The Furious Flashbacks – WEW Deep Impact

The Furious Flashbacks – WEW Deep Impact

In a shocking development this show has a good match on it

This is the other show they ran out of Delaware. Perhaps the same day as the one with “Ghetto Booty” in the title. I would complain but I stopped taking this company seriously about 5 minutes into their first show. And I’m pretty sure they gave up a lot earlier than that.

BACKSTAGE…or somewhere we’re once again introduced to the Ghetto Girlz. Basically four black porn stars sitting around a table smoking in their underwear. If that’s your thing then this is your show. Two of them are so annoying I wish I had a nail gun that I could fire at people inside the TV and in the past.

We’re in Dover, Delaware and keen to copy ECW the announcers open the show in the ring. Thankfully its Eric Gargiulo & Jeffrey J. James.

BACKSTAGE Riptide cuts a generic promo on Alexis Laree. Then Riptide drops a bomb on me; she tells me who she used to be…PRODIGETTE! This is what happens to former ECW talents who weren’t over enough to get into WWE on pop. Either that or open their own self felating company bankrolled by a porn star, Blue Meanie.

ELSEWHERE a midget hits on GI Ho. I don’t know what’s most disturbing about the segment but certainly the midget’s likeness to Louie Anderson is pretty high on the list.

ELSEWHERE Candie eludes to blowing the midget she’s teaming with later.

Back to the announcers who point out this is PPV #5. Back to the crappy video screen that featured on the first four shows. I’m hoping Gargiulo doing live announcing will be the ongoing norm. Isis comes out to dance. James bashes the production values as one camera is darker than the other. Of all the issues this company has THAT is the one you pick up on? Tara comes out to lay claim to the refereeing jersey and I can’t hear her again. Maybe its just her that has a low volume not the mics. Isis lets Tara take over presumably because, I don’t know. Does there have to be a reason? They alternate reffing duties all night because the other ref BJ is a wrestler now, for some reason. Also Mimi has disappeared. Check the dumpsters people! Free hooker corpse!

BJ/Mystery Partner v Candie/Mystery Partner

Candie kinda blew the mystery partner angle by telling us she was tagging with a midget backstage. Tara has issues with Candie, which makes BJ defacto heel? She’s always been a babyface and took a table spot as a face on the other show they shot here. The midgets are King Sleazy and Little Louie. Gargiulo speculates on the legality of dwarf tossing in Delaware. James says he’s not paid enough to care about it. SHOOT! This match is so bad that it could cause miscarriages. BJ has flicked her switch heel, which makes about as much sense as certain other wrestlers who switch heel and become different characters. The midgets don’t mix well with the ladies. Tara is less than useless as a ref and spends most of the match arguing with the fans. The midgets can’t even do a beer shot right. They give up on tags and the match gets WORSE. And then Candie KILLS BJ with a lariat, which for my money is the best strike this company has seen to date, which means BJ has taken the two best moves in the companies history this weekend. Candie kneels down to hit her finish on the midget, which has to qualify as psychology. Also when BJ is stripped off she has zebra print underwear harking back to her refereeing days. Hidden highlight, bitches! And the match is finished? What the heck was the stipulation that ended this? ½*. While the match was routinely horrible BJ’s ass looked pretty nice at the end there. That’s got to be worth ½* right?

POST MATCH Tara sticks up for Candie and raises her hand. Weren’t they feuding? I guess that’s been forgotten. But why have Tara as the ref only for her to call it for the babyface? The crowd channel the Strangeloves and chant “I want Candy” after the match is over.

BACKSTAGE the Ghetto Girlz move up to drinkin’ from smokin’. Incoherency isn’t a big winner in terms of cutting a promo. Delirious makes more sense than the main Ghetto Girl. The one who keeps looking at the camera.

