The Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report: 10.08.08

So I know people typically ignore what I write here, but I’m going to go ahead and type it all out anyway. I’m REALLY glad I can watch Ohio Valley Wrestling again. Sure I can’t see Smackdown anymore but OVW is almost an equal replacement! The storylines are solid and intriguing and the wrestlers are good! It’s a who’s who of Indy wrestlers.

Which takes me back to something Larry wrote a few months back stating that TNA should seriously consider bringing OVW in as its official development territory. And now that I can actually watch OVW without all the WWE developmental guys in it, I can see that Larry was very right and am in completely support of that theory.

Anyway, that’s my opening statement that I always tend to struggle with. Still with me? Ok Good. With that outta the way, let’s rassle!

News: Vince McMahon feels that the wrestlers need to become much better actors. He feels that Raw has to be able to stand up to the standards of acting on a regular television show, and a lot of the wrestlers in backstage vignettes aren’t very good actors. Freddy Prinze Jr. is working with Michael Hayes and Christopher DeJosephs, and is now trying to teach the guys better acting skills.

Happy: I had a little extra free time this weekend to sit back and watch some wrestling and actually WATCH it you know. Typically with my busy schedule I skim through it and fast forward through a lot of it on my DVR. But I actually sat down and studied it this weekend and realized how bad the acting has got lately, specifically in the WWE.

The wrestling isn’t all that bad, but as most of you know, wrestling is only about 1/3 of a wrestling show these days. The other two-thirds are vignettes and promos, and of course, the in ring acting. On Raw specifically, there are only a handful of good “actors”, and the list may surprise you.

Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels are both good actors. The intensity of their storyline has been nothing short of a masterpiece. Then there is Santino Marella. Sure the humor and the goofy accent may be lost on some, but the guy can act. To be able to do all that with a straight face can NOT be easy. Even Charlie Haas, with his gimmick stealing persona is good acting. He proved that when he mocked JBL. Batista is decent and John Cena has some Hollywood experience, but other than that, the rest of the roster needs some work.

Specifically, Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase need some work. They are both green around the edges and I’ll give their age and experience the benefit of the doubt here, but every time I see Cody Rhodes get on the mic and try to talk, the guy just makes me uncomfortable. Ted Dibiase has some potential but again, seems uncomfortable when he’s on the mic. JBL was a better actor as a commentator than he is a wrestler. Even Kane, who’s had the Hollywood experience, can’t seem to act when the action is live. So I can see where Vince wants to improve that aspect of his show. Especially when you think about some of the great actors Raw had in its past. Stone Cold, The Rock, Triple H, Mick Foley, etc.

Go Sucky: There are a couple of problems I have with this. First, can’t they find someone better than Freddie Prinze Jr to give them acting lessons? Like Drew Carey? Or a piece of toast?

Secondly, if Vince is concerned about acting, then he must not be concerned with the lack of actual wrestling on Raw. Sure I know today’s wrestling is more than just actual wrestling. But Raw today is like 4 weeks straight of press conferences prior to a 14 second Kimbo Slice MMA match. The hype is long and tedious with little action, and the outcome is usually disappointing.

News: One of the Undertaker’s knees is bothering him. Undertaker had arthroscopic surgery while he was off and his knee was in worse shape than they thought, and the beginnings of arthritis have set in.

This is what typically happens you get older you know. But the great thing about the Undertaker is that he’s one of those guys that don’t show his pain until he’s behind the curtain. He shows up, he gets ready. He goes out there and does what The Undertaker does and doesn’t complain about it a bit, no matter how much pain he’s in. That is what is called leadership. Say what you will about Taker being a backstage politician. If you can go out there and show everyone how it’s done and lead by example, then you have every right to speak your mind.

Now the Go Sucky about that part is that if The Undertaker has been known for this lately, that means it’s happening to him a lot lately. Let’s face it, Taker isn’t as young as he used to be. He’s up there in age and just like we all have or will eventually have to face someday, is that age will always catch up to us, no matter how fast we run from it. Arthritis is not comfortable to work with. I broke my hand a few years back and had it surgically repaired in hopes of avoiding arthritis settling in. It didn’t work however. It’s about to rain where I am now and my hand is killing me as I type this out. And I’m only 27 years old. Taker’s in his 40’s. On top of that, Taker is wrestling in steel cells and I’m just typing on a keyboard.

The word is that the Undertaker returned too soon. Especially to make his return match a Hell In The Cell. So Taker’s dark matches have been short and they are hoping by having him wrestle minimally, that he may be able to heal up. I’m hoping they are right but it would seem to me that the only way you could heal up a knee is by keeping all 300 pounds of yourself and 200 pounds of another guy off of it.

News: Kelly Kelly is rumored to be the next WWE Playboy Cover Girl.

Happy: I’ve been critical of Kelly Kelly wrestling but I will not argue that fact that Kelly Kelly is smoking hot. She seems like the kind of girl that could do things to you that would make you cry. But I digress. Kelly Kelly is hot enough that Playboy will sell a bunch of magazines and make a lot of men very happy. She’s on Raw right now, which is defiantly the right show to be on when you need the publicity.

Go Sucky: Kelly Kelly is hot, but she seemingly has the personality of an empty cup of coffee. That’s just the impression I get. So even if she is on the cover, the promotion of it will be a very painful process on Raw and of course, she’ll be involved in several matches to help promote the magazine.

