411’s WWE Summerslam Report 8.21.05

Welcome to 411’s Summerslam report! If you were lucky enough to catch HEAT, you saw Chris Masters defeat the Hurricane and beat up Rosey, thus making the tag titles worth exactly $0.01…Canadian. Well, let’s hope things pick up from here.

I usually don’t do the star rating thing for WWE PPV’s as that is JD’s job, but considering that Toshiba still hasn’t gotten his PC back to him that I know of, I will drop some for you guys that like to know these things.

PPV STARTS NOW!

The US Navy Ceremonial Guard is here to present the colors and Lillian Garcia sings the National Anthem. They have a nice montage running on the Titan Tron, flags, eagles and American monuments…very classy.

We now get our PPV opening video.

Greetings to all celebrating SUPER CHINA BUFFET DAY! (Shout out to the FFW~! Peeps.) This is also Summerslam 2005, with our announcers JR, The Coach and The King for Raw, Tazz and Michael Cole for Smackdown as well as Hugo and Carlos for our Hispanic friends! 18,176 are in attendance this evening, so says JR.

Match #1 US Title Match: Orlando Jordan © vs. Chris Benoit

Lock up to start, and Benoit takes him to the corner and OJ with a cheap shot. GERMAN by Benoit! CROSSFACE! TAP OUT!

Winner: and NEW WWE US CHAMPION Chris Benoit @ :30 via tap out! ** For making Benoit seem like a world beater.

I must say that was glorious!

Eddie is backstage and his wife is there. He is done talking. She isn’t! Mrs. Eddie says this is not about Dominic, but about Rey being better than him. Eddie says the main thing is about his love for Dominic. She says he doesn’t care about him, and he just wants to hurt Rey. Eddie needs someone to carry on the legacy. He says she is crazy. She loves him, but he doubts her love. She says she married him because he had a heart of gold, but he is not that person right now. She begs him but he says she doubts him! The whole world thinks that, and he will prove them wrong. He tells her to turn around and support on out of here!

Eddie sits and says he WILL beat Rey Mysterio over and over again.

JR says they have a special feed to the Walter Reed hospital for the injured troops.

History video on Hardy vs. Edge

Lita looks all whored out, I approve.

Match #2 Stiff-Fest 2005: Matt Hardy vs. Edge w/Lita

Matt charges the ring and here we go as they brawl on the floor. No bell as of yet. Edge is tossed to the barrier and then into the ring and here we go. Rights by Matt and they continue to brawl. Big Matt chants and he is choking out Edge. He breaks and Edge to the floor now. More brawling and back to the ring. More rights as Matt is unloading on him. Head butt by Edge and rights from Edge now. “She’s a crack whore” chants for Lita. Edge SPEARS Matt through the ropes and they both fall to the floor. Back to the ring and more rights from Matt. Brawl baby brawl. Corner mount by Matt and Edge DUMPS him and Matt’s face bounces off of the steel post! DAYUM! Edge has some hard way blood from the mouth and Matt is bleeding now. Rights from Edge, and then tastes it. More rights from Edge and then stiff knee shots by Edge to the head of Matt. Boot to the head by Edge and the ref continues to check on Matt. Edge is just jacking him up and Matt continues to bell a lot and STOPS THE MATCH!?!?

Winner: Edge @ 4:49 via referee stoppage (N-R)

Um…wow.

Matt lies in a bloody lump as another ref now checks on him. Lots of blood.

The refs help Matt to the back as JR puts over that he didn’t die. Good observation.

Cole and Tazz discuss the attendance and hype the sponsors. Some lame political jokes ensue, and up next is Eddie vs. Rey.

History video of Eddie vs. Rey runs.

Cole and Tazz use their “somber” voices as Dominic is ringside with the Social worker. Rey gives Dominic a hug and Tazz and Cole really play this up. Cole says he understands because he has two adopted kids and loves them. Eddie tries to get a hug, but no luck.

