The Name on the Marquee: Summerslam ’92 – The Summerslam You Thought You’d Never See

It’s another two-fer, the hard-sell show from USA Network and the actual event, and just because it dawned on me that it makes more sense to do it this way, I’ll be reviewing them in the correct chronological order.

SummerSlam Spectacular 1992
-Cold open: Promos from Randy Savage and Ultimate Warrior to recap the main event mystery. The mystery: Ric Flair & Mister Perfect had announced that they would be in the corner of one of the participants during their match for the WWF Title at Summerslam, but they won’t say who. This came as a shock to both Savage and Warrior, who subsequently spent the entire summer being mad at Ric Flair while suspecting each other. This was quite the hot feud at the time.

-Taped August 11, 1992 in Nashville, TN. Aired August 23 on USA.

-Your hosts are Sherlock Weasel & McWatson. It’s actually a one-time joke with Heenan wearing a Sherlock Holmes costume during the introduction to annoy Vince, but damn it if part of me doesn’t wish they had built a TNT-style gag for the entire show from it.

“El Matador” TITO SANTANA vs. RIC FLAIR (with Mr. Perfect)
-And we start right off with Mr. Shit-Stir of 1992. Vince suspects that Flair is making the whole thing up because he’s mad about being left out of the World Title match…Okay, see, he shouldn’t have brought that up as a possibility, because I remember watching this feud pan out and knowing that was where it was headed the moment he first speculated about that. Tito gets a quick headscissors off the lock-up, and Flair confidently gets out and offers an I-meant-to-do-that “Wooooo.” Headscissors and another “Wooooo,” and now we get a staredown. Flair gets a hammerlock and Tito reverses. Flair counters with a drop toehold, but Tito manages to hang on to the hammerlock. Flair backs him into the corner and shoves him. Tito fires back with a punch. Flair kicks him. Irish whip and a backdrop by Tito, who follows with three clotheslines to send Flair to the floor. Tito goes to the floor to clothesline him again and sends him back into the ring, and Flair begs off. He rolls out of the ring and Tito starts to follow him out but catches a glimpse of Mr. Perfect and changes his mind.

-Back in the ring, we go back to square one, only with a lock-up instead of a Mathman segment. Flair chops Tito down to the mat, then does it again just to get the point across about being Ric Flair. He fires Tito over the top rope and Perfect offers a kick to the ribs behind Earl Hebner’s back. Back in the ring, Flair snapmares Tito and drops a knee. Chops and punches are exchanged and Tito goes for a side headlock. Flair fires him into the ropes and gives him an elbow to the chin for a two-count. Flair goes off the ropes again but Tito catches him in a drop-toehold and switches it into a figure-four and Bobby Heenan almost passes out. Flair makes it to the ropes but Earl Hebner does the Tommy Young kick (which you never, ever saw in the WWF) to keep him in the hold. Flair languishes in the hold for a little while and finally makes it to the ropes. Flair retreats to the corner but Tito responds to the begging by London Bridging him back to the middle of the ring and locking on the figure-four again. Flair makes it to the rope and Tito starts kicking the leg. Flair begs off again and Tito goes for the attack, but Flair knees him in the gut. Double shoulderblock grounds both men and we’ll be back!

-Back from the break, Flair goes for his own figure-four but Tito counters with a small package for two. Flair, running out of ideas, just punches him down to the mat and then takes a moment to walk off his leg injury. Flair goes to the top rope and that goes about as well as you’d expect. The Ultimate Matador clotheslines the hell out of Flair and gets a backdrop. El Paso De Morte looks to finish but Perfect breaks the pin. Tito turns his attention to Perfect and Flair sneaks up with a roll-up for two. Tito gets his own roll-up for two. Punches on the second rope by Tito and we get a nice delayed sell as Flair counters with a thumb to the eye, followed immediately by a Flair flop. Tito Irish whips Flair over the top rope and clotheslines him down to the floor. Tito yanks him back up to the apron and suplexes him back in for a two-count. Flair gets a punch to the gut and sends him off the ropes, but Tito lands a bodypress for two. Tito goes off the ropes again but Perfect hooks the leg. Flair distracts the referee while Perfect rams a chair into Tito’s knee, and the figure-four eventually finishes things for the dirtiest player in the game. 1 for 1. Both men were their predictably great selves; Flair (as the skillful bastard) and Tito (doing his “Maybe this is the night” thing) had great chemistry.

-Mean Gene Okerlund has YOUR SummerSlam report. SEE Randy Savage defend his title against Ultimate Warrior! SEE the Natural Disasters defend their Tag Team Titles against the Beverly Brothers! Mean Gene notes that neither Savage nor Warrior has denied Ric Flair’s claims, exposing the logic flaw in the feud. You know how Roger Ebert always complains about movie plots where the entire story would be resolved if one of the characters would just say one fairly obvious thing? Same thing here.