Riptide v Alexis Laree

How did I not notice Riptide was Prodigette? Riptide wants to cut a promo but the Sound Guy has turned the fucking mic off. What a jackass. WEW has such horrible audio I’m shocked they have a guy doing it. In a wrestling match Riptide gets to show what she’s actually capable of. Which is significantly better than in the garbage match with Amy Lee. Alexis looks freaked at having genuine wrestling competition. She’s won without much effort so far in WEW. Gargiulo rides Riptide for posing after hitting moves but she continues her focus by getting the ladder. At which point we’re reminded this is a ladder match of sorts. Yep, this is the Stairway to Ecstasy match! Last time they hung a dildo over the ring. I can’t tell what’s up there now. Oh, that would be nothing. Way to sell that match type, guys! A better name would be the Stairway to Zilch match. Riptide isn’t used to a girl selling for her as much as Alexis does. She sells everything huge, which leads to an issue in the corner where Alexis drops down to sell and Riptide misses with a clothesline because of it. They go to the mat and do actual hold and counterhold stuff. The ladder comes back into play to curtail that. But instead of bumbling around they do actual ladder spots! Riptide is the first to go for a silly spot but misses with a legdrop off the ladder. They brawl up into the lights and the ladder falls over. We have a “Holy Shit” chant! Holy shit! They’re beating the piss out of each other here. Alexis demonstrates fast hands and leaves Riptide to Flair bump while she jukes and jives! I love this match! Riptide takes a header into the ladder and Alexis finishes with the inverted DDT. But Tara is moving the ladder. Poor officiating. Riptide kicks Alexis’ head off and pins using the ropes. ***. Easily the best match in WEW history. The selling was sporadic and the finish was garbage but they tried like hell out there and actually had a good match. I’m as surprised as you!

BACKSTAGE Tai Killer Weed streaks. Hey, I thought we were short on nudity for the show. That Tai; she’s KUH-RAZY!

ELSEWHERE the Smoke orders Sinnamin to not show her tits tonight or else. Couldn’t he order her to not suck so much instead? Incidentally this went nowhere or if it did pay off that’s not included on the DVD.

ELSEWHERE the Ghetto Girlz do stuff.

Casey v Missy the Schoolgirl

This isn’t on the format. I guess Missy had to get out here somewhere before WEW tired of her and she ended up in a dumpster like the old Missy. This match is a glorified lapdance. I like how the people at the bar are more interested in getting drinks than seeing this. N/R because it never approached a match and not only had no finish but no beginning either.

BACKSTAGE Lady Storm is looking for the Smoke but can’t find him.

ELSEWHERE the Ghetto Girlz, yadda, yadda, yadda. WEW are trying like hell to get these bitches over. This one ends in softcore porn, which would be fine if they didn’t keep taking pictures of it. So you’re aware there’s at least a cameraman and a photographer in the room. They couldn’t have done the two things separately? Its really not helped by one girl being attractive while the other one looks like a crackhead.

Lil Davey Mae v Sinnamin

Davey gets 5 minutes “alone” with Sinnamin if he wins. Its like Ultimate Surrender…only rubbish. Davey shows a little mat ability and uses Sinnamin like a tackling dummy, which produces the most watchable match she’s had yet. Isis is ref here and doesn’t wait for kickouts to stop her counts. Which makes everything look terrible if you notice it. Sinnamin then breaks out every roll up she knows, which is her best offence, ever. Davey innovates the Pendulum Sharpshooter! What’s happening tonight? Good things are! Sinnamin fucks up the jump on a Sky High. That could have been bad. Sinnamin snaps and no sells leading to Davey bailing and taking the count out. Davey comes back and he shouldn’t have done. Sinnamin hits the Retarded Stunner, twice. To be fair the first one didn’t even connect. Sinnamin finishes with a top rope splash. ¾*. This is easily Sinnamin’s best performance showing personality, technique and until the finish a knowledge of her own shortcomings. Shame they didn’t end it on count out because the match was quite good up to that point. It sucked balls after that.

Chick Diesel w/ Special Ed v American Creme Pie w/Lucky

Ed looks like a crippled Doogie Howser. Diesel is a fat chick. Ed annoys the crowd so much that one woman tries to get into the ring to kick his ass. Lucky falls over before getting into the ring. You can’t run a show with midgets AND cripples on it! ACP is seriously low on self esteem. She makes out with one of the fans and Gargiulo implies you could take her home quite easily. Bump those attendances! CRIPPLE FIGHT! Ed with the CRIPPLE CROSSFACE! ACP is too busy licking whipped cream off fans. N/R. I’m fairly certain this was illegal. If not they need to pass a bill to stop it happening again.

BACKSTAGE the Ghetto Girlz (who else?) head for the shower. Again the 50-50 ugly-fit ratio upsets me but at least the good looking one kinda stands in the way of the messy looking crack fiend. I get it; wrestlers won’t strip so they hired some daytime hookers. You might want to look for one with her own hair next time.