Match #3 Ladder Match for Custody of Dominic: Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Eddie talks smack to Rey as the bell rings and the crowd HATES Eddie. Eddie with a knee to start and then rams Rey to the corner. Back suplex to Rey. Off the ropes, reversals and a monkey flip by Rey and Eddie goes to the floor. Rey follows, but Eddie rams him to the steps and then into the ladder. Eddie drags the ladder to the ring and slides it in. He sets it up and Rey tries to get back in. Eddie climbs and Rey with a springboard dropkick takes Eddie off the ladder. Eddie to the floor and is limping, but grabs another ladder into the ring. Forearm shots by Eddie. Rights by Rey and he tosses Eddie to the floor. Rights by Rey, and then a baseball slide into the ladder, which cranks Eddie in the face. Eddie fights to his feet and Rey gets a SICK Thez press onto Eddie who was holding the ladder and about decapitated Eddie. Rey back in and climbs the other ladder, Eddie back in and they duke it out. Eddie grabs the briefcase, but Rey fights back. Rey rammed repeatedly off of the ladder, and then Eddie tries a sunset flip powerbomb, but it gets all messed up and they almost died. Eddie has the ladder and nails Rey in the ribs. Rey in the corner and nailed again with the ladder. Eddie goes to the floor and gets another ladder. Eddie sets the ladder in front of Rey and gets a dropkick to it and Rey is down. Eddie slams Rey on the ladder, and then lays the other ladder on top of him. It’s a Rey sandwich. HILO by Eddie and we get our first “holy shit” chant of the evening. Rey in the corner and the ladder set in front of him again. Eddie sets up the other ladder and climbs. Rey sets the ladder on it and does the slow crawl up it, like Shelton only really slow and crawling. Rey BACKDROPS Eddie from the top of the ladder, onto the Ladder, and they fall and Rey falls on top of the other ladder and about kills himself! That did not look good. Rey sets up the ladder and climbs…but Eddie dropkicks him off. Eddie has a ladder and lays it on the top rope in the corner. Boots by Rey and charges Eddie, but Eddie flips him over and Rey EATS the ladder! Eddie sets up another ladder and climbs. Eddie is hurting and Dominic is in the ring. He tries to shake the ladder and Eddie sees him. They look at each other and Eddie comes down and yells at him! Eddie wants a hug and says Dominic should love him because he is his daddy! Rey is up and attacks Eddie. Backdrop to Eddie. Rey lays a ladder on the ropes and he rams Eddie face first. LADDER 619! DROPOF THE DIME on the ladder! Rey sets the ladder up and climbs… Eddie is up and nails Rey. He has Rey…Electric chair try…NO…SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB by Rey! Rey tries to climb again…Rey grabs the briefcase, and Eddie kicks out the ladder and Rey hangs from the briefcase. He falls and Eddie catches him in a POWERBOMB as he fell! Eddie sets the ladder on top of Rey and he is trapped! Eddie climbs…and yells at Rey. He grabs the case, but Rey fights and shakes the ladder and Eddie is hanging! Rey pulls him down by one leg and Eddie is pissed! He yelled “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT” at one point and I think he hurt his leg. Three amigos, the third on the ladder to Rey! “Eddie” chants keep making their way out of the crowd. Eddie sets up the ladder again…and MRS. EDDIE IS OUT! She is in the ring and yells at him! BOOOOO’s from the crowd. She pushes the ladder over and Eddie hot shots off the ropes! Rey sets up the ladder…climbs… Eddie up and climbs…but Mrs. Eddie grabs him and lays on top of him and Rey wins.

Winner and official PAPI of Dominic: Rey Mysterio @ 20:30 ***Ѕ

Great bumps and work by both, but WAY too much soap opera and a lot of off stuff.

Rey, Dominic and Angie Mysterio all celebrate. Eddie is pissed in the ring and Rey runs back in and NAILS Eddie with the briefcase.

Rey then got some help to the back.

Todd Grisham with Jericho. Jericho says Cena’s music is “the time is now” and that is correct, the time is now for Jericho to win the title again. The chain gang will be let down, and Cena will be like the New Kids on the block. I AM CHRIS JERICHO! I BEAT THE ROCK AND AUSTIN IN ONE NIGHT to be the Undisputed title. Cena can’t compare to either of those legendary figures, and tonight he will win the title and strap it around his waist. Then the Jericho-holics and Bishoff will have a champion that they can be proud of.

