The Piledriver Report 1.30.08: Royal Rumble Review

Live! From New York, it’s “The Piledriver Report’s” Post-Royal Rumble Report. OK, maybe not live, or in New York anymore. However, I was there to give you a full report.

First thing I noticed is that UFC is hyping the hell out of the Frank Mir/Brock Lesnar clash this Saturday night. There were signs, a billboard, and even a video playing outside of Madison Square Garden. Even walking through the corridors at MSG, there were lighted signs hyping up Lesnar’s debut.

After eating at ESPNZone restaurant, which if you ever go there, order the Nacho Qeso Chips with grilled chicken as an appetizer. Its awesome, and a large portion. When I got to the Garden, I was shocked to see the line outside of MSG wrapped completely around the building. It was the longest line that I have ever seen at the Garden, and I’ve been there for a WrestleMania.

On to the show, the show started with a dark match between Deuce and Domino against Jimmy Yang and Shannon Moore, in which the latter team won the match. The first pay per view match of the evening was Ric Flair going against MVP in a career-threatening match for Flair. While watching the match, it dawned on me that this would probably be the last time I ever see Ric Flair wrestle live in person. After all these years, it’s been a pleasure. It was a pretty good contest, ending with a predictable Flair win. However, it was nice to see Ric Flair gain a clean win. I expected an ending marred in controversy. Either a low blow by Flair, or MVP skipping town after a beating to get counted out. To see Flair win with his traditional figure four leglock brought back memories of days gone by when Flair used to battle Dusty, Sting, Nikita Koloff, and Ricky Steamboat. I will say, to no fault of his own expect age, when watching the event the next day on pay per view, Ric Flair looks in horrible shape with the HD cameras close up on Ric Flair’s physique.

The WWE’s new announcer, Mike Adamley then talked about seeing Ric Flair in 1976. While I couldn’t see his face live, I was surprised to see his crow lines near his eyes while watching the replay on HDTV. I realize the former American Gladiator announcer has aged. It happens. However, knowing the WWE’s push for youth, and their new adventure into high definition television, I’m surprised Adamley was hired. Hopefully, he has a better night then he did at the Rumble. More on that later.

The next match pitted Chris Jericho against John Bradshaw Layfield. I was really looking forward to this match, and was slightly disappointed. I give this match the worst match of the night. Not that the match was bad, as there were no bad matches on this night. Since there were no bad matches, I’ll call this the least best match of the night. I expected this match to be an old school “Attitude Era” brawl. What hurt this match was the ending. Since when is a single chair shot a cause for an immediate DQ? That is so 1980s. What I expected, and figured would be more effective would have been if Jericho snapped and if he started to continually bash JBL with the chair, and then go to hang Bradshaw, leading to the DQ. All in all, the post-match stuff was great, and I hope they can hold off and give this thing legs to last until Mania, where the two men can put on an incredible hardcore match at the 24th installment at WrestleMania.

On the MSG scoreboard, they aired a backstage stint between Santino Marella and Ashley where he slammed the door on Ashley after telling he that he wishes that he can vote her out of the WWE like they did on “Survivor.” BTW, Santino was over like rover at the Garden. Too bad that Marella doesn’t have more size or could wrestle. With his promo skills, Santino would be a main eventer.

Edge vs. Rey Mysterio to the World Heavyweight title was next. Heading into the Rumble, I was really excited about the two World title matches. There were no Bob Hollys or Umagas in these matches. You had four legitimate big time wrestlers in the two title matches. The first thing that shocked me was the amount of boos that Rey received. Granted, I’m an Edge fan, a huge one at that, so I was booing the “masked midget.” However, I didn’t except the rest of the Garden to feel the same. Edge received so many cheers that it is making me nervous that the WWE may panic and turn him face in the near future. PLEASE WWE: DO NOT DO THAT!!!! You killed Orton in 2004 after you turned him face. Don’t touch Edge!

One small, yet important, touches to the match had to do with the in-ring introductions. I loved that they had both wrestlers come to the ring with their music in the background, but did not announce their names until AFTER both men were in the ring. This little touch gave the title matches a big match feel to them. Sort of like a championship boxing match or a UFC fight. While this may be an unnoticeable thing to some, it really adds to the drama of the match, seeing each man toe to toe in the ring eyeing each other down while the announcer calls their names.

As for the Edge/Mysterio match itself. I thought it was the best non-Rumble match of the night. Both men worked hard, and there were a couple of points in the match where you could have believed that Rey would regain the belt. I loved the ending of the match. Having Rey go for the 619, or six-nineteen as a nearby fan was screaming, and hitting Vicky was great. It looked like he was in control, as he bounced off the ropes. When Edge nailed him with the spear, the place exploded like the “Rated R Superstar” was Hulk Hogan pinning the Iron Sheik in January of 1984.