On top of that, the WWE is not selling Playboy magazines as much as they used to. In fact, Maria’s Playboy magazine has become the lowest selling WWE Diva Playboy Magazine. Even Ashley Massaro sold more Playboy’s than Maria! And I personally think that Maria is hotter than Ashley, Candace, Christy Hemme, and is defiantly hotter than Chyna. I just don’t think people care about WWE Divas the way they used to.

Not to mention that Kelly Kelly has left little to our imagination anyway!

News: Sting has apparently signed a deal with TNA taking him through the end of 2009.

Happy: This potentially has huge makings behind it that I’m sure TNA and Sting for that matter are hoping for. Last week if you read my column or some of the other newsbits here at 411mania, you may have read that Ric Flair signed a one year no compete when he was released from his WWE contract which SPECIFICALLY kept him from going to TNA.

If Sting has signed a contract that will expire this time next year, that means Ric Flair will be eligible to be a part of TNA while Sting is still under contract. Take that for what you will but I’d be intrigued to see the two face to face one last time. However….

Go Sucky: If this is why Sting is staying in TNA, he’s staying for all the wrong reasons. First off, Flair is retired and I want to see him stay that way. His official WWE retirement was among one of the best moments in wrestling history, and for Flair to even consider getting in the ring to wrestle for TNA just seems like a waste of good moment. As much as I’d love to see Sting vs. Flair for the first time since the last Monday Nitro, Flair needs to be done and stay done in the ring. Bringing him to TNA and letting him be a manager or even just a face to face encounter with Sting would be entertaining, but it’s not going to help TNA’s low rating woes.

But Sting and TNA have bigger woes. For one, Sting has been kind of an expensive thorn in the side of TNA lately. He just recently starting showing up to fan events. He hasn’t been a big team player. And on top of that, it’s the same old song and dance TNA keeps putting on. Sting’s time in TNA has run its course and his time on TV is preventing the future of wrestling from getting any respect or air time.

News: Last week’s TNA Impact scored a 1.0 rating.

Speaking of low ratings…why is this considered “Major News”? Because this was the TNA Impact that featured “TNA’s Greatest Accusation” Mick Foley.

Someone’s going to argue with me that TNA was head to head with the Vice Presidential Debate which drew in nearly 70 million TV viewers last week. Maybe you are right. But if Mick Foley seriously cannot help get TNA’s ratings above a 1.5 rating, then maybe they should take the hint and QUIT HIRING WWE HASBEENS! Sting didn’t work. Kurt Angle didn’t work. Christian Cage didn’t work. None of them have worked. It’s not the wrestlers. It’s the matches! Do something different already!

News: Stone Cold Steve Austin is scheduled to make an appearance at Cyber Sunday.

Happy: It seems like it’s been awhile since Stone Cold Steve Austin has shown his bald head lately. Raw could use a boost of excitement and nostalgia and Stone Cold is the one who can bring it.

Rumors have been flying around lately that the WWE wants Stone Cold to return to wrestle a match at Wrestlemania 25. And those same rumors have said that Steve Austin may be interested, but of course wants things his way. Other rumors have pointed at Hulk Hogan possibly getting in shape for a match at Wrestlemania 25 as well. So one might easily assume that these two might actually go head to head…finally. But don’t get your hopes up.

Regardless, if Steve Austin IS getting ready to get back in the ring, it would be kind of exciting to see it all begin at Cyber Sunday.

Go Sucky: More than likely, this is going to be one of those “Who Do You Want As The Special Guest Ref” Choices. The choices will probably be The Bastion Booger, The Gobbledy Gooker, or Stone Cold Steve Austin.

With Steve Austin reportedly wanting so much creative control over his match, and given his history when asked to “job out”, the likelihood of Austin ever wrestling again is unlikely.

Rapid Fire

News: Smackdown’s Final Rating was a 1.9. This was their first show on MyNetworkTV.

*Clears Throat* I told you sooooooooo. Ok, so I may have to eat crow next week, but for now, chalk this one up to moving to a new network, nobody knowing where they went, or the fact that MyNetworkTV isn’t carried in as many strong wrestling markets as people think it is.

News: Kurt Angle’s comments in the Sun was not a planned angle.

Did everyone see the President of the Vince Russo Man/Boy Love Fan Club comment in my column last week?

News: The Sandman officially announced his retirement from pro wrestling.

As much as I hate to see The Sandman call it quits, I seriously think it’s best, and probably one of the most mature things I’ve heard of them an doing in awhile. He’s got a newborn daughter to take care of. He’s had problems with alcohol lately and has been a public mess lately. So I’m glad to see him man up and do the right thing.

News:The WWE is set to release a new DVD about Edge.

Filled with Old Brood footage goodness!

News: Johnny Knoxville will be at Raw next Monday.

At least its not Dr. Steve-O.

And that’s going to do it for this week. As always, feel free to comment and say what you want. Just keep in mind that having something intelligent to say always helps.

Telling me to stop wearing my John Cena underoos does not count as intelligent comments. Because everyone knows I wear Boogeyman underoos. I call them Boogeyroos.

And to be called the “Worst News Column” on 411mania is pretty much a compliment. You know, I’m sure someone at the Playboy mansion is called the “Ugliest Bunny”, but you know given the chance, you’d be all over that.

Yeah, I went there. Anyway, have a good one and may your lives be happy…or go sucky!