Match #4 Eugene Invitational: Eugene vs. Kurt Angle

Angle attacks before the bell and beats down Eugene. Slam by Angle and then a short arm clothesline by Angle. Another and Eugene is rocked. Spinebuster by Eugene to BOOO’s. Retarded elbow by Eugene, NO ANGLE Takes his head off and covers for 2. Lots of Angle chants so far. GERMAN to Eugene. Another dumped Eugene right on his head. Eugene fights back , Irish whip, reversal…GERMAN…another and Angle covers for 2. Angle chokes out Eugene to cheers, all heat on Eugene. Eugene retards up now and rights to Angle. Rock Bottom to Angle gets 2. Eugene waits on Angle…Stunner try stopped, reversal and Angle slam reversed and a Stunner now by Eugene gets 2. Ankle lock by Eugene. Angle escapes and Eugene eats turnbuckle. ANGEL SLAM! STRAPS DOWN BABY! ANKLE LOCK! Eugene taps!

Winner and NEW Medalist: Kurt Angle @ 4:37 via tap out **

Angle got to be a vicious bastard and that is the way he should be.

Angle gets a chair and Hemme tries to protect Eugene. Angle then tosses Eugene to the floor and sets the chair up and stands on the chair and makes the ref put his medals on. WOOOOO!

The Divas wash limos in an effort to re-do their Summerslam commercial. The limo has a presidential seal on it and VINCE IS INSIDE! He says…”Hey, why not?” and there is a McMahon for President bumper sticker on the limo.

Match #5 The Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Taker tries for some shots, but Orton bails. Lock up now and Orton tossed down. Slap to Orton and Taker misses a big right. Orton plays keep away right now, side headlock and off the ropes and Taker gets a shoulder block for 2. Headlock by Taker, off the ropes and another shoulder block to Orton. Hip toss now by Orton and then a clothesline. Orton pose…CLOTHESLINE by Taker. Taker with an arm breaker…Orton to his feet and Taker with shots to the “surgically repaired” arm and shoulder of Orton. Taker goes for Old School…Orton up and arm drags him off and covers for 2. European uppercuts by Orton in the corner. Chops and then rights to Taker. Taker grabs him and tosses Orton back to the corner. Taker jacks him and Orton is down. Irish whip to Orton, back elbow to Orton. BIG boot by Taker gets 2. Throat thrust by Taker, off the ropes…reversal and the high-flying clothesline by Taker gets 2. Rights by Taker, now body shots by Taker. Running knee by Taker and Orton is down. Vicious rights by Taker and Orton is barely on his feet. Taker chases out the ref and whip to Orton, charges and MISSES the bog boot and crotches himself in the corner. Elbow by Taker and as Taker steps through the ropes Orton gets a SICK DDT on Taker for 2. Orton goes Ric Flair on the leg of Taker in the ropes and Taker is down. Orton rams the knee off of the ring apron now and then drags him to the post and rams the knee off of the steel post. Taker can’t get to his feet and Orton kicks away at him. Shots to the knee now and then the elbow drop by Orton to the knee. He locks the leg and Taker fights for his life. Orton off the ropes with a high knee drop for 2. Thrust to the throat by Taker and another. Boot by Orton and a cover for 2. Orton works the leg more as he ties it in the ropes and pulls the knee in ways that it should NOT go. Boot by Taker, elbow now and off the ropes…SWEET powerslam by Orton gets 2. Orton back to the leg now and Taker tries to fight him off. Taker escapes and reverses it and now works Orton’s leg. Off the ropes…CHOP BLOCK by Orton and right back to the single leg lock. He now lays the leg on the rope…ass drop to the leg. He tries another but Taker kicks hi in the ass and sends him to the floor. Taker to the floor and rams him into the steps. Orton layed on the apron…leg drop to Orton. Back in the ring now and Taker grabs the arm…Old School try…connects but Taker’s knee buckled on him but covers for 2. Taker snatches up Orton…snake eyes. Taker off the ropes…dropkick by Orton. Orton stalks Taker…RKO try stopped. Tombstone try…escape and reversal! Another reversal! Escape…swank back breaker by Orton gets 2. Rights by Orton on Taker. Taker down and Orton goes up top! Cross body, reversed and rolled through into the GOOZLE! CHOKE SLAM! A fan is in the ring? They get rid of him and Taker grabs Orton…RKO OUT OF NOWHERE! 1…2…3!

Orton goes and hugs the fan…IT IS COWBOY BOB IN MAKE UP! HAHAHAHA! Double Orton pose!

Winner: Randy Orton @ 17:30 ***

Great psychology in the match, and who doesn’t mark for COWBOY BOB?