TATANKA vs. KATO (with Mr. Fuji)
-Lock-up and Kato gets an immediate snapmare. Another lock-up leads to an armdrag by Kato, and Mr. Fuji is most pleased. Side headlock by Kato, and Tatanka tries to escape with an Irish whip into the ropes, but Kato is ready with a shoulderblock. Tatanka gets a hiptoss and a slam for his first advantage of the night and clotheslines Kato over the top rope. Back in the ring, Tatanka is backed into a corner and Kato attacks the stomach with a headbutt and a karate shot. Irish whip into the opposite corner, but Kato misses the follow-through and gets armdragged. Armbar and a war cry by Tatanka. Weird moment on commentary as Bobby Heenan starts to tell an un-PC joke and abruptly chickens out and goes quiet. Aww, he would have done it if it was Monsoon doing the show with him. Slam and another armdrag by Tatanka and he goes back to the armbar. Kato goes for the hair and backs Tatanka into the corner. He goes back to the stomach, then chops away. Irish whip is countered by Tatanka. Atomic drop and a clothesline by Tatanka, followed by a clothesline. He goes for another one but gets sent over the top rope. Bobby Heenan calls Tatanka “the greatest Indian wrestler we’ve ever had in the WWF,” which would mean something if he had actual competition for that claim….let’s see, we have Jay Strongbow (Italian), Billy White Wolf (Iraqi), and Steve Gatorwolf (Jabroni)…Yeah, I guess he’s the greatest Indian.

-Fuji attacks Tatanka on the floor. Back in the ring, Kato slams him and works the stomach again with a stomp. Kato keeps up the punishment with a choke on the top rope followed by a kick to the stomach. Vince says that Tatanka is what ICOPRO is all about as Tatanka continues getting his ass kicked by a tag team jobber. Great timing. Headlock by Kato, but Tatanka, uh, Tatankas up and escapes. Sunset flip is countered by a chop between the eyes. Kato Klothesline gets a two-kount. Back to the headlock, but Tatanka escapes again and a double-clothesline wipes out both men.

-Tatanka makes it to his feet and chops Kato from every angle. Chop from the top rope and the End of the Trail finishes off Kato. 2 for 2. Fuji eats a couple of chops post-match. Not a classic, but it kept me entertained.

-Mean Gene Okerlund interviews the Nasty Boys, which is so important that Gene felt it necessary to change into a different suit for this segment. They’re squaring off against reluctant partners Ultimate Warrior & Randy Savage later tonight. Mr. Perfect shows up to give them some “secret tips” for winning the match, apparently under the mistaken impression that the Nasty Boys are going to be competing against Warrior & Savage on Super Nintendo.

-Undertaker & Paul Bearer threaten to kill Kamala. Only surprise of the promo is that “blue” is a verb. I guess “turning blue” would have been too confusing.

-Your main event feud recap: On July 25, Warrior & Savage had a face-to-face interview and Mr. Perfect and Ric Flair came out to taunt both of them. Randy Savage reacted by attacking Flair until Perfect choked him out with a belt. The two-on-one assault continued until Warrior came to the rescue. Warrior’s attempt to hand Savage’s title belt back to him erupted into a “Fuck you-No, Fuck YOU!” fiasco. Two weeks later, Flair tells Warrior that Randy Savage has been on the phone trying get Mr. Perfect to stand his corner at SummerSlam. Perfect then tells Savage that Warrior wants Perfect in his corner. Much like the “invisible camera” crap today, this means that the angle only works if we presume that Warrior & Savage never watch television. Seriously, if a guy tells you that he’s going to be in your opponent’s corner, and then you see him tell your opponent the same thing about you, well…mystery solved.

NAILZ vs. KEN WAYNE
-Referee does the checking-the-tights bit to start the match and Nailz turns his back and raises his arms when the referee comes to him. That’s pretty funny. Nailz chokes Wayne, and then chokes him. Irish whip by Nailz to mix things up, then he chokes Wayne. Another Irish whip sends Wayne over the top rope. Nailz goes outside and rams Wayne’s face in the mat. Then he rams his face in the mat. Nailz’ insistence that he has to do every move twice makes me think that we need to explore the possibility of a wrestler having an OCD gimmick. Or not. Press slam and a kick by Nailz. And what the hell, let’s go back to the choking. Nailz sends Wayne over the top rope and Wayne does the Don Muraco tangled-in-the-ropes thing to choke himself out. And then Nailz chokes him. Nailz then uses his boot to choke him. Clothesline by Nailz. Another choke by Nailz and Wayne arbitrarily submits to end this thing. 2 for 3. Nailz sends the referee out of the ring and then attacks Wayne with the nightstick.

ULTIMATE WARRIOR & “Macho Man” RANDY SAVAGE vs. NASTY BOYS (with Jimmy Hart)
-Warrior’s ridiculous singlet (flesh-colored with airbrushed muscles and an ultimate codpiece) lends credence to my theory that he’s not homophobic, but merely self-loathing. Savage & Warrior can’t even get along long enough to decide who starts the match, so Earl Hebner finally kicks Savage out of the ring just because he’s tired of waiting. That’s a nice touch. Saggs attacks Warrior from behind to start, but Warrior gets a flying tackle and a series of clotheslines to drive home his message: God Hates Saggs. Knobbs runs in to attack but Warrior fights him off and culminates everything with double-DDTs. Warrior tags in Savage and Savage takes it personally for some reason and they argue long enough for the Nastys to recharge their batteries. Knobbs immediately goes on the offense with punches but Savage fires back with elbows and punches. Saggs runs in and now Savage takes his shot at destroying both opponents. Axehandle off the top rope and Savage tags in Warrior to trigger another argument. Warrior goes to the top rope and does his own axehandle. He goes back to Savage for an argument and Knobbs attacks Warrior from behind, and the domino effect sends Savage flying off the apron. The referee tries to break up a fistfight, but Knobbs attacks from behind to break it up himself and destroys Warrior outside the ring. Back in the ring, the Nastys blister Warrior with double-elbows. Side suplex by Saggs gets two. Knobbs tags in and a fistfight erupts. Surprisingly, it’s the heel who gets the upper hand this time, but Warrior comes back with boots. Saggs re-enters and grounds Warrior again. Legdrop gets two. Warrior dodges a double clothesline and clotheslines his opponents. Faceplants and clotheslines send the Nasty Boys out of the ring. After these messages, we’ll be right back…

