RB Report: CHIKARA Here Comes The Internation Invaders – 2nd Stage

Here Comes The International Invaders – 2nd Stage
August 18th, 2007
Hellertown, PA

*Shane Storm and Jigsaw are backstage. Jigsaw talks about their past accomplishments. The only thing left for them to do is win the tag team titles.

*”The Feel Good Tag Team of the Decade” The Olsen Twins (Jimmy and Colin Olsen) vs. ShaneSaw (Jigsaw and Shane Storm)
Storm and Jimmy start things out. Storm gets straight into it and nails Jimmy with a back suplex. Colin gets in when everyone elses backs are turned and plays possum on Jigsaw. Jigsaw’s not buying it and takes him back down. Double slingshot suplex to Jigsaw. Storm gets in and does the same thing that Colin done to Jigsaw. Jigsaw comes off the top rope with a body press, but Jimmy greets him with a punch to the stomach. Jigsaw gets double-teamed and isolated by the Olsens. Colin busts out his falling lariat and gets two. Jigsaw leapfrogs over Jimmy and tags in Storm. He takes them both out and he and Jigsaw hit an enziguri/Air Raid Crash combo for the quick win(5:21). The Olsens hug post-match.

Rating: 1/4*. So, so disappointing. I love the Olsen Twins, but this was way too short and the action wasn’t even good.

*Brodie Lee vs. Tim Donst
Lee’s redneck gimmick would probably work better if he wasn’t announced as being from British Columbia. Lee charges at Donst before the bell and NEARLY DECAPITATES HIM WITH A BIG BOOT! That was freakin’ sick. I take a minute out to rewind about thirty times. Lee continues the beatings with chops in the corner and a big body slam. He grinds his boot in his face and knees him. More chops. Donst gets tossed hard out of the ring onto the floor. Lee gives him time to get back up and wraps Donst’s leg around the ropes and throws him back, pulling his leg in the ropes. Lee kicks away at his leg and slams it off the mat. Texas Cloverleaf variation. Donst reaches the ropes. Lee goes for a kick, but Donst catches his leg and trips him. He hits a spinny faceplant thing on Lee and gets two. Lee charges at him, but Donst takes him off his feet with a big back elbow. Donst slowly manages to pull himself to the top rope and comes off with a flying crossbody. Lee rolls it through and locks in a half-crab. He pulls Donst away from the ropes and Donst cradles him for a two. LIGERBOMB from Lee and he doesn’t even attempt to pin him. ANOTHER LIGERBOMB and the pin is elementary(6:58).

Rating: *. Fun squash. I really enjoy watch young Timothy getting the crap beaten out of him.

*Ultramantis Black is looking at pictures of old army guys. They all bowed to Ultramantis. Tonight Soldier Ant will find out why Mantis gives the orders around these parts!

*Battle of the Insects!
“The Angry Insect Evil-Doer” Ultramantis Black vs. “The Militant Mat Mite” Soldier Ant
In-case you do not know, Mantis is GOD. The man is a genius. Soldier Ant is sporting a helmet and army jacket on his way to the ring. Mantis claims to be the emperor of the insect kingdom. He commands Soldier Ant to do things and HE DOES THEM! He lets his guard down and Soldier takes him down with an armdrag. Mantis trips him down and drops a pair of elbows. SCOOP AND A SLAM! Mantis chokes him. He stretches Soldier across his knee with a Japanese stranglehold and hits a backbreaker. Fire Ant accidentally distracts referee Bryce Remsburg and Mantis takes the opportunity to choke again. Rope-assisted splash on Soldier. BIG headbutts. He chops him against the ropes. Mantis charges and gets back dropped to the outside. SLINGSHOT SUNSET FLIP to the outside by Soldier! He gets back in and hits a beautiful tope back out to Mantis. Back in, Mantis goes for the Tiger Driver, but Soldier counters to a TKO. That gets Soldier Ant the upset victory over the much more experience Ultramantis Black(5:26)!

