411’s AAA/CMLL Report 4.18.05

Lucha Libre kicks off its 8th week, with a bang! By that I mean, I have a great addition of Lucha. I’m the Professor, and tonight AAA is back on top for another solid 2 hours. Our main event is a STEEL CAGE! The Steel Cage Match is one of the most brutal professional wrestling matches in the world of sporting entertainment, the match to end all feuds and rivalries. It’s used as a barrier and as a weapon. It keeps the competitors inside and the interference outside. Though as we’ll see later in the evening, cages can only keep SOME wrestlers in and SOME wrestlers out. Consider the match a appetizer for the SIX SIDES OF STEEL at TNA’s Lockdown PPV in 6 days. But before we get to tonight’s mucha Lucha, lets get some notes from last week.

Interestingly enough I’m getting some mentions here on 411! Steve Cook thinks I’m the future. Okay, he’s trying to deny I’m the future. Peter Kent and I are reaching a mutual understanding. I think he appreciates that I can appreciate a man who watches boxes fight bears. And Alex Obal gave me a plug. WHOOO!

First some notes about last week: It appears the Univision owns Galavision. At least, I think.

Also, Wesley Hall, checks in to give us the actual name of the wrestler I referred to as every member of GWAR and as Corona last week.The AAA guy with the doofy gray suit and skull head is called Ghefar, which means…I dunno, Ghefar! Well that explains that. Thanks for the help. Ghefar for all! Ghefar! Ghefar! Ghefar! I don’t know, it sounds like a battle cry to me.

Ted Francis lets us know another name. The little Alebrije is known as Cuije. Not Mini-Alebrijie. Thanks for that, Cuije is the miniature version of the dragon/butterfly man. Cuije also looks like a little kid as opposed to a actual midget. As always if I don’t know or get a name right, I’m always accepting emails to correct me.

I tried to find a AAA matchlist off of Gala’s official site, but I got lost in their Chicas calientes section. But seriously, can you blame me?

Mexico is packed full of the honeys, WHY are they jumping the border? So if anyone knows a site that gives out match lists in advance, hook a brother up.

Speaking of Lucha coverage on the net. I’ve been reading up on some of the other ‘lucha’ reporters on the net, and frankly I think they suck. I don’t mean any offense, but I read last weeks report, and their reports were very bare bones. They might know more guys names then I do, but hell where’s the passion man? At least I try to make this column worthwhile. Which brings me to some VIEWER MAIL!

Steven asks, why I bother: Hey man. I enjoy the report, but its longer then the Smackdown and Raw recaps. Why you put so much work into something that maybe a tenth of the people read?

Well Steve-O, I really wanted a spot here at 411. I was lucky enough to get one, why should I phone it in? Plus the lucha shows have actual WRESTLING, so my report should be longer then anything WWE is doing, by default!

Another funny letter I got from Dale Torberg (Isn’t that the KISS DEMON? Probably just a coincidence):

So did you actually try to use GWAR in your column to boost hits? Funny bit, but there are like what, 200 GWAR fans?

Haha, good point. I really only used it cause it fit. But yea, why not? People who like GWAR, might get into Lucha. Sure its a stretch, but not that big of one. I’m sending you a free copy of the O’Reilly Factor for Kids, for the email……wait wrong show.

And now its time for some WWE/TNA thoughts!

Everyone, and I mean everyone on the net is bitching about Hulk Hogan being in this match with HBK against the Terrorist brothers. Conceptually EVERY net writer is also calling for Hogan to do the job to Hassan. But why? I mean other then the fact the net LOATHES Hogan. But will Hassan pinning Hogan do anything for Hassan? No. His gimmick is dead in the water. He’s the Iron Sheik 2K5 without talent. So why should Hogan, who could possibly still give the rub to talent when done right (See: Lesner/Hogan). Hassan isn’t the guy to get the rub from Hogan. Why would the fans care anyway? Hogan hasn’t had a match on WWE TV in a good year or more. Hogan has to win a couple of matches before it even matters for him to lose. Hassan MIGHT have been a good candidate had he not been buried so early on. The guy has lost 3 matches. He lost to HBK, he lost to Benoit, he hasn’t won a convincing match since his debut! He’s no better off then Chris Masters. The difference is, people boo Hassan cause he has a towel on his head. That’s it, no more, no less. So Net get off your high horse and stop calling for Hogan to job to Hassan, and stop claiming Hassan has any potential, because he doesn’t. I swear these same net bastards would have totally tore themselves a new asshole complaining if WCW had fathomed the idea of Ric Flair jobbing to Berlyn! And newflash, BERLYN was 100 times cooler then Hassan will ever be. The guy doesn’t even have a decent finisher!