They show some political people in attendance.

Cena and Jericho history video.

Jericho walks and Bishoff wishes him luck.

Match #6 WWE Title Match: John Cena © vs. Chris Jericho

They jaw to start, circle then and lock up. Headlock by Jericho, off the ropes and a shoulder block to Cena. Rights by Cena now and a boot to Cena. Chop fest! Off the ropes, clothesline to Cena. Then a suplex and boots by Jericho. Rights by Jericho, and then a spin kick to Cena. Jericho misses Cena and flies to the floor. Cena follows and tackles him and they brawl. Jericho rammed to the corner and rights to Jericho. Corner whip and a dropkick by Jericho. Rights by Jericho and then Cena’s head is repeatedly rammed off of the mat. Chops by Jericho, boots and Jericho is in control. Suplex to Cena and a cover for 2. Basement dropkick by Jericho, then a rear choke on Cena. Off the ropes, reversal and Cena tossed to the floor. Jericho follows with a dropkick off of the apron. Jericho chokes Cena with a mic cable on the floor and then tosses him back in. Cena set up top…chops by Jericho and he goes up. Head butts by Jericho and SUPERPLEX TIME! All the way from the top and both men are down. Jericho covers and gets 2. Another cover and another 2. Jericho with rights to Cena again and a corner whip, but Cena with a boot to Jericho. They exchange rights, off the ropes and a backdrop to Jericho. Clothesline to Jericho, off the ropes and Cena MISSES the flying shoulder block. Bulldog by Jericho…Lionsault misses but Jericho to his feet, roll up, reversal and the Walls are broken and Jericho sent to the floor. The crowd is more in favor of Jericho as they boo’ed the Cena escape. Cena up top… Jericho comes in and a top rope leg drop by Cena to Jericho as he was between the ropes! Cena covers for 2. Jericho chants now! FU try…escape into a DDT by Jericho! Cover 1…2…NO! Backbreaker by Jericho. Elbows to Cena. More elbows and dueling Cena vs. Jericho chants! Wow. It is SPLIT down the middle. Jericho chokes out Cena on the bottom rope. Jericho off the ropes and Cena springs to his feet and levels him with a clothesline! Cena is up and rights to Jericho. They duke it out and jabs by Cena and a right takes Jericho down. Clothesline again. Seated arm drag. PROTO BOMB to Jericho. 5-Knuckle Shuffle to booo’s, stopped…Jericho up and WALLS OF JERICHO ON CENA! Cena fights…scratches and crawls…and gets pulled back in. He tries again…and gets the ropes! Jericho thought he won, and now back to the attack. Jericho up top…Cena nails him and goes up with him! Cena grabs him, Jericho escapes…electric chair drop gets 2! Jericho threatens the ref, Jericho off the ropes, Cena with a tilt a whirl…into the…FU and that’s all!

Winner: John Cena @ 15:00 via pin ***ѕ

Cena celebrates as JR puts him over huge for beating Jericho.

WM XXII Commercial.

JBL vs. Batista history video is shown.

JBL comes out in the limo and the falling JBL cash!

Match #7 World Title: Batista © vs. JBL

JBL attacks as Batista makes his entrance! All over the back around the entrance, Batista nails JBL with a fire extinguisher. Batista rammed into a production case. Rights by JBL as they brawl through the crowd. Chair shot by JBL, but Batista SPEARS him through the security wall. Well, that’s one way to get back to ringside. Batista rammed to the steel post. In the ring now, JBL with the short arm clothesline. Elbow to the back of the head by JBL and then boots to Batista. JBL whips Batista now with a belt and yells NO HOLDS BARRED! JBL chokes him out now with the belt. Batista fights…to his feet and a back suplex breaks it up. Batista has the belt and whips JBL! Corner spear by Batista. Irish whip and a BIG boot by JBL and CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! 1…2…NO! JBL is PISSED and goes for the ring steps. Slides a part in the ring and then beats on Batista. JBL grabs him and onto the steps…backdrop out by Batista. Boot to Batista and JBL is still in control. Off the ropes…SPINE BUSTER by Batista. Rope shake! Thumbs down! Grabs JBL…DEMON BOMB TO JBL! Cover…no cover. Batista looks at JBL as the crowd chants, “one more time!” He grabs JBL…DEMON BOMB ON THE STEEL STEPS! 1…2…3!