Rating: **. Decent match. I honestly couldn’t have expected any better with the time given.

*”Simply Marvelous” Mitch Ryder vs. “The Dark Minion of the Underworld” Hallowicked
This is a bit of a styles clash. Ryder the Southern brawler and Hallowicked being a lucha-influenced high-flyer. Hallowicked is currently embroiled in a feud with Eddie Kingston, while Ryder is feuding with the “Mexican” hoochadores of CHIKARA. Ryder stalls and jaws with the fans for a while. He grabs a side headlock on Hallowicked. He hits a shoulderblock and poses to thunderous boos. Hiptoss and more posing. Tie-up, Wicked gets taken down with an armdrag and more posing! Awesome. Wicked hits a hiptoss and armdrag of his own before sending Ryder to the outside with a Yakuza kick. Ryder stalls on the outside for about a minute, breaking the count every now and then. He gets back in and jaws with the fans some more. Punch and a kick to wicked. Wicked blocks a hiptoss and hits one of his own. Armdrag and an armbar on Ryder. Back elbow takes Wicked to the mat and Ryder methodically stalks him around the ring, pounding at him. BACK RAKE~! Wicked ducks a clothesline and a crossbody gets two. Ryder nearly decapitates him with a clothesline and instead of capitalising, poses on the second rope! Ryder puts him in a headlock and uses the ropes for leverage when Bryce isn’t looking. Wicked rolls him up and gets two. MITCH IS ANGRY! BIG punch to the gut of Wicked. They duke it out in the centre of the ring. Wicked gets the advantage and hits a RIODINE BOMB! Ryder attempts to beg him off. He whips Wicked into the ropes and hits a clothesline. He goes up top, but Wicked slams him back down. Wicked misses a charge in the corner and hits himself on the turnbuckle. Bryce goes to check on him and Mitch pulls a chain out of his tights. He nails Wicked with it and covers for the win(10:42)!

Rating: ***. Good match, Ryder is absolutely perfect in his gimmick.

*”The Man That Gravity Forgot” PAC vs. Claudio Castagnoli
Oh, yes, this should be good. They mat wrestle to a stand-off. Pac finds inventive ways to get out of a wristlock and they trade pins. Armdrag sends Claudio to the outside. He slowly gets back in. He takes Pac down and locks in an anklelock, trying to take away Pac’s flying game. Gymnastics display out of Pac and a standing corkscrew moonsault gets two. On my review of the previous night, I asked if Pac has no teeth or is just wearing a black mouthguard. On commentary, Chris Hero says he was wondering if Pac had no front teeth and then found out he uses a mouth guard. Pac goes for that running forearm that he loves to do, but Claudio cuts him off with a pump kick! Scoop slam and a leg drop gets two. Surfboard. Claudio stomps at Pac and hits a rolling uppercut. La Mahistral gets two. Pac fires back with punches, but Claudio throws him about twelve feet into the air and just lets him fall back down. He chokes Pac with his boot in the corner and hits a fallaway slam. Or as Scott Hall calls it, the Sack of Shit. Dropsault sends Claudio to the floor and Pac hits him with a corkscrew moonsault to the outside. He rolls Claudio back in and follows with the Eddie slingshot senton. Tumbleweed senton gets two. Hurricanrana almost plants Claudio on his head and it gets two. Pac misses an enziguri and Claudio locks him around the waist and lifts him up into a German suplex. Sick. He throws Pac up from the mat and allows him to free-fall to the mat. Back elbow from Pac and a diving tornado DDT gets two. He goes back up, but Claudio catches him with an uppercut and a step-up enziguri. ACE CRUSHER! ROARING UPPERCUT! It only gets a two-count! Pac jumps onto Claudio’s shoulders and moonsaults off. Claudio misses a pump kick and a sunset flip by Pac gets two. He goes up, Claudio catches him when he goes for the Dragonrana…RICOLA BOMB! That’s enough to put Pac away(11:10)! They get a standing ovation from the fans.