On the TNA front, nothing new except Joe Legend apparently is bitching about Jarrett again. Its sorta funny that anyone listens to anything he has to say. Jarrett is a damn good wrestler, and a guy who has busted his ass in this business for 20 + years. Legend on the other hand was the weak link in the Red Shirt Security team. Most of Legend’s beef with TNA comes from the fact that they said they were gonna use him once they went to Orlando, and instead hired NWA Florida guys. Well guess what Joe? Be glad that TNA even used you in the first place. They certainly handled you better then another National promotion I know. Which used you for 6 months in backstage segments on SUNDAY NIGHT HEAT!

Cue flashback

“Hardcore” Bob Holly is walking backstage. Up walks a Joe Legend.

Hardcore Holly: What do you want?

Joe Legend: Steven Richards called you a sissy!

Hardcore Holly: HE DID? GRRRRR!

Holly storms off, but stops before he gets to the door.

Hardcore Holly: Hey who are you?

Joe Legend: Joe.

Hardcore Holly: Joe who?

Joe Legend: Just Joe.

EXIT FLASHBACK

Seriously, Joe Legend is a decent wrestler. But again, Kevin Northcutt was MUCH better. Joe Legend got to be in some decent TNA angles, had some alright matches and got paid for 5 months. What does he have to complain about? At least he wasn’t ‘Just Joe’. Give me a break. Cry me a river Joe, just cry me a fucking river. You never got to wrestle ONCE on WWE TV, but TNA gave you a raw deal? Yea okay.

ORDER THE DAMN TNA PPV Seriously, its got 8 cage matches. 2 of them should be EXCELLENT, and the others might be good too. It’ll be better then WWE’s next two months of Wrestlemania redux. Its worth the $30, at least more so then the next two months of the E.

With that bitching out of the way, lets get to 2 hours of AAA. Triple A is once again hogging up all the time, so the Lucha Monday Night War will have to wait till next week. Or whenever Gala decides to air the shows back to back. My guess is CMLL got preempted by the Westminster Dog Show. HAHAHA! Get it? Does anyone even remember when USA did that? Probably none of those wrestling fans are left. But get ready for it again, cause USA and WWE are teaming back up again. Muy Interstante!

4.17.05

AAA opening video package welcomes us to the show. I notice La Parka is a is part of that intro, but I see that Gronda, as well as Macara Sagrada is on tap there as well. The Lucha Skanks dance and are wearing bikini things with stars covering their boobs. The girl in red is popping out.

Crazy Loco (Captain), Kaiser & Spauwn versus Reno (Captain), Piolin & Manimal

These guys are all new to me. Crazy Loco seems to be channeling Jimmy Graffiti if anyone remembers HIM from WCW. Reno is the only one with a decent outfit here, and Piolin looks like a human Twinkie. We’re in the 4 sided ring. Titanes is the referee. Piolin and Spauwn start off with a nice cruiserweight sequence. Kaiser sends him into the ropes for a huge face jam. Second attempt turned into a rana by Piolin. He looks like a scrawny, duck, chicken, Twinkie thing. Kaiser and Manimal come in and blow some spots, so they quickly tag out. Jimmy Graffiti, err Crazy Loco in and takes Reno down. Shoulder block into a hiptoss on Craxy Loco. SLOW twisting headscissor by Reno. Are any of these guys any good? Sort of a pier six brawl, but with nothing happening. Kaiser with a gourdbuster. And Referee Titanes finaly gets control. Crazy Loco works over Manimal in the corner, who gets a quick tag to Twinkie man! Pair of flying cross body blocks for Crazy Loco. Make that three! Piolin with a top rope dive! And we get a crowd shot of a GIRL wearing a Santo mask. Creepy. Manimal cross body blocks Crazy Loco from the top rope, and that’s gets a 3 count. Kaiser tries to break it up but is a second late, while he’s later Reno sunset flips Kaiser for the 3! That’ll do it!

Winners: Reno, Piolin & Manimal!

– Call 1-800-430-3899 for Selena the magazine!
– Visit Hispanicfilm.com to learn about the Miami Film Festival!
– Planeta Sur tells you all about the Rain Forrest and other Earth junk!

Verdict: Well it was short, so I can’t complain there. The guys didn’t do much of ANYTHING. They started to bumble a bit, but then the match ended really quick. Too short to mean anything, but also too short to really offend.

We’re back and we get more extended scenes of the lucha skanks in their tiny star tops. Plus their shaking their asses in hot pants. No complaints here. After last weeks homoerotic content, I’m all about some ass and titties, and big booty bitches!

Mister Negro, Junior Kiss versus Baby Rocker & Blackfinder

Oddly enough THIS is in the six sided ring, so I guess this is from a different taping, and again more people I’ve never heard of. My hopes are I got the names right, because we also didn’t get graphics. Damn you Triple A, thats a CMLL tactic. We hit commercial before the match starts.