-Back from the break, Warrior tags in Savage and holds the ropes open to mock him, so Savage jumps over the top rope to enter the ring. Savage attacks Knobbs, but Earl Hebner gets in the way of an Irish whip and we are without a referee. Saggs immediately takes advantage by KOing Savage with Jimmy Hart’s motorcycle helmet. Ric Flair & Mr. Perfect arrive at ringside and double-team Warrior outside the ring while the Nasty Boys destroy Randy Savage. Warrior regains enough energy to chase Flair & Perfect back to the locker room, and the referee finally wakes up and counts out Savage to give the match to the Nasty Boys. 3 for 4. I really didn’t like this match on first viewing, but then I gave it a second thought after realizing that it was more about building the feud than it was about having a great match. And by golly, it built the feud pretty well, even if the whole angle did have a hundred plot holes in it.

-Promotional consideration has been paid for by ICOPRO and GI Joe. Promotional Consideration is also the name of the company where I spent one glorious season coordinating the prizes for “Wheel of Fortune.”

-Post-match, Warrior tells Gene Okerlund that he now believes that Randy Savage is in cahoots with Mr. Perfect.

RICK “The Model” MARTEL vs. JOEY MAGGS
-Side headlock by Martel, and he blocks Maggs’ escape by turning it into a hammerlock. Martel blocks another escape with a drop toehold. Maggs sends Martel into the ropes but Martel cartwheels out. Armdrag by Martel. Sensational Sherri suddenly appears (to a face pop, for whatever reason) to watch the action. Martel & Sherri exchange smiles and Martel poses for her, giving Maggs a chance to steat the win with a roll-up for two. Martel panics and goes on a more vicious offense as Sherri walks away. Boston crab by Martel finishes things. 3 for 5. Martel’s offense was fun to watch, actually, but a squash is a squash.

-Backstage, Randy Savage believes that Mr. Perfect will be in Ultimate Warrior’s corner. The immediate logic flaw pointed out by Gene Okerlund is that it was Warrior getting his ass kicked by Perfect & Flair, not Savage. Vince McMahon’s explanation afterward: “If anyone would pay money to be attacked, it might be Ultimate Warrior.” This is a rare case of an angle being ruined by going into details, because the more exposition they do, the less sense the whole thing makes…Unless Flair is merely lying and playing mind games with both of them and it turns out that Perfect isn’t supporting either man, but that couldn’t be the solution to the mystery because it’s so obvious, unsatisfying, and anticlimatic that you wouldn’t dare go in that direction. Right?

KAMALA (with Dr. Harvey Whippleman & Kimchee) vs. BURT STILES
-Kamala chops and chops and chops and chops. Stomp sends Stiles out to the floor. Back in the ring, Kamala chops and drops Stiles. Chop off the ropes and a splash finish things. Whew, I’m out of breath. 2 for 6.

BUSHWHACKERS vs. MONEY, INC. (with Jimmy Hart)
-Money, Inc. attacks from behind, but the Whackers ram them into each other. Double bite, noggin-knocker, and a clothesline clears the ring. IRS re-enters with a knee to Butch’s gut. Irish whip but Butch dodges a charge and faceplants him. DiBiase accidentally drops an elbow on his partner and another noggin knocker and another pair of clotheslines clears the ring. DiBiase re-enters and attacks Luke from behind. On the floor, IRS chokes Luke with a rope and sends him into the post. DiBiase goes outside and attacks. Back in the ring, IRS tags in and gives Luke a fist from the top rope. DiBiase re-enters and fires off an elbow for two. Headlock by DiBiase and we get a cheating spot that makes zero sense as IRS positions himself so that he and DiBiase are touching feet during the headlock. How the hell will that help, exactly? DiBiase executes a more logical elbow, but Luke drops him with a clothesline. Double tags bring in Butch & IRS. Battering ram almost finishes but DiBiase breaks the pin. Jimmy Hart distracts long enough for IRS to get a knee to the back to finish things. 3 for 7.

ICOPRO presents Event Center with Sean Mooney. Repo Man vows to repossess Crush’s career. The Legion of Doom vows to win their match and then quit immediately like the true professionals that they are.

NON-TITLE MATCH: BRET “Hit Man” HART (Intercontinental Champion) vs. SKINNER
So of course, we’re just now getting around to addressing the far more interesting and far more coherent battle for the Intercontinental Title between Bret Hart & Davey Boy Smith.

-Skinner & Hart battle for a headlock to start and Bret gets that advantage. Skinner sends Bret out of the ring and Skinner takes advantage with an alligator foot attached to a rope. I completely blocked that from memory until now, but I think we have a contender for Silliest Trademark Weapon Ever. Back in the ring, Skinner bites & claws at Bret. Abdominal stretch is reversed by Bret but Skinner flips him out of the ring and does a weird fucking dance to celebrate. Back in the ring, Bret counters a backdrop with a sunset flip for two. Skinner drops Bret with a shoulderbreaker. Axehandle from the top rope is blocked with a guy shot. Bret gets…say it with me…a Russian legsweep, a backbreaker…and a boot from Skinner. I’ll be damned. Legdrop by Skinner and we get a Summerslam ’91 do-over as Bret holds onto the leg and reverses to a much better-looking Sharpshooter for the win. 3 for 8.

