411’s AAA/CMLL Report 4.11.05

Hey, Hey its Lucha Libre on 411. I didn’t do a show last week, because I knew it would be sandwiched between all the Wrestlemania weekend coverage, and then probably the most important RAW of the year. I felt it wasn’t right of me to bump the grand daddy of them all, with the luchadors. Still though, I’ve got a piping hot fresh edition of lucha for all you fans out there. Its week # 7, and thus far according to my official battle ratings, CMLL & AAA are tied. Both of last week’s shows were very sub-par and we’ll see who takes the lead this week, in what should be a exciting night of lucha. But first all that isn’t Lucha:

First and foremost, I want to send my thoughts and prayers to Larry Csonka, who is dealing with some tough family emergencies. Larry does a ton over here at 411, and he’s the entire reason I have a job here to begin with. So everyone give Csonk a little credit this week, and go easy on the guy as he’s got plenty on his plate more important then “WRASSLIN”. Hope everything turns out for the best Larry.

Moving on to wrestling, I have some quick thoughts on WrestleMania in Hollywood:

Fun show overall, but I felt it was only fun because it was Mania. If you took a couple of the bad matches, and a couple of the good matches, then threw out the rest and called it 3 hours of any other WWE PPV I’m betting it wouldn’t get favorable reviews. The ‘Spectacle’ as it were, bailed them out on this one. Plus the extra hour allowed them more time to do more.

I’m glad to see Rhyno go, I think he was a big waste of space. I’m sorry to see Hardy go, but he’ll do just fine in TNA. He got screwed over by Lita, ROYALLY, but that’s the breaks sometimes kids. Remember boys, women are the root of all evil. Jeff & Matt together again in TNA. Color me interested.

With that said, I want to talk about feedback for a minute. I respond to each and every email I get. That’s not to say I get a lot. Some weeks I might only get one or two emails. But there have been weeks where I’ve gotten quite a bit. I always try to respond, even to those of you who think I suck. I’ve wrote on other sites before, and I know how this crap works. I can tell I must be catching on here at 411, because I finally got challenged to a duel….. I’ve got some fabulous feedback to share with you this week….

I received a couple of emails last week about my comments on Ultimate Fighter. I’m kinda surprised seeing as how I only made one minor mention of the damn show, wedged in some match. It makes me wonder why no one is covering this thing on 411, it might would draw hits. Anyway, some people agreed with me thinking that Josh Kotcheck probably should have won his fight, or at least got a draw. Another guy said he thought Diego won, but said it was a close fight. But one guy didn’t agree at all. He proceeded to call me a idiot and whatnot, and said I knew nothing about UFC. I kindly replied to his email, as I try to make it a policy to respond to everyone who emails me. I told him, I knew enough about MMA to be disappointed in the result. After all I can’t be too wrong, as one judge scored the fight exactly how I would have. Apparently one email just wasn’t enough from this joker, so I get this:

i agree diego didnt dominate but youre still pretty ignorant. they were both incredibley blown up. look at koscheks kicks he threw towards the end. no gas. the fact that diego couldnt break every takedown doesnt mean shit, the fact that he escaped at least two DOES. I have a lot more logical counterpoints but im not going to waste them on someone who thinks that koscheck won that fight. its funny. alsmot as funny as the wheel of fortune quip. oh hoo hoo the wit oh haha… yeah anyways stick to the worked shit. did i mention my MMA record is 6-1? whats yours?

I swear on the holy bible, this guy actually sent me a email cutting me down, yet couldn’t find the time to capitalize ONE word. Then again, this guy is a MMA fighter. Why would he care about some guy who just writes about the ‘worked shit’. This guy is just a regular Joe, he surely wouldn’t have the time to write things that make sense. He’s no author, just a MMA fighter putting me in my place. I sent him a one sentence response, sending him back to whatever e-fed he came from. Or so I thought. But apparently this MMA superstar, just can’t leave me alone.

haha wow youre so witty. You know what I did after I lost my first MMA fight? I trained to be a pro wrestler. I have my debut match in May for XWW. What about you? want to give me more hilarious wit? e-feds! lol!!11 thats like so witty omfg! BURN!! anyways i have some real life shit to do no more time wasting.

Wait so this dude couldn’t hack it as a shoot fighter, and now he’s headed to XWW? What the hell is that? I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, and say he meant WXW. Still it doesn’t say much for him if he quit the real sport, for the ‘fake’ one. That he totally trashed in his first email. I’m starting to get the vibe that this guy’s MMA matches were done on Street Fighter 2. Of course, by this time I’m not even going to dignify this with a response. Though it would be funny to tear him apart, I figured I’d just leave well enough alone. Why argue with a idiot? Yet before I can delete his email….wait, what’s this? ANOTHER EMAIL!

oh and is there any particular reason they have you doing the lucha shit that no one reads? cos youre a shitty writer?