– Order Starz and see ELF! I’m not kidding, they are hyping ELF on Starz. Oy!

And we’re back. Bang a gong, we’re on! Blackfinder with some mat work with Negro, then Kiss. Interesting concept on the Negro/Kiss team…They have two different mask designs, (I’m assuming half of their normal mask, with half of their partners mask). It looks sorta cool. A LOT of pointless flipping around. Arm drag by Blackfinder takes Negro out. Negro and Kiss work as a team and do a double road drop to Blackfinder, but they have some miscues and Blackfinder takes one of them down to the outside. Blackfinder channels Blitzkrieg and does his patented twisting plancha over the ropes onto one of the two. Baby Rocker seems to be very popular with a crowd, he sort of looks like a skinny version of unmasked Psicosis. Baby Rocker with a flying body press onto Negro on the outside. Back in the ring backdrop by Negro, and he goes for a moonsault but his OWN partner, shakes him off the top rope and steals the pin. WTF? Baby Rocker pins Negro while Kiss pins Blackfinder.

Winners of Fall 1: Negro & Kiss – Winners of Fall 2: Baby Rocker & Blackfinder

That was a unique spot, but stupid. Why would his own partner cost his man a move to steal the pin. Baby Rocker picks Junior Kiss up and does a Gory bomb, and that gets the 3 count.

Winners: Baby Rocker & Blackfinder!

In the ring Negro and Junior Kiss battle it out. Obviously they’re not getting along very well. They brawl for a bit, before finally going their separate ways. Its like the Rockers breakup, without all the drama or intrigue. OR BRUTUS BEEFCAKE! Every angle should involve Brutus Beefcake in one way or another. Picked up Beefcakes Legends figure by the way.

Verdict: Well much like the first match this was kept extremely short. The dual pins spot was a new one, but what lead to it was stupid. Not only did the team mates turn on each other for no real reason, but the pin off a backdrop and a top rope slip seem a bit far fetched. I suppose these are new guys, like the first match. These guys were more ‘spot-on’ though, so this one gets a higher rating then the first match. I wouldn’t mind seeing more of Blackfinder. The rest can go away.

– Ingles sin Barreras teaches you to learn English easily. They have a fat Mexican woman with her American husband, and he says and I quote: “She’s learning faster then me! If she learns too much I’ll be in trouble, ya know?” No I don’t know you toothless jackass. Your wife is fat, and you look like Ralphus, get off my TV screen now!
– Sahara commercial featuring Matthew McConaughy speaking like 2 words of Spanish telling you to go see his crappy movie.
– Mas Deportes! AHHHHHHHHH!

We’re back and we get scenes from what I can only presume is a TV show, in which some guys are chained to a chair, and are kissed by hot chicks. THEN IN COMES MAY FLOWERS! He kisses one of the dudes. I’m guessing the guy went a killed himself later. Not unlike the guy on Jenny Jones who found out he had a gay secret admirer. Actually that guy went and killed the gay guy. But you get the point. I miss Jenny Jones. She wasn’t hideous looking, and she always had scantly clad strippers on her show. The show itself was intolerable though. Speaking of talk shows I miss, did anyone ever watch NIGHTSTAND? It was a parody of the talk show genre, and it was GENUIS! Plus there was a myriad of big titty bitches every show. Drop me a email if you remember Nightstand, or if you know if its on DVD.

Interview with Tinieblas Jr and he’s something about leaving AAA for LLL, and that Cibernetico was in his ear about it. He also says its hard to breath in a mask, and that he’s developed a wicked crotch rash. Hey they got creme for that Tinieblas! Then Fernando Platas sends us to commercial. He looks like a fan. I think he won the Nitro party contest or something.

– Commericals for crap. Anyone thing WM21 for the XBOX will be any good?
– Get the Mexican Gerber life plan. Its just like the American one, but in PESOS!
– Los Reportoes get the stories first BIATCH!
– Buy Sirloin’s new CD. “Doing it for the SHORTIES!”

We’re back and its time for a SIXWOMAN tag team match. Goodie! The rudos are a team comprised of La Hechicera who is like a Bertha Faye type of girl. La Chola looks like a lost member of the Filthy Animals with that camouflage she’s sporting. Princessa Sujei is wearing pink and a mask. Faby Apache is out for the tecnicos and wow is she packing on the pounds! Since the last time we saw her, I’d venture to say she’s gained 12 pounds. Her ass and thighs look much bigger, and she’s wearing pantyhose to help hide the fact. She still looks fuckable as all hell though. Princessa Blanca does a cowgirl routine, and even gets lucha skanks to come out with her. Coolness. Lady Apache rounds out the team of the good guys.