Rating: ***1/2. Really fun, these guys just went at like 1000mph for the whole eleven minutes. Pac using his little bursts of speed to try and topple the much larger Claudio was a nice story, but Claudio manages to better him with his supreme strength.

*Chris Hero vs. Brute Issei
Both men lost the previous night. Issei lost to Eddie Kingston and Hero lost to the biggest jobber in all of CHIKARALand, Equinox. Poor man. I can’t possibly dislike Issei when he comes out to DragonForce. Hero actually shakes his hand. They exchange holds for a while. Hero can’t get anything going. They both fail at taking each other down with shoulderblocks. Hero gets cocky and gets taken down. Body slam and a leg drop. Issei looks so damn awkward in the ring. Hero slaps him and gets taken down again. Brute goes for a back drop driver, but Hero blocks. He goes for it again and Hero lands on his feet. He appears to land wrong and has hurt himself. Issei shows concern and Hero stomps his feet and pounds him into the mat. Brute comes back with a forearm, only for Hero to blast him with a big boot and send him to the mat. Back senton and an elbow drop by Hero. Issei gets sent the outside and Hero ties to follow with a double axe handle, but it gets blocked. BIG roaring forearm to Issei. Hero throws him shoulder-first into the ring post and punches at his shoulder. He rolls him in and follows with a slingshot stomp. Another senton out of Hero and it gets a two-count. Yakuza kick in the corner, but Issei has FIGHTING SPIRIT LOL~!! Hero tries to subdue him with forearms, but Issei comes back with forearms and elbows. HUGE splash in the corner by Issei. GORE! GORE! GORE! GORE! It only gets two! ROARING FOREARM and a CRA-FUCKIN’-VATE from HERO! HERO’S WELCOME! Two-count. Issei blocks a lariat and hits one of his own. He’s all wired up like a spider monkey! Hero better watch out for the scissor kick to the head! DOUBLE STOMP from the top rope by Hero ends it(10:48)!

Rating: ***. Hero made this match, everything that he done was great.

*Shayne Hawke is backstage. Don’t laugh, it’ll only encourage him. Apparently, Lince Dorado is Mexican for loser.

*”Superstar” Shayne Hawke vs. “The Golden Lynx” Lince Dorado
They fight over a wristlock to start. Legsweep by Lince and they do a fast sequence. It ends when Lince armdrags Lince to the outside and fakes him out. He hiptosses him back into the ring. He goes for a crossbody, but Hawke catches him with a kick to the gut. Closed-fist punches and chokes away. Lince hits a shaky moonsault press and hits Hawke with his legs. Knee drop by Hawke. He works the right arm of Lince, legdropping it and putting him in a keylock. Dropkick and a leg lariat by Dorado. BIG back body drop and a La Mahistral gets two. Big boot, back senton and a quebrada isn’t enough to put Hawke away. Hawke hits an ace crusher out of nowhere and gets a two-count. THE STRAPS ARE DOWN! Dorado blocks a superkick and hits one of his own, knocking Hawke into Bryce. With the ref down, Mitch Ryder runs out. PILEDRIVER TO LINCE! Hawke covers as Bryce slowly gets back up and gets the win(6:49).

Ryder says he’s not an immigration officer, but he’s going send Dorado back where he came from. RACISM~! He tells Dorado to get seven of his hoochadore friends and meet him and the Kings of Wrestling at the Cibernetico next month. Ryder says that Dorado and his people are TAKIN ARR JERBS! Who would’ve thought that it would be CHIKARA of all companies to finally do a “Mexicans-tuk-arr-jarbs” storyline?

Rating: **. Fun match, not much to it though.