-We finally solve the mystery as Ric Flair & Mr. Perfect are asked point-blank whose corner Mr. Perfect will be in. “Woooooooo.” Well, that settles that debate.

Summerslam ’92: “The Summerslam You Thought You’d Never See!”
-And just because I’m feeling really generous, this review of Summerslam ’92 will come to you courtesy of the version of the show that aired outside of the US, with three extra matches!

-From Wembley Stadium in London, August 29, 1992 and aired two days later if you were watching in the U.S.

-Hosted by Vince McMahon & Sir Heenan. Vince asks whose corner Mr. Perfect will be in for the main event, and Bobby helpfully explains, “Woooooooooo!”

HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN & BUSHWHACKERS vs. MOUNTIE & NASTY BOYS (with Jimmy Hart)
-Just to clear up any confusion early on in the event, he is the Mountie. We’ve even reached that period where he had the awesome theme music to make sure that we remembered. Duggan sticks out his thumb and gives us the “Hoooooo!,” and Bobby Heenan says, “You know, the fans used to hold up one finger when I walked to the ring, too.” The diplomatic crowd erupts in a “USA!” chant.

-Heels attack from behind, but three Irish whips are simultaneously reversed for a heel crash that clears the ring. Knobbs attacks Luke with forearms, but another Irish whip gets reversed and the tag teams erupt into another brawl. Series of clotheslines clears the ring yet again. Saggs and Butch re-start things and Saggs gets an immediate clothesline to ground Butch. Forearms by Saggs, but he misses a clothesline and another brawl erupts. The heels are on the receiving end of a battering ram in the corner. Clotheslines clear the ring again. We’re in a serious rut here.

-Mountie attacks Luke from behind, and now the heels drop triple-elbows on him. Elbow & stomping by the Mountie, who celebrates by informing the crowd that, contrary to possible rumors, he is the Mountie. Double boot by Mountie & Knobbs. Saggs tags in and drops the leg for two. Chinlock by Saggs doesn’t last long before Knobbs tags in with a “choke” that looks like he’s humping Luke’s shoulder. Mountie tags in and stomps a bit more, then hits his own chinlock. Knobbs brilliantly pushes forward on the Mountie’s back for added leverage, even though you’re ideally trying to pull backward with force. Hot tag is blocked and Luke is triple-teamed in the heel corner. Splash gets two. Knobbs knees him in the corner and sends him across the ring with an Irish whip. Saggs tags in with a slam, then tags out. Knobbs goes off the second rope but gets bootwhacked. Double tags bring in Duggan and Mountie. Duggan destroys all three opponents. Bushwhackers clear the Nasty Boys from the ring with a battering ram. Duggan gets the tackling clothesline and goes for the pin, but Jimmy Hart distracts the referee while Saggs goes to the top rope. Duggan sees him and moves, and Saggs drops the elbow on his own partner. Duggan pins the Mountie this time around for the win. 0 for 1. A bit of a mess, but what did you expect?

“El Matador” TITO SANTANA vs. PAPA SHANGO
-Shango attacks from behind as we’re apparently doing our salute to the 1988 Summerslam event tonight. Shango hammers Tito in the corner and rams him into the turnbuckle. Irish whip and a charge into the corner, but another charge misses and Tito behinds punching and clotheslining. Dropkick sends Shango over the top rope. Tito attacks on the floor and drives him into the post. Back in the ring, Tito goes off the top rope with a clothesline for two. Standing armbar is countered by a whip into the ropes, but Tito is ready with a bodypress for a two count. Tito goes for a sleeper but Shango rams him into the corner. Bodyslam and an elbow drop by Shango, and instead of pinning him, he chants something in Tito’s ear, then stomps him. Headbutt by Papa Shango and the crowd boos him for it. Dude, you’re in a British soccer stadium. Don’t throw a headbutt in front of 80,000 people who can do it better than you.

-Side suplex by Big Papa. But Tito rolls out of a flying elbow’s path and comes back with kicks & punches, just like in a bullfight. Baaaaaaaaack bodydrop followed by the flying forearm, but it gets two. Tito charges into the corner but misses, and Shango catches him in a shoulderbreaker for the win. Fast-paced, rest-free, both guys came to work…that’s all I ask. 1 for 2. Tito got his win back in a Wrestlemania IX match which you also didn’t see.

LEGION OF DOOM (with Paul Ellering & Rocko) vs. MONEY, INC. (with Jimmy Hart)
-This is where the U.S. telecast started, although there’s still one more missing match to come. LOD & Ellering come to the ring on motorcycles, which my friends thought looked awesome; they never understood why I laughed at it and said it looked ridiculous. Okay, the first motorcycle to emerge from the curtain is Ellering’s, and not only is he way, way, way too short for the bike (he’s reaching up to the handlebars, which are approximately at his face), but he has Rocko attached to front. There’s not a motorcycle in the world that can make a short ventriloquist and his dummy look like a couple of badasses.