I probably am a shitty writer. Though I openly applied for the Lucha, cause frankly recapping WWE would make me want to poke my eyes out. ‘They’ don’t have me doing anything. I pitched a idea, they liked it, and hired me. Simple as that. 7 Weeks later, I’m still here, so I guess I’m doing alright.

whats that? im a published writer too! oh my I guess I just have a bigger penis than you lol. Surely it is massive. keep writing boring columns and Ill keep competing and performing.

And there you have it folks. Long Dong Silver, the accomplished writer, with several published novels I’m sure, a career in MMA that is so legendary he might as well be a member of the Gracie family, and a start in WXW or XWW that’s about to set the world on fire. Stand back Batista, here comes the next big thing. And what’s wrong with doing the lucha report anyway? He acts as if I’m doing this cause I failed to finish my version of ‘War & Peace’. Its ridiculous, but I found it quite amusing that someone who is such a jack of all trades, not only read my recaps and caught my 2 line UFC mention, but then responded with FOUR, count them, FOUR emails to hammer home how I’m a loser, and he’s man of the year. I’m surprised he didn’t just run the full gamut, and tell me I’m fat, he’s banged more chics then I’ve ever seen, and that he can bench press 500 pounds. I guess there is only one way to settle this……MMA match. You just name the arcade partner, but I’m calling E.Honda. None of that Turbo crap either. “CHOP SUEY!”

And some quick TNA notes. Every match in a steel cage match? Oh my. Then there are gimmicks mixed in on top of that? Now as of the time I’m writing this, every net writer hasn’t crapped all over this. However I know they will, probably by the time you read this, they already have. I agree, that in one aspect it’s probably a bad idea. I mean, after this TNA might as well not have anymore gimmick matches for a loooong time. However, who hasn’t booked a fantasy card with all cage matches? I know that 90% of us have. Just research ‘Rage in the Cage’ and I’ll bet you’ll find 100 e-feds using the gimmick for a PPV. Now, does it translate to a fun show for TNA? Well no one has really ever done a PPV like that, and I’m interested so I’ll check it out. Will it be good? That remains to be seen, but I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt. Though even I am about ready to take the book from Dusty, before he screws up TNA too much. Its not the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard, and it’ll be a unique experience. It might work, and it might not. Wait and see.

With the hilarity of my feud with Stephen King the mixed martial artist out of the way, its time for Lucha Libre on 411. We’ve got 2 hours of AAA this week, as no CMLL aired. We’ll take a break from the Lucha version of the Monday Night Wars, and just enjoy some solid Luchador action.

4.10.05

AAA is coming live from Korakuen Hall this week. As they tour Japan. But more on that later. A very special thanks to 411’s own Peter Kent for sending me advanced copy of tonight’s matches. Peter does the Violent Panda report on Thursdays, and if you don’t read him, you should. He’s the funniest guy in all of 411. Bank on it. Anyway, our opening match is about to get underway!

Alebrije/Esther Moreno/Pimpinela Escarlata vs. Danshoku Dino/Ayako Hamada/Kaz Hayashi

We got all kinds of international talent here. Ayako & Hayashi are from All Japan. You may remember Kaz from the Jung Dragons in WCW, with Jimmy Yang now Akio in WWE, and Jamie Noble, now working at your local KFC. Pimpinela is one of our favorite cross dressing wrestlers. Anyway. Alebrije is like a human butterfly man, and he has a midget that looks exactly like him. Esther Moreno comes out to “Bad to the Bone” which is cool, cause she’s a freaky looking chick. I’m not sure if the Japs know how to respond to Pimpinela. Which is okay, cause I don’t know how to respond to him/her/it myself. Pimpinela has quite the entrance, and comes out looking all like a Wooly Whatsit. He just kissed a Japanese man on the lips on his entrance. This just in…Japanese man kills himself at wrestling show.

Ayako Hamada has like 47 belts too. I’m serious, I haven’t seen this many belts since Ultimo Dragon held like every cruiserweight title. Kaz Hayashi is ridiculously over, and I can’t blame them for liking him. He’s like baby-Muta. Pimpinela wants a kiss, but Kaz is ALL man and says no. Danshoku Dino’s gimmick is like half Eugene, half Bushwhacker Luke. We get Titantrons for everyone which is sorta cool, cause they don’thave those normally in AAA. This is in the 6 Sided ring too, for those that are keeping score.

Even Danshoku Dino is repulsed by Pimpinela. Ahh, you just don’t get freaks like this state side. We take a quick commercial break, (What no recaps of the commercials? That’s right!) and it’s time for the opening bell.

