411’s WWE Velocity Report 8.31.02

DIVERGENCE
The Velocity Report, in its entirety, appears after the article below. Please read it, as it’s important to all of us, and not just as fans of wrestling.

The things that you have just read so far right here and now, are they harmful to you? Who are you to decide? Has any of this offended you? Is it obscene? You don’t know, do you? You need someone to tell you what is or is not obscene.

In August 2000, Jesus Castillo was arrested and convicted of selling obscene material to a consenting adult. Castillo is the manager of a Dallas, Texas comic book store and he sold a copy of CPM Manga’s “Demon Beast Invasion” to an adult who chose to purchase it from a box of “adult” material. “Demon Beast Invasion” is a Japanese sci-fi horror comic that is commonly referred to as ‘tentacle porn”. Castillo was sentenced with 6 months in jail, $4,000 in fines and a year’s probation. For selling a comic book. To a consenting adult.

ob•scene adj.
1. Offensive to accepted standards of decency or modesty.
2. Inciting lustful feelings; lewd.
3. Repulsive; disgusting

Despite expert testimony from Scott McCloud and Susan Napier that argued for the literary, cultural and artistic merit of the work, a jury agreed with the Texas prosecutor that comic books, unlike real books are not worthy of First Amendment protection, that the existence of such things as a whole are “bastardizing” said Amendment. “And, again, why are we here? …This medium, the medium that this obscenity is placed in is done so in an appealing manner to children. Comic books, and I don’t care what type of evidence or what type of testimony is out there, use your rationality, use your common sense. Comic books, traditionally what we think of, are for kids. This is in a store directly across from an elementary school and it is put in a medium, in a forum, to directly appeal to kids. That is why we are here, ladies and gentlemen. I want to re-emphasize that the fact that all this smut is out there, does not mean it’s acceptable and is decent by our community. We’re here to get this off the shelf.”

smut noun
1. Obscenity in speech or writing.
2. Pornography.

What makes something obscene?

Miller v. California, 1973, states that material is only obscene if:
a. the average person, applying contemporary community standards would find that the work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest
b. whether the work depicts or describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct specifically defined by the applicable state law
c. whether the work, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value.

Here’s the most glaring point: the book was only judged obscene during the trial. It was NOT deemed obscene at any time before that, thus Jesus Castillo could not possibly have sold obscene material. Yet his conviction stands. And remember, this was not bought by a minor; this was not thrust on an unsuspecting viewer, this was bought by a grown man.

Now let me tell you the way this all came about. An adult woman and mother, who feels the store in question is overcharging for Pokemon cards sets out to act upon her righteous anger. Seeing that the store has a section for adults, she tells her concern for the welfare of all innocent children to the only ‘political’ figure she knows, Stonewall Jackson High School vice principal, David Little. Little goes into the comic store. He finds the section of the store where no one under 18 is allowed. He selects and purchases a $2.95 comic book that was entirely out of the reach of children and he goes home to express-mail the book to political wanna-be with mayoral dreams, Mary Poss. Before you know it the police are involved and Jesus Castillo is arrested.

No one involved in the prosecution of this case, And the Rock means NO ONE, is interested in the welfare of the community’s children. If they did they would have approached the storeowner and voiced their concerns. Instead they chart the noisiest and highest profile way to get their names and faces in the paper and in doing so they destroy an innocent man’s life.

What makes me so angry is that this is just one of many, many stories I can tell you that all follow the same pattern. The Comic Book Legal Defense Fund exists to fight censorship and defend the first amendment rights of comic book professionals throughout the United States. In the past five years, the CBLDF has raised over $200,000 to pay expenses related to defending freedom of speech and expression, and the battle continues. So far the defense of Jesus Castillo has cost over $40,000 and another $15,000 will be spent on an appeal. Many of us wrestling fans are also comic book fans. Even if you’re not, you realize this is the same type of criticism that the wrestling community faces on a daily basis, and that it’s wrong. I’m not asking you to give money to the CBLDF, I just want to make you further aware of the close-minded opposition we face regularly for choosing to embrace the freedoms that we do. If you do actually want to learn more about the CBLDF and/or wish to donate, please click here.

Thank you for your indulgence.

VELOCITY #15
Before I even get to see the program, we have a quick hit from the MAILBAG:

JIM McKENNA
I wanted to inform you that I was at the SmackDown/Velocity tapings this past week at Mohegan Sun Arena. Pretty decent show, although I did have to sit through an Albert/Mark Henry match and Rikishi wrestling twice. Which reminds me, Funaki was indeed over huge at Mohegan Sun! This should come as no surprise to strong supporters of Sho such as us, though. Another odd thing I noticed was that there was no opening pyro for Velocity nor SmackDown, yet somehow the green fireworks were a-flyin’ on tonight’s TV broadcast. Weird.

