Dragon Gate USA: Enter the Dragon

Dragon Gate USA: Enter the Dragon by J.D. Dunn Twitter.com/jddunn411 Brightkite.com/jddunn411 Facebook.com/jddunn411 Original Airdate: September 4, 2009 (taped July 25, 2009). From Philadelphia, Pa. Your hosts are Lenny Leonard and Chikara-san. Dawn Marie Wilson is your ring announcer. Opening Match: BxB Hulk vs. YAMATO. Jeez, BxB, it’s Enter the Dragon, not Enter the Drag Queen. He has Daizee Haze as one of his entrance dancers. Who knew there was a She-Wolf in her closet? Aaah oooh! And is BxB possibly the mysterious “Red Hulk?” I kid BxB Hulk, but watching him is like watching Rey Mysterio fifteen years ago. You just sit there and say, “Wow! A human being can actually do that?” This is a story of grace and precision versus rough submission tactics. YAMATO is a very sound submission wrestler from his pre-wrestling PANCRESE experience. Fans are HUGELY behind BxB here, and I think BxB is what the WWE hopes Yoshi Tatsu becomes (glitz-wise if not in wrestling skill). YAMATO spends most of the match working BxB’s leg and nearly gets the submission with a Texas Cloverleaf. BxB roars back with a series of kicks and hits the EVO. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! The Phoenix Splash misses, and BxB buggers his knee. YAMATO eats a superkick but is able to hit a sleeper suplex and finish with the Galleria (kind of a reverse Michinoku Driver) at 15:21. Loved everything about this, including BxB’s Peter-Parker-on-crack offense and YAMATO’s smug indifference to the audience as he dismantled their hero. Great opener! **** Profiles of our main eventers. 8-Man Tag: Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw, Fire Ant & Soldier Ant vs. Hallowicked, Amasis, Gran Akuma & Icarus. Every one of the tecnicos gets a chant in their honor. Does HDNet tell the crowd to shut up or something, because this is taped in the same arena as ROH on HDNet and the crowds on that show are nowhere near this hot? Hallowicked is subbing for Ophidian despite being a tecnico, making this parejas increibles. Good characterization as storms the ring with a “let’s get this over with” attitude. Jiggy has his mask back. I approve. He plays face-in-peril after a long series of crazy comedy moves. See, CHIKARA does it right. You don’t have to dress up a guy as a cow and have him wrestle a midget leprechaun. You can be funny and still do good work. After a flurry of signature moves, including my favorite – Go2SleepyHallow – Gran Akuma hits the Spider Exploder followed by a moonsault for two. Jiggy counters the Rubik’s Cube, but Hallowicked blocks the Jig and Tonic, and they go after his mask. IT’S QUACKENTIME! Quack comes off the top with a Swanton and wipes out everyone with the somersault plancha. That allows Jigsaw to hit the Jig and Tonic on Icarus at 17:26. If you like fast-paced, action-packed spotfests, you’ll love this. Next-to-no down time here as everyone was doing something at some point, and they didn’t sacrifice story for action. ***3/4 After the match, Mike Quackenbush puts over Jorge Rivera says Dragon Gate and CHIKARA make a good pair, so they should seal the deal with a CHIKARA vs. Dragon Gate match. He calls for a DG volunteer, bringing out YAMATO. Yamato says something in Japanese and kicks Quack in the bush. Jigsaw makes the save, but then Gran Akuma turns on CHIKARA and attacks him. Finally, the CHIKARA locker room empties to chase them away. Dragon Kid (w/Kamikaze & Shingo) vs. Masato YOSHINO (w/Naruki Doi).. Think this will be fast? Yoshino has Kid’s number recently. Actually, this is comparatively slower than most of their matches together, which should tell you something about the speed of their previous matches. Dragon still works in most of his usual moves – 619, Déjà Vu — despite coming off an injury. Yoshino catches him with a powerbomb, though. He shrugs off the Christo (headscissor crucifix armbar) and gets his knees up to block Jesus Walks (doublejump moonsault). Kid hits the Dragonrana but gets caught with Another Space (spinning powerbomb). Sol Naciente follows, but Masato nearly pins himself and has to let it go. Kid uses that