Danshoku Dino and Pimpinela start off, with a exchange that can only be called a strut-fest. Its sorta like Riverdance, but with queers. That turns to hair pulling, and that turns to both ‘men’ pulling the hair of the ref. Hilarity ensues. Pimpinela tags to Esther Moreno, and the tag on the other side is made to Ayako. Esther Moreno does a front flip into the ring, but Ayako isn’t impressed. Afterall she’s got 30 belts, why should she care if you can do a flip? She kicks Esther Moreno in the gut. They do some arm drags and arm work. I guess there is some miscommunication, but it results in the coolest spot I’ve ever seen. Both girls go for a arm drag, and just lock arms and fall. That’s funny and realistic. Ayako ends up on the better end of the exchange and tags out. Kaz and Alebrije in now. Handshakes turn to right hands from Kaz. Alebrije with a arm drag. Mini-Alebrije in for the butt bite on Kaz Hayashi and he gives chase to the mini. Alebrije catches Kaz with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on the outside. Mini-Alebrije looks like a tiny kid. Pimpinela somehow ends up in the ring with Dino again, and makes Dino toss his salad. Then gives him a missile dropkick, and a standing clothesline and a standing dropkick. BITCH SLAP BY PIMPINELA! Alebrije is back in, and gives a mean fireman’s carry into a senton to Dino. Lyger-esque kick by Alebrije. Pimpinela back in and makes Dino eat a back elbow. Well at least it wasn’t his ass again. Esther in and she dropkicks Dino. Esther Moreno has some big boobs in that vinyl. She ends up in the wrong end of town, and Kaz, Ayako and Dino triple team her. Kaz Hayashi tags in and beats on the woman for a bit to get some heel heat. Alebrije in for his team, but he gets taken down. Kaz grabs Mini-Alebrije and press slams him into a snake eyes. I swear the announcers just referenced Vinnie Vegas. “SHADES OF VINNIE VEGAS, THERE COLE!”. Kaz is working the heel bit pretty good. Beating up women and midgets. Muy Rudo! Pimpinela has seen enough, and he crawls across the ring and begins biting the ass of Kaz. At least I hope he’s biting. Is wrestling gay? I’m really getting that feeling here. OH MY GOD! Dino just knocked Pimpinla off Kaz’ ass, and then HE ATTACKS HIS OWN PARTNERS ASS! He’s not biting either, I swear he’s licking. You know, never did I think in any recap would I say “He attacks his own partners ass”. Whew, this is about as gay as you could get right now. Alebrije in now, and he wants Ayako. Cause he’s all man. Or all butterfly dragon. Regardless we get man versus woman again. Alebrije gets slapped. Alebrije goes for a chokeslam but eats headscissor instead. Ayako Hamada with a beautiful srpingboard moonsault. Alebrije kicks out at one, but Ayako goes nuts with chops and kicks. She goes for a slam on Alebrije, but he channels Andre The Giant, and she can’t get him up. He slams her instead. Alebrije tries to go to work, but Kaz Hayashi sneaks in and slams Alebrije for Ayako. She goes up top and dives off with a nice moonsault, but Alebrije gets his feet up. OUCH! Alebrije clotheslines Kaz. Alebrije goes back to work on Ayako and hits a wicked modified Fisherman’s buster. Alebrije tags out to Esther who comes in with a faceplant on Ayako. Rollup gets 2. Then Esther dropkicks her in the face. Ayako fights back and goes up top. Pimpinela distracts her long enough up top, for Esther to hit a top rope rana. The announcers say plain as day “Goodbye and see you later.” so I guess they feel confident that will do it. Esther drops a Muta-esque elbow on the rather large chest of Ayako. I can’t tell if thats her outfit, or if she has some big oriental tea bags hiding under there. Esther Moreno hits her own picture perfect moonsault, and that should do it but Kaz breaks it up. He tries to powerbomb her, but she ranas him for two. Irish whip and she tries to spalsh Kaz with her boobs, but Hayashi flips her onto the apron. She grabs his hand, Old school perhaps? No she bites his fingers. Praying rope walk into a arm drag. Then she headscissors him down. Pimpinela tagged in, and he hits a bearhug. Dino saves Hayashi, but Pimpinela stays on top. Alebrije comes in with some more offense. Spinning chokeslam by Alebrije! Ayako Hamada in for the save. She gets launched into the air and knocks Alebrije out of the ring. ASAI MOONSAULT BY AYAKO! Wicked! Alebrije is dead outside. Esther Moreno comes in, and does a middle rope flipping plancha onto the pile. Nice! Kaz uses it as a chance to beat on Pimpinela. Dino back in onto Pimpinela. Alebrije back in now, and he sends Dino out of the ring. Alebrije prepares to plancha, but Mini-Alebrije comes in and wants to do it instead. Mini-Alebrije planchas headfirst onto Dino, who EASILY catches him. He sits Mini-Alebrije down and BIG BOOTS the little guy. But he’s distracted and here comes Original Recipe Alebrije to plancha onto Dino! Kaz is in, and he’s pumped and ready. Pimpinela and him exchange for a minute, and Kaz gets a school girl/boy for the 3 count! Afterwards Pimpinela’s team is pissed, so they hold Kaz down, and PIMPINELA KISSES KAZ! He sells it like acid has been thrown in his face. Heh. Everyone ‘celebrates’ and we head to commercial.