*NWA World Junior Heavyweight Champion
“Lightning” Mike Quackenbush (c) vs. Akira Raijin
Raijin has a 29 lbs weight advantage over Quackenbush. Quack gets in Raijin’s face during the introductions. They start things out slowly until Raijin refuses to break cleanly in the corner and just pounds the shit outta Quack. Quack quickly takes him down to the mat and puts him in a hamstring/knee submission. They get back to their feet when Raijin reaches the ropes. Quack can’t take him down with shoulderlocks, so take’s him down with an armdrag and transitions it smoothly into a half-crab. Raijin works a headlock and takes Quack down. Hurricanrana out of Quack sends Raijin to the outside. TOPE CON HILO! Back in, Quack uses a leglock, but Raijin grabs the ropes. Big knee to the bread basket to Quack. Dragon kick to the previously-injured back of Quackenbush. Raijin digs his knee into the bak and locks in a chinlock. Quack, with help from the fans, gets to his feet, only to run into another knee. He goes for a sunset flip, but can’t take Raijin down. Diving clothesline to a grounded Quack by Raijin. He’s stealing moves from Jimmy Olsen! DRAGON SCREW from Quackenbush! He goes for a Sharpshooter, but Raijin pushes him away and nails a lariat. Raijin attempts to pound Quack into the mat and goes to his eyes when Bryce orders him to stop. He hits a trifecta of headbutts and whips Quack into the corner. Lariat. He goes for a suplex from the second rope, but Quack blocks and pushes him off. Quack rolls through a slam and hits a running knee. Chops. He runs the ropes, but gets caught with a overhead belly-to-belly. Quack fights back to his feet and a lariat sends both men to the mat. They get up and Quack just unloads on slaps on chops. BLACK TORNADO SLAM! It only gets two. Has Quack ever finished a match with the BTS? BACK DROP DRIVER TO QUACK! Raijin calls for the finish. BLUE THUNDAH DRIVAH~! It only gets two! Quack ducks the lariat and rolls him up. Two. Reverse Boston Crab. Raijin gets the ropes. Raijin PLANTS Quack with a Tombstone. He goes to the top ropes. DIVING HEADBUTT! ONE-TWO-TH-NO! Quack hits a palm strike and they exchange shots. Quack locks in the Lightning Lock and Raijin taps(12:45)!

Rating: ***1/4. Great big man-small man match. My only problem with the match would be Quack doing pretty much nothing to get the win. He got the crap beat out of him then locked in a couple of submissions out of nowhere for the win. Still, great match that totally surpassed my expectations.

*CHIKARA Campeones de Parejas Team FIST (Icarus and Gran Akuma) vs. Las Chivas (Chiva Dos and Chiva Tres)
Akuma and one of the Chivas start. I have no idea which is which. They do some stuff and Akuma bails. Chiva fakes him out and tags in his fellow goat and Icarus gets in. They do some stuff for a while. Mitch Ryder on commentary calls the Chivas “fence-jumping immigrants”. The man is incredible. Somersault legdrop to Icarus. Icarus gets put in a reverse tree of woe and Chiva dropkicks him. Clubs to the back of Icarus. Chiva runs the ropes and Akuma kicks him HARD in the back. Suplex by Icarus and he tags in Akuma. Spin kick to Chiva and a dragon kick. Icarus gets in and he peppers him with kicks to the head.The other Chiva accidentally distracts Bryce and the Chiva in the ring takes two SICK Germans, one from Icarus and one from Akuma. Icarus spears him. He whips him into the corner and charges, but Chiva his a drop toe hold into the corner. He rams his head into the backside of Icarus. The other Chiva and Akuma get in. They trade kicks. Chiva catches him and hits an exploder suplex. Enziguri and a pinning combination gets two. Akuma gets sent to the outside and Chiva follows with a tope. Icarus and the other Chiva go at it. Reverse suplex by Icarus. Knees to the head by Chiva and a reverse DDT. Akuma goes for a DDT, but Chiva blocks it and the other Chiva hits an enziguri on him. Fancy head-drop powerbomb on Icarus. Akuma and Chiva go up. Spider exploder suplex by Akuma and a moonsault. He covers, but Icarus pulls him off, so he can hit a Shiranui and he ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DRILLS CHIVA WITH A PEDIGREE! Seriously, he landed straight on his head. Icarus puts on a fanny pack and goes up. FANNY PACK FROG SPLASH! FIST refuse to cover, instead choosing to kick the shit out of the Chivas and FIST are disqualified for excessive violence(12:03). FIST continue the beating.