-“Dummy? What? Who the hell is Rocko?” Okay, even by Wrestlecrap standards, Rocko is pretty obscure. Vince had totally run out of things for LOD to do by 1992 and decided to freshen them up a bit by bringing in Paul Ellering. Good move. He also had them shoot an incredibly stupid vignette where they went through a landfill in Chicago and found “Rocko,” a ventriloquist’s dummy that they had enjoyed playing with as children. Yes, the superhuman badasses with spikes and Mohawks liked to play with dolls as children. Best of all, they started bringing the damn thing to ringside so Paul Ellering could make it “talk” for guidance. SHOCKINGLY, this didn’t help revitalize LOD. The only conceivable way for this gimmick to have worked would have been to shoot a series of vignettes where the bloodied, injured bodies of other faces began turning up in the locker room, with Rocco lying lifelessly nearby. Gradually, everybody comes to the horrible realization that Papa Shango has used his voodoo to bring Rocko to life, but Ultimate Warrior (who, according to WWF Magazine, was studying “good voodoo” around this time) seeks help from Willie Tyler, who lets him borrow Lester for a few weeks so Lester can be brought to life for a Chicago Street Fight in the WWF’s first-ever stop-motion animated PPV telecast, “Superwood ’92.” Bring in Ronn Lucas & Scorch to do guest commentary and baby, you got a stew going! A stew of money!

-Hawk & Ted DiBiase start. DiBiase attacks with a lot of no-sold stuff, then dodges an attempted clothesline and sneaks out of the ring for a breather. Animal attacks him from behind and throws him back in the ring. Hawk clotheslines him back out, and Animal is waiting for him with another clothesline. Double tags bring in IRS & Animal. IRS punches but takes a hard Irish whip into the corner. Animal blocks an attempted escape by stepping on his tie. And dragging him back in. Arm wringer and Hawk tags in with a shot from the top rope. IRS goes for the eyes and gets a sleeper, and we cut to an embarrassing shot of Rocko chanting “Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!” Hawk backs IRS into the corner, then Irish whips him and follows with a clothesline. Hawk goes for a clothesline off the top, but IRS ducks and Hawk falls out of the ring on the sell. DiBiase takes the opportunity to attack on the floor. Money, Inc. double-teams him. IRS snapmares Hawk and drops a series of elbows for two. Headlock by IRS gets the crowd chanting, but thankfully not Rocko this time, as Paul Ellering has placed him in a chair facing the ring. Yes, the dummy has a chair.

-DiBiase drops a knee on Hawk and rams him into the turnbuckle. Hawk blocks a second attempt and rams DiBiase. IRS tags in and stops Hawk from making his tag. We get what appears to have been an intended double-clothesline, but Hawk is reluctant to sell it that way for some reason. Money Inc. takes turns distracting Animal & the referee while the other one cheats. Front facelock by DiBiase, but the referee misses the tag and Money Inc. double-teams again. Double clothesline is sold correctly by Hawk this time. Hot tag is finally made and Animal is the house of proverbial fire. All four men are in the ring, but IRS is launched out of the ring and DiBiase gets double-teamed. Doomsday Device looks to finish, but IRS re-enters and dropkicks Animal down. LOD rallies and powerslams DiBiase, getting the pin anyway. 2 for 3. As a just plain tag team match, I enjoyed it, but I’m with Bobby Heenan when he mutters “It stinks that LOD won.” Yes it does, and why? Because they were gone after this. Not “stayed for a while before leaving a few months later,” I mean this was LOD’s last match. And they defeated a top tag team clean as a sheet? And they did that six months after that bullshit they pulled about only dropping the tag team titles at a house show with no cameras present, too.

-Mean Gene interviews Ric Flair, who’s pissed about being left off the card for Summerslam. He’s so pissed, in fact, that he showed up in a robe and tights. That’s one of the differences between the WWF & whatever competition they’ve had that always amused me. In other promotions, guys who were cutting promos but not wrestling on the same show would wear a suit or some gimmick-appropriate outfit. In the WWF, the wrestlers apparently went grocery-shopping and drinking in their wrestling gear.

-Virgil tells Nailz that he is “too legit to quit.” And Virgil stops being cool….nnnnnow.

VIRGIL vs. NAILZ
-It’s a Summerslam tradition, the “guy in one feud wrestles somebody completely different” match. With all the money Vince lost on the WBF in 1992, he really should have tried to find a way to make Virgil vs. Nailz a main event feud, because imagine how much money he could have saved on magnetic letters for the marquees.

-Nailz chokes Virgil, surprising nobody. Then he chokes Virgil. Virgil punches out and gets a clothesline and a dropkick. Nailz comes back with a choke. He rakes the eyes to keep things interesting, but falls victim to a roll-up for a two count. Nailz fights back with a choke. Then he sends Virgil over the top rope. Nailz, frustrated by the realization that he can’t choke a turnbuckle, leaves the ring to attack Virgil. He rams Virgil’s face into the mat a few times. Back in the ring, Virgil fires back with punches and a double-boot to the face. Nailz clotheslines him back down and finishes with…you guessed it, a chokehold. 2 for 4.

-Lord Alfred Hayes is trying to get Randy Savage to open his dressing room door, but the door is locked and nobody will answer. Dude, give the man some privacy. He might be having some Dr. Cox/Jordan angry divorcee action with Elizabeth in there.

-A recap of the Shawn Michaels/Rick Martel feud, and good thing because I remember the match but I forgot what triggered it. Martel wrestled Bret Hart for the Intercontinental Title on “Wrestling Challenge” and Shawn Michaels attacked Hart over unrelated hatred, causing him to retain by DQ. Martel, in retaliation, began flirting with Sherri, and it turned out Sherri was into him. It’s all coming to a head in a match with a special stipulation requested by Sherri: No hitting the face.

SHAWN MICHAELS (with Sensational Sherri) vs. RICK “The Model” MARTEL
-Weird moment as Martel is wearing tennis gear for his entrance and Heenan remarks “Eat your heart out, Andre Agassi!” The moment he finishes the sentence, Martel looks into the camera and says “Eat your heart out, Andre Agassi!”