Winners: Danshoku Dino/Ayako Hamada/Kaz Hayashi
– Historia Del Futbol tells you all about the great history of the world’s least exciting sport!

– Univision.com commercial on Galavision?

– Go to the Miami Latin Film Festival, and see this sucka get knocked out!

Verdict: This was a fine opener. The action was good, but they did too much comedy for it to be considered a serious match. Ayako and Esther had some fun exchanges once their miscues got out of the way. Perhaps a language barrier? Anyway the action was fast paced, and the comedy spots weren’t ridiculous. Overall it wasn’t bad, but there was a little too much homoerotic action for my personal tastes.

We’re back in the land of the rising sun. I wonder what kinda crowd they drew in Japan? There seems to be a lot of people there, but the house lights are ridiculously dark. Every time they show the crowd up close it looks like its from ECW’s fan cam. Weird. Its time for some midget tag team action!

LLL Mascot Tag Titles: Mascara Sagrada & Mascarita Sagrada vs. Psicosis & Mini Psicosis

If you’ve never seen Mini Psicosis you are missing something special. And by that I mean, much like Mini-Abismo they are about Rey Mysterio size. Not quite Midgets at all. In Mini Psicosis’ case its like watching mirror images. This appears to be a different Mascarita Sagrada then the one we’ve covered before. And of course, there are 2 Macara Sagradas, one in AAA and one in CMLL. Talk about confusing. Stalling to start. Roll up by Mascara. Psicosis is out of it, and Sagrada is flipping around. Psicosis with the side headlock. Smell the WCW influence! Reversal into a drop toe hold by Sagrada. Arm flips, into arm drags. Mascara Sagrada with another roll up varaition that Psicosis gets out of. SEND IN THE MIDGETS! Mini Psicosis towers over Mascarita. Mini Psicosis tries a handshake, but Mascarita keeps moving his hand. The crowd chants “OLE!” As if Mini Psicosis was a bull. That’s actually a pretty cute little bit. Of course they do it about 4 times past the point it was funny anymore. Mini Psicosis with a front face slam, Sagrada floats over, and they do some basics on the mat. Mini Psicosis gets rolled up for a 2. Bizarre surfboard submission by Mini Psicosis. Monkey flips into armdrags. Mini Psicosis is playing the heel alright. They are really hammering home the basics with arm work. Some cool flips are thrown in, here and there but its still 1980’s Bill Irwin Superstars stuff. Spinning headscissor by Mascarita. Full size men back in now. Mascara tries a flip, and falls on his ass. Psicosis gets beat down a bit, and begins to stall. Minis back in. More headscissors from Mascarita. Psicosis in now with the midget version of Mascara. Psicosis beats him up, and then Mascara comes in. Both Psicosis double team Sagrada. That’s sorta cool. I think both Psicosises should just be a tag team. Now they double team Mascarita Sagrada. The crowd chants for Mascarita. Psicosis with a top rope senton on Mascarita. Thats one flat midget. Team Psicosis do some taunts. Super frankensteiner by Mini Psicosis. Psicosis continues control, and we get different variations of that for a bit. Modified powerbomb by Psicosis. Dual powerbombs by the Psicosis brothers. Now the Sagradas are making a comeback. This match seems REALLY long. The novelty of seeing miniature versions of everybody has wore off now, and its starting to reveal a lackluster lucha match underneath. Its not Rey-Eddie bad, POW! but its still pretty boring. Psicosis attempts a powerbomb on Mascarita, but he manages to get out. Giant swing on Mascarita by Psicosis. Psicosis chases after Mascarita, but finds Mascara and gets beat down. Interesting spot where Mascara and Mascarita toss both Psicosises out of the ring, then plancha onto both of them. Back inside now, Sunset flip by Mascarita on Mini Psicosis. Couple more pins. Both Sagradas get sunset flips on both Psicosises. God just end this match. Another 40 pin spots. Psicosis misses a bronco buster, and Mascara flip dives onto him. Mini Psicosis goes after Mascarita, but gets locked in a submisison, and taps. HOOOOOORAAAAY!

