wrestling / Columns
Handicapping the News 11.2.12
If you’ve been a fan of the wrestling industry for a very long time at all, you’ll know that wrestler deaths are a part of the sport. It’s unfortunate, but it also happens to be the nature of the business. It makes being a fan more heartbreaking than any other sport at times, and is occasionally enough to make even the most devoted followers turn away. As I draft this week’s column, news has broke that Brad Armstrong has been found dead at the age of 51. To a lot of modern fans, the name won’t mean much. For much of his career, Brad was a high level jobber in the National Wrestling Alliance. He had a solid tag team with Tim Horner, and he could be counted on to deliver solid matches with just about anyone on the roster. His best moments were as the WCW Light Heavyweight Champion (a precursor to the Cruiserweight division) and doing his best rudo act as Badstreet with Michael Hayes and Jimmy Garvin. Rarely, if ever, did you hear one of his peers say anything bad about Brad Armstrong. My thoughts and prayers go out to the entire Armstrong family as they grieve.
And now, headlines.
Dark Match
10.31.12 Indy wrestler Eric Hartsburg tattoo’s Mitt Romney’s logo on his face for $5,000. What are the odds..
It’s the best payout he’ll ever get? 3 to 2
He’ll actually vote Republican? 10 to 1
He’ll actually vote? 100 to 1
Diamond Dallas Page continued his trek towards sainthood/Forrest Gump status this week, announcing that Jake Roberts would be moving in with him and training for “one last run.” Whether the run happens or not, or if this even works to any degree, the fact that Page is willing to do such a thing is indicative of his nature. Sure, he stands to make some money and get some great publicity off of it. However, many people within the industry will tell you that while DDP is indeed a shameless self promoter, he also has a legitimate heart of gold.
On the other hand, Jake Roberts is one of wrestling’s most famous cautionary tales. He’s lived a hard life outside of the ring from a very early age and there have been circumstances (read: getting blasted with an unscored guitar by Honky Tonk Man) that have exacerbated his addictive tendencies. Jake has proven to be one of the most brilliant wrestlers ever in terms of understanding the psychology of what happens in front of the camera. Fans want to love Jake, even if he keeps letting them down. If he can pull himself together, it’ll be a huge accomplishment for him.
How’s this going to play out?
Jake maintains sobriety, gets in shape, and has a few months left in the tank: 75 to 1
Not being pessimistic here, just realistic. The odds are against Jake in every conceivable way. Getting clean has been a problem for him, much less staying clean. He’s 57 years old. He has a nasty reputation for burning bridges. I’d love to see Jake pull this off, but I wouldn’t lay a lot of money on it happening.
Jake fails a drug test and this project dies quickly: 15 to 1
Addicts are always addicts, and any addict that has attempted recovery will tell you that. It’s a sad thing to watch when it’s someone you care about or love battling through addictions. Hell, it’s hard to watch when it’s a guy you’ve never met and is as self destructive as any human being has ever been. The nature of Jake’s personality is such that he’s more likely to fail than to succeed. Again, I’m just trying to be realistic here. I sincerely hope he pulls this off.
This ends up in an infomercial for DDP Yoga: 10 to 1
If DDP can get Jake in shape, then his yoga program is a miracle worker. Next up: Scott Hall!
In lieu of interest from various cable systems to host the WWE Network, Vince and Co. are pushing forward with the network as a premium subscription service. There are plans being discussed that will include pay per views and those that will not. The inclusion of pay per views in the network is likely the biggest draw that Vince can offer to cable companies, as the idea that people will pay a large lump sum for 12 or more pay per views up front in addition to what they’ll sell to non subscribers will be lucrative. The question is whether or not wrestling fans will pony up the cash.
11 pay per views at $35, and an additional pay per view at $50 is a lot to ask from fans even spread out over the course of a year. Knock five off the regular pay per views and ten off of Wrestlemania for the subscription package and you’re looking at a $370 investment up front. That’s more than the last car payment I had, that’s significantly more than I pay in rent each month, that’s only a little less than the paycheck I draw each week.
Vince’s biggest competition will be the Internet, obviously, If you know where to look, you can find virtually anything and everything that will be offered on the WWE Network for absolutely free. You won’t get some of the extras, but at a discount of 100%, people are willing to sacrifice some frills. If and when this project gets off the ground, it’s going to be a rocky start. I won’t discount the success of the network, though, because if TNA can survive over two years running weekly wrestling pay per views (at a total of over $500 per year), then anything is possible.
What does the future hold for the WWE Network?
A successful launch in the next 12 months: 100 to 1
It’s going to take time to get organized and get this launched. There is a ton of footage to get together, to schedule, to program, and to make suitable for a modern broadcast. There’s also original content to be developed, and pricing to work out on contracts with cable and satellite systems. First quarter 2014 would be my best guess. Let’s hope the Mayans were wrong.