-Side headlock by Martel to start, and Michaels fights out with a shot to the gut. Martel is sent into the ropes and dodges a move by turning a cartwheel, and the crowd pops for it. Dropkick by Michaels, but Martel attacks from behind and stomps away. Knees to the guy and an Irish whip, but Michaels reverses and ducks a flying bodypress to ground Martel. Arm-wringer and a wristlock by Michaels but Martel kips up and sends Michaels over the top rope. The crowd is solidly booing Michaels, but I’d say about half are also cheering for Martel.

-Martel goes to the outside and makes his move with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then goes back to attacking Michaels and taking him back into the ring. Backdrop and celebratory jumping jacks by Martel. Michaels ducks a punch and goes for a roll-up, and we get a funny spot where each man keeps reversing a roll-up and pulling the tights for their own roll-ups. Not only that, but Sherri is also wearing a thong & assless chaps, meaning that her butt has been hanging out for the entire match, which allows Vince to get a rare funny line: “There are more moons in London tonight than on any other planet!”

-Michaels gets a crescent kick to the stomach for two and starts working the stomach. This is actually interesting psychology, as Shawn is doing offense on the stomach that you would normally use on the head. A shoving match leads to open-handed slaps to the face in direct violation of the stipulation, and Sherri passes out. Martel & Michaels go outside the ring and a fistfight erupts over which one of them gets to rescue Sherri. Both men are counted out and that’s it for the match and the feud. Yes, they spent a summer building a feud between two heels and then ended it with neither man turning face. Good match, though. 3 for 5.

-Postmatch shenanigans see Martel & Michaels dueling over who gets to carry Sherri backstage, which leads to Sherri getting carelessly dropped on the floor over and over again. The crowd’s reaction to Martel emerging with a bucket of water shows that these folks were clearly ready for a Martel face turn, too. Sherri gets a faceful of water and a brawl erupts again. Aaaaaand…scene.

TAG TEAM TITLE: NATURAL DISASTERS (champions) vs. BEVERLY BROTHERS (with The Genius)
-The Beverlys attack from behind but get sandwiched by the Disasters immediately. Typhoon knocks Blake to the mat, then slams him down and steps on him for good measure. Blake avoids a legdrop and goes for a slam, but Typhoon lands on top for a two count. Corner splash by Typhoon and another “sandwich” is eluded as Earthquake avalanches Typhoon. You never see a face team make that kind mistake.

-Shawn Michaels has left Wembley Stadium.

-Blake drops the leg on Typhoon for a two-count and tags in Beau. Beau leapfrogs onto Typhoon’s back, then chokes him on the second rope. Blake sneaks in for some double-teaming and they switch without a tag. Beau re-enters with an axehandle off the top rope. More double-teaming in the corner as Earthquake protests with vigor. Diving headbutt by Blake gets two. Front facelock by Blake. Referee prevents the hot tag because he doesn’t see it. That’s mighty familiar. More double-teaming and Typhoon fights out with a double clothesline. Blake catches him with a headbutt, and a flying bodypress/dropkick combo by the Beverlys gets two. Typhoon finally faceplants the Blakester and crawls to his corner. Beau starts an altercation with Earthquake outside the ring as Blake KOs Typhoon with the sinister metal scroll of the Genius. Earthquake stops the pin with an elbow drop. Double tag brings in Earthquake & Beau and of course Earthquake wipes the floor with Beau. Double-teaming is countered with shoulderblocks. Blake is cleared out of the ring. Vertical splash finishes things. I could go either way on this one, but the fact that we mirrored so much stuff from the previous tag matches sours me. 3 for 6.

-Alfred Hayes tries to sneak into Ultimate Warrior’s dressing room, but gets the door slammed in his face. Maybe he should have tried bribing Warrior with Fruit Stripe Gum.

CRUSH vs. REPO MAN
-Demolition explodes without acknowledging that either man was ever a member of Demolition! Here we have an exlcusive of another sort, as this match aired only in the U.S. broadcast. And just to make sure that only American fans would see it, Howard Finkel asks all 80,000 fans to cover their eyes and turn their backs for the duration of the bout.

-Repo attacks from behind (of course) but Crush no-sells and press-slams him. Repo goes outside to retreat and Crush follows him out with a clothesline. Back in the ring, he hammers Repo’s stomach and drapes him on the top rope to make attacking him a little easier. Backbreaker by Crush. Repo gets a thumb to the eye and gets a back suplex, but Crush comes right back with a belly-to-belly suplex. Another backbreaker by Crush, but a kneedrop off the ropes misses. Repo hammers him but Crush no-sells it. Thumb to the eye keeps things in Repo’s favor. Repo counters a backdrop with a faceplant. Crush kicks out of a pin and launches Repo to the floor. Repo goes to the top rope but Crush catches him with a power slam. Cranium crusher gets the submission. 3 for 7. Squish-squash.