Winners: Mascara Sagrada & Mascarita Sagrada

We’re off to commercial!

– La Jugada is more soccer bullshit.

– Go see Amityville Horror, or just go rent the original cause you know it’s better.

– Get the Mexican Gerber life plan. Its just like the American one, but in PESOS!

– Pride Fighting on PPV! Order TNA’s PPV instead and see like 8 cage matches!

Verdict: There were some good spots in this one. Some neat planchas and whatnot, but this suffered from what I like to call Lucha spot syndrome. LSS is a deadly thing. In between the cool planchas, was pointless arm bars, roll ups and arm drags. None of it went anywhere, and half of it was done by midgets. Flipping around is only cool if it leads to something. This match didn’t go anywhere, and the finish was lackluster. If you cut this match in half, you’d have a good match. At this length, it just started to drag on and on and on and on and on and on. Like a Triple H promo.

– Los Reportoes get the stories first BIATCH!

– Disney teaches English to Mexicans! Yea that’ll work. Because when I think of good literate folks, I think of Goofy…..GOSH!

– ITT for dumb Americans, and you dumb Spanish speaking people too!

– ACCION! Another name for a Soccer SHOW!

Electroshock/Jushin Thunder Liger/Lady Apache/Oriental/Zorro vs. Mr. Aguila/Charly Manson/Juventud Guerrera/Tiffany/Cuervo

I may be wrong on Cuervo’s name. So if you know who he is, then great. Email me. If you don’t, then well, here is how Peter Kent described him. “big-ass grey guy with a skull mask” Yea that about covers it. He’s in a total foam rubber suit. He’s like the lost member of GWAR. Anyway this match is going to be good, so its on like a pot of neckbone!