La Hechicera, La Chola, & Princessa Sujei (Captain) versus Faby Apache, Lady Apache (Captain) & Princessa Blanca

Before the start of the bell, Princessa Sujei is all “bring it on bitch” to the Apaches, while La Hechicera is all “Mmm cookies!” looking into the crowd for the concession stands. We’re still in the six sided ring for those keeping score.

Seriously Hechicera is a big lady. Not that its a bad thing. Fat women have a place in women’s wrestling too. Hell Aja Kong is one of the best, and she ain’t petite. The faces all have belts, but I don’t reckon any are on the line since they look like singles titles. Princessa Blanca will start off with Hechicera. Blacna with a standing switch, but Hechicera pulls the leg, and lays atop Blanca pressing her weight advantage early on. Blanca uses inertia to roll Hechicera over, but Hechicera gets a snap mare. PRINCESS BLANCA LANDS ON HER FEET! Hechicera is in shock. A quick check of my nifty translator informs me that La Hechicera stands for “The Wizard” so I’m guessing maybe she’s supposed to be a witch. A fat witch at that. Another leg takedown by Hechicera, and she pulls Blanca up for a inverted powerbomb, but Blanca turns it into a arm drag that sends Hechicera out of the ring. Hechicera jumps over the railing, presumably to grab a hot dog from a fan. Tag to Faby Apache inside the ring. La Chola in for the rudos. She grabs at Faby, who snatches a side headlock. La Chola pushes her into the ropes to break and sends her off the ropes Faby with a barge. Chop by Faby. La Chola goes for a clothesline but gets DDTed instead. La Chola gets dropkicked out the ring, while Faby fakes a plancha onto her. La Chola goes running to dodge the phantom plancha. HA! Tag to Lady Apache, and she does a impressive forward flip into the ring. Hechicera gets back into the ring, and locks up with Apache. Hechicera losing the power struggle. Princessa Sujei comes in from behind and kicks Lady Apache but as soon as she leaves the ring, Apache retains her control on top of the power struggle. La Chola tries to sneak in to give Hechicera the advantage again, but Lady Apache sees her and feeds her a superkick. Princessa Sujei tries to get in, but Lady Apache does a flip with Hechicera’s arm and does a flying legscissor/armdrag combo to take both girls down. She celebrates prematurely and gets grabbed by the hair from behind by Chola. The rudos charge, but Apache gets free and Princessa Sujei and Fattie tackle Chole and knock their own partner down. Flawless sequence there. Lady Apache hip tosses Princessa Sujei out of the ring. Hechicera gets a arm drag. La Chola comes at Lady Apache, but Apache backdrops her. Hechicera tries to stand up and grab Apache but Lady Apache catches her with a superkick, and Hechicera loses her balance and SITS on Chola! She’s squished like Natural Disasters ring rat. Hechicera tries to revive Chole by fanning her with her skirt. Chola rolls out of the ring, and Apache tags out to Princessa Blanca. Blacna comes at Hechicera but gets caught with a reverse knife edge chop. Hechicera with a elbow to the head. Hechicera sends Blanca to the rope, but Chola is on the ropes trying to catch a breath and Princessa Blanca does Trish’s handstand headscissor and sends Chola into Hechicera. The rudos try a double clothesline, but Blanca ducks only to hit a double big boot! Blanca goes down. Hechicera & Chola try another double clothesline, and Princessa Blanca does the coolest reversal I’ve EVER seen for that. Doing a complete flip around their arms like a gymnast on a pole. They try that again, and she does it AGAIN only this time channeling Tajiri she springs into the ropes and does a double armdrag, sending Hechicera & Chola out of the ring. Princessa Blanca looks to be doing a headfirst baseball slide, but instead catches Hechicera on the way out and does a tornado DDT on the floor! DAMN! Someone give this girl a contract! WWE, TNA I’m looking at YOU! Blanca goes back into the ring tocatch her breath, and Princessa Sujei is PO’ed at her partners incompetence. Its like Cobra Commander after Tomaz and Zamot screw up one of his flawless plans. Princessa Sujei with a dropkick, and then stomps a mudhole in Blanca and walks it dry. Then rewets that mudhole, and stomps it dry again. Princessa Sujei with a hair peel. Senton by Princessa Sujei! Chop! Princessa Sujei is in firm control and has turned this match around for her team. Princessa Sujei irish whips her