Winners: Batista @ 9:09 via pin *

Way better than last month.

Batista celebrates.

JR, King and Coach hype Unforgiven next month.

HBK vs. Hogan history video.

HBK and Hogan have both NEVER lost a 1 on 1 match at Summerslam, so sayeth JR!

A giant American Flag drops for Hulk to pose in front of.

Match #8 Icon vs. Legend: “HBK” Shawn Michaels vs. Hulk Hogan

Here we go!

They circle and stare down. Lock up and HBK tossed back. Hogan poses and HBK is pissed. Lock up and HBK is tossed back again. Shoved down and he is now pissed even more. “You screwed Bret” Chants. Lock up and an arm bar by HBK. Headlock now and Hogan down to a knee. To his feet and HBK gets pushed off after some rights and off the ropes and a shoulder block by Hogan, which HBK takes and flies to the floor. Back in and they circle again. Lock up and HBK with a knee to the gut. Rights by HBK and chops now. Another chop and HBK is lighting him up. Corner whip, reversal and HBK hung up in the corner and Hogan punts him and HBK gets crotched! Rights by Hogan and rights to HBK. Another and HBK is down. EYE POKE by HBK and a loud chorus of Booo’s. Chops to Hogan, then boots. Chops again and off the ropes…reversal and a backdrop by Hogan. A clothesline takes HBK to the floor. JR says that HBK has beaten all of the great big men in the business, including Diesel, Vader, and Yoko. HBK back in now via slingshot by Hogan. Rights to HBK and a clothesline by Hogan. HBK back with some boots and chops. Rammed to the corner, but he stops it and chops by HBK. Hogan no sells and a slap by HBK! More chops and HBK is back in control. Reversal and HBK Flair flips in the corner, but slaps Hogan. A right by Hogan takes HBK to the floor. Hogan follows ands they brawl. Hogan slams him on the Spanish Announce table. Los of rights by Hogan and he breaks the count and back to the attack. HBK knocks over the SAT and then gets tossed into the steel post. Hogan picks up HBK, but he slides out and rams Hogan into the steel post! HBK rams him into another post and then unloads with left hands. Back in the ring and corner mount punches by HBK. Hogan shoves him off, but HBK back on the attack. Corner mount again and they fall to the mat and HBK unloads on him more. The ref pulls off HBK and Hogan is BUSTED WIDE OPEN BAH GAWD! Lots of blood from Hogan. Hogan fights to his feet and HBK with more rights to Hogan. Hogan down and then up. Off the ropes…sleeper by HBK. Hogan fights…and bleeds all over HBK’s arm, he hit a gusher! Holy Hulkamania blade job! Hogan to a knee…the arm drops 1 time…2 times…3…NO! Hogan fights to his feet. BACKDROP suplex to HBK! HBK up and back to the attack. Off the ropes…reversal and a flying forearm by HBK! KIP UP! BOOOOOOOOOO’s from the crowd! HBK goes up top…flying elbow MISSES! Hogan is up! YOU! Rights by Hogan! Off the ropes…FLYING FOREARM and the ref is down and to the floor. KIP UP! HBK up top again…nope, back to the ring and SHARP SHOOTER TIME! LOCKED IN! A bloody Hogan tries to fight and the ref is still down! The ref is in now, another one as Hogan fights…but HBK pulls him back center ring. He pulls himself to the ropes…and gets them! HBK tries it again, kicked off and the second ref is down! Hogan to his feet. He limps and LOW BLOW by HBK! HBK has a chair now. In the ring and KILLS HOGAN with it! HBK up top…ELBOW DROP CONNECTS! He grabs the ref and tunes up the band! SUPERKICK! Cover 1…2…NO! Hogan up! Rights by HBK, Hogan is fighting it off! HULK UP! YOU! Rights to HBK! Off the ropes…BIG BOOT! Hogan off the ropes…Leg drop! 1…2…3!

Winner: Hulk Hogan @ 21:26 via pin **** (Purely entertainment)

HBK must have prayed to Curt Hennig because his bumping was off the charts. Considering Hogan is as close to a cripple as one can be, and bled a ton. It was something special to see.

Hulk poses to the liking of the crowd and HBK is up! They stand off and HBK extends his hand. HBK says, “I needed to know.” Hulk shakes his hand and the music plays. HBK tells him to pose and leaves.