Juvi and Lyger start us off. Face off, and shoving match. They circle each other, as the crowd is split on who they prefer. Tags to Apache and Tiffany. The girls circle one another and Apache hits a german suplex right out of the gate. Spinning something or the other by Apache takes Tiffany down. Tiffany up and gets some offense, but Apache flips over her. Tiffany with a reverse faceplant, IE: Hitting the back of her head instead of her face. Apache into the corner, and Tiffany gives chase. Apache flips over Tiff then smacks her on her ample behind. Roll up, but JIZMAK THE GUSHA comes in and breaks all that up with a big boot. Electroshock takes Corona down with a flying cross body block. He tries to shoulderblock him down after that, but runs right into one of BEEFCAKE THE MIGHTY’S foam rubber spikes on his shoulder and Electroshock is down. Repeated spiked shoulderblocks, but Electroshock finally hits a pair of feet to the face. Electroshock goes to work on the foam rubber madman and finally knocks him out of the ring. Tags to Charly Manson and Oriental. I don’t think Oriental gets enough respect. Charly is sporting Marilyn Manson getup from about 98. Oriental boots him over, and gives him chops to the chest. Reverse flipping headscissor by Oriental, then a dropkick, into ANOTHER headscissor and Charly is out of the ring. Not giving him a second to recover, Oriental hits the far corner ropes and comes flying out of the ring with a middle rope suicide dive. He climbs back into the ring, and celebrates with his team. Tag to Zorro and here comes Aguila! A lot of talent packed in that ring, I tell ya that much. Mr. Aguila and Zorro exchange chops. Now fisticuffs. Sholder by Zorro, and Mr. Aguila nails a brutal reverse knife edge. Both men flip around each other. Mr. Aguila misses a barge, but ducks under a savate kick but eats a spin kick the goozler. Mr. Aguila retaliates with repeated kicks, into a springboard short-arm powerslam. Fan fucking-tabulous! Tag to Lyger and Juvi! HERE WE GO! Juvi seems to have won the crowd over, and appears to have only had a small bit of Saki. Lock up gets nowhere. Juvi-Juice with the clean break. Now both men chopping the piss out of each other. Leapfrogs, and Juvi nails a headscissor. Tries another, but Lyger flips him to the apron. Stun gun by Juvi! Springboard rana back into the ring by Juvi. I think Rey calls that the drive by or drime dropping or something. Oh I remember now, the West Coast Pop. Yea, that’s a dumb name. Juvi calls it the Tokyo Ecstasy Shuffle! Anyway, back to the match. Juvi and Lyger bounce around a bit, Juvi ends up on the apron again, and tries for another Tokyo Ecstasy Shuffle but Lyger turns it into a powerbomb. Sunset flips into a dropkick by Juvi. Juvientud tags out to Charly Manson who comes in and inverted atomic drop into a face jam on Lyger. 2 count. Lyger with a Enzuiguri and tags out to Oriental. Oriental tries a rana, but Charly powerbombs him to hell. Manson goes for the tag, but in comes Zorro. Wait here comes ODERUS URUNGUS! ODERUS with a huge slam, and then a middle rope Legdrop. BALSAC THE JAWS OF DEATH drops a 747 on Zorro, but somehow Zorro kicks out. FLATTUS MAXIMUS goes for the powerbomb, but Zorro rolls through, and it turns into a pin. Zorro gets out, and kicks the lost GWAR member right in the face. That’s a kick even Gor-Gor could be proud of. Electroshock comes in to try his hand at wrangling the rubber beast, but Cuervo mistakes Electroshock for SEXACUTIONER and levels him with a clothesline. JIZMAK tries another, but Electroshock turns it into a Fujiawa armbar. SLYMENSTRA HYMEN WITH THE SAVE! Okay, just kidding. Tiffany with the save. Cuervo is writhing in masochistic glee! Electroshock with a heel hook on Cuervo. Now Electroshock pounds him into the corner. Chop! WHOO! WHOO! Spin kick in the corner. SHADES OF SAVIO VEGA! Electroshock tries to irish whip him into a missile dropkick from Lady Apache, but Oderus’s demon-spawn reverses and Apache dropkicks her own man. GWAR frontman picks Lady Apache up and nails a Batista-style sit out powerbomb on her. I’m calling it the “Decay of Granduer” cause that’s what Sleazy P. Martini told me to say! Corona tags out to Tiffany, and I can stop making GWAR references. Thank goodness. Tiffany comes in like a house of fire and slaps the piss out of Apache’s breasts. Apache has had enough, and smacks Tiffany’s Applebottoms again. Whats with that? Anyway she shows how to properly apply a Mexican surfboard, and even turns it into a nifty pin. Tiffany gets out, and does some chopping, but gets irish whipped into the turnbuckle. Tiffany blocks a charge from Apache, but Lady Apacha Jap-Slaps her and climbs to the top rope. Tiffany comes back with a ho-slap of her own, and takes Lady Apache off the top rope with a flipping crucifix driver. Ouch. ONE, TWO, ELECTROSHOCK BREAKS IT UP! GWAR member Corona tries to run in and do something, but eats a sweet swinging DDT and then gets dropkicked in his paper-mache head. Lady Apache with a flip plancha onto Corona. Then Electroshock does one. The monster is dead. I repeat the monster is dead. Oriental and Charly Manson exchange recipes inside the ring. Charly goes outside, and Oriental does a moonsault out onto him. Just clipped him though. Mr. Aguila and Zorro are the legal men now. Mr. Aguila decides to do a handspring plancha onto the carcasses outside. He rolls back inside, and Lyger rolls him up with a modified La Majistral cradle. That only gets 2 however. Lyger goes for his running powerbomb, but YOU CAN’T POWERBOMB KIDMAN! Err, sorry wrong recaper. Mr. Aguila with a X-factor to reverse that. Mr. Aguila does some taunts, then whips Lyger into the turnbuckle corner. Spin kick puts him down. MOONSAULT, but Lyger gets the knees up. Powerbomb by Lyger on Mr. Aguila and that gets a 3 count.

Winners of Fall #1: Electroshock/Jushin Thunder Liger/Lady Apache/Oriental/Zorro

There is no time to celebrate however, as Zorro and Juvi are going at it nose to nose. Juvi with a series of near falls on Zorro. Juvi struggles for a backslide. German by Zorro, but Juvi lands on his feet. Juvi powerbombs Zorro and gets a 2 1/2. Zorro misses a GORE! GORE! GORE and Juvi plants him with a Juvi-driver. For the 3 count.

Winners of Fall # 2: Mr. Aguila/Charly Manson/Juventud Guerrera/Tiffany/Cuervo

Now its down to just Juvi and Lyger, as the ring is cleared of anyone but them. They face off, as the crowd is split 70/30 in favor of Juvi. Lyger misses a clothesline, and Juvi goes for the Driver, but Lyger gets out of that. Standing switch, Juvi goes to the ropes but Lyger hits one of his famous palm strike clotheslines and it actually draws boos. 2 Count for that. He pick the Juice up, but Juvi gets out of it. Juvi goes for a 619, but Lyger smells that shit coming and hops up. He tries for another palm strike, but Juvi ducks and dropkicks him onto the middle rope. 619! That only get a 2! Juvi is tired, frustrated and sobering up. What will it take to put Lyger away? He goes for the Juvi-Driver…SMALL PACKAGE by Lyger! ONE….TWO….KICKOUT! Lyger kicks him. POWERBOMB by Lyger! Oh but Lyger doesn’t pin him. Juvi kips up with fighting spirit, and nails a unsuspecting Lyger with a twisting Juvi-Driver! Similiar to the one that put Jerry Lynn on the shelf! ONE! TWO! THREE! JUVI WINS! THE BOYHOOD DREAM! THE JUICE HAS COME HOME! Or whatnot.