WORLD TITLE: “Macho Man” RANDY SAVAGE (champion) vs. ULTIMATE WARRIOR
-Both men come to the ring alone. Savage offers a handshake and they can’t even do that much without threatening to turn it into a fistfight. Crowd is rabid for Warrior. Lock-up goes to the ropes and Savage breaks clean. Another lock-up knocks Savage on his ass. Savage kicks Warrior low and he attempts an early pin following a Boomerang. And we all laughed when Outback Jack did it. He gets two and goes for an axehandle off the top rope, but Warrior is ready with a shot to the stomach, followed by an atomic drop. Inverted atomic drop for good measure by Warrior, and then a clothesline for two. Shoulderblocks by Warrior and he goes for an elbow, but Savage moves and hammers away. Headlock by Savage is countered by a jawjack. Faceplant by Warrior gets two. Warrior sends him into the corner and pounds him to the mat. He goes to the opposite corner and does some mudhole stomping. Short clothesline gets two. Savage grabs the tights and sends Warrior into the turnbuckle. Clothesline takes Warrior over the top rope and out to the floor and the crowd has solidly elected Savage “heel” for the match. Back in the ring, Savage gets a two-count and goes to the top rope. The hits the axehandle that he wanted earlier, but Warrior starts to show signs of life. A second axehandle grounds Warrior and Savage gets a two count. On the third attempt Warrior catches him in mid-air and gets a backbreaker for two. Irish whip by Warrior and a hard right hand by Warrior. More Irish whipping and punching by Warrior. Bearhug by Warrior but he drops Savage quickly and goes for a pin instead, getting two. Side suplex gets two. Savage gets a small package from out of nowhere, while Warrior gets his small package from steroid abuse. Savage snaps Warrior’s neck over the top rope. Savage goes for a suplex but collapses from back pain. Warrior attacks the back with forearms and gets a suplex for two. Warrior goes for a clothesline but Savage ducks and Warrior falls out of the ring. Savage goes off the top rope and onto the floor with an axehandle. Savage rams Warrior into the steps and the post. Back in the ring, Savage gets a two-count.

-They’re heeeeeeeeere. Mr. Perfect & Ric Flair arrive as Warrior starts to mount a comeback for a two count. Bodyslam by Warrior, but Savage counters a splash with the knees. Double clothesline grounds both men. Warrior wakes up first and gets a two count. Savage rolls over and gets his own two-count. Savage goes off the ropes for a clothesline but Mr. Perfect trips him up (which Warrior doesn’t see). Savage has words with Perfect and Warrior takes advantage. Warrior chokes him and sends him into the bottom turnbuckle. Irish whip is reversed into Earl Hebner and we are briefly refereeless. Warrior slams Savage and heads for the top rope. Axehandle connects and gets a slow two-count. Warrior argues about the count and Savage attacks with a knee from behind, which sends the referee completely out of the ring. Savage goes out to revive the referee while Perfect fights to revive Warrior…and then Flair KOs Warrior with brass knuckles (which Savage doesn’t see). Bodyslam and the flying elbow get a two count. Warrior starts to Warrior up and clotheslines Savage a few times over. Press slam by Warrior but Flair, waiting outside the ring, takes him out with a chair. Savage starts to go for the pin but it suddenly dawns on him that Warrior didn’t magically turn unconscious. Savage goes for the top rope…and leaps outside the ring to Ric Flair instead. Flair is ready, though, and whacks his leg with the chair, and Savage is counted out to give the win to Warrior. 4 for 8. Good stuff, even if the angle did have a fairly obvious conclusion to a nine-year-old.

-Post-match, Perfect & Flair work overtime to injure Savage’s leg, but Warrior snatches the chair away and chases them off. The damage was already done…Flair would defeat the injured Savage for the title in a matter of days following the attack.

TATANKA vs. BERZERKER (with Mr. Fuji)
-This is the last of the extra matches. A group of fans has actually brought signs spelling out “H-U-S-S” for this. Test of strength to start and Tatanka shoves Berzerker over the top rope. Back in the ring, they trade chops. Criss-cross leads to a shoulderblock that goes nowhere. Boot to the face by Berzerker gets a one-count. Tatanka dodges a dropkick and attacks the legs. Irish whip by Tatanka but Berzerker meets him with a boot to the face in the opposite corner. Powerslam by Berzerker gets two. Berzerker sends him over the top rope and rams him into the steps. Berzerker follows up with a bodyslam on the concrete aisle. Berzerker brings him back into the ring and ties him into the ropes, then kicks and kicks and kicks some more. Tatanka unties himself in time to backdrop Berzerker onto the floor, and the poetic Native American rams him into the stairs and onto the concrete. Back in the ring, Tatanka does the war dance and tomahawk chops the Berzerker. Chop off the top rope and the End of the Trail finishes things. No resting and not a squash either. We’ll give it a point. 5 for 9.

UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) vs. KAMALA (with Dr. Harvey Whippleman & Kimchee)
-Kamala attempts an attack from behind, but Taker is ready with shots to the throat and a choke. Irish whip is reversed but Kamala misses a charge and Taker goes for the throat again. Taker wrings the arm and goes current-at-the-time school. More shots to the throat, but Harvey Whippleman stops another rope walk and Kamala yanks Taker off the ropes. Taker goes to the floor to attack Kimchee & Harvey, but Kamala goes outside to stop it and rams Taker into the steps. Chops and a headbutt by Kamala. Back in the ring, Kamala fires off more chops. Taker miraculously chokeslams Kamala and the crowd goes insane for it. Flying clothesline by Taker and he gets ready to finish, but Kimchee runs in to block the Tombstone and that draws the DQ. Lame. 5 for 10.

-Post-match, Kamala splashes Taker, then splashes him off the second rope, then off the top rope…and Undertaker sits straight up. Kamala shits himself in terror and runs away.

-Davey Boy cuts a nervous promo, vowing to put aside family ties long enough to win the title. Bret is hurt by this.

“SCOTLAND THE BRAVE” BY THE BALMORAL HIGHLANDERS
-A.K.A. Roddy Piper’s heel entrance theme…and speak of the devil, Hot Rod makes a surprise appearance to play along with them. It’s my favorite wrestler, I enjoy bagpipe music, and it’s a solid performance. And Bobby Heenan shoehorns a “Gong Show” reference into his commentary. How could I NOT give this a point? 6 for 11.