fellow Princess, and then Hechicera runs in with a big corner squash! Then as Princessa Blanca stumbles out of the corner, Chola hits the Jericho face buster. Basement dropkick by Princessa Sujei! Lady Apache gets tagged in but immediately gets caught up in the rudos triple team. Princessa Sujei slams her off the top rope while Hechicera bounces off the rope…..wait for it….747! SHADES OF THE ONE MAN GANG! Faby Apache tries to run in to help her team but Princessa Sujei kicks her in her larger then normal keister! And again Princessa Sujei kicks the back of the thigh! Faby screams in pain, and I feel sorry for her. The rudos triple team Faby Apache, and Princessa Sujei does a Michinoku Driver on her. Faby is hurt, and she rolls out of the ring. She’s just too damn cute and I really feel bad for her when she sells. Princessa Sujei is now left in the ring one on one, with Princessa Blanca. But it was a trap, here comes Chola with chops from behind. Princessa Sujei & Chola double suplex on Blanca. In comes Lady Apache again, but Princessa Sujei catches her with the thigh kicks. Chola & Princessa Sujei double team Lady Apache and go for a double suplex to her, but she TURNS IT INTO A DOUBLE DDT! Faby Apache comes in to help out, and does a split leg dropkick taking Chola and Princessa Sujei out of the ring! Dropkick to Hechicera! Tecnicos triple team to the big lady, and she’s down! Princessa Sujei comes in but she catches a double team rocking chair, into a double torture rack, into a double team DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! Then Faby Apache gives her stiff kicks to the ass! Paybacks a bitch, bitch! Princessa Sujei scoots out of the ring. Chola comes in, and Blanca and Lady Apache grab her up. Faby Apache off the top rope….MISSILE DROPKICK! While Lady & Blanca held her in the air! Wicked! The rudos take a breather to regroup and then Princessa Sujei comes in. Lady Apache dropkicks her, and puts her into a spinning rack. Princessa Sujei turns it into a quick pin…..1 ….2 Princessa Blanca comes in and breaks it up. Princessa Sujei CLOBBERS Blanca with a lariat. Elbow drop by Princessa Sujei. ….1 …2 ….KICKOUT! Princessa Sujei sends her into the ropes, but Blanca with the sunset flip, Princessa Sujei rolls out of it…STIFF KICK TO THE HEAD! Princessa Sujei is a wrestling machine! Princessa Sujei pins her with one foot to the chest, and that gets 2. Princessa Sujei getting cocky now, and she goes for a rana, but BLANCA POWERBOMBS HER! ….1 …..2 …..3…NO Hechicera breaks it up at the last second! What a match! La Hechicera sends her to the ropes, but she gets dropkicked down. Senton by Blanca. …1 ….2 La Hechicera kicks out and she pulls Blanca up into a brutal powerbomb of her own. That outta do it. 1…2….Faby Apache in with the breakup. La Hechicera and Faby go to the ropes, Hechicera backdrops her, and goes for a sit down, but Faby matrix moves out of it and dropkicks La Hechicera in the back before she can even sit down. DDT to La Hechicera! Chola breaks up a pin and Chola sends Apache to the ropes, reversal and Apache with a SITOUT POWERBOMB! ….1 …..2 ……KICKOUT by Chola! Chola sends Faby to the turnbuckle, but Faby leaps to the middle rope. Chola comes up from behind and grabs her in the electric chair drop position. Princessa Sujei tries to cross body her from there, but Faby turns it to a forward roll and Princessa Sujei eats canvas. Faby has Chola pinned, ..1 …2 …kickout! Blanca tries to planca onto Princessa Sujei but misses. Hechicera tries to senton onto Blanca, but she misses. She rolls out of the ring, and Lady Apacha planchas outside of the ring onto the big woman! As Lady Apache stands up, Tiffany runs from the back and NAILS her with a steel chair shot. La Chola and Hechicera double team Blanca on the outside. Inside the ring Princessa Sujei and Faby Apache exhange blows, Faby goes for the powerbomb but Princessa Sujei gets out and lands on her feet. Faby goes for a clothesline, but Princessa Sujei ducks it. Facejam by Princessa Sujei takes Faby Apache down. Tiffany and Lady Apache brawl on the outside. Princessa Sujei is styling and profiling, but doesn’t see Faby with the backslide! She bridges it into a zany pin. …1 ….2 ……Princessa Sujei kicks out at 2.9999999! Faby Apache to the top rope but misses a missile dropkick on Sujei! Princessa Sujei with a sit down powerbomb. She picks Apache up and nails another Michinoku driver. ….1 ……2 ……3! Princessa Sujei DID IT!

