (Or maybe she’s staying in the same hotel as Erin Andrews. I dunno.)

Awesome Kong @taylorwilde I’m not a stalker or anything but I rlly liked the song U wr singing N the shower when I had my ear against yr door ths morning

Uhhh…I’m going to end this on that note.

And that’s going to wrap things up for me. Until next week my friends (hopefully)…may your lives be Happy..or Go Sucky!