WINNERS: Mr. Aguila/Charly Manson/Juventud Guerrera/Tiffany/Cuervo

We head to commercial break, as I try to regain the feeling in my fingers. That was a lot of typing. And I even missed some moves and junk. ZANY!

Verdict: Now that is a match! I can’t complain about anything here. Other then perhaps I wish there had been a bit more Lyger/Juvi. They played it up well, and only had the two fight a bit, until the deciding fall. The women were spot on. Cuervo is wearing 2 tons of padded armor, and looks wicked. Electroshock was on target, as was Oriental. Just a non-stop fast paced action filled match. Well worth watching this edition of AAA if you taped it. Fun, great match. Though there was like 10 powerbombs, and that felt a bit old after a bit. Other than that, no complaints here.

– We get a commercial for ACCION! I’m sure it’s a exciting program. If Soccer is up your alley. Morgan Webb from X-Play always makes the games seem exciting. But video games and real soccer are two different birds.

– Fiel seguidor de la mъsica Darketa, este esteta que comulga con las ejecuciones espectaculares y suicidas junto a sus compaсeros Scoria, Chessman y OzZ se han vuelto unos rivales difнciles de vencer, pues su juventud ante todo los hace salir la mayorнa de las veces avantes de sus batallas.

– MAS DEPORTES! Its Futbol Mexicano!

– Eat some Cortislim ya fat bastards. But not if you only want to lose 3-5 vanity pounds. Whatever those are.

We’re back and all the guys from the match are kicking Lyger. That’s just not right. Finally Zorro and Electroshock help him up. BACK to commercials. Oy vey!

– Gerber life plan.

– Univision.com for all your needs.

– Read this column twice, and search for secret clues. Its like Legends of the hidden temple, without all the cool stuff.

– WWE Fanatic series presents: Andre The Giant, the 8th wonder of the world. Andre was always my fav wrestler as a kid, so I want to see this PPV. But $10? Come off of it WWE. Does anyone know what’s on that new Andre DVD? Matchlist anyone?

We’re back and its MAIN EVENTO TIME!

Gronda/Latin Lover/La Parka vs. Abismo Negro/Chessman/Cibernetico

Do you know how this match is the main event? They’ve pulled out the Lucha skanks. I was starting to miss them too. This La Parka wants SOOO much to be the real La Parka. But he just isn’t. Of course Abismo is one of my favorites. Latin Lover is gay, and what can I say about Gronda? He comes out in a Spawn mask, he rips that off to reveal a Devil mask, then rips that off to reveal ANOTHER devil mask, that he wears during the match. He’s incredibly buff, but he also paints his muscles on. Its very weird. Its like if Satan had a love child with Batista. He comes out to a Godzilla roar, and he likes to yell like he’s in a haunted house trying to scare kids, so he’s cool in my book.