Dawn Mae w/Papa Mae v Persephone

The ring announcer (Bob Artese) has lost his voice. Persephone is dressed like Joy Turner. That’s a good thing. Perky trailer trash. She doesn’t have Jaime Presley’s body. Who does? This match is pretty ugly and I’m guessing it was real bad because there are clips. Persephone botches a rana and both of them land on their heads. The Mae’s run a ridiculous and convoluted spot where Dawn is blinded and gives her father a stinkface. Persephone finishes with the Implant DDT. DUD. The Mae’s could be the least effective heels in the history of professional wrestling. Dawn was rewarded with a title shot. Because? Erm, I don’t know.

IN A LIMO SOMEWHERE the Ghetto Girlz…blah, blah, blah. These bitches are really getting on my nerves now. Who hires a limo to drive talent this worthless around? The limo driver tells them to fuck off and leaves them in the middle of nowhere.

WEW title – GI Ho (c) v Lady Storm

Storm has been granted a title shot because she’s buddies with the Smoke although their relationship has been showing cracks. The rules for this match are a little unclear as “falls count anywhere or on anyone”. So Lady Storm could pin the bartender for the belt? Crowd loves ho’s. Gargiulo makes Frazier-Ali comparisons although that’s overplaying GI Ho’s abilities for her to be Ali. Storm makes this interesting by manhandling GI Ho. She doesn’t allow GI Ho to take bumps she forces her into them, which makes everything look more realistic. This reminds me of a Hulk Hogan title defence circa 1985. They build up a monster for GI Ho to beat. Should have done the same with Dawn Mae, who’s less physically dominating. Due to wrestling limitations they head out into the audience where GI Ho takes a beating. Weapons include a bin, beer and some nachos. GI Ho gets thrown over the bar and the central entertainment area is now solely the bar rather than split between there and the ring. A Japanese photographer is there taking photos. They sure love wrestling in Japan. Or maybe she’s with a porno company. GI Ho comes off the top rope and gets the pin on the floor. *. Not a bad brawl but the finish was weak. GI Ho is the champion for a reason and the reason has little to do with wrestling so this was decent for her.

POST MATCH The Smoke and the Soundguy run in and beat GI Ho down. Tough guys, huh? Tai Weed & Psycho Bitch make the save. I guess they made up?

Ho Haters (Smoke/Soundguy) v Tai Weed/Psycho Bitch

Interesting that they split this team up, jobbed the powerhouse out to the stoner and then put them back together with no explanation. But hey, welcome to WEW! The heels run heat on Tai. The formula is a little unsettling when you’ve got two 250lb men punching a 100lb girl. I’m assuming everyone in this company thinks that a man punching a woman repeatedly is realistic or in any way acceptable. TNA ran an angle where Robert Roode accidentally punched Sharmell and knocked her ass out. It legitimately fucked her jaw up. That was ONE punch. Here Smoke constantly punches at Tai for the entire match and Tai hardly sells it. She has to sell a harsh clothesline though. No choice on that one. Eventually the hot tag brings Psycho Bitch in and that’s when this match gets really retarded. Both guys sell her shit like its death! This is the same Psycho Bitch who LOST to Tai Weed in singles. That don’t make no sense. Psycho Bitch wailing on the men is over to their credit. And she hasn’t been over on past shows. She no sells everything including a chair shot. They brawl outside briefly where no one can see what’s happening and nothing happens. MONITOR DOWN! Ohhh, that’ll cost ya. GI Ho runs back out here and splashes Smoke to give Psycho Bitch the pin. ½*. I still don’t like the male on female violence. The way its done is weird and unsettling. At least this match really establishes what’s going on here. Its GI Ho, Tai Weed and Psycho Bitch up against the Ho Haters seeing as the PWO storyline seems to have disappeared. Although Kristy Kiss’ appearance at the conclusion of the other show from Dover suggests it might get resurrected once they’re back in Philly.

The 411: A mixed bag. Its hard to hate on the show seeing as they actually put on a good match for once. But aside from Alexis Vs Riptide it was slim pickings. And I’m not holding my breath on either one getting a title match. Its strange that WEW spent so much time on the first four shows getting the whole PWO concept over to then forget about it and move on to other stuff. It feels like such a waste of time. But then with WEW almost everything is a waste of time.

Final Score:  2.5   [ Very Bad ]