Rating: *1/2. Dull as dishwater, this was. I wasn’t into it at all.

*Cup vs. CHIKARA Career
Young Lions Cup Champion “Sexy Chucky T” Chuck Taylor vs. Ricochet
These two have wrestled each other like a hundred times before and, I believe this is their fourth singles match in CHIKARA alone since their debuts last June. I adore Taylor’s theme, ‘Hey Sandy’ by Polaris. Introductions are done in-ring. Ricochet has gotten RIPPED lately. He still only weights 160 lbs though. Skinny bastard. Taylor attacks before the bell and throws Ricochet to the outside. He throws him around some and takes him back in the ring where he pounds him down. Taylor fish hooks him and chokes him. Back out. STIFF kicks to Ricochet. Back in, Ricochet gains advantage with his speed. Taylor quickly regains posession and pulls Ricochet’s hair. Lots. Elbow drop and a lackadaisical cover gets two. Taylor continues the beating with a big back suplex. Chuck threatens to kill everyone in the building with a grenade. He throws an imaginary grenade at Ricochet and drops an elbow. Taylor pins with just a single hand over Ricochet’s back. Needless to say, Ricochet gets up. Sleeper hold. The fans get behind Ricochet and he gets out. He runs the ropes and Chuck hits an overhead belly-to-belly WITH AUTHORITY! BIG BOOT REMOVES RICOCHET’S FACE! BEAUTIFUL dropkick by Taylor! He pulls some of Ricochet’s hair out and puts him in a straight jacket surfboard. Ricochet ducks a clothesline, but Taylor catches him with another overhead belly-to-belly. Taylor goes up, but Ricochet catches him with a kick. Taylor tries to sunset flip him off, bu Ricochet blocks and hits a ‘rana. Enziguri to Chuck. Ricochet looks to have hurt his foot. A clothesline sends Taylor to the outside. He goes for a dive, but Taylor moves and Ricochet misses. Chop battle and Ricochet gets back body dropped right back in. Chuck cartwheels out of an armdrag. Ricochet misses a standing SSP, but hits a standing moonsault and gets two. Chuck hits a Yakuza in the corner and goes for a powerbomb, only for Ricochet to get out and hit a pele kick. Taylor falls into the corner and Ricochet hits a cannonball senton. Taylor reverses a backslide into SOLE FOOD~! Quick pin exchanges and a kick ALMOST TAKES RICOCHET’S HEAD RIGHT OFF! He covers, but only gets a two-count. 619 sends Chuck to the outside and a moonsault from the top rope barely catches Taylor. Back in, Chuck locks in a Gory Special, but Ricochet reverses to a BACKSLIDE DRIVER! STANDING SPP! ONE-TWO-NO! Taylor places Ricochet on the second rope in the turnbuckle, so that his legs are resting on one side and his head on the other. Taylor hits a senton off onto him. He covers and Ricochet grabs the rope at the last second. Powerbomb gets two. Chuck calls for the AWFUL WAFFLE! Ricochet counters it and hits CHOCOLATE RAIN!!! Ricochet goes up. Taylor tries to crotch him, but Ricochet moonsaults off. Chuck rolls him up and NAILS him right in the nuts. Bryce doesn’t see it and starts the count, ONE-TWO-THREE(15:57)! Ricochet is gone from CHIKARA.

Rating: ***1/2. I was SO into this by the end. These guys just threw everything that they had at each other and eventually Taylor just lost patience. Great match and my MOTN.

Next CHIKARA show to be reviewed: Cibernetico & Robin!

The 411: Good show. Not much filler on this one, so it's an automatic improvement over the previous night's show. The main event and Pac-Claudio were HELLA good and make this a worthy purchase.
Final Score:  6.5   [ Average ]