The backstage skit with Ric Flair may have served a purpose for down the line, as Ken Kennedy congratulated Ric Flair on his match with MVP. Could the WWE be setting up a Kennedy vs. Flair match for WrestleMania? Seeing Flair, Michaels, Batista, and Triple H together was pretty cool. It was a DX-Evolution merger. Unlike Triple H, I thought it was funny seeing Shawn Michaels “shill” his merchandise. Unfortunately for the “Heartbreak Kid,” that did not inspire me to run to the souvenir stand to buy his shirt.

Maria then did the house show “Kiss Cam,” which was odd for a pay per view, but I guess this was a reason to bring Ashley out for the “Playboy” question. Nobody seemed to care about the segment until New York’s favorite New Jersey native; Santino Marrella came to save the segment. Santino ripped on the Mets, Yankees, Knicks and Rangers and said the only thing people in New York have to cheer for are a team from New Jersey. Despite being a Mets and Rangers fan, I found this very funny, especially since I’m from NJ. He said the Giants were going to choke in the Super Bowl, which predictably led to a “Let’s Go Giants” chant. Ashley then asked Maria if she’s interested in doing Playboy. Maria, who apparently can’t think for herself, then asked the fans. The fans cheered its approval. Santino said the people are like sheep and if you asked them if they want Hepatitis they’d cheer. Very funny. It’s amazing how good he is on the mic. Marella then brought in a surprise. It was Big Dick Johnson in a Tom Brady half shirt and Patriots thong. I expected a Mae Young Royal Rumble 2000 bikini re-enactment. What we got was much worse, much, much worse.

Besides the Rumble itself, the match with the biggest questions going into the pay per view was the Orton/Hardy WWE World title match. Would the WWE stick to their plans by having Randy Orton hold the title heading into WrestleMania, or would they pull the trigger on Jeff Hardy by giving him the belt? There were valid arguments for both scenarios. After all, one of the biggest complaints regarding the WWE is their lack of foresight when it comes to long term booking plans. Having Orton go into Mania with the belt has been the plan for months. The WWE is finally showing a beginning, middle, and end to a long-term storyline involving one of their characters.

However, a funny thing happened on the way to WrestleMania. Jeff Hardy challenged the 2006 version of Edge and 2005 version of Batista into his body. Jeff was so over that there had to be serious consideration given to changing their plans, and putting the belt on the “Rainbow Haired Warrior.” He was so over with the crowd, and everything was clicking so well with Hardy at this time, that many inside the organization, including John Cena and Mick Foley in interviews, believed that the WWE should pull the trigger on a Jeff Hardy title reign. Instead of winning the title, like the 2005 Batista or the 2006 Edge, the WWE turned Jeff Hardy into the 2000 Chris Jericho, where he was just teased to be the World champ.

Now, I’m not complaining that they didn’t put the belt on Jeff. Actually, I’m not that big of a Jeff Hardy fan. However, I felt that all of the stars were aligned for him to get the belt. If there was ever a perfect time for Hardy to get the gold, even for just a short title reign, the Rumble was the time. I understand that the WWE wanted to go with their plan, and I respect that. However, I didn’t agree with the ending of the match. When Randy Orton hit Hardy with the RKO out of nowhere, I fully expected a kick out. When the ref’s hand struck the mat for a third time, the ending felt very flat, like “that was it?” I feel that Hardy should have kicked out of the RKO and lost another way, maybe taking a second RKO, and kicking out, before getting hit by a third RKO, which would do him in. That way Orton gets his clean pin, and Hardy still remains strong, and has a chance remain in the upper echelon of RAW talent.

Before the WWE title match, Mike Adamley started talking about the upcoming WWE World title match between champion Randy Orton and Jeff Harvey, umm, Hardy. That was funny. Poor Vince was probably having a heart attack backstage. Ahhh, good times.

The final match of the night was the Royal Rumble battle royal. I was pleasantly surprised to see the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels draw numbers 1 and 2 respectively. Due to the way Rumbles of the past have gone, I never felt that either man were doomed because of the number they drew. I thought the WWE spread out the talent in the Rumble pretty well. With Shawn and Taker in from the beginning, there was always a major contender in the match. Throughout the whole contest, we never had to put up with a ring full of “no chance in hell” performers. I was hoping the WWE would shake things up, and give the Rumble victory to CM Punk. Thanks to recent events, CM Punk has a reason to feud with Edge. A Punk/Edge match for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania would be really interesting. However, the WWE had a bigger surprise in store for the fans. I was excited to see Shelton Benjamin come in like a house of fire. I thought he could take some great bumps suffer a lot of dramatic near eliminations in this match. However, that was not meant to be. They had him bounced too fast, especially if they are positioning him to be a main player in the ECW brand.