Winners of fall #1: La Hechicera, La Chola, & Princessa Sujei

La Hechicera, La Chola continue to beat on Princessa Blanca outside. They roll Blanca in and Sujei dropkicks Blanca while she’s down. La Hechicera, La Chola, & Princessa Sujei all beat on Blanca. Hechicera up to the middle rope….BIG 747 from the MIDDLE ROPE! Stick a fork in her, she’s done! …1 ….2 ….3!

Winners: La Hechicera, La Chola, & Princessa Sujei!

Tiffany gets in the ring to celebrate with the heels, and the rudo girls do some taunts and stomps to the tecnico beauties. La Hechicera, La Chola, & Princessa Sujei & Tiffany all stand on a turnbuckle and absorb the boos.

Verdict: One of the best trios matches I’ve had the pleasure of reviewing since getting this gig. Not one blown spot, and it used some of the most sound sixman logic I’ve seen. Tiffany’s run in perhaps brings the rating down a bit, but it was still EXCELLENT. That fact that this was a bunch of WOMEN, is mind boggling. The match was better then anything that’s been on Raw in YEARS.

After the match Princessa Sujei is talking a LOT of trash about the tecnico girls. I believe she called out either of the Apache girls to put their titles on the line against her. Gotta give her some credit, she deserves a shot. Afterwards the tecnicos walk back looking dejected. Lady Apache throws up her hands as if to say “Can’t win em all”.

– Tornea Closura soccer!
– MoneyGram uses funny cartoons to entice you to use their service!
– Platinum Health Plus is the best Insurance any Mexican can get. See their website for more details!
– The Interpreter in ESPANOLA! See Sean Penn and that fugly bitch Nicole Kidman in what is sure to be a craptacular!

We’re back! It’s time for a sixman with MIDGETS!

Chessman (Captain), Cuervo, & Monster with Chucky versus Tinieblas Jr. (Captain), Gronda & Alebrije with Cuije

Chucky is of course the little doll from the Child’s Play movies. Cuije we covered earlier, but in case you haven’t figured it out, Chucky with Cuije are the midgets. We get a closeup of the lucha skanks in their little stars outfit again. My favorite is the one in the black, even though the red one has bigger breasts. Who’s your favorite? Still in the six sided ring. Alebrije and Chessman start us off. Alebrije is sporting a black version of his outfit this week. Chessman has some sort of retarded red braids in his hair. Have I ever covered Monster before? If not, out of ALL the guys in masks, Monster scares me the most. He isn’t wearing anything fancy, he just looks like a big creepy guy who would climb out of a haunted house to chase you down. He gives me the willys. Alebrije with a lariat. Chessman takes him down. Alebrije and Chessman exchange chops. Chessman irish whips him into the turnbuckle corner and follows it in with a clothesline. SHADES OF HULK HOGAN! Alebrije gets sent in again, but does the Flair flip to dodge a second clothesline. Alebrije to the top, Missile dropkick! Alebrije knocks Chessman out of the ring, then does a vaulting press plancha over the ropes. Tinieblas Jr in and he battles Chessman for a minute. Sends him over the ropes and CHUCKY ATTACKS! Tinieblas gets kicked in the shins repeatedly by Chucky, but he refuses to sell it! Tinieblas Jr could have helped out Andy Barclay all those many years ago. Tinieblas Jr atomic drops Chucky. They never tried THAT in the movies! Tinieblas Jr gets out of the ring, leaving Chucky to battle Cuije. ITS A MIDGET EXPLOSION! Cuije does a little dance as he gets into the ring, and GOD is he freakishly small. I want one! Chucky clotheslines Cuije! Rams Cuije’s face into the middle turnbuckle. Chucky to the middle rope, dives off with a flying elbow smash….SHADES OF SHAWN MICHAELS! Okay even I realize I’m getting out of control with the ‘shades of’ bit when I yell shades of HBK for a midget dressed as Chucky. But hey, its all good. Cuije moves out of the way. Cuije with a jumping back kick. Cuije with the dreaded MIDGET ASS GRAB OF TERROR! CHucky flies out of the ring. Cuije off the ropes…fakes a baseball slide, and Cuije poses for the ladies. Cuije tags in to GRONDA! And the crowd explodes! Seriously they do. I know Peter Kent has you all confused that Gronda sucks, but seriously he sucks no worse then Batista! They are like the exact same wrestler, only one paints himself red, outlines his muscles in black and wears a Devil mask. I’m not saying which one. We get a shot of two girls in the crowd who are creaming their panties over Gronda! I can’t blame them, Gronda has like the biggest wang ever. At least judging by the ridiculous bulge in his pants. Then again he’s wearing tights that look like they could fit Cuije. Cuervo (wheres the Jose?) Comes in with chops to Gronda’s chest. BUT YOU CAN’T CHOP SATAN! Gronda absorbs them and calls for more! Cuervo tries to hiptoss Gronda, but he hiptosses Cuervo instead. Then he damns him to from now till kingdom come… to have his bowels ravaged by James Brown’s cape! But before Gronda can continue imposing his wrath, Chessman sneaks up from behind and kicks him in his steel wrapped knee! I’ve said it time and time again, Satan has only one weak spot and it’s his knee. Gronda snapmares Chessman and clotheslines Cuervo. Then a DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE on Chessman & Cuervo! He pins them, but CHUCKY ATTACKS! Chucky causes enough distraction for Gronda to turn around and MONSTER jumps Gronda from behind. But Gronda isn’t phazed by Monster’s attack, because Monster is just a Monster, and Gronda is Lucifer damn it! CLOTHESLINE TO MONSTER! Sends Monster out of the ring. Leaving only Chucky and Gronda! Chucky pounds his chest like he wants some, but then Gronda roars and scares the soul of Charles Lee Ray right out of the ‘Good Guy’ doll. Cuije comes in and he wants the scraps! Cuije chops Chucky! Chucky chops Cuije! Cuije with the best enziguiri I’ve ever personally seen! Cuije sends Chucky out of the ring, PLANCHA! Cuije is a house of jalapenos! Alebrije comes in and lariats Chessman over the top rope and Chessman falls into the crowd. Alebrije scales the top rope……PLANCHA INTO THE CROWD! Alebrije takes out a whole row! Excellent! Alebrije must have used those wings to fly. Inside the ring Gronda sends Cuervo into the rope….SPINE ON THE PINE! That gets 2 but in comes Monster to break it up. Gronda and Monster lock up. Irish whip, Bearhug to Monster! Cibernetico is making his way down the aisle! Tinieblas Jr tries to come in and help Gronda, but NAILS GRONDA WITH A DROPKICK! What? Has the nWo gotten to Tinieblas Jr? I mean has the LLL gotten to Tinieblas Jr? Cuervo starts pounding on Tinieblas Jr so I guess not. Tinieblas Jr off the ropes but Cibernetico trips him, and Cuervo gets the pin. …1 …2 …3!