opening to hit the Ultimate Rana for the win at 13:23. They slowed it down quite a bit, which was fine by me. Kid still has snap in all of his moves despite getting up there in years (for his style). Yoshino matched him in quickness too. If the WWE ever gets rid of Mysterio, they have a spare in Dragon Kid. ***1/2 After the match, Yoshino shoves Kid in lieu of a handshake, nearly triggering a brawl between the two sides. The Young Bucks vs. CIMA & Susumu Yokosuka. The Bucks, if you’ve never seen them, are the Hardys of this generation. Presumably, ten years from now, Matt will show up on Smackdown with a skullet and a beer gut. Meanwhile, Nick will be jobbing to the Undertaker. The story here is that CIMA and Yokosuka are veterans and superior individual wrestlers, but the Jacksons are a more cohesive tag team that dominates with innovative doubleteam maneuvers. The Japanese are no slouches at the doubleteams, though, as Yokosuka stretches Matt across the crowd barricade and CIMA adds a springboard doublestomp. Nick gets the hot tag, and the Jacksons UNLOAD with doubleteam maneuvers, making their names in Philly for the rest of eternity. There’s a goddess on the mountaintop, though, and VENUS is her name! CIMA smacks Matt upside the head. The frogsplash finds Matt’s knees, though, and the Bucks hit the Worst Case Scenario (slingshot assisted Pedigree, you really just have to see it). Btw, “Worst Case Scenario” is a finisher move name I came up with for Kronik back in the day, so it’s nice to see that someone used it. That’s just an awesome name for a doubleteam maneuver. The Japanese have a malfunction at the junction leading to More Bang for Your Buck at 17:30. And with that, the Bucks become huge stars. Seriously, this is the first time in a long time that I’ve seen guys go from “I’ve seen a couple matches of theirs. They’re okay,” to “I HAVE to see these guys when they come through again.” Fantastic tag action, and I don’t think CIMA was even giving his full effort, which is pretty scary. **** Non-Title: Shingo vs. Naruki Doi. Shingo is Dragon Gate’s powerhouse. Doi is one of the more complete wrestlers outside of CIMA. Solid counter wrestling to start, which is a relief because I was starting to get burned out on all the fast-paced matches. There’s a reason the Arena Football League went under. Sometimes you need *some* ground game. Doi goes after the legs and slaps on the figure-four early. Shingo escapes, catches Doi in mid-air and POWERBOMBS him to turn the tide. That sets up the extended brainbuster. He probably shouldn’t be able to do that with his bad knee, but then that’s why he’s the powerhouse and I’m not. Chops in the corner lead to this quip: “I tell you, it’s the ones that don’t make any noise that hurt the most.” SMACK! “Okay, I’m going to guess that one hurt pretty bad too.” Doi goes back to the knee to quell the momentum, but he gets caught in the corner and URANAGEEEED! Cool sequence as Doi lands on his feet to avoid the Cradle Shock, but Shingo John McClanes his way away from a dropkick. Doi slips out of a superplex, but Shingo blocks a powerbomb. Doi just SLAPS THE TASTE OUT OF HIS MOUTH! Too bad we can’t get that in Rocky-style slow motion with the sweat and spit just flying off his head. That sets up the tree-of-woe cannonball. Shingo hits the DVD and a lariat. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Shingo goes for another lariat but gets caught with DOI FIVES! A sliding dropkick puts Shingo down! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Foot on the ropes. They slug it out, and Doi nails the Bakutare sliding kick! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Another one! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Doi hauls him up and hits the Muscular Bomb at 21:48. This match was the most comparable to the American pro-style that you’re probably used to, but that doesn’t mean they sacrificed anything in the way of stiffness, intensity and hard work. Doi’s desperate flurry in trying to put the headstrong Shingo away is a sight to behold. Amazing closer. ****1/4

The 411: The worst match is ***1/2. Get the goddamn show!