Lower NFL Sunday Ticket prices: 3 to 1
I can almost guarantee that with a new, similar service – that offers year round programming – competing with them that the NFL will lower the price of Sunday Ticket. Perhaps drastically. Why? Because many wrestling fans are also football fans. Asking them to spend upwards of $800 to $1000 on premium programming is going to be asking a lot. While there may not be an overwhelming majority of subscribers that choose the WWE Network over Sunday Ticket, if they see even a 10% drop, they’ll make adjustments.
The Network continues to gather dust: 150 to 1
I’m convinced that this is actually going to happen now. It may not last long, it may be a spectacular failure, but it’s going to happen.
Sorry to disappoint everyone, but the “limited edition” Trish Stratus Yoga DVDs have absolutely nothing in common with the Wrestling Vixxxens DVDs of old. While those would probably sell a lot more, Trish has partnered with Toronto Blue Jays legend Joe Carter to autograph and release a series of yoga DVDs targeted to men. I’m not sure who’s in charge of Trish’s marketing department, but there are a lot better ways for her to sell yoga DVDs to men than to have Joe Carter involved. Then again, it’s Canada we’re talking about here. That place is weird.
There will be 20 DVDs signed and numbered by both Trish and Carter, and they’ll be available at some point for some money and I’m pretty sure nobody cares about it now that it’s been made perfectly clear that Trish won’t be naked. Proceeds from the sales of this DVD will go towards Movember Canada, a movement that encourages the growth of extreme facial hair in order to raise awareness regarding prostate and testicular cancer and men’s health in general. And unlike Susan G. Komen For The Cure, they donate more than twenty cents of every dollar raised to cancer research, so there’s that.
What’s this DVD going to accomplish?
Trish gets Joe Carter in shape for “one last run”: 50 to 1
Look, sometimes it’s hard to come up with snarky stuff for these news items. I mean, other than “Everybody wanted to see Trish naked but she’s not going to be naked”, what is there to say about this story? The best I could do was link Joe Carter and Jake Roberts. It’s downhill from here, folks. Just move along.
Trish and DDP team up for a Yoga project in the future: 25 to 1
I told you it was only going to get worse, and you’re still here. Why? The next headline is better. I promise. Anyway, if something like this happens I can all but guarantee that it’s the brainchild of Diamond Dallas Page. Shameless self promoter and living good luck charm, remember?
The eventual release of a real Trish Stratus “Yoga for Men” DVD: 250 to 1
Trish doesn’t need to do anything that involves nudity to make money, so she’s probably not going to. Sorry, guys.
Last week in Australia, Colt Cabana and Adam Pearce finished up the 7 Levels of Hate series. It should have been a shining moment for Cabana, Pearce, and the National Wrestling Alliance. Pearce vs. Cabana has been the best feud of the year, even if it hasn’t taken place on national television or pay per views. As only the National Wrestling Alliance can, they screwed it up.
They disallowed the title change. Vetoed it. Basically shot the entire months-long program between Pearce and Cabana in the foot and killed their own title. Why? I’m not sure. Politics, maybe? Financial reasons? The reorganization under Bruce Tharpe? I honestly have no idea. Whatever the reason is, it’s the wrong decision.
I’m not a Colt Cabana fan. I’m a huge Adam Pearce fan on a personal and professional level. He does business the right way. He tried to do business the right way for Colt Cabana, the National Wrestling Alliance, and himself. The NWA wouldn’t allow it, changing the plans at the last minute. The most telling part of the video above isn’t that Colt Cabana threw down the NWA World Heavyweight title like Shane Douglas did almost twenty years ago. The most telling part is that Adam Pearce agreed with him and said that the National Wrestling Alliance all but forced him out because of what they pulled.
When the man that has carried the banner for a company for years and years willingly walks away because of political maneuvers and front office dealings, it speaks volumes about the shape the company is in. There are a lot of angry and annoyed people right now in and surrounding the NWA. I can’t blame them. What happens next?
The NWA reboots once again and eventually matters at some point: 100 to 1
The NWA World Heavyweight Title Tournament that will take place tonight in New Jersey is full of wrestlers that don’t bring with them the awareness that Adam Pearce or Colt Cabana possessed. Granted, Adam Pearce wasn’t a huge name when he won the NWA title originally, and he eventually made it mean more than it has since Shane Douglas threw it down. It never fully recovered its value after that incident, though. This has further cheapened one of the greatest titles in the history of professional wrestling, and whoever wins that tournament is going to be hard pressed to bring honor back to the title.
Adam Pearce and Colt Cabana sign on with other promotions: 10 to 1
Both men have excellent minds for the business and have plenty to offer both in the ring and backstage. ROHbots may decry Pearce, but the man understands what makes wrestling matches work. Cabana has friends in high places, obviously, and has a cult following that will pay to see him work just about anywhere. The NWA may have alienated them, but they’ll endure.