Winners: Chessman, Cuervo, & Monster with Chucky

After the match Gronda comes in and suggests the notion that Tinieblas Jr threw the match. Alebrije agrees. Tinieblas Jr denies it. Antonio Pena comes out and asks why Cibernetico has to stick his nose in this! Tinieblas Jr attacks Pena from BEHIND! Oh no! Tinieblas Jr has turned to LLL! It was a swerve! Damn you LLL! Damn you Tinieblas Jr! Tinieblas Jr then tells all the little Tiniebla-maniacs to STICK IT BROTHER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Verdict: Good enough for what it was. They actually didn’t go far enough with the Tinieblas turn if you ask me. But overall it did what it was supposed to. Alebrije and Cuije are growing on me. Gronda is freakishly over with the crowd. The LLL versus AAA feud continues. This match wasn’t as good as the women’s match. but it was better then the opening two bouts. Nothing of note to complain about. Monster & Chucky creep me out!

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We’re back and Anibal Jr is being interviewed by that one old interviewer I hate. He’s rambling on something, that sounds like Anibal Jr’s favorite guy on 411 is ‘That lucha guy”. Can’t blame him there. Anibal Jr thanks us for watching, and also says he has a crappy mask. Anibal Jr then says he’ll be starring in the Lucha version of Food Networks hit show 30 Minute Meals. Hmm, Rachel Ray/Lucha cross over action? I’m SO there! Anibal wishes good luck to all the the 26 mile long Boston Marathon runners! Anibal Jr continues to ramble…..I DON’T SPEAK SPANISH!

Its Main event time…..and its inside the STEEL CAGE! We get nifty pyro effects. This is a tag team, XSCAPE match! Sorta like the one that you can see on TNA’s LOCKDOWN PPV! This should be a good preview of that then. I’ve never really seen 6 guys try to get out of a cage, except on Raw 2 for the XBOX, and for those of you who have that game, know exactly how much that sucks.