Well that explains why it’s such an extreme close up of the fireworks when all the other programs back the camera up to show the fireworks effect across the whole arena. And then the quick fade to black lets them cut back to the actual footage of this week’s show. Those cheap bastards. And speaking of bastards, Marc Loyd is here to start us off. And this week’ his partner is… Lita. Again? Aw crap. I’m watching last week’s show. Hold on… All right, here we go. Hmmm, the pyro is not as close as last week so maybe I’m off base with my prior ramblings. Anyway it’s still Loyd and with him is only Michael Cole. So much for the intrigue here.

MATCH #1: CHAVO GUERRERO v THE HURRICANE
Referee: Brian Hebner
Prediction: The Hurricane. He’s no Air Wave, but he’ll do. Right, Stuart??
It seems that both Chavo and Rey have lost their “Jr.’s.”

Chavo is a heel. He takes Hurricane’s cape at the bell and he angrily throw it to the ground. Such disrespect! For that, Hurricane drops him with a right hand. Back elbow by Hurricane. Hurricane ducks a clothesline and pokes Chavo in the eye. Hurricane rams him into the corner. Whip to the opposite corner by Hurricane. Chavo back-leap frogs out of the corner but Hurricane is not there. Another right hand by Hurricane and he puts Chavo in a tree of woe. Hurricane climbs to the second rope and does the Hurri-stand on Chavo’s poor man-bits. Owwwww. As Chavo collapses to the mat, Hurricane calls for the shining wizard. And he gets it. Cover by Hurricane but Chavo kicks out and rolls out of the ring. Springboard over the top rope by Hurricane but Chavo blocks him and hits a clothesline. Chavo starts to work over Hurricane’s back by stomping on it and ramming him into the ring apron. Chavo rolls Hurricane back in and kicks his kidneys. European uppercut from Chavo. Chavo continues with a barrage that includes kicks and stomps and punching, in and out of the corner. As Chavo goes for an uppercut, Hurricane locks his arm and tries a back slide. Hurricane lets go, twists Chavo’s own arms around him and drops to the mat, slamming Chavo down. What is that called? Don’t ask Loyd or Cole; they’re too busy talking about the Undertaker on SmackDown. A reversed Irish whip sends Hurricane into a corner. Chavo charges, but gets a boot in his face. High drop kick by Chavo. Stomps by Chavo and a cover but Hurricane gets his shoulder up. A European uppercut sends Hurricane into the corner and Chavo takes that opportunity to stomp away. Chavo grinds his boot in Hurricane’s face. That’s just plain mean. A running stomp by Chavo. A suplex by Chavo. Another cover by Chavo but Hurricane again manages to get his shoulder up. Hurricane looks dead. Chavo tries for a vertical suplex but Hurricane blocks it twice. Hurricane ducks under a clothesline and hits the Eye of the Hurricane, but he has no strength left to cover. With both men down, Hebner starts to count and gets to 4 as they both get up. Chavo throws a punch. Hurricane blocks it and hits his own. Repeat. Chavo goes to the ropes for momentum but Hurricane hits him with a leaping clothesline. Irish whip by Hurricane followed by a back body drop and he heads up top. Flying cross body by Hurricane into a cover but Chavo kicks out. A whip to the corner and a running neck breaker by Hurricane but Chavo avoids the pin by getting his foot on the rope. Loyd called that a “veteran move.” Hurricane goes for a standing suplex but Chavo flips behind him. Hurricane grabs for the choke slam but Chavo elbows out. Irish whip by Hurricane and he sets up the Vertibreaker! But Chavo rolls off and rolls Hurricane up, with a big fistful of tights.
WINNER: Chavo (Pat 0-1)

Last Monday the WWE Superstars hit Wall Street for the Smack Down Your Vote Campaign. If Edge calls his followers “Edgeheads” how come they sell an Edge Army t-shirt, modeled slightly after the KISS Army logo? Why not just a general “Let’s hear from the Edge Army!”?

MATCH #2: ALBERT v. MARK HENRY
Referee: Jimmy Korderas
Prediction: I predict that I don’t care. Hey, I’m right! (all right, I pick Mark)

They lock up. Both men struggle but Mark is able to shove Albert back to the ring post. They go to lock up again but Albert ducks behind and finds that he cannot lift Henry. Henry reverses and he IS able to lift Albert. He just drops him so Albert kicks the ropes angrily. Henry mocks him by also kicking the ropes. Those poor ropes. Boot to the gut by Albert. Albert tries to whip Henry but Mark holds his ground. Henry whips Albert to the corner and then presses him over his head. Henry drops him and celebrates to the crowd. Elbow to the head and then Albert tries a vertical suplex. Give it up, Albert and lay down. Henry resists twice and then lifts Albert into his own vertical suplex. Henry covers but the dense hair that coves Albert’s back keeps his shoulders from actually being on the mat. Albert crawls to the ropes so Henry jumps on him and slides thru. Cole called it a Chocolate Moose. At ringside Mark asks the crowd, “Whose house?” Run’s house! Bicycle kick by Albert as Mark was climbing back into the ring. Mark flips to the outside and Albert had to grab the ropes to stop from falling on his undoubtedly hairy ass. Albert rams Mark into the ring barrier. Albert throws a few punches ringside before rolling Henry back in. Henry fights to his feet with punches. Albert rams Mark into the ring post and goes to work on his back. Different night; same Albert match. Splash in the corner by Albert and he goes up for a Vader Splash. He hits it. Albert digs his knee into Henry’s back and stretches out the arms. Henry struggles to his feet. Reversed Irish whip to the corner by Henry. Henry charges into a back elbow from Albert. Albert charges into a double arm clap from Mark. 2 clotheslines from Mark. Irish whip by Mark into a bear hug slam and a cover. Albert kicks out. Albert goes for the Baldo Bomb but Mark fights out, lifts Albert on to his shoulder and power slams him.
WINNER: Mark Henry (Pat 1-1)

Here is where things get interesting. The next two matches will be recapped for you strictly from notes taken by my friend Stuart when he was at the SmackDown tapings. To make this even more special, Stuart was given his tickets by Hurricane himself. So why these two matches only? Uh, my tape ran out. Sorry… So that means I have no ref info, nor do I know in which order these matches were broadcast. I tried to find out on WWE.com but all they said about Velocity was “This week’s main event features The Hurricane clashing against the newest backstage interviewer for SmackDown, Funaki!” And they said that the hosts would be Michael Cole and Al Snow…

MATCH #3: BILLY & CHUCK (w/ RICO) v. HARDCORE HOLLY & RANDY ORTON
Right at the start all 4 men stand face to face in the ring. And a fight breaks out. The heels flee and/or are thrown from the ring. Chuck makes it back in only to be double clotheslined and then double team back elbowed. Holly breaks out the chop. 4 this time with more sure to follow. Chuck is backed into the corner but he reverses and hits Bob with a flurry of punches and kicks. What stellar offense and why isn’t Sean O’Hare on Velocity? I don’t watch Heat… Billy is tagged in. Billy starts with kicks and, well, that’s all he does, he kicks Bob. A lot. Seizing his moment, Billy, high flyer that he is, heads for the ropes. Holly recovers and hits the Holly drop kick. At this point I’m not clear if Billy was still on the ropes or if the was in the air or what. Anyway, Bob hit it. From there, each man tags out. Clothesline by Orton, followed by another. Punches by Orton. Chuck tags in and charges. Slam by Randy. Randy makes his way to the Promised Land and hits a flying cross body into a cover. Billy breaks it up. Nice save there, Holly! Way to look out for your partner. Randy hits a spinning heel kick (?? That can’t be right—he’s never done that before, Stuart!). Randy covers but Rico distracts the unnamed referee by trying to climb in. Holly takes off after Rico and Billy slips into the ring for the Fameasser. Chuck makes the cover.
WINNERS: Billy & Chuck

MATCH #4: FUNAKI v. JAMIE NOBLE (w/ NIDIA) CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
As noted above, Jim McKenna said Funaki got a huge crowd reaction. Hell yes! Stuart says the crowd was cheering for him, too. Noble wasn’t cheering. He wanted to talk trash, or should that be trailer park trash. Funaki didn’t want to, so he popped him. The brawl on the outside. A punch by Noble; a drop kick by Funaki. Nidia gets in the thick of it too, by putting her, uh, ring prowess in Funaki’s face. Funaki falls for it and I would, too. Back in the ring Noble scores with a neck breaker followed by a cover. Funaki kicks out at two. Jamie drags Funaki to the edge of the apron and drops an elbow on the outside, right on Funaki’s neck. Back inside Jamie hits a clothesline and tries for another but Funaki scouts it and rolls him up with his own momentum. Noble kicks out. Vertical suplex by Noble followed by another cover. What is this, move, cover, kick out, move, cover kick out? Anyway, Funaki kicks out. Sleeper hold by Noble. The unnamed ref starts the count but Funaki feels the love of the crowd and powers out before his hand drops for the third time. Immediate roll up by Funaki (again) but Noble kicks out (again). Snake eyes in the corner by Noble followed by another neck breaker. Noble covers but Funaki gets his shoulder up. Funaki punches up to his feet and hits a tornado DDT. Both men are down. Funaki crawls over for the cover but Noble kicks out. Noble gets to his feet, ducks a clothesline and hits a tiger bomb.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Jamie Noble

And we’re done.

MAILBAG (continued)
Two separate MAILBAGS in one week’s Report!

BARRY PETCHESKY
One of your readers had this to say:
‘By the way, in light of recent events, do you think that if Stone Cold ever does make a return to the ring, the back of his vest will be changed from “Alcohol Fueled” to “Wife Beater?” Just a thought.’
No, I think it’ll still be “Alcohol Fueled.” That’s his whole problem, I’d be willing to wager.

–I apologize, Barry; this letter was actually meant to be in last week’s Report but I somehow missed it. I hope you didn’t feel slighted. I think Stone Cold’s vest was originally supposed to read “I Thought I Told You To Shut The Hell Up, Bitch” but that was too long, so they substituted “Alcohol Fueled.” By the way, I may joke about hitting women, but in reality I will never condone or endorse it, ever. Unless she drinks your Dr. Pepper, breaks your air conditioner and runs up a $200 phone bill…

GEORGE BROWER
So Sunny the Body Donna is now Chubby the Body Donut? And what of her husband/fiancйe Skip? Did he? I believe that Mr. Candido was a former NWA Champion, but then again wasn’t Dal?
Thanks to all for the encouraging words for little Parker Jericho. Being the mark that I sometimes am, I sent a picture to Chris Jericho’s website. They don’t make the “I AM LARGER THAN LIFE” Ts in preemie sizes. Too bad.

–Uh, but he’s NOT larger than life. He’s actually SMALLER than life at the moment… unless you mean larger than life in the sense that you can’t actually believe that you have a son.
Did he “Skip.” *snicker*

JIMMY P.S. HAYES
Great Velocity Report! You always keep me informed AND entertained!! And all though Hogan’s only TV appearance this week was on an A-Team rerun (right here on the NEW TNN!), he still got more TV time than the Ultimate Warrior (that was for you, George!)!!!!!

–Do you all see how it’s done? First you praise me and then you attack someone else. THAT’S how to write a Velocity email! Good job, Jimmy!

JORDAN
Do you know the name of the song they played during the HBK and HHH videos leading up to Summerslam, I have been looking everywhere and cant seem to find the name of it.

–No, no, no, first you PRAISE me and then you attack. After that come questions. For example, another way to go with this would be, “How right you are about __________. Also, what’s the deal with that Flea guy? Say, do you know who does that song? Thanks!”
For the record, I do not know the song in question but perhaps someone from 411Music does.

DAL BUSH
When I look for wrestling videos or DVDs at stores like Best Buy, where do I find them? In categories like “Sports” or “Special Interest”. With all the fighting and action, shouldn’t they be in “Action/Adventure”?

–I’m not sure, but I’d check under “E” for Entertainment (that’s for you, Linda!).
If you ran a comic book store that used genre racking and Marvel was still publishing their WCW comic, where would YOU rack it?

-360 JAKKED
Last year at this time…

–The Dudleyz beat Kaientai when they hit Taka with the 3D.
–Kanyon beat Essa Rios with the Flatliner.
–Scotty 2 Hotty pinned Tommy Dreamer after a tornado DDT.
–Billy Gunn beat Mike Awesome with the Fameasser.
So let’s see, right now Taka, Scotty and Kanyon are all out with injuries. The Dudleys are now separated and Essa Rios is long gone.
Also at this time last year the WWF was feuding with Direct TV.

JUKEBOX
God help me, I bought the new Fozzy CD, HAPPENSTANCE. Please note that the JUKEBOX is a journal of what I listen to at the time I write the Velocity Report. I never said it had to be GOOD…

SHOUT IT OUT LOUD (You Got To Have A Party)
–Happy 65 to George W. Brower III. You may not have been the first of the line but to me you’re always the best.

–As if they weren’t already engaging enough, big congrats to the now-engaged couple, Terry Gant and Lisa Flores. Remember I missed their party last week? Well that’s what I missed.

NEXT WEEK
Something… different; something… Deadly…?