The NWA folds before the end of 2013: 50 to 1
I do know that a lot of the restructuring going on is in an attempt to make all parts of the NWA more financially viable – whatever the cost. Will it work? Time will tell. The damage done here isn’t financial, it’s in terms of public relations. If the promoters involved with the NWA make smart decisions, book strong talent, and support each other, the NWA can eventually make a comeback. Then again, if they could do those things it likely wouldn’t have fallen into this state of disrepair to begin with.
CM Punk may well be the least successful WWE Champion of all time.
I understand that seems like a contradictory statement for a guy that’ s been the champion for nearly a year, and that will certainly surpass the 365 day mark. When you ponder the totality of his reign, though, you may understand my point a little better. There’s been no defining moment to speak of, and CM Punk’s run as a main eventer has been held up with more props, and lengthened by more smoke and mirrors than any other significant title reign in WWE history.
Look at Hulk Hogan’s initial title reign. During that reign, Hulk Hogan allowed men such as King Kong Bundy and Paul Orndorff to have their only main event runs. Hulk Hogan allowed Roddy Piper to elevate himself as a megastar in the industry. Hulk Hogan sparked the Rock-n-Wrestling era, and not just because there was a cartoon by that name. Hogan headlined the most historically significant pay per view of all time against Andre the Giant, and the end of Hogan’s run cemented Randy Savage as a main event superstar. His second reign transformed the Ultimate Warrior into a legend.
By comparison, what does CM Punk’s reign look like?
He defeated Alberto Del Rio to win the title. Alberto Del Rio is the greatest midcarder to ever hold a world title, even better than Jeff Jarrett. Alberto Del Rio should be the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time. Instead he’s one of the worst World Champions ever. I digress. After getting past Del Rio, Punk feuded with John Lauranitis via Dolph Ziggler. While Punk came out on top of Billy Gunn 2.0, the feud did nothing to elevate Ziggler for a substantial amount of time. It could be argued that Ziggler hasn’t stepped up yet, despite being the Money In The Bank winner because of how WWE books him. Two months in, zero memorable moments.
Punk retained his WWE Championship at Elimination Chamber, but the Chamber was secondary to the fact that they were building a feud between Punk and Jericho. Jericho, who had just returned to WWE and was taking offense to everyone copying his style and is in his 40’s and is a part time wrestler at best now. The feud made sense, though, because more people care about Jericho part-time than care about CM Punk full time. They put the WWE Champion in a program to try to elevate him…against a part time wrestler. Punk would retain at both Wrestlemania and Extreme Rules against Chris Jericho. However, we’re now five months into Punk’s title reign, and the best thing going for it is a program with a semi-retired legend.
Over the Limit saw Punk defend against Daniel Bryan in a match that could have never lived up to the hype that it had online. The biggest build this match got was Daniel Bryan taking on Jerry Lawler in a “Beat the Clock” match. More on Lawler later on. This would morph into a triple threat featuring Punk taking on Daniel Bryan and Kane in a triple threat match at No Way Out. Punk’s third defense against Daniel Bryan had more to do with AJ and their awkward love rectangle with Kane than it did the WWE Championship. We’re 7 months into the title reign for Punk now, and the biggest things he’s done have been work with Jericho and be involved in the Daniel Bryan/AJ saga.
Next for Punk was laying out The Rock during the build to Summerslam and dragging things out with AJ once she was named the GM of Raw. His triple threat match against Cena and Big Show was essentially part of his program with AJ, nothing more. Punk defended his title against John Cena after Cena cashed in his Money In The Bank case, and debuted Paul Heyman as his manager/handler/agent. Finally, most recently, he cheated to beat Ryback.
Along the way, Punk’s biggest moments have come from interactions with WWE Legends such as Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Bret Hart, and Mick Foley. If you’re keeping score, that’s 5 WWE Legends (Lawler, Ross, Hart, Foley, Rock), 1 part time Superstar (Jericho), two GM’s (Laurinaitis and AJ), heavy handed “tributes” to a deceased legend (Randy Savage), teasing a feud with a long retired Superstar (Steve Austin), and two prominent non-wrestlers (Vince McMahon and Paul Heyman) over the course of a year. In that time, feuding with CM Punk hasn’t elevated a single person. It hasn’t made CM Punk more of a draw, because the ratings are consistently down and there was serious consideration to putting the title on Ryback just because he’s over. They’ve invested every resource they have outside of The Streak to get CM Punk over as WWE Champion.
I’m bored with all of this, and I’m a major proponent of long title reigns. I never once complained about Austin Aries as X Division champion, Robert Roode as TNA World Champion, or Sheamus as World Heavyweight Champion. The problem is Punk, and judging by the numbers, I’m not the only one that thinks so.
That’s it for me. I’ll try to do better next time. You can message me on Twitter @GavinNapier411 if you want to tell me how much you love me or hate me, or just say hi. Odds are I’ll be back next week.