Anibal Jr., Oriental, Intocable vs Psicosis, Histeria, & Tokyo Viper

YES! Oriental is getting some main event time. I like him, for whatever reason. Intocable is very popular with the ladies! Anibal Jr. is like a poor man’s Blue Demon! Psicosis, Histeria, & Tokyo Viper come out to some death metal. They must be MUY RUDO! Histeria brings a steel chair into the cage with him, and charges at Intocable but misses and gets the chair booted into his face instead! Ding-a-ling-ling-ling…the one is ON! Anibal Jr picks up the chair and waffles Psicosis in the face with it! Oriental with a basement dropkick to the shin of Tokyo Viper, and then a FLIPPING LEGDROP to the back of Viper’s head! There are a lot of Viper types of course, there is Alley Viper, Strato Viper, Nitro Viper, Hydro-Viper, Saw Viper, Flak Viper, Toxo-Viper, Ninja Viper, and of course my personal favorite….the Televiper! Oriental with a spin kick in the corner to Tokyo Viper. All three tecnicos irish whip the rudos into the middle of the ring. 3 MAN COLLISION! Its a international meeting of the minds! The tecnicos head for the exits! But the rudos snatch them. Psicosis pulls Intocable’s pants down ala Ric Flair, and the women go CRAZY! Its a full moon out tonight Tony! Psicosis kicks Intocable down. Triple Powerslams by the heels! Histeria jabs the chair into the gut of Anibal. Psicosis ties Intocable into the corner. They double team Anibal! The Vipers send a shout out to Dr. Mindbender! H-Bomb to Oriental! You know that kills everything in a 20 foot radius. ZIPLOCK to Oriental! They continue the beatdown. Psicosis rams Oriental’s head into the turnbuckle corner, while Histeria and Viper double team Intocable. Now a triple team! Slam from the top rope to Intocable! Psicosis takes the chair and works over Anibal Jr’s ribs. Tokyo Viper adds some kicks to the ribs for insult. Another chair shot to the kidneys by Psicosis! Intocable leaps up and tries to climb out the cage, but he gets yanked back down. Another chair is tossed in the ring. Oriental and Anibal are in the tree of woe. They both get chairs to the guts. Now they tie Intocable to the tree. Anibal is loose, but he gets a double clothesline and chair shot for his trouble. Psicosis on the top rope with the chair. ARABIAN FACEBUSTER FROM THE TOP ROPE! Psicosis is awesome! Anibal is dead. Oriental starts to mounts comeback after untying himself from the tree of woe. No one since Conan has done that folks. Doing a huricanrana on Tokyo Viper, and armdrags to Psicosis. Beautiful spinning arm drag takedown on Histeria by Oriental! Anibal flips Oriental up into the air, and ORIENTAL ESCAPES THE CAGE! Oriental is the first one out of the cage. Its a interesting strategy because if you leave the cage, it leaves your partners to get a 3-on-2 beatdown. Now you hope that they can continue to dominate and get a dual escape…BUT, if they can’t then you are ditching your partners and giving your opponent the advantage. Annibal with a back elbow to Viper! Histeria is up, and now Histeria escapes the cage. We’re tied, one tecnico free, one rudo free. Intocable is up and nearly get out, but gets yanked back in by his leather chaps! Anibal Jr gets the double team, and his mask is ripped up. Intocable jumps OFF THE BACKS of the two rudos beating on Anibal. He gets over the cage, and then thrusts his pelvis into the face of the rudos. But he escapes anyways! INTOCABLE ESCAPES! The rudos are down, but that means the tecnicos have left poor Anibal in the ring to get a double team from Psicosis and Tokyo Viper. Anibal is getting a stiff beatdown, but he should be lucky that’s Tokyo Viper and not dreaded Cobra Mamba driver Gyro Viper! Psicosis tells Tokyo to escape while he beats on Anibal. This strategy works and Tokyo Viper has escaped. That leaves only Psicosis and Anibal Jr. Seems like the rudos have this one in the bag. Psicosis uses the steel chair, and smacks it into the face of Anibal as he gets up. Anibal ducks another and hits the flying burrito! SHADES OF TITO SANTANA! Anibal with a Gory Special into the Gory Bomb on Psicosis! Anibal jumps up the cage and is about to escape when from the back come ABISMO NEGRO! Abismo has his can of fire……FIRE TO THE FACE OF ANIBAL! That normally wouldn’t mean much but Anibal’s mask is all ripped up so he took fire right to the eyes. Psicosis uses this to try and escape. Oriental tries to stop him but Abismo puts the boots to him. Psicosis ESCAPES! The rudos win, with the assist from Negro. Anibal Jr is a bloody, burned mess. Ewwwww.

Winners: Psicosis, Histeria, & Tokyo Viper

We take our last commercial break!

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We’re back and Anibal still can’t get to his feet. He finally does, as the Psicosis/Viper/Histeria team celebrate up the ramp. We get recaps of the escapes, and we’re out of time. That’ll do it for this week’s AAA!

Verdict: This was a exciting match, and it played to the flaws of a match like this. The tecnicos were WINNING, but once two of their guys escaped it left poor Anibal to get double teamed. He pretty much had no hope then. Then when it appeared that Anibal might turn the tide, Abismo Negro was there to shut him down. It was a good little cage match, and actually made me wanna see TNA’s XSCAPE match. I think there are a lot of fun ideas that could be done with this version of the gimmick cage. Why hasn’t WWE ever done one of these?

Final Thoughts: Overall a great show. We got a couple of inoffensive opening matches that were kept short. A insanely fun Sixwoman tag team match, another decent trios match with midgets. Then the cage match main event. If you taped this show, its definitely worth a view. Triple A puts on another strong showing in their 2 hour slot. Will CMLL have 2 hours next week, or will the Lucha Monday Night Wars commence again? Either way CMLL really needs to knock one out of the park because AAA has been on fire for 2 weeks running. As for me, that’s it. As always you can drop me a email, as I love getting feedback. Good or bad. Also feel free to send me any corrections, and as always you know where I’ll be….Airship time…adios! See you in 7!