Seeing Jimmy Snuka enter the Rumble, three thoughts crossed my mind. First, I remembered the “Superfly Dive” off the top of the cage in 1982 at MSG against Backlund. Next, was that he must really look “huge” in HD-TV, which I was right by the way. The third thing was that I found it funny that Jimmy’s son, who has been with the WWE for the past year, was relegated to working the dark match. Whereas, the “old man,” who appears once or twice a year as a nostalgia act, would get a pay per view check. Unbelievable. Next came Roddy Piper. I hope this means that he beat the cancer. He also looked well past his prime. It was cool seeing the two go at it, as visions of the “Snuka takes a coconut to the skull on Piper’s Pit” danced in my head. Nostalgia aside, it was the right move to have them bounced from the match quickly. When I saw Big Daddy V, I thought that his breasts hang so low, he could breast feed Hornswoggle. When Shawn Michaels eliminated the Undertaker with a lot of men still left in the ring, I was shocked. Usually one of the heavy favorites lasts until the final four. Then before you can catch your breath, Shawn Michaels gets bounced. WOW! Two studs back to back. Unbelievable! BTW, what the hell was Chavo Guerrero doing in the match. Isn’t he already a World Champion? And Finlay gets disqualified for using the sheliah? That makes no sense. Didn’t Raven once show up at the Rumble with a shopping cart filled with weapons? It was around this time that all of the fans around me started to ask “Where the hell is Batista?” We couldn’t see him outside of the ring, and nobody remembered him being eliminated. It was at this point that the obvious was about to set in. Triple H was going to win the 2008 Royal Rumble. Or so we thought. After Trips arrived, Batista was back in the ring as well. A showdown between the two former Evolution members for a spot in the main event at WrestleMania was eminent, until……… The Champ is back!!!!! John Cena made his shocking return from injury to win the Royal Rumble. It was incredible. The fans were stunned. Even the Cena-haters, like myself, cheered when his music played. His return was a thing of beauty. Ever since the “Monday Night Wars” ended, the world of wrestling, in large part thanks to Internet sites like this one, has very rarely been able to provide its fans with many “holy shit” moments. Cena’s return at the Rumble was definitely one of them. How in the world did Cena recover so quickly? Some may think that he took the Andy Pettite rout, and used steroids to recover from his injury. Others may suggest that he has great healing powers. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about what he did to return, because nothing should take away from the magical moment at the Rumble. I couldn’t believe what happened next. I actually was rooting for Cena. I never, and I mean eveeeeeeer root for the “master of thugonomics.” I wanted him to win, because of the unpredictability of the whole thing. Everybody thought either Triple H, Batista, or the Undertaker would win. No one expected John Cena to even show up. Of course, after the initial shock of Cena’s return sunk in, he was met with the usual “Cena Sucks! Let’s Go Cena!” chants that he’s used to. Man, I wish they would turn him heel. After he won, as he was standing on the turnbuckles getting recognition from the crowd, it suddenly hit me. “Oh, shit! Another WrestleMania main event with John Cena!” Plus, he will be fighting Randy Orton. Well, that sucks since we just saw that match at SummerSlam. I like my WrestleMania main events to be something different. Oh well, there’s more then enough time to complain about that.

As for the Rumble, I believe the real MVP of the match was Shawn Michaels. He took a ton of crazy bumps in the match where you thought he was gone, just because of the way he was being tossed out of the ring. It’s amazing how his body gets thrown over the top rope totally out of control, yet some how manages to stay in the ring. I was on the edge of my seat for his entire time in the Rumble. As for other Rumble statistics, Triple H threw out the most contestants with 5 and a half eliminations. Batista was the Iron Man, staying in the ring a total of 37 minutes and 42 seconds.

The 2008 Royal Rumble is the official beginning of the Road to WrestleMania. This road has started off on a fast track. It should be interesting to see what curves and bumps in the road lay ahead before we reach the WrestleMania finish line. Until we reach Orlando, put your seatbelts on and enjoy the ride.

UPDATE: I just finished watching RAW tonight. I’m not a happy camper. First, RAW is back to being the two headed monster; “The John Cena & Triple H Show.” Second, a lot of people were screwed by this RAW episode. The fans who attended and ordered the Royal Rumble pay per view were “royally” screwed. You watch the Rumble to see who will be in the main event at WrestleMania. Instead, we got to see who will main event No Way Out in February? WTF!!!!! Well, that sucks. Randy Orton was screwed. Chances are that he will drop the title to Cena at the February pay per view, leaving us with last year’s planned Triple H vs. John Cena WrestleMania main event. Even if the WWE decides to have the WWE title contested in a three way match between Orton, Cena, and Triple H, the “Legend Killer” still gets screwed as he will be taking a backseat to “The Champ” and “The Game.” Once Edge left for SmackDown!, Orton has carried the heel side on RAW, and he should be rewarded for it. The entire roster of SmackDown! should also feel screwed. Why? Because not only do they not have their WrestleMania main event set up at the Royal Rumble, but they don’t even get the Elimination Chamber match at No Way Out to help them settle it. If anything, this past RAW further cemented SmackDown! as the ugly stepchild of the WWE. Don’t mean to go off on a rant here, but I feel extremely cheated after attending the Royal Rumble. Thanks to RAW, why should I, or anyone else for that matter, feel the need to order the Royal Rumble when the WWE fails to deliver what they promised?