I should also note that Cibernetico is wearing his mask again. Perhaps he heard my complaints a few weeks back about how he should put it back on. Cibernetico and Latin Lover start things off. Nothing fancy but they go back and fourth. Lover gets a rana. Chessman comes in and gets arm dragged. Latin Lover does a gay dance, and Chessman punches him for it. Latin Lover isn’t getting the INSANE face heat in Japan that he gets in Mexico, and I’m not sure he knows how to handle that. Reverse knife edge by Chessman, and a brutal return shot by Lover. Latin Lover clotheslines him over the top rope, and then does a beautiful, and I mean beautiful flip dive over the ropes. Lover could be successful in the U.S., though I don’t see why he’d ever leave AAA. Abismo and La Parka are in now. La Parka does some dancing, and the fans are getting on Negro’s case. He goes to yell at the fans, and La Parka bites him on the ass, then falls over and plays dead. See that’s something the REAL La Parka would never do. He’s not a ass biting kinda guy. Now he does a row-boat shuffle across the ring, then pees on the bottom ropes. That’s Rick Steiner’s MO, but I’ve seen the real La Parka do it. The difference is, LA Park would do that in place on a plancha, this La Parka is doing it as stalling. Good from far, but far from good. Abismo hits a left hook, and kicks La Parka while he’s down. Abismo is sporting the pea green/yellow outfit if you are wondering. He’s kinda the color of the old Constructacons figures. Anyone remember how they were yellow on the show, and kicked all kinds of ass, then the actual figures were pea green. It totally ruined the effect. Anyway Abismo Negro is representing both forms, the cartoon and the action figure in his outfit. Sideswipe would be proud. Headscissor by La Parka. Rana by Abismo gets a 2 count. Abismo misses a Stinger splash. Then he tries a turnbuckle chop, and misses that. Tries a kick, and misses that, then a shoulder ram and misses that. That’s funny. My friend used to book a spot in all his matches where one guy would keep running into another guy’s big boot. Until the guy throwing the boot would try to do a double big boot, which of course would make himself fall down. It was a funny spot. This spot wasn’t that funny, but still was pretty creative. Abismo and La Parka do some sort of 3 Stooges Karate thing, that’s not funny at all and then La Parka hits a spinning backbreaker. Chessman sneaks in with a springboard lariat on La Parka. Chessman with double chops to Parka. La Parka blows in his face. Chessman unloads with more. La Parka to the top, and hits a rana and then a enziuguri on Chessman. Cibernetico in to try his hand, and he tosses Parka. He tries a baseball slide, but Parka is in the ring already and planchas onto Chessman. Satan himself gets into the ring, and Abismo isn’t afraid. In fact he asks Gronda to compare muscles. Well I gotta admit Gronda is more pumped, but at least Abismo Negro doesn’t PAINT his muscles. Abimso tries to power him down with a double Vulcan nerve pinch, but Gronda won’t be stopped. He overpowers him. In comes Chessman, but Gronda overpowers both of them. Double clothesline by Gronda! THE POWER OF SATAN COMPELS YOU! Cibernetico comes in, and gets backdropped for his troubles. CHOKESLAM TO ABISMO! Gronda is on fire! AND HE LIKES IT! Gronda with a wicked high spinebuster on Negro. Abismo makes the tag to Chessman, who comes in with the fiery red mist, and blinds Gronda. He begins tomahawk chopping the head of Gronda. Dare I say…shades of Tatanka? Chessman, Abismo and Cibernetico triple team Gronda in their corner. Chessman mists Latin Lover with spit, while Abismo clotheslines him. Then Abismo gets to stomping on Gronda’s knee brace. Even Satan has knee problems folks. But his knee brace is painted to look like steel, and that’s very creative. Cibernetico rips off most of La Parkas mask, and it reveals a fugly face underneath. Abismo, ever the trickster has pulled out duct tape, and taped Gronda to the bottom rope. Note to self: When I end up in hell, work the leg, and bring duct tape. This leaves Latin Lover to the get the 2 on 1, he’s always wanted. Chessman nails a flying clothesline in the corner, while Abismo nails a basement dropkick to the balls. ABISMO NEGRO FREAKING RULES! Lady Apache runs from the back and UNLEASHES HELL! She cuts Gronda from his bounds, and he unloads with double axehandles to everyone. Latin Lover is still getting beat down by Cibernetico, as Tiffany runs the back and starts brawling with Lady Apache. Abismo springs off the ropes and does a springboard flipping arm drag to what’s left of La Parka. He basically has NO mask on. La Parka hits Shawn Michaels version of a Asai Moonsault on the outside. Chessman is trying to stop Satan, and Psicosis and Mr.Aguila have ran out to help him. They are strong followers of the faith, and after the recent death of the Pope, they refuse to let Satan win a pro-wrestling match. Mini-Psicosis is even in on the action. Here comes Antonio Pena from the back with the calvary! They chase the various LLL members out of the ring, as Lyger comes out and helps Satan! Latin Lover with a La Majistral on Cibernetico out of nowhere, and that gets 3! Its a LLL versus AAA brawl as we run out of time!
Winners: Gronda/Latin Lover/La Parka

We’re outta time folks!

Verdict: Nothing major to complain about here, as they were trying to recreate one of those old WCW versus nWo brawls where everyone gets involved in the match. It didn’t quite come off that well. They worked a big spot to free Gronda, and then had him get beat down as soon as he got free. Sorta silly. La Parka is a decent wrestler but he’s trying TOO hard to be La Parka. He should find his own groove, and cut out some of the silliness. LA Park can wrestle, and even implement some good psychology. This La Parka has yet to figure out that formula. Still all in all, a decent affair and a entertaining main event to close out the show.

Final Thoughts: Well that’s it for this week’s Lucha. Hopefully you enjoyed it as much as I did. This was one of the best shows I’ve got to review so far. A little bit of everything. I only really didn’t enjoy the Mascot Tag Title match, and even it was okay just too long. Other then that, the show was a solid look at some different talent from AAA and various Japanese promotions. The Juvi/Lyger stuff was very cool, and a nice look at two guys you never get to see fight one another. If CMLL had, had a show this week, they’d probably lost. Good week for CMLL to take a night off. Anywho, that’s it. If you liked the review, or want to challenge me to a shoot fight, just drop me a line. Til then, I’m in the airship biatches!