-Diana Hart Smith cuts an emotional promo and sadly she’s more convincing than Davey Boy.

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE: BRET “Hit Man” HART (champion) vs. “British Bulldog” DAVEY BOY SMITH (with Lennox Lewis)
-Crowd is kinda stoked for this. Shoving match to start and Davey Boy gets the decisive advantage in a lock-up. Bret sends him into the ropes and Davey Boy shoulderblocks him right out of the ring. Snapmare by Bret and Davey Boy counters with headscissors. Bret escapes and snapmares him again and this time he holds on for a side headlock. Davey Boy makes it to his feet and sends him into the ropes and Bret sneaks behind him for a roll-up for two. Bret gets a small package immediately for another two. Bret goes back to the side headlock. Bulldog fights out with a hammerlock. Bret fights out of that with an elbow to the mouth and moves on to a standing wristlock. Davey Boy does some of the tumbling that he stopped doing when he became a singles wrestler and turns it into his own wristlock. Bret sends him into the ropes, but Davey Boy catches him mid-leapfrog and slingshots him into the turnbuckle. Armbar by Bulldog, and he does the Ricky Steamboat “launch him into the air and drop him without letting go” bit with it. Bret tries to fight out with a slam but Davey Boy holds on. Davey Boy switches the hold to a wristlock and the crowd has not stopped going crazy for this since the bell rang. We’re talking “MSG the night Hogan won his first title, if that crowd had been pumped full of coffee beforehand” here.

-Bret fights out and meets Davey Boy running off the ropes with a knee to the gut. Bret is rather enthusiastically embracing his “heel for one night only” role. Headlock by Bret but Davey Boy fights out with elbows. Bret catches him coming off the ropes again and drops an elbow. Inverted atomic drop (“reverse piledriver,” sayeth the Vince) by Bret. Bret sends him into the ropes and Davey Boy desperately goes for a crucifix but Bret drops him down for a two-count. Back to the headlock. Davey Boy fights out and Bret gets a shoulderblock off the ropes, but then gets caught in a monkeyflip. Headbutt and an Irish whip by Davey Boy. Another Irish whip just leads to a faceful of boot. Bret ironically bulldogs the Bulldog and heads upstairs, but Davey Boy Flair-slams him and goes for the top himself. Diving headbutt by Davey Boy misses. Davey Boy counters a slam, but Bret counters the counter and launches him to the floor. Davey Boy makes it to his feet and Bret gets an impressive move, launching himself over the top rope and hooking Davey Boy’s neck on the way down. Ouch. Bret rams him back-first into the post.

-Back in the ring, Bret Irish whips the Bulldog and knocks him down again. Russian legsweep gets two. Forearms by Bret and some punches, but Davey Boy stays on his feet through it all. Dropkick knocks down the Bulldog. Backdrop gets two. Bret goes back to the headlock and it’s one of those annoying moments where they’re close to the ropes and if Davey Boy would straighten his leg, he’d be out of the hold. Bret takes him back to the center of the ring and re-applies the headlock. (Bret’s account of this match: Davey Boy blew up in record time. No shit.) Davey Boy gets a backslide out of nowhere for two. Backdrop by Bret keeps the advantage on his side. Elbow off the second rope gets two. Bret pulls the hair and punches, then yanks Davey Boy up by the hair and drops him on his ass. Harsh. Headbutt by Bret, more punching, the snapmare, and another headlock. Davey Boy fights out and Bret immediately switches to a sleeper. Bulldog makes it to the ropes and Bret doesn’t want to let go. He stomps Davey Boy and sends him into the ropes and we’re back to the sleeper. This is a good example of how a good angle lets you get away with a little bit more in the big match. Do all the headlocking & sleepers without a good story, and the crowd won’t have as much patience for it.

-Davey Boy fights out and rams Hart into the corner, but Bret hangs out. Davey Boy rams him again and this time it breaks the hold. Fistfight erupts and Bret wins it, but Davey Boy sends him into the ropes. He goes for a press slam but falls backward and drops Bret into the ropes, and you can tell that they weren’t going for a “Davey Boy is tired” spot with that. The Bulldog is panting hard and looks frustrated after that. Clotheslines by the Bulldog get a two-count. Press slam is successful this time but only gets two. Extended suplex gets two. Irish whip and Bret does his hard ram into the corner. That gets two. Running powerslam gets two. Bret retreats outside and to the apron and Davey Boy suplexes him back in, but Bret counters with a German suplex and a bridge for two. Bret attempts a suplex but Davey Boy crotches him on the top rope and gets a superplex for two. Double clothesline wipes out both men. Bret grabs the legs and turns Davey Boy over for the sharpshooter, but Davey Boy makes it over to the ropes. Bret goes off the ropes and goes for a sunset flip, but Davey Boy hangs onto his legs and pulls forward to turn it into a pin of his own, and that’s good enough to capture the belt. 7 for 12. It’s Bulldog’s victory, but by all means, the match was Bret’s.

Go to Game Show Utopia this week and you have a chance to tell other people that you went to Game Show Utopia this week!

The 411: Scott Keith expressed his opinion about Summerslam '89 and I'll quote him because I think it applies here. Summerslam '92 is a what-you-see-is-what-you-get show. The matches you expected to be good are good and the rest isn't. Warrior & Savage always had great chemistry together, and the Intercontinental Title is a classic, albeit a one-man show.
Final Score